Do you give holiday gifts to service people, teachers, etc.? Why or why not?

[MandyT]

Christmas gifts. We finally got to the point a few years ago where the adults in our extended family agreed to buy gifts only for the kids. The kids (teens/20s) only want money/gift cards. Great!

But then there are the gifts for all the service people in our life. Hairdressers! Teachers! Garbage collectors! Recycling collectors! The mail deliverer! If we have a housekeeper at the time, them as well!

I truly appreciate everything they do—especially our middle school teachers this year. I usually give some kind of gift card (Starbucks/Target/etc.), along with homemade baked goods for the teachers. (DS says I'm the only one who gives teacher gifts, and is embarrassed by it. :D ) Hairdresser gets a giant tip if I happen to go in December.

At the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I've been wondering about this tradition. When I was a freelancer, I got my clients gifts every year...they never sent me anything. So why, in these cases, is it the other way around? It can't be "Because you make more money than they do." I'm certain most of my freelance clients—managers and C-suiters—earned more than I did, and yet it was considered normal in my field to send your clients holiday gifts to thank them for their patronage.

I also feel like gifts are expected more in some cases than others. Most people I know give their hairdresser a double tip at the holidays, but not as many leave a gift for their mail deliverer.

Not to mention, when people scale down gift-giving in their families, they end up spending more effort and money on people who are not friends/family than those who are.

So I'm curious. Do you give holiday gifts to the service people and/or teachers in your life? Home care nurses, hairdressers, dog walkers, snow shovelers, housekeepers, mail deliverers, etc.? If so, how do you decide who to give to...and what do you give them? And either way, what's your rationale behind the decision?

I'd love to hear your perspectives. Thanks!

[MaybeBabyMustache]

For teachers, our schools have typically done a pooled gift, where you donate money at the beginning of the year, and the team parent then handles a shared gift for all occasions (teacher appreciation week, holidays, etc). We've always contributed to that, but our kids are in high school, and gift giving to teachers isn't a thing at all.

We don't know any of our "service" providers (trash person, mail delivery person, etc), so I would definitely not feel compelled to give them anything. I get my hair cut like 1-2x/year. If I happened to be there near the holidays, I might tip a little extra. We don't have a regular cleaning lady, so same answer there.

[Villanelle]

I solve this by not having most of the things on your list.  No regular hair dresser for my 2-3/year trims, no teachers (no kids), I couldn't pick my trash collectors out of a line-up.  Last year, for the first time ever, I gave a gift card (IIRC, it was $20 to Starbucks) to our mailman.  He's the first mail carrier who ever introduced himself, and he also left a shameless (IMO) card in the box in early December, which I'm sure was a gentle nudge to give him a gift.  He also does a good job and seems conscientious.  (For example, twice I have put outgoing letters in the mailbox and absent-mindedly forgotten to put a stamp on them.  Thankfully, he noticed and left them in the box so I could figure out my error and resend.  If he'd not have been paying attention and they made it to the post office, at best I'd have gotten them back after a delay.)  For me, that was worth throwing $20 in his direction in December. 

If I had kids with teachers, I'd want to contibute, assuming I felt they did a good job.  And if I was like my mom where I had a regular hairdresser and appointments every 5-6 weeks, I'd probably give them something since that would feel like a more personal connection. 

[iris lily]

No. In that list of people service people you made, we have only mail delivery person. He gets a US government salary.

DH was a handyman who did light  construction. He worked periodically for our neighbors who had a very big salary, close to $1 million annually. We know this because his salary was listed in the newspaper. For a few years this neighbor gave our household nice size gift certificates to nice restaurants. But one year their gift was so extreme I almost called them to ask if they really meant to do that! but then I thought that would be rude in itself. That year we got two separate gift certificates mailed at different times so I still wonder if that was an error. And one of the restaurants were so high-end that I just laughed when I went there.  I thought it was ridiculous, one of those places where you can keep your own wine in a little locker that they store for you. Jesus God how pretentious.

