Author Topic: Work, School, and Babies  (Read 2715 times)

barndoor

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Work, School, and Babies
« on: December 12, 2016, 02:03:37 PM »
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« Last Edit: December 14, 2016, 07:01:22 PM by barndoor »

notactiveanymore

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2016, 02:35:01 PM »
How much of your household income are you living on right now? Would you be going to nursing school full-time (my assumption) or working through it?

Here is the path I would take given what information you've shared about your circumstances and priorities thus far:

1. Stop paying extra on your mortgage at least until you figure out this next stage.

2. Figure out how much it will cost to complete nursing school and set that amount aside from your $60k in savings.

3. Ask nursing schools what the policy is for if you got pregnant. If this is an 18 month program, usually I believe they operate in eight week or so sessions. Could you take 1-2 sessions off and then come back to it easily?

4. Start ASAP living off your husband's salary only.

5. With your salary, I would first max out both 2016 and 2017 Roth IRAs (11,000 before March 1 for 2016; 11,000 over the following 12 months for 2017). In an absolute emergency, you can withdraw your Roth contributions (not earnings) with no penalty.

6. Figure out your budget for the most expensive, lowest income scenario: you in school full-time with baby in full-time childcare with 46k gross income. If you cannot meet all your NEEDS on the single income during that phase, figure out how much you will need to supplement with monthly from your savings and fund that amount from your current salary. Keep it separate from your regular emergency fund AND aside from your school tuition fund.

7. Keep 6 months of post-baby, in-school expense levels in your emergency fund.

One thing to really consider before you jump into all this: Are you positive you will still want to go into nursing after you have a baby? If there is any part of you that thinks you might want to be a stay at home mom, then really consider if right now while TTC is the right time to go back to school. Otherwise, you could just save a ton of money right now from your high salary and then stay at home for a few years, then go back to school when your kid(s) are in pre-school or kindergarten. I'm all for this career change if it's your ultimate goal, just want to make sure you're not going to finish one year of school then quit and be out the tuition and the time.

ysette9

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2016, 02:40:14 PM »
As someone who has struggled with infertility and pregnancy losses, my advice would be to prioritize baby making first if that is what you want and think you will have trouble with. I am not excited about the idea of you having to go back to school and start over in a new career, but that is just my risk tolerance showing. Could you instead work your network for some mentoring to see how you can make your current career more palatable? A bird in the hand, and all of that.

Has your husband'a father put any details down on the transfer of the family business, when that will happen, and what the specifics will be? I feel very wary of binging your future finances on something unwritten with a guy who has already shown himself to be difficult and unfair. If your husband can get market rate for his skills, he should be getting market rate. If this is a current and limited stake for a future payoff, that payoff needs to be defined, both in terms of timeline and amount. Have him pull the "we want to start a family and ensure our financial stability" card if necessary.

FLBiker

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2016, 02:47:59 PM »
Good advice so far.  I agree with stopping paying extra to your mortgage, and not waiting on having kids.  Living on your husband's salary is also great advice.  If you can do that (even w/o saving much) that will make taking time w/ a baby much easier.  We're currently living on my salary, while DW is on a 2.5 year leave of absence after giving birth.

kamille

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2016, 09:26:39 AM »
I am a nurse and here are some things to consider in addition to the good advice so far. Nursing school is tough and would be very difficult to manage a full-time school schedule with a part-time job. Most students who kept working usually had to change their school hours to part-time to keep up. If you had a baby during nursing school, the other thing to consider is finding child-care because nursing is a 24/7 job and many clinicals that students are required to attend are not during normal business hours and can include weekends and nights. Even though nurses work less days a week (usually three 12 hour shifts), finding child care is difficult working nights, weekends, and holidays. Good luck!

notactiveanymore

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2016, 11:18:21 AM »
Thanks everyone! I was preparing for the "don't have a baby until you are 100% ready" comments. I appreciate that you see where incoming from. To those of you who say to stop making extra loan payments- why? What would you do with at money instead? Save it? Invest it? I'm working on a detailed budget with my husband tonight to see how we may be able to live on mostly his income.

