If you don't want to go through a lot of the detail below, here's my question: If you could afford to FIRE (but don't intend to actually retire), and wanted to move cities, would you first quit a high-paying (but also highly demanding) job and then move where you want to find new employment, or would you quit only after you found that second employment, even if it'll take a lot longer (because of the demands of your existing job). I know that it's a personal decision and everyone's threshold for risk and rewards will drive a different decision, but I want to see how other folks would handle this, and I haven't had a chance to ask a lot of people in the real world (because most of my current friends are also co-workers, clients or competitors and I don't want word to get around especially so close to bonus season). Now, to the details.
I live and work in a high cost North East city and commute to a low cost South West town every weekend where my wife and kids live. My wife and I have done this for over 4 years now only because our jobs happen to be in different cities. We are both immigrants and have no real ties to any part of the US, but back in 2009, in the depth of the recession, we both lost our jobs in NE city and while I received a competitive job offer here, after 6 months of unemployment she only found an acceptable job (one that challenged her enough and paid her the right amount) in SW town. We decided then to become weekend spouses until the job market turned. As it turned out, since we didn't yet have our green cards, the job market for us didn't really turn around for a long time, in which time we developed a healthy appreciation for SW town due to the significantly lower cost of living (the 3,500 sq ft house in SW town that my wife and kids live in costs significantly less than my 900 sq ft condo in NE city) and significantly higher standard of living (much less traffic, better weather, more easily available public resources like parks, libraries, etc) . We decided that I would be the one to make the move, but since our green card was tied to my employment, we would wait until it arrived. That happened 6 months ago, and I have been trying to relocate since then, but haven't found a job in SW town yet. It is proving difficult because what I do isn't done very much there, and finding a job doing something else requires creativity (which I have) and time and energy (which I don't have, given the demands of my current job and the time and energy I spend traveling back and forth across the country).
The obvious answer is to first quit, then move to SW town and then look for something to keep me busy there, but I am very reluctant to do that. The basic fear is that I may not find a job at all in SW town, and the fact that you are considered more employable when you are already employed. Moving on to why having a job is important to me, firstly, I like the idea of having a career, with the structured progression that comes with it. I guess I am ambitious, and like the idea of having an increasing impact on society over time (and less important but still significant, making more money). Secondly, I have a fear of irrelevance. I know this to be at least partially valid because my friends and I hardly ever interact with excolleagues that retired during the downturn (as happy as they may be in their lives). But then this is also partly because I grew up believing in the importance of a steady job in defining a man's contribution to society (as irrational as I know that to be, it's tough to shake off). An article in the WSJ about out-of-work CEOs finding it difficult to adjust to unemployment/early retirement and unable to get back into the game when they've been out of it for 12 months or longer, served to reinforce my reluctance last week. Thirdly, while I am FI, I think I would like to save up some more (my kids' education is not yet accounted for, and whenever I reach my theoretical retirement, I would like to travel constantly). Finally, I have gotten used to certain luxuries related to my work (fancy dinners, traveling business class, generally living a fast paced life), that I would never pay for out of my pocket.
A little background about myself. My wife and I are in our mid 30s. Financially, we have a net worth of about $1.6 million, $1.2 million excluding the equity in our two homes. I have no debt outside of my mortgages (and I've deducted them in calculating the $1.6mm net worth figure). My parents are also well off and frugal and at some point (although a long time from now, I hope), we are likely to see an additional $2 million come our way (50% of their current net worth, I have one sibling). I earn about $300k a year (although if I found a suitable job in SW town, my pay would likely drop to $200k), and my wife earns about $150k a year. Our expenses, including the monthly mortgage payments and property taxes on the SW home would fall to $70k once I eliminate costs related to the NE condo (which I could rent out for at least the monthly payments) and my weekend commute. Before you scream and shout about how I claim to be frugal and would spend this much,I must point out that $18k of that is related to mortgage and property tax payments and $12k relates to day care which will cease in a couple of years, so my real expenses are closer to $40k. In any case, we could live quite happily on just one salary in SW town.
Looking at the numbers on screen, the rational thing from a purely economic perspective, is for my wife and kids to move to NE city and join me here. Adding in other factors like quality of life, stability of employment (my wife's job is relatively more stable than mine, etc) the rational decision is for me to join them in SW town. But while the head can see that, the heart hesitates (except for Sunday and Monday when it misses my kids incredibly). So, now back to my question, if you were me, what would you do? Would you quit first and look for a job later, or just call it quits?
My apologies, for the length of this post but through this exercise, I'm hoping to both give you information and simultaneously gather my thoughts.