[ChickenStash]

Generally speaking, no, I don't give gifts or tip people more than custom requires because of the holidays. The only ones I deal with would be garbage collection and postal delivery and they are all just doing their jobs and paid reasonably well for it.

My postal carrier should be giving me a gift for how many times I have to redeliver my neighbors' mail.

[Catbert]

At this point I definitely spend more on service providers than relatives at Christmas.   A Christmas bonus ~1 service to house cleaners, pedicurist,  massage therapist, paper deliverer, and hair dresser.  ( I fully admit using these providers isn't frugal, however, I've been fat-retired for almost 15 years.)  In the US if you use these workers on a regular basis a Christmas bonus is *expected*. 

I don't tip trash collectors (automated truck+I've never seen them), letter carrier (government employee), or teachers (no kids).

Edited to say "isn't frugal" vs. "is frugal'

[JAYSLOL]

Yes for our kids teacher and piano teacher, both of which we do get small gifts forr, we don’t have mail delivered to the door and I cut my own hair and diy most stuff so that we don’t use much for services on the regual.. 

[Kris]

We give something to our mail carrier, because he is awesome at his job and we really enjoy our encounters with him. Other than that, we don’t really have any other service people like that in our lives (we live in a condo, so our association pays those people, not us as individuals). I do tend to give the person who cuts my hair an extra big tip if I get my hair cut around the holidays, but again, I have been going to her for many years and now think of her as a friend.

[Freedomin5]

Yes, small gifts to teachers as a small token of appreciation. Teachers at DD's school also get a larger pooled gift -- we contribute to that. We give gifts because I want DD to learn to show appreciation towards others.

Our Ayi/cleaning lady also gets a gift equal to about 1 month salary. Not because we have to, but because she doesn't make much to begin with, and it's a nice gesture.

Other than that, we don't give to anyone else. If we happen to pass by someone, we might offer them a home baked cookie.

[Raenia]

I don't do gift cards, but I do like to give homemade cookies to various "service" people in our lives.  For years I've been bringing a tin of cookies down to our IT staff at work, because no one appreciates IT staff enough, and it's helpful to be on their good side.  I also bring cookies to the public library staff, since I'm such a frequent visitor they know me on sight, and a lot of them are volunteers or not paid well.  This year I also plan to offer cookies to our grocery delivery service - it's a local small business, not a grocery store, or I wouldn't bother - and to an elderly neighbor who lives alone.  I rarely see our mail delivery person, and we live in an apartment so I can't just leave something in the mail box, or I'd try to give her some as well.  I might keep an extra tin handy in case we do run into her at a convenient time.

A small cookie tin (thrifted) plus a half dozen homemade cookies is negligible cost to make someone feel appreciated, especially as I'd be making the cookies either way for our own family holidays.

[Cranky]

Teachers, absolutely. The grand boy's first grade teacher is our heroine!

We give a little something to the paper delivery guy, and the mail carrier. We appreciate them.

(The mail carriers here are so short staffed that they are required to work 12 hour shifts.)

[GilesMM]

All holiday tips are strictly optional in most parts of America, which means most people do not provide them and most workers don't expect them.  People will be delighted and surprised if you elect to tip them, so do whatever feels right.   Nobody will hold it against you if you don't tip so most people do not.

[engineerjourney]

My mailman is amazing and works really really long hours during the holidays (and prime day/black friday) so we give him a gift.  I think last night our mail was delivered at 8:40pm.. they are shortstaffed and I'm glad he at least gets paid overtime to deal with all the packages. 

I give gift cards ($20 target ones from their sales) to my kids daycare teachers and school teachers (including teaching assistant and specials teachers (librarian, art, music, gym, tech)) because so far my kids rave about them and really enjoy making the handmade card we give them in.  They are elementary age though so we will see what we do for middle or high school. 

Dont really have any other "service" providers that I personally know. 

[simonsez]

Teachers, absolutely.

