Thanks for all the responses so far! They've definitely given me things to think about. Interestingly, I'm seeing two types of responses that match up with the internal conflict I'm feeling!
I'll try to respond to specific people below but I'm feeling like there are three options clarifying in my mind:
1. Get a similar job closer to home. Deal with the boredom but at least don't have a commute. Stick it out for ~3 more years and then retire for reals. This is maybe the best option if we are also having a kid but makes me dread the next few years.
2. Quit and relax for 1-2 months but with the goal of pursuing something new within the next year that has a high(ish) salary and allows us to start saving significantly again. This sounds like the most fun but also the most scary? What if I don't figure out what I want to do, or can't find a way to make money doing it?
3. Quit and find something part time/passion project-like that is low paying but that I could do for a long time. We could hypothetically both quit our 'career jobs' but find some way to pull in $15K/year each to supplement the current stash. This would cover the shortfall from the 4% rule but we'd have to be willing to do it forever since it would begin drawing down investments.
Am I missing anything here?
Some specific responses below:
How committed is your spouse to working longer, and how committed are they to frugality?
He's very committed to frugality...if anything I'm the spendy person in the relationship! He's in academia and very passionate about his field, the problem is that academia is so broken and it's wearing on him. He'll definitely stick around for 2-3 years but is also starting to question whether he'll stay or go at that point. He may very well stay, or move into industry, or do something else adjacent. I honestly can't imagine him not working.
----If you had stated "No kids and no house for us, ever. Pets only and forever renters ! " - maybe you could plan without considering them. But they both seem like open ended possiblities, and you should plan/discuss accordingly. You may find as you are home by yourself many hours, that you can hear your "biological clock" ticking loudly in your head..., and you want a backyard for that future child.
Other things i would question-
- $100 dollar drop in groceries to $300 total [ well we consider toiletries, shampoo, soap, vitamins, laundry detergent ,etc as groceries - not strictly food , maybe that is your 'household goods at $60/mo ?] - seems rather low for 2 persons. Especially if you are also dropping $50 from the work lunches, and $125 from the restaurant category. Who is going without meals in the future ?
- $250 drop in fun money [ won't you have more time to spend on hobbies ? ] - maybe you really really love your library ? I'm not sure how this category gets lowered 62%.....
- $ 250 drop in travel money . Now with all this extra time on yuor hands you'll do Less travelling ? Huh ?
- $125 drop in gifts / donations ? - I guess if spouse #1 has been spending $125 a month on work gifts/ work baby showers, work retirement cake, etc....
We're probably happy being renters forever, it's just that it goes against what we 'should' want. The kids question is actively being worked through so we'll see where that ends up.
- The drop in groceries is actually close to what we've been spending the past few months. Choosing less meats, less prepared snacks, and less alcohol can really bring down the food budget! Most of my 'lunch' money is actually going to happy hour drinks with coworkers when I'm trying to avoid traffic since we pack lunches 95% of the time. Spouse has some work lunches that can't be avoided but they are cheap.
- I do love the library - been there twice this week :-D (But your point is well taken)
- For traveling, we mostly do local travel and love hiking destinations but don't want to deal with camping when we only have 2 days plus driving so we normally stay in a hotel. If I wasn't working, the idea is that I'd be able to pack up the car, do the grocery shopping in advance, etc.
- For gifts/donations I'd probably reduce our monthly automatic donations but not drop them completely. My family goes all out at xmas so we budget for that all year but we're trying to get that down since it's not spending in line with our values.
I get the commute sucks for you, any possibility of work from home days, or working 4 days a week and adjusting your salary? If you don’t ask, you don’t get. I wouldn’t give up the money you’re making when you’re so close to having it all without compromise. 5 years will come very quickly.
I already work from home one day a week but it's not enough. There's no way to go part time in my role, or to work remotely more often. I'd rather look for something closer to home that pays less than try and force myself to stick out another year (let alone 5!). I'm so burned out right now though, that everything I see posted that I'm qualified for sounds terrible and boring.
@feelingroovy and
@waltworks - thanks for the encouragement!