It looks like you've basically hung steady on the financial front -- when you first posted, you had about 3.5x annual salary invested, now you've got about 4 (if you don't count bonus/inheritance).
So the real question is: are you happier now than you were then? You've increased your salaries quite dramatically, but you've also increased your spending in line with that.
At heart, you just really need to figure out what you want. And not in some magical thinking kind of way. No, you cannot give your kids private schools, private college, All The Things, and still expect to retire early. You cannot earn $500K and have tons of free time to play with your kids. You cannot spend all the grandparents' money on your kids and expect to leave a similar legacy for your own grandkids. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I'd suggest doing some serious thinking about how you want your life to play out. Because inertia means that if you don't think and make conscious decisions, you'll keep focusing on earning more and finding more things to spend it on. Evaluate all of the options before you -- and I mean the real options, not the magic-bean options. If you stay on this path and can buy your family everything they need and more and more of what they want, what will your life be like in 20 years? Will you be happy with so many years of busting your ass? Will you have had time to build the relationships you want with your wife and kids? Or your own side interests? What will your health be like if you project from your current lifestyle?
OTOH, if you step off the path, how would you feel not having the big-money job? There can be a lot of self-worth wrapped up in job titles and income, so you need to seriously think about how that would make you feel. How would you feel about selling, moving, and living somewhere cheaper? How would you feel in 15 years if your kids were "relegated" to state school? Are there other less-demanding jobs you might be interested in that would enable a higher lifestyle, or would you want to quit entirely and live off your current investments?
One thing I would very much recommend you re-evaluate your biases on is what "give your kids everything" actually means. You, like most people, are very clearly defining "everything" in terms of external markers of success -- the "best" schools, the "best" colleges, All The Opportunities. But "costs more" does not equal "best." It is very, very clear that in the vast majority of cases, the so-called "quality" of schools is directly tied to the socioeconomic status of the kids they teach -- they're riding your coattails, not carving an independent path to academic excellence. If there's a specific program or approach that one of these private schools provides, or if it's a pipeline to a specific college your heart is set on, consider if it's worth the cost. Otherwise, default to your free options first and see if they are good enough before you commit yourself to ridiculous annual costs that may provide no benefit whatsoever (except the ego boost of the brag sticker on your car).
And the flip side of all of those "opportunities" is pressure. If you always live in the "best" neighborhoods and send your kids to the "best" schools, they will be constantly surrounded by other kids from the same background and with the same parental expectations. Kids can put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed and make their parents proud, and the "Ivy or you're a failure" attitude gets internalized very easily, even if that's not what you personally care about. It can also lead to crazy lifestyles as you run your kids from sports to lessons to clubs, trying to offer every opportunity (and of course create that college resume that shows your kid is so awesome in all these different areas). Some kids thrive with that; others see that as a version of hell. So when you're evaluating what opportunities you want for your kid, and how much those opportunities weigh against other priorities, be sure to do it from the perspective of your specific kids and their specific personalities, not just on what you think they'd want or what you'd want if they were you.
ETA: you've clearly internalized some very specific messages from your parents and grandparents about what it means to be a "success." That's what you need to start with. If you make decisions based on whether you'd be letting your parents/grandparents down, you are living your life for other people. The way to a happy family is to make your decisions based solely on what's best for the woman you married, the kids you have, and you personally. Those are the only people that matter enough to have any kind of voice in the decision. If you struggle to get there, it's worth seeing a therapist to work through all that, because meeting other people's goals will never make you yourself happy.