+1

My wife is an elementary teacher.  No matter how carefully you craft a schools supply list, there are umpteen times where a teacher will provide materials to smoothe over a student not providing something or forgetting it at home or simply things (that the teacher owns and puts in the classroom to make it comfortable/cozy [e.g. a rug for reading time, toys/games/books, shelves to hold toys/games/books, etc.]) get damaged and worn out over time, whatever - and the teacher will not mention anything to the parents because it is trivial or not really any single child's fault.  But, do trivial things here and there every week and it can really add up to a decent amount of $ and effort that teachers spend just to have their classroom run somewhat smoothly.  When dealing with 4-11 year olds, there is just an expectation (usually shared by both parents and educators) that not everything will be perfect and that's okay, everyone just does their best to manage.

Teachers do receive the above-the-line deduction of up to $250 for money spent on extra school supplies which is fantastic but a $5 Starbucks gift card (or whatever nominal amount at a place that a particular teacher would enjoy) or even a nice note around the holidays can really buoy an educator's spirit - and it's less so the amount of $ but just some token of recognition or appreciation goes a long way.  At times it seems like a war of attrition.  You start off each semester thriving and can just get worn down trying to survive.  It's amazing how much of a pick-me-up the little gifts or nice emails can be.  If I was a parent, spending <$20 and/or a small amount of time to do something nice here and there over the course of a school year for my child's educator seems like a win-win.  The teacher that isn't beat down is likely a better educator.

[Miss Piggy]

I give cash "thank you" to our garbage/recycling collectors. They work their tails off because they don't have the automatic lift trucks. They also, in my opinion, have one of the most important jobs in the community--they keep our neighborhoods clean--and I want them to know I appreciate what they do.

[MandyT]

Thank you for all your responses! I love hearing the variety of insights. Tips are optional! Tips are expected! (And yes, I get that
expected ≠ mandatory). Gifts for mail deliverers vs. not! Etc.

Seems like I'm hearing that most people give gifts to elementary school teachers, but it's unclear whether this happens in middle & high school. Last year was DS's first year in in-person public school (after Montessori and then remote COVID learning). It was 7th grade, and I gave gift cards and homemade, nicely packaged brownies to the teachers, principal, and guidance counselor. I plan to do the same this year, but with amaretto cookies instead of brownies. Middle school is already the worst, and it seemed like it's been a real crap-show for these poor teachers since COVID.

Our mail guy is great, and everyone in the neighborhood knows his name. I will give him a gift card, and I wonder if leaving cookies in the mailbox is also OK?

I think I'll say no to the trash and recycling collectors this year. It is all automated lifters, and I don't know these people at all. I appreciate what they do, but I have to draw the line somewhere. :)

[Dave1442397]

I tip my hairdresser, our mailman, and the newspaper delivery person. That's about it.

I know I've chipped in for the occasional teacher/coach gift arranged by some of the parents, but that's usually not at this time of the year.

[Captain FIRE]

Just a note on the homemade food - my friend who was a teacher got a LOT of them, so most went to waste rather than waist. (And COVID times, some people may not appreciate homemade food as much.) Just food for thought if you want to give something and are deciding what gift to give.

[slappy]

Thank you for all your responses! I love hearing the variety of insights. Tips are optional! Tips are expected! (And yes, I get that
expected ≠ mandatory). Gifts for mail deliverers vs. not! Etc.

Seems like I'm hearing that most people give gifts to elementary school teachers, but it's unclear whether this happens in middle & high school. Last year was DS's first year in in-person public school (after Montessori and then remote COVID learning). It was 7th grade, and I gave gift cards and homemade, nicely packaged brownies to the teachers, principal, and guidance counselor. I plan to do the same this year, but with amaretto cookies instead of brownies. Middle school is already the worst, and it seemed like it's been a real crap-show for these poor teachers since COVID.

