Life Situation:
35yo, spouse is 42, MFJ with 1 child (3yo), HCOL. Considering possibly adding 1 more child in the next year or two.
We have separate finances and each contribute a set amount to a joint checking account for expenses. We're not necessarily opposed to combining, but have done it this way since we first moved in together and even after getting married it just seemed easier to keep status quo.
Spouse is a teacher, enjoys the job, has little desire to retire super early, and has a pretty laissez-faire attitude towards finances in general. Always maxed Roth IRA and contributed to 403b but otherwise doesn't budget, track expenses, or even keep an eye on balances.
I on the other hand am a personal finance junkie and have always had FIRE as a very clear and specific goal. My job at MegaCorp is relatively easy and offers great benefits and flexibility including partial WAH, but lately has felt frustratingly dead-end and increasingly soul-sucking. I feel tired, unmotivated, and irritable most of the time. I dream of FIRE, but the numbers aren't quite there, especially just looking at my personal numbers. I also realize that being "retired" with a working spouse and a young child (or two) may not be the picture of leisure, freedom, and opportunity that I'm imagining for "early retirement." Plus, I have a nagging worry that my general unhappiness right now isn't entirely job-related, and what if quitting the job just removes the only structure and semblance of motivation I have and makes things worse.
Gross Salary/Wages:
170k total (85k each)
In past years I've received an annual bonus in the 10-15k range on top of this base, but due to some organizational shifts I expect this to be drastically reduced/eliminated for the future.
Pre-tax deductions:
19k 401k (me)
23k 403b (spouse) - 19k plus 5% mandatory contribution
Taxes:
33k in 2018 (federal, state, FICA)
Current expenses:
Joint:
2300 rent
150 gas / electric / water
40 internet
400 groceries (includes semi-regular meal kit deliveries)
400 restaurants
975 daycare (10 months of the year)
50 clothes / toys / enrichment for kid
120 gasoline
105 car insurance
50 tolls / parking / car registration
15 renter's insurance
50 car maintenance (budgeted)
75 entertainment (budgeted)
50 household (budgeted)
75 medical (budgeted)
500 travel (budgeted)
50 misc (budgeted)
Me:
125 lunch
80 support for Mom
35 cell phone (Google FI)
50 charity
80 misc / "fun money" (budgeted)
80 gifts (budgeted)
100 travel (budgeted)
Spouse:
100 cell phone (grandfathered AT&T unlimited plan, refuses to give up - I've tried!)
???? Spouse estimates at 6-7k/year total but basically just a wild guess
Assets:
Me: 515k
380k retirement accounts (2/3 401k, 1/3 Roth IRA)
25k i bonds
10k HSA
100k savings/CDs
Spouse: 675k
600k retirement accounts (2/3 403b, 1/3 Roth IRA)
35k bonds
35k savings/CDs
5k stock
Joint:
10k checking
25k 529
2015 Mazda 3 (bought new in cash, plan to keep as long as it runs)
2000 Honda Accord (plan to keep as long as it runs)
Total: ~1.2M
No Debts
Estimated FIRE number (joint): 1.8M
Questions:
1. I'm trying to get a clearer sense of our real expenses, but haven't found anything that can handle our separate finances the way I like. Specifically, I'd like to keep an eye on transactions for some accounts but not include them for net worth calculations. Personal Capital comes closest but lumps everything together. YNAB freaks out when single category spending goes over "budget", and is expensive. Mint was cluttered and clunky the last time I tried them years ago. Is there anything better than Personal Capital that I haven't tried yet?
2. Alternatively, should we just give up on the separate finances and combine? Our system has worked well in that we don't have (much) tension about what the other person "wastes" their personal money on. But we may need to reconsider anyway if I stop working and am taking on more household duties while spouse still works. Plus, spouse has saved less money than I expected over the years, and we don't really know where that money went, which makes me uncomfortable when thinking about a plan for reduced income.
3. For another wrinkle, I've pretty much lucked into an up-and-coming, in-demand skill that can be leveraged for a significant salary boost (85k -> ~150k) AND potentially more satisfaction in my work, but would require switching jobs. This would also include a longer commute (extra 30-40 mins roundtrip via public transit), less flexibility/WAH, and less vacation time. It feels backwards to switch gears now to working more for more income, when my entire goal with FIRE is to work less for less income. At the same time, it seems pretty crazy to leave so much money on the table, when such a huge opportunity has basically dropped into my lap and the extra $$ could really juice the path to FIRE.
4. I have a lot of cash sitting around, but our retirement vehicles are maxed already and I've been hesitant about throwing it all into taxable brokerage accounts, especially feeling that we are on the brink of recession. I'd been mentally earmarking most of this for a down payment on a home purchase, but after a lot of quality time spent analyzing costs of renting vs buying, the numbers just don't work out for buying, even for a 10 year period. House prices and especially property taxes are just too high in this area. Any other options I should consider?
5. Any other comments/facepunches very appreciated! I do know the restaurant spending is staggeringly high. My general tiredness/malaise from work has led to a lot of takeout and restaurant meals. Not trying to excuse the behavior, just saying that I am aware of it and actively trying to reduce, but have had trouble with finding the energy/motivation to keep it up.
----------
*** 1 Year Update ***
I took the job! While the longer commute was really unattractive, in the end it felt like too good of an opportunity to pass up. Plus, I figured if it was really bad, I could always quit and basically have that sabbatical that some of you recommended.
And... I'm so glad I did! Really, one of the best decisions I've ever made. The extra money is obviously great, but also the work is more satisfying, the company culture is more comfortable, and there's been so many bonus perks big and small. The biggest negative was definitely the commute........ and then COVID made it completely irrelevant, at least for the foreseeable future.
Thankfully, my family has stayed healthy so far through the pandemic, but quarantine has been really challenging, particularly for my mental health. Additionally, I had joined a gym when starting the new job (one of the bonus perks) and between the gym closings and the lack of commute, I've become really sedentary in the last few months, which is definitely not helping things.
Spouse is slated to start teaching again in-person when the school year starts, and so our 4yo is slated to return to daycare at the same time. We are pretty nervous about both of these things right now and considering other options (looking for a nanny, spouse quitting, long-term stay with grandparents, etc.,) none of which seem particularly great.
On the financial front though, things have been good. I finally started that taxable brokerage account, and our investments have bounced back nicely (if rather inexplicably) from the initial COVID dip earlier in the year. We aren't doing any better about reigning in the food costs, unfortunately, but overall it's pretty low on my priority list right now so I'm not worrying about it.
Lastly but most importantly, we are now looking forward to Child #2 joining us in 2021! We are excited, but also trying to puzzle out future logistics such as childcare and housing (our 2BR condo is plenty for us now but could be tricky with a preschooler and an infant, especially if grandparents come to help out like with our first kid.) I don't want to just fall into a huge cost of living increase, but it definitely feels like a good time to rethink assumptions and consider all of our options.
Assets Update:
Me: 635k
447k retirement
77k taxable brokerage
11k HSA
100k savings/bonds/misc
Spouse: 816k
733k retirement
83k savings/bonds/misc
Joint:
20k checking
33k 529
No Debts
Total Stash: ~1.5M