I think I was really confusing in my first post! I'd take your 60k and set aside nursing school tuition (let's say 20k? - remaining savings $40k) Then I'd figure out what your expenses will be when you're in school full time and possibly paying for full time childcare for an infant. I imagine those expenses will exceed your 46k gross income at that time. Determine how much you will need to supplement your 46k income during this time (say $1200/month for 18 months you're in school = $22k; remaining savings $18,000). Figure out how much you need in your emergency fund to feel comfortable. If you have 18k remaining as in my scenario above, that would be enough for me, but your mileage may vary. If you want it a bit larger, just add to it from your income before you start school.

Then with your income, instead of paying extra on the mortgage, I'd throw everything in retirement. You can max out Roth IRAs ($11,000 total) for 2016 if you contribute by March 1. Roth contributions can be withdrawn with no penalty, so in case you decide to pursue fertility treatments and need to fund that expense, you have one more emergency fund with the Roths that you can draw on if you use the other savings for treatments.

The reason not to contribute to the mortgage is that you already have decent equity and your interest rate is almost certainly lower than what you can gain on retirement investments. Furthermore, since you're looking at about 2 years of much lower income than you are used to, it is unlikely that you will contribute much to retirement during that time. You can compensate for that now by dumping as much as possible into retirement. Then when you get back to working full time making a lower wage, you won't be behind on retirement contributions.


ysette9

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2016, 03:07:40 PM »
That could be a ton of pressure you would be signing up for. I would be wary if I were you. My SIL was already a nurse when she has her baby but had to return to work after six weeks because the family got their healthcare through her. That was really tough on her and everyone. You really really really want the option of taking much more time off than six lousy weeks. Your body hasn't even healed by then! I wasn't sleeping, my baby was preemie and didn't figure out nursing for six weeks, and it was intensely stressful. I can't imagine adding work and school to that mix.

And seriously, your husband needs to have a chat with his father or go find a better job. Underpaid, working for a difficult person, no healthcare, and no concrete promises for more in the future? He deserves better.

little_brown_dog

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2016, 04:49:48 PM »
Hard truth time:
Is your plan to work part time, go to school, and switch careers all while carrying, birthing, and caring for an infant technically possible? Yes.  Is it advisable? No.

I just spent the last year caring for my firstborn and infant care, no matter how efficient you are, well supported you are, energetic you are, is freaking exhausting. Mother Nature designed newborns to be the #1 all encompassing priority of their parents, not something that can easily fit in around difficult schedules and other pressing responsibilities. I personally think your desired plan to do everything all at once is a recipe for complete burnout, or at the very least not really having the time or energy to truly enjoy your new little one. Burnout is actually very serious postpartum and can trigger postpartum depression, so it isn’t something to be dismissed.

Did you know that new parents rarely get more than 2-3 hours of sleep in a stretch and breastfeeding moms often get even less? For WEEKS at the very least, or even months. That’s actually not enough time to get a full sleep cycle, which means not only the duration of your sleep is dramatically reduced, but the quality of what you can get is poor.

Breastfeeding if you choose to do it is surprisingly exhausting and time consuming. It is a 24/7 job…every 2 hours for weeks. If you struggle with breastfeeding to some extent, as many moms do, it will be even harder than the standard challenges that come with even relatively easy breastfeeding experiences. The chances of you being able to breastfeed and care for the infant and work and study to the best of your ability are extremely slim…something will have to give eventually. If you have to attend classes or go to work, you will have to pump which is not only a huge order for a clinician (because you can't just tell your patient sorry, I need to disappear for a half hour now!), but many moms do not respond well to pumping. Even if you formula feed from day 1, baby still needs to eat every 3 hours or so around the clock.

Babies in general are hard work, but even more difficult if things don’t go according to plan. What if you need a c-section and your recovery time is longer? What if there are complications? What if the baby is born premature and needs to stay in the NICU for a bit? What happens if you conceive TWINS!? Your plan seems to be predicated on 1 very healthy baby, 1 very healthy mom, and no real challenges to speak of - and even then you will be stretched to the max. Maybe you’ll luck out, but what if you don’t?

