It's interesting that a lot of the requirement falls on the one vs the other. At one point in my work, I learned that people thought I was mad at them when I looked up from my computer. What I didn't know was that the expression on my face was very similar to that which many people have when they are angry. What they didn't know was that this was my "concentrating" face, and that they were waltzing in willynilly and interrupting the deep zone. Yet, they did not expect themselves to: check their interpretation, make an appointment, etc. They expected my deep concentration face, and shifting speed, to be different. This is a tricky thing in many humans.
I don't remember if it was an 'HSP at work' or an 'introvert at work' book that helped me see how my focus clashed with some people's needs, and gave me strategies.
Something I'm seeing in my old age is that one group of people interprets, judges, etc, and another doesn't. The former are hard to work with, because you're essentially asked to present to each one according to their interpretations, how their dad behaved when they were four, etc. It's not possible to "be all things to all men" so we're bound to get in trouble regardless of how hard we try to be considerate. The latter group, though, is easy-peasy, all of us coming to each other open to variations in approach, tone, volume, speed, etc, assuming the best intent, giving the benefit of the doubt, etc.
But yeah, the more people a person encounters, the more likely it is she will encounter people who interpret, etc. There are some people around me that I see as pretty close to perfect interpersonally—kind, open, nonjudgmental, soft—and they still get it from some. That blows me away.
In our tiny community, we have three women who are really loud and direct and directive. One gets no leeway, because it's all she does. The second gets some leeway, but some wariness, because she gives some and takes some. The third gets lots of leeway because she gives a lot: works hard, is cheerful, tries again. None of us is perfect, but I notice the extra social points this one gets in the face of her loudness and abruptness.