Our mail guy is great, and everyone in the neighborhood knows his name. I will give him a gift card, and I wonder if leaving cookies in the mailbox is also OK?

I think I'll say no to the trash and recycling collectors this year. It is all automated lifters, and I don't know these people at all. I appreciate what they do, but I have to draw the line somewhere. :)

I don't have middle schoolers, but from my observations in local mom groups, it gets to be too overwhelming for parents to give gifts when it comes to middle school, because there are so many teachers. If you have the financial and mental capacity to do it, I think it's a great idea!

[Blue Skies]

At the elementary school level there were room parents who organized gift giving.  We gave to that, or occasionally got something on our own.  Middle/high school level no one gifts, as far as I can tell.  When the kids have had a favorite teacher they loved I have offered to help them gift something to that teacher and the kids said no since no one else does it.  Once or twice they wrote a note, which I think is probably better anyway.

I have heard and read of so many people just throwing away homemade food gifts that I won't gift that unless it is to someone who has eaten at my home in the past.  People either have allergies you don't know about, or are just afraid that strangers don't keep clean kitchens, so they toss anything not commercially made and known to be safe.

I have given small packages of candy to the mailman on years where I have tons of packages delivered (left in the mailbox with a note taped to them).  Not every year.  I don't have a regular hairdresser, maid, newspaper delivery person, or anything else I can think of.  We had so much trouble with our trash service we quit using them, and I now trek to the dump myself twice a month.

[MandyT]

Ah, yes! I completely forgot the fact that elementary school kids typically have just one or two teachers while middle school kids have at least six.

And good point about the baked goods. Hopefully the fact that few parents give gifts to middle school teachers means they won't be overwhelmed. I'm not a professional baker but I am pretty good at it, if I do say so myself...I've even sold baked goods on next-door and gotten great reviews. DH is celiac, so everything I make is gluten free. I also package everything very nicely with holiday themed boxes or tins, parchment, etc. so hopefully the gifts will look delicious and trustworthy enough that people want to eat them, lol!

[Villanelle]

Thank you for all your responses! I love hearing the variety of insights. Tips are optional! Tips are expected! (And yes, I get that
expected ≠ mandatory). Gifts for mail deliverers vs. not! Etc.

Seems like I'm hearing that most people give gifts to elementary school teachers, but it's unclear whether this happens in middle & high school. Last year was DS's first year in in-person public school (after Montessori and then remote COVID learning). It was 7th grade, and I gave gift cards and homemade, nicely packaged brownies to the teachers, principal, and guidance counselor. I plan to do the same this year, but with amaretto cookies instead of brownies. Middle school is already the worst, and it seemed like it's been a real crap-show for these poor teachers since COVID.

Our mail guy is great, and everyone in the neighborhood knows his name. I will give him a gift card, and I wonder if leaving cookies in the mailbox is also OK?

I think I'll say no to the trash and recycling collectors this year. It is all automated lifters, and I don't know these people at all. I appreciate what they do, but I have to draw the line somewhere. :)

I don't have middle schoolers, but from my observations in local mom groups, it gets to be too overwhelming for parents to give gifts when it comes to middle school, because there are so many teachers. If you have the financial and mental capacity to do it, I think it's a great idea!

When I was in junior high (back when ferns ruled the earth), my mom would send in something for one or two favorite or special teachers, not to all 8-10 I would have each year.

[MandyT]

When I was in junior high (back when ferns ruled the earth),

Back when it was still called "junior high." I'm in the same boat. I'm considered an "old mom," LOL.

my mom would send in something for one or two favorite or special teachers, not to all 8-10 I would have each year

Yeah, I don't think he likes any of them much. But I feel for them, dealing with kids this age right after COVID. I have no idea if they're doing a good job because we're fairly new to public school—it sounds like a lot of the schooling incorporates online tools and "copy-paste" assignments  these days, which I don't love—but I also know teachers in our state don't get paid very well and don't have a ton of support. So I will probably give a little something to all of them.

