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Preparing For 1st Child, Should We Move?

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Steeze:
Deleted due to co-workers, should have been more stealth about my MMM fandom!

Mods - feel free to delete.

newgirl:
Have you run the difference in COL between Colorado and NYC? If you have to take a salary cut of 20% but the COL is 40% lower (just making up numbers for an example), you're effectively giving yourself a raise by moving. Specific things to look at would be housing, utilities, medical, food, and daycare costs between the two areas as these will probably be the biggest chunk of your budget.

Also FWIW I would not recommend only working a year then dropping out to raise kids. She'll have a hell of a time getting back into the workforce and then what would the time and money spent on two masters degrees be for? That's just me, though, obviously this is a YMMV situation but if she's thinking she'll be able to work a year out of college, take 5 years off to raise kids, and hop back into the workforce when she's ready I think there's going to be a rude awakening.

Paul der Krake:
Impossible to answer without an estimate of your wife's future earnings.

What was she doing before and what will she do now?

Freedomin5:
It sounds like you have a lot of moving pieces. It all starts with where you and DW eventually want to live. I know you're from the country, but has your DW (who is Chinese, I assume, given that her parents are in China) ever lived in the country? I'm guessing DW is from a large city in China, given that her parents can afford to fund her education and living expenses in the US.

If you and DW eventually want to live in the country, then it doesn't make any sense for DW to start looking for work in NYC, especially if she's planning to leave the workforce shortly to have kids.

Also, it would then make sense for you to start looking for work in the city in which you and DW eventually want to call home, and try to settle into city life before she gets pregnant and baby comes along.

Will DW be doing the Chinese month-long cleansing ritual after baby is born? Will the in-laws be coming to the US to help care for the newborn? Will DW be flying back to China with baby if the in-laws can't make it to the US? If the expectation is for the in-laws to live with you and help care for the newborn, then you should look for a large enough house to house everyone.

Overall, I think it's important to find a location where both you and DW can find decent jobs that you enjoy, and have a lifestyle that you enjoy.

BTW, Option D kind of came out of nowhere. Not that I have anything against it (since that's what we're doing right now -- DH is teaching in China; we're raising a kid in China). BTW, be prepared for anything if you do choose to live near the in-laws. Arguments with in-laws over child-rearing best practices is often a source of conflict, especially if you're in a cross-cultural relationship. Even the most congenial in-law relationships are conflictual when it comes to child-rearing, simply because the in-laws grew up in a different culture in a different era, and will definitely have different ideas on how to "properly" raise a child. Plus, if you move to China, you won't be able to buy your own house, and that's a HUGE faux-pas.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp:
I think the kid should come first. Maybe you discover raising a kid inNYC is perfect for you, maybe it's important that you leave. You won't know until you're holding the baby.

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