OK, a lot of people have given useful advice, so I'm going to be blunt: you are living a lifestyle that you cannot afford. And you are asking how you can add even more wants to that list (buying a house, FIRE). That is not going to happen on your current path. So you can either dramatically adjust your spending to fit in those extras, or you can decide that your current lifestyle is more important and you'd rather work until 65-70 and continue renting.
I am going to address the medical bills up front, because your daughter's illness is obviously a major issue, both emotionally and financially. I am sorry you went through that and glad that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At the same time, you are not in your current situation solely because of those medical bills. You have made and continue to make choices that put you where you are now. If you want to improve your situation, you need to focus on those things you can control.
For example: you took on six-figures of student loan debt to train for a job that pays @2/3 of your loan amount. This may have been the best option at the time, I don't know. But I have a feeling you went into it not realizing what that kind of debt was going to feel like day to day. Now you know, so keep that in mind for future decisions, and do the math up front.
For example: you have chosen to have your wife SAH and homeschool. OK. But by doing so you are foregoing potentially significant additional income and benefits. Similarly, you continue to tithe to your church, even while your kids are on public assistance (which, generally, is a signal that you are not doing well financially). You choose to live far from work, while relying on large trucks as your commuter vehicles. Etc.
Individually, there is nothing wrong with any of these choices. But they all come with a cost -- and you have decided to make
all of them. And when you make so many of those kinds of choices, you need to adjust your lifestyle expectations accordingly. But you haven't. Instead, you chose to take on CC debt at 21% so that you could continue to spend over $400 on lifestyle/entertainment choices (liquor, kindle, audible, netflix, netflix, sparkle, freetime, wild and free, etc. etc. etc.). And now you are robbing Peter to pay Paul to maintain that lifestyle -- you
think you are putting $500/mo into savings, but your budget has you spending over $1000 more each month than you bring in, so in reality, you are running at a deficit every month, and as fast as that money goes into savings, it comes back out again.
There is a ton of low-hanging fruit here, if you really want to make a change. I just listed about $400+ of it, and that's before tackling the $600 "misc," the phones, the internet, etc. Turn in your truck and buy a used Econobox and double your gas mileage. Dump the camper ASAP for whatever you can get and throw that money at the CC. If having your wife SAH is your top priority, then her "job" needs to be to become the queen frugalista -- $1000+ grocery bills are ridiculous at any income level, so how about some home economics lessons for the kids? How can she maximize her own income?
If you want some real perspective on how you are doing, check this out:
https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/. Based on your reported numbers, it looks like you're saving around 18% between your contribution and your employer's match. That puts you on track to retire in about 40 years. With a few minor course-corrections that at least get you back to even, you'll probably be ok to retire at 67-70 with SS. If you want to move that number significantly, you need to challenge yourself on a lot of those non-negotiables.
My specific recommended priorities for savings/debt paydown:
1. Throw every penny you can at the CC bill. At 21%, you will never, ever get ahead. Pay the minimums on everything else, and throw all extra money at that card.
2. Then tackle the medical bill and medical CC -- you don't list the interest rates, but I assume they are more than 3-4%.
3. Then build your emergency fund. I am scared for you, because while you are focusing so hard on paying off your daughter's medical bills, what happens if the same thing happens again? Your wife is still on the same kind of plan that stuck you will those bills, right? What if she gets sick? And do you have disability or life insurance? If not, your family is SOL if something happens to you. Once you dig out from your past emergency, your next job should be to ensure that you are never in that situation again.
4. Max out your 401(k). The more you can sock away there, the earlier you have a chance to retire.
5. At this point you can think about a house vs. college funding for kids vs. more savings for FIRE.
I am sorry if this comes across as harsh. But there is a huge, huge gap between your stated goals (buy a house, FIRE) and your current behavior. You need to remember that life is an "or," not an "and" -- and FIRE at any income level requires living a lifestyle that is far below what you can "afford" to spend. I wish you guys the best whatever you decide is the most important to you.