[Villanelle]

When I was in junior high (back when ferns ruled the earth),

Back when it was still called "junior high." I'm in the same boat. I'm considered an "old mom," LOL.

my mom would send in something for one or two favorite or special teachers, not to all 8-10 I would have each year

Yeah, I don't think he likes any of them much. But I feel for them, dealing with kids this age right after COVID. I have no idea if they're doing a good job because we're fairly new to public school—it sounds like a lot of the schooling incorporates online tools and "copy-paste" assignments  these days, which I don't love—but I also know teachers in our state don't get paid very well and don't have a ton of support. So I will probably give a little something to all of them.

Plenty of places still call it Junior High. I think this is a regional thing, and it also seems that middle schools sometimes have a wider range of grades and junior highs are typically only 7th and 8th, with many exceptions. 

[MandyT]

Plenty of places still call it Junior High. I think this is a regional thing, and it also seems that middle schools sometimes have a wider range of grades and junior highs are typically only 7th and 8th, with many exceptions.

I had no idea! I thought it was just a function of my age that I never hear that term anymore but it could be that I have lived in a different state for the last decade or so.

[MaybeBabyMustache]

Plenty of places still call it Junior High. I think this is a regional thing, and it also seems that middle schools sometimes have a wider range of grades and junior highs are typically only 7th and 8th, with many exceptions.

I had no idea! I thought it was just a function of my age that I never hear that term anymore but it could be that I have lived in a different state for the last decade or so.

Middle school & junior highs are different. Middle school is grades 6-8th. Junior high is grades 7-9th. Different school districts (even in the same regions) can have different models.

[Villanelle]

Plenty of places still call it Junior High. I think this is a regional thing, and it also seems that middle schools sometimes have a wider range of grades and junior highs are typically only 7th and 8th, with many exceptions.

I had no idea! I thought it was just a function of my age that I never hear that term anymore but it could be that I have lived in a different state for the last decade or so.

Middle school & junior highs are different. Middle school is grades 6-8th. Junior high is grades 7-9th. Different school districts (even in the same regions) can have different models.

The one I attended was a J.r high, but I googled and it is now a middle school.  But it is only 7th and 8th.  In the same district there are ther 7th-8th middle schools, and 2 6th-8.  It really seems somewhat haphazard.  But none include 9th. 

[Cranky]

And middle school in parts of NE Ohio was grades 5-8.

Most middle schools (and high schools) will have some sort of end of December festivity in the teachers' lounge. A contribution to that is generally appreciated - k cups go a long way.

Also, personal notes to teachers at that level are treasured.

[MandyT]

Good to know about junior high vs. middle school. My junior high included 9th grade, but that was in the early 80s.

Most middle schools (and high schools) will have some sort of end of December festivity in the teachers' lounge. A contribution to that is generally appreciated - k cups go a long way.

Love that idea! I don't recall this happening last year and haven't heard about one for this year...I'll need to look into it.

[Reynold]

DW calls to get names of garbage people, recycle pickup people (different days/trucks), and mail delivery person, and gives $20 to each.  There is a discussion each year, of course, for how much to give, and she always feels badly about not giving more, since they need it more than we do.  She also tips waiters (required in the U.S.) and leaves $3-5 per day for maids in hotels when we stay there, same philosophy.  I'm not sure about holiday tip for the person she sees sometimes for a massage, or hairdresser, I think that is just the usual tips she gives. 

[IslandFiGirl]

I don't give gifts for Christmas to anyone other than my kids and grandkid. In fact, this year, I had a talk with my adult kids and said hey, let's just give each other one small thing to put in our stockings. It can be cheap, like a chapstick or a candy bar, just something small that the person would like. They are all just starting out their adult lives and don't need to be stressing about buying gifts.

I don't feel like a scrooge. Gifts (receiving or giving) just aren't my thing and I really don't like feeling forced to give gifts just because of the date on the calendar. If you are my friend, I'll go out with you and have a great time, I'll pick you up when your car breaks down, or take you to your colonoscopy, but I probably won't buy you gifts....cuz we all pretty much have everything we need and most of what we want.