I think you get my point here. It is great to have ambitious dreams but I think you will really enjoy being a new parent more if you effectively prioritize your goals instead of racing ahead trying to do them all at once under difficult circumstances. Hell, even if you can get your husband to find a better paying job with health insurance, that alone could make all the difference...then you could go to school and care for the baby. But work, baby, school all at once...on purpose? Crazy town.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2016, 04:54:55 PM by little_brown_dog »

little_brown_dog

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Re: Work, School, and Babies
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2016, 11:36:16 AM »
Hard truth time:
Is your plan to work part time, go to school, and switch careers all while carrying, birthing, and caring for an infant technically possible? Yes.  Is it advisable? No.

I just spent the last year caring for my firstborn and infant care, no matter how efficient you are, well supported you are, energetic you are, is freaking exhausting. Mother Nature designed newborns to be the #1 all encompassing priority of their parents, not something that can easily fit in around difficult schedules and other pressing responsibilities. I personally think your desired plan to do everything all at once is a recipe for complete burnout, or at the very least not really having the time or energy to truly enjoy your new little one. Burnout is actually very serious postpartum and can trigger postpartum depression, so it isn’t something to be dismissed.

Did you know that new parents rarely get more than 2-3 hours of sleep in a stretch and breastfeeding moms often get even less? For WEEKS at the very least, or even months. That’s actually not enough time to get a full sleep cycle, which means not only the duration of your sleep is dramatically reduced, but the quality of what you can get is poor.

Breastfeeding if you choose to do it is surprisingly exhausting and time consuming. It is a 24/7 job…every 2 hours for weeks. If you struggle with breastfeeding to some extent, as many moms do, it will be even harder than the standard challenges that come with even relatively easy breastfeeding experiences. The chances of you being able to breastfeed and care for the infant and work and study to the best of your ability are extremely slim…something will have to give eventually. If you have to attend classes or go to work, you will have to pump which is not only a huge order for a clinician (because you can't just tell your patient sorry, I need to disappear for a half hour now!), but many moms do not respond well to pumping. Even if you formula feed from day 1, baby still needs to eat every 3 hours or so around the clock.

Babies in general are hard work, but even more difficult if things don’t go according to plan. What if you need a c-section and your recovery time is longer? What if there are complications? What if the baby is born premature and needs to stay in the NICU for a bit? What happens if you conceive TWINS!? Your plan seems to be predicated on 1 very healthy baby, 1 very healthy mom, and no real challenges to speak of - and even then you will be stretched to the max. Maybe you’ll luck out, but what if you don’t?

I think you get my point here. It is great to have ambitious dreams but I think you will really enjoy being a new parent more if you effectively prioritize your goals instead of racing ahead trying to do them all at once under difficult circumstances. Hell, even if you can get your husband to find a better paying job with health insurance, that alone could make all the difference...then you could go to school and care for the baby. But work, baby, school all at once...on purpose? Crazy town.

I hear you. It's an element of that I'm not sure what kind of job I can get now, so I felt trying to get through nuraing shook now would be nice. There is a solid 1 year waiting list to begin, so it would be possible that I could have w baby by that time. Though, I do hear your point. With a few month old baby, would I really want to go to school? I can't say yet. I'm on the waiting list now, so I'll see how things go, but I can see delaying school for a bit at this point. Also worth mentioning is that my family has a history of multiples. I was an in vitro baby myself, so I do worry I won't be able to get pregnant for quite a while. I am going to keep putting money away now and so my best to live the most mustachian lifestyle I can so that I can handle whatever challenges life throws at me. Thank you.

It sounds like you are trying to figure all this out on your own. Like others have said, why not see if in addition to doing what you can, your husband goes all in on trying to get more money/insurance/etc to try to lift some of the burden off you? I think it is possible to go to school and have a baby at the same time, or work and have a baby, but doing all 3 at once would be a recipe for chaos. I think you need to have a real heart to heart with hubby and just tell him straight up that right now, you either have to postpone kiddos/school or he needs to find a better job situation because it isn’t realistic to expect you to work part time and go to school and care for the baby all at the same time. I know that sounds harsh but when it comes to baby time, partners have to do what they have to do even if it is tough or out of their comfort zone. In fact, confronting the harsh reality of your timeline crush might be just the thing he needs to push for what he deserves.