Can my husband fire? Where are we overspending? What would you do?

[Villanelle]

@SomethingFishy thanks for the validation! I'm definitely getting better about spending money on mundane crap like pullups and paper towels, but there does feel to be very little value added by these products. Traveling on the other hand... So good. I'm in Iceland with some girlfriends and we have done an ice cave tour, Icelandic pony ride, played with mud masks in geothermal hot springs (largely free!), and eaten many delicious meals. I have zero regrets about these purchases.

In other news, DH obtained a second opinion about his knees and is no longer moving forward with the double knee replacement surgeries. He will need them eventually, but for now he might be able to get by with less invasive management or a partial knee replacement. That is good, I think, as long as he can function without as much pain going forward.

Now we have a couple new variables to contend with for the future. 1) No knee surgery. 2) He wants to continue working two days/week indefinitely if possible. I think this would net us 40-60k/year .

I'm not sure what to do with our summer plans. We have lost steam on our month-long Michigan trip. For some reason I feel compelled to work two days/week still (largely for financial reasons) However, we need the money even less now. So really I should take at least a few weeks off this summer and enjoy the time with my kids. We're also thinking of sending both kids to the Y camp for one week in July and one week in August. With that and my time off, our nanny will basically have the summer off paid. Which honestly she deserves given how she is also taking care of her husband with pancreatic cancer.

Why not try going without them then?  Either you will learn that you don't need these expenses, or you will come to see and appreciate the value they do add.  Use rags instead of paper towels and wash them when you run low.  For the pull ups, is there a cloth alternative (though the investment in those might end up costing more unless you can find them used)? 

If you feel something doesn't add value, then it seems like something you shouldn't be spending on.  Sometimes, we don't see the value until we go without.  Perhaps after a few weeks of an additional load of laundry to wash and fold, you'll come to appreciate the value of the paper towels.  Or perhaps you won't, in which case you can stick with the less expensive, more environmentally friendly alternative.  Either way, you come out ahead (in either satisfaction with your expense or $ and trees saved).

[WorkingToUnwind]

@lhamo that's nice you'll be able to help out your neighbor and her son a bit! I do agree we can more than afford it. We also have my MIL coming out next week, originally to help with DH's recovery. We were going to keep the nanny on for the kids that week, but now I'm thinking we'll give her the week off.

@Villanelle it's a knee jerk reaction for me to get frustrated by the use of the disposable stuff, but at the end of the day there's a reason we're not cloth diapering or using rags exclusively. The disposable stuff is quite handy. Rags I would gladly use all the time, but DH prefers the paper towels for hygiene reasons and convenience, so we do a mix of both. Like for wiping the kids after meals we use cloths but if there's a big spill we use paper towels. And I would never cloth diaper. My daughter has constipation issues, so I've been scrubbing poop out of undies since she was 2. 🤮 .

[Villanelle]

@lhamo that's nice you'll be able to help out your neighbor and her son a bit! I do agree we can more than afford it. We also have my MIL coming out next week, originally to help with DH's recovery. We were going to keep the nanny on for the kids that week, but now I'm thinking we'll give her the week off.

@Villanelle it's a knee jerk reaction for me to get frustrated by the use of the disposable stuff, but at the end of the day there's a reason we're not cloth diapering or using rags exclusively. The disposable stuff is quite handy. Rags I would gladly use all the time, but DH prefers the paper towels for hygiene reasons and convenience, so we do a mix of both. Like for wiping the kids after meals we use cloths but if there's a big spill we use paper towels. And I would never cloth diaper. My daughter has constipation issues, so I've been scrubbing poop out of undies since she was 2. 🤮 .

Then it sounds like there *isn't* "very little value add", which is great.  Remind yourself of what you said here next time you have that feeling that you are spending money on something that doesn't add value to your life.

[SomethingFishy]

I’m glad to hear your husband will have a less invasive option! When will he decide how to proceed? Living in constant pain is intensely draining. I could see how the mental exhaustion of that could lead him to focus on other things that feel more “controllable”, such as income.

We sent our 3 year old to a few weeks of YMCA camp last summer and she still raves about it. Hopefully your kids will have an equally great summer, and your nanny can appreciate the respite. We had an incredible nanny for the first 3.5 years and my only wish is that I had paid her more during that time, because she was so awesome and I still consider her a friend 2.5 years later.

[WorkingToUnwind]

@SomethingFishy  he's decided to pursue physical therapy instead. His acute pain is gone and he just has the exercise induced pain that he's lived with for decades. He hasn't been particularly quick about setting up PT.  The other day he tweaked his knee, so maybe that will motivate him to call.

We were really cruising along toward our fire # until Trump took office. Now something that seemed attainable in six months looks like it could take years. We're not letting that stop our plans though. DH will still semi-retire this summer. I just won't cut my hours back as I had planned to do when we reached out fire number. It was only going to be a change of 2-4 hours, so it's not a big deal. I'll do it when we hit our number.

[WorkingToUnwind]

DH is planning to talk to his boss tomorrow about quitting/dropping down to two days/week. If his boss isn't available, the conversation will get punted to next week.

We're fairly certain we're going to just have the two of us alternate days if he does go part time. With DS's preschool and DD starting kindergarten, we only need about five hours of childcare two days a week, so holding onto the nanny who would need to be paid a minimum of 8 hours/day just seems silly. We feel badly to let her go given her husband's illness, but we'll give plenty of notice so she can find something else before she stops working for us. We've gone back and forth on this a ton, but this is where we've landed.