[iris lily]

I give cash "thank you" to our garbage/recycling collectors. They work their tails off because they don't have the automatic lift trucks. They also, in my opinion, have one of the most important jobs in the community--they keep our neighborhoods clean--and I want them to know I appreciate what they do.

Our garbage man lives across the street from us. We haven’t given him a gift although we are going to give him our shed at no cost, he wants the shed. Another friend of ours said he stops  by with a six pack of beer for the garbage guy now and then Because he works hard. He does not have a lift either, he and his garbage buddy lift the bins and toss them into their truck.

[Kris]

I don't give gifts for Christmas to anyone other than my kids and grandkid. In fact, this year, I had a talk with my adult kids and said hey, let's just give each other one small thing to put in our stockings. It can be cheap, like a chapstick or a candy bar, just something small that the person would like. They are all just starting out their adult lives and don't need to be stressing about buying gifts.

I don't feel like a scrooge. Gifts (receiving or giving) just aren't my thing and I really don't like feeling forced to give gifts just because of the date on the calendar. If you are my friend, I'll go out with you and have a great time, I'll pick you up when your car breaks down, or take you to your colonoscopy, but I probably won't buy you gifts....cuz we all pretty much have everything we need and most of what we want.

I would love to cut out all gifts, honestly. My husband and I don’t buy each other gifts. I do buy for my stepkids, their spouses, and their kids, because… meh, it’s expected. I also have some friends in my life whose love language is gifts, so we exchange bday and Xmas gifts every year. I wish we didn’t, but I don’t want to be the scrooge, so I just do it.

[FIRE 20/20]

Yes, definitely. 

I give a card with cash ($40, I think) to the garbage collectors and another card with the same amount to the recycling guys.  I'm probably going to give the cost of 3 piano lessons to my piano teacher. 

I look at it as a very easy way to increase happiness in the world.  I think all gifts, restaurant tips (usually 25+%), and other optional expenses other than charitable contributions amount to about 1% of my annual spending.  For that amount, I'm hopefully giving people who often have hard jobs a little burst of happiness and am letting them know that I really appreciate what they do.  That seems well worth the cost.  When I was working my way through college with jobs that relied on tips, a tip of more than 20% made me very happy for a while, but it often cost the tipper only an extra $2-5 over a normal tip.  It was important to me and almost nothing to them.  I try to pass that along now that I'm the one with extra money. 

[okits]

At the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, I've been wondering about this tradition. When I was a freelancer, I got my clients gifts every year...they never sent me anything. So why, in these cases, is it the other way around? It can't be "Because you make more money than they do." I'm certain most of my freelance clients—managers and C-suiters—earned more than I did, and yet it was considered normal in my field to send your clients holiday gifts to thank them for their patronage.

Holiday gifts for clients is sales and marketing.  If you need to put effort into attracting and retaining business then it's a reasonable move.  It is an attempt to generate goodwill with the decision makers and a soft kickback to the day-to-day staff that you deal with (and who have some influence with the decision maker) who may not get much pay or appreciation.

Do you give holiday gifts to the service people and/or teachers in your life? Home care nurses, hairdressers, dog walkers, snow shovelers, housekeepers, mail deliverers, etc.? If so, how do you decide who to give to...and what do you give them? And either way, what's your rationale behind the decision?

Teachers and child care workers, yes.  I really appreciate their efforts toward educating my kids.  They are definitely part of our neighborhood and community.  $20 gift card each, usually.

I guess some people might give a gift to the apartment building workers (maintenance, concierge, etc.) but we don't.  The only one who has been notably friendly or provided anything resembling more than the basic job duties seems to no longer work there.  No one has ever initiated a group collection so I don't think it's a heavy expectation for our calibre of building.

I have no idea who our mail carrier is, so it hasn't occurred to me to give anything.

For those other service workers, if we had them in our lives, I probably would.  The gift expectation has a subtle, background master-servant connotation to it, and there are longstanding traditions around employer holiday benevolence.  If I was hiring any of those services I'd consider the holiday tip as being part of the overall cost consideration when deciding to buy that service.

[sonofsven]

I never have, no. As a carpenter I'm more in the service class as a potential recipient than a giver of bonuses.
I have received three holiday bonuses, in 27 years of self employment, from clients. The largest amount was $500

[Dreamer40]

I took this entire year off from gift giving/getting. I didn’t buy a single gift or accept one. It’s been so freeing to throw off cultural expectations. It was a bit of an adjustment for the family, but they’re handling it well. I still make people special birthday meals or cakes. This is all easier for me to do since I don’t have kids. The extended family kids were intrigued when I stopped buying them stuff and excited to come over for pizza and my undivided attention near their birthdays. The mailman and garbage guys are on their own.

[rosarugosa]

I've always done a monetary gift to my hairdresser, but I only started with the mail carrier and trash guys during the Covid stay-at-home period.  Something about the message of some people continuing to work, which enabled DH & me to stay safely at home resonated with me apparently.  I now give small amounts to the mail carrier and the trash & recycling guys for the holidays. I hear lots of horror stories in town about missed trash pickups, smashed trash barrels, etc. and we don't have those issues.  I know that correlation doesn't necessarily mean causality, but the holiday tip probably doesn't hurt.  I've also on a couple of hot, stinky trash days run out to give the trash guys a twenty and asked them to have a cold drink on me.  I did this just because it makes my heart happy to do the occasional random act of kindness.
Funny story:  DH had raked up several bags of leaves that he had put behind our shed and was going to shred for mulch/compost. They were in the large brown leaf bags, just because he needed to put them in something.  We live on a corner lot, and behind our shed is near the street, but nowhere near the place we put out our trash or yard waste for pickup.  Well last week was a town leaf pickup week, and the guys picked up the leaf bags from behind the shed.  DH came home and said, "Hey, someone stole my leaves," lol.  I figure the trash guys thought they were going above and beyond for the nice people who tip them.

[MandyT]

I love seeing the variety of responses here. Thank you!

Holiday gifts for clients is sales and marketing.  If you need to put effort into attracting and retaining business then it's a reasonable move.  It is an attempt to generate goodwill with the decision makers and a soft kickback to the day-to-day staff that you deal with (and who have some influence with the decision maker) who may not get much pay or appreciation.

That's what I don't get. Why don't your hairdresser, housecleaner, piano teacher, martial arts instructor, etc. then get YOU gifts as a form of goodwill and marketing? Don't get me wrong, I don't expect that to happen or care that it doesn't—it just has me curious.

[Michael in ABQ]

We run an ecommerce business so basically all of our inventory and orders arrives or ships out via UPS or USPS. Last year we gave our regular mail carrier some cash ($50 or 100, I can't recall) because he's gone above and beyond and is vital to our business. He brings us plastic tubs for our mail, he'll come back a second time if we're running behind, he's looked up lost mail, etc. Our regular UPS driver is always in a rush, but we'll still probably give him something this year - either cash or a gift card.

We have 5 kids in school and some of them have multiple teachers. However, since our kids go to a Catholic school, and we own a business that sells Catholic products we will go "shopping" in our warehouse for a small gift for each of their teachers (something in the $5-10 retail range but it may cost us 1/4 - 1/2 that).

We get gifts to our parents (often handmade or pictures of grandkids, etc.) and our kids but that's about it. We both have a few siblings and we stopped exchanging gifts many years ago. We're all adults that are perfectly capable of spending $20 on ourselves for something we want. My wife and I pretty much just buy our own gift at Christmas, though sometimes there's a bit of a surprise with something small. We also dropped the nieces and nephews a while ago which got to be a lot - especially as we kept having kids and quite frankly didn't want them to have any more toys and stuff.