[Villanelle]

DH is planning to talk to his boss tomorrow about quitting/dropping down to two days/week. If his boss isn't available, the conversation will get punted to next week.

We're fairly certain we're going to just have the two of us alternate days if he does go part time. With DS's preschool and DD starting kindergarten, we only need about five hours of childcare two days a week, so holding onto the nanny who would need to be paid a minimum of 8 hours/day just seems silly. We feel badly to let her go given her husband's illness, but we'll give plenty of notice so she can find something else before she stops working for us. We've gone back and forth on this a ton, but this is where we've landed.

I have plenty of friends who do nanny shares, there they split time with one nanny so she gets full-time work (or however many hours it is she's looking to work), but each family only uses her part time. 

[WorkingToUnwind]

Our nanny works for another family three days a week. I don't think we could secure a nanny-share where another family has her those three hours in the morning two days a week. The other thing is that we will have the time and ability to take care of our kids ourselves, if we just alternate our schedules. It would be a luxury to have the nanny so that we could work the same days and be off the same days. But it's a luxury that costs us 20k/year and while it's tempting, it just doesn't make sense. I would also prefer for our kids to be watched by us instead of the nanny. She is great, but there are ways of handling situations and teaching things that I'd like done in our style.

[WorkingToUnwind]

DH gave his "notice" today. He explained FIRE to his boss, who was both shocked and happy for him. His HR person cried. It will be interesting to see what happens in terms of creating a temporary or permanent part-time role. We have already told our nanny that we will no longer need her when he cuts his hours. She was pretty poker face and just congratulated him. I think unfortunately unexpected turn-over is part of being a nanny. We let her know we will provide a glowing reference and also if she finds a job and wants to start sooner than when DH drops down his hours, we'll make it work.

[NorthernIkigai]

Congrats! How does it feel? How does your husband feel?

[WorkingToUnwind]

I'm feeling pretty good and DH is too. He is still working full-time until the end of August, but shit is getting real. We've told our nanny and he gave his notice. Woot woot!

I'm not sure what we'll tell our family and friends (outside of our inner circle, who knows and understands and is supportive). I guess we'll be honest, but we're not going to discuss it much until we know if he'll be working parttime or not.

[charis]

I have a non-inner circle friend who works from home running his own IT business.  I have no idea what he does all day.  So my point is that it seems pretty easy these days to make up something vague that's not untrue and doesn't invite a lot of questions.  In my RE fantasies, I'm a self-employed wealth manager with a short roster of exclusive clients (ie, me and my family).

[WorkingToUnwind]

Yes, it's a vague yet not untrue response that we're looking for. If he ends up working PT then we can just say he's working for the same company and if pressed, admit he's working part time. If/when that job runs its course, I guess we'll just have to say he's semi-retired. It's just a tad awkward bc I don't want to make anyone feel badly who isn't in the position to do what we've done. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. My dad has some understanding that we are saving for early retirement, and his reaction was pained when we told him DH was close to retiring. He has been working long hours his entire life and is nowhere near close to retiring in his mid 60s.

Also I love the wealth manager idea. :) DH wants to be a philanthropist, so we could give him a small stipend and let him donate it all and thus call himself a professional philanthropist. Haha.

[WorkingToUnwind]

Also, our net worth is at 2.36 million (if you include the equity we have in our home, 2.80 million). We're officially back to where we were in Feb of this year before stocks nosedived. At 4%, that gives us a safe withdrawal amount of 94k/yr. At 5%, that's 118k/year. Our current spending is kind of silly, actually also about 118k/year including taxes and estimated RE healthcare and subtracting out nanny costs. But hey, we're there. Again.

DH is very insistent that he'd like me to keep working my current schedule for a little while until the dust settles on his career tapering. That's fine by me. I don't hate it, and I'd like to pad the account so that we are closer to a 4% rate. If I could do anything with my work life right now, I might go work per diem for an inpatient unit. But I also want a set schedule and more income for the time I'm working, so where I'm at is the best option. I wouldn't mind shaving an hour off the end of each day so that I get home when DD gets off the bus in the afternoon. I might propose that to DH for September.

In terms of the numbers, it would be an 18.75% reduction in income, so a projected 240k down to 195k. It's hard to wrap my head around the meaning of these numbers. Is an extra 45k when I don't even need it that important? But I only have to work a couple more hours a week to get it.

[NorthernIkigai]

I have a non-inner circle friend who works from home running his own IT business.  I have no idea what he does all day.  So my point is that it seems pretty easy these days to make up something vague that's not untrue and doesn't invite a lot of questions.  In my RE fantasies, I'm a self-employed wealth manager with a short roster of exclusive clients (ie, me and my family).

Yes! When I grow up, I want to be a portfolio manager. Managing my own portfolio.

Anyway, having young kids is always an excellent excuse for quitting work. But do you really both need to be there to meet the kid getting off the bus? I'm thinking that if I'd successfully convince my spouse to quit their job, I'd let them then get on with it.

[WorkingToUnwind]

Yeah, @NorthernIkigai we talked about it last night and agreed I'd stick with the current schedule. If I'm feeling like I'm really missing out by October, then I'll switch things around. It's a big transition to go from having preschooler who is away 2.5 hours/day to kindergartner who is gone 8 hours, but I'll be there the other three days so it should be no big deal to miss those two drop offs.