[Villanelle]

I love seeing the variety of responses here. Thank you!

Holiday gifts for clients is sales and marketing.  If you need to put effort into attracting and retaining business then it's a reasonable move.  It is an attempt to generate goodwill with the decision makers and a soft kickback to the day-to-day staff that you deal with (and who have some influence with the decision maker) who may not get much pay or appreciation.

That's what I don't get. Why don't your hairdresser, housecleaner, piano teacher, martial arts instructor, etc. then get YOU gifts as a form of goodwill and marketing? Don't get me wrong, I don't expect that to happen or care that it doesn't—it just has me curious.

The short answer is "because they don't need to".  They feel their marketing dollars are better spent on other things, and they are probably right.  Few people regularly shop for a new piano teacher or karate studio, unless they are unhappy with the service (in which case a holiday muffin basket isn't likely to keep you around).  Businesses do regularly shop for new Whatever Providers, so the muffin basket might create a sense of personal relationship (which already exists with a regular hairdressers) that could move the needle.  Also, that's a more direct relationship with business-to-business, and the different dynamic does come in to play. 

[MinouMinou]

Just my two cents as a government employee: there are generally strict rules about accepting gifts. I work for local government (health department nurse), and we are not allowed to accept gifts with a monetary value above $15. It isn’t common in my line of work, but happens occasionally. I would guess that US Postal workers have similar rules.

My partner has an independent business and receives lots of gifts from other small businesses he works with around the holidays. Often appreciated commercial  fancy food or restaurant gift cards. When I asked him if he did the same he looked shocked and replied “No…I am French!” Not a thing apparently!

[jeninco]

Thanks for the reminder -- I'm going to tip my hairdresser 100% on today's haircut. She and her husband own the business, she does an AWESOME job on my extremely thick wavy hair, and I saw her for a decade, didn't see her for a decade (let it grow out) and then when I decided to go back to short hair during COVID she was willing to add me to the "existing clients" list again, which was great.

[Goldielocks]

No.

I tip as I go for haircuts, taxis and eating out.  Plus most people in service biz make more money than I do.

Teachers get a year end thank-you if they are very good (usually gift card) AFTER the marks are done and because I don't want to influence the score.   

I prefer to gift home made goods (baking, pickles, etc) or nothing.   I also try to not use services.

[Goldielocks]

... it's unclear whether this happens in middle & high school.

Food for the staffroom, with a terrific thank-you card for the particular teacher(s) as well. 

That's your answer, it makes the point, is very welcome (even if your teacher has diet restrictions), and you can fit it to your budget easily. 

[MandyT]

Great idea, @Goldielocks ! I should call the school and find out if that's a possibility.

[Photograph 51]

When I was teaching college, the administration told us that we were absolutely not to take any gifts from students, as that could be seen as affecting our judgment as far as their grades.  I agree with this policy- a student giving a teacher a gift may be trying to bribe their way to an A.  Please check the school's policy on gift giving before you buy something for a teacher.

[MandyT]

Good point, @Photograph 51 ! Last year I gave cookies and a gift card to all of DS's teachers, the guidance counselor, and the principal with no problem! But I would check that when he goes on to high school.

[brandon1827]

We did small gifts for our son's teachers in elementary as it's a smaller school and teachers teach multiple subjects...so there were only two of them. Now that he's in middle school he has 7 teachers plus coaches and we've stopped doing it. My wife and I have an anniversary in December and treat ourselves to an out meal...and we will do a Christmas tip for the server (if they're even relatively competent), but that's really it. We live on a farm, so no trash pickup or anything like that. Wife will do some baked goods for the mailman

[FLBiker]

Personally, I wouldn't give anything, but I'm a scrooge.  DW gives them to lots of people (teacher, activity leaders, service people, etc.).  I don't put up a big stink, because it probably totals ~$100-$150 bucks and it's good for me to practice generosity (even vicariously).