Author Topic: I really need some help here...  (Read 4061 times)

ayylmao

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I really need some help here...
« on: June 12, 2016, 03:34:51 PM »
Hi guys! I'm 16 and I really need your help!

I have worked since June 2015 and have saved up $3800, or 100% of what I've made since then, but not without expense.

See, I spend my whole life on computers, tablets, phones, whatever, and not even because I enjoy using them. I use them because they are easy to use, incredibly addictive and distracting, and keep me inside where I feel safe from judgement and mean people. I don't do anything with my life and it's made me insanely depressed, is what I'm trying to say. I hate myself, I hate my lifestyle, but my depression is holding me back and makes everything feel impossible for me.

This has actually activated fight or flight responses where I have viciously attacked my electronics because I feel they are killing me or threatening me in some way. I can't control it I instinctually feel like it is the right thing, and I feel much more calm afterwards, but I have to figure out a way to live! After drowning and short circuiting my laptop three days ago the void is very evident. I want to save my other electronics before I waste anything more.

I feel like the best way to start would be to get myself some confidence... Something I've had none of us because I don't believe in myself. Also because I absolutely despise working with computers because they are boring, make my head hurt, and I could be outside instead. The best way to solve both of those issues is by improving my fitness, but I have really bad self esteem issues and sometimes actually get panic attacks in gyms because I feel everyone is out to get me. I am a literal twig, because I don't have an appetite ever and don't eat. On top of this I literally eat crap, nothing I do inthere would have any result because what I do eat is just empty processed crap. Yes there is a recipe section, but I really just don't have the motivation or drive to do this all by myself right now... Completely contradicting posting on this forum, not wanting to do the work to get the reward, but I am feeling really emotionally weak right now and looking will make me feel hopeless. I just don't understand enough to do this on my own. My dad also for some reason does not believe dieting is the key to body growth and health... And I don't have control of that $3.8k, so I'm really at a loss.

Thanks in advance, post some ideas please.


pbkmaine

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #1 on: June 12, 2016, 04:04:45 PM »
The thing you can do right now, at this very minute, is get up and go outside for a walk in the fresh air. Nothing complicated. Just that. Do not take your phone or anything else. Be outside in nature. Second,  it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of complicated emotions. Is there a school counselor you can talk to? If not, do your parents have insurance or employee benefits that can help? Being 16 is not easy.

ayylmao

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #2 on: June 12, 2016, 04:09:25 PM »
I have a counselor and I talk every 2 weeks... But so far it's not really helping

tardis

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #3 on: June 12, 2016, 04:10:29 PM »
Is there a counselor at your school you can talk to?  Even if it’s summer break they may be able to get you some support and help to get you out of the place you’re at right now.  Internet people are great, especially here, but personal help is invaluable and from what you’ve written it sounds like you need it.  Have you told your Dad about any of this?  Can you get his support?

Re Exercise: It doesn’t have to happen in a gym.  Bodyweight exercises, running, walking, hiking, tree climbing, swimming, skateboarding can all be done on your own or in relative privacy and are all great exercise.  Go out to the local park after dinner when all the kids and parents are gone, or find the local trails and have fun.  :)  Remember too that the people in the gym really, really don’t care about  you, or want to help.  They’re all there either because they’re trying to meet their own goals or feel really similarly to you in that they want to improve their own bodies.

Good nutrition is important too, but maybe pick one or two things to start with and go from there.  Trying to do too much can be overwhelming.  Remember that whatever you do isn’t going to fix everything all at once.  You’ve been stuck in your current lifestyle for a long time so it only makes sense that it will take nearly as much time to get out of the hole.  It’s a process, it will take time, and you will never be “perfect” (no one is!) but you can get better.

nereo

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #4 on: June 12, 2016, 04:12:53 PM »
I say this as someone who also struggled with self esteem and depression throughout high-school and college...

It sounds like your situation is too complex for random strangers on the internet to help you with, and I urge you to find someone you can talk to in person and confidentially. Digital addiction can be a very real thing, as are problems with esteem, diet, fitness, etc.  Many of the actions you described sound like symptoms of something else.  I really hope you reach out to someone who can help - school counselor, teen help center, religious leader, your parents or family...  If you don't think you can talk to them to start the conversation, just print out what you've written here and hand it to them.

Best of luck
PS - it's nice to see you have $3800 saved up and you are only 16.  That's a good financial start to life.

edit:  I wrote this before I saw your response regarding a counselor. 
Adding:  glad to hear you are seeing a counselor.  How long have you been seeing this particular one? It's a process that can take many months, and it may often seem like there's little progress.  If you've been doing this for a long time period and things aren't getting better, it's always ok to ask if you could talk to someone else to get another perspective.
g'luck.

human

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #5 on: June 12, 2016, 04:19:57 PM »
Is there any type of outdoor activity you enjoy or have ever had an interest in? For a long time I was interested in hiking but it took me years to try it and then finally when I did I loved it. You are 16 though so not sure that is exactly feasible, but maybe running?

The main point is are you sure nothing has ever piqued your interest?

If you feel you are an internet addict I think being outdoors even if it's for a walk would help. In my late twenties I used to walk 10k every night and would listen to music, that kept me out of the house listening to tunes for at least two hours. Maybe try used books or a library and read instead of using gadgets. Just shots in the dark here, but we've all been through the identity existentialist crisis. Maybe embrace it and start reading camus, satre and the darker russian classics, nabakov, Dostoevsky etc. I went through this phase for ten years.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2016, 05:07:23 PM by human »

hodor

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #6 on: June 12, 2016, 05:34:13 PM »
The good news is that everything you face can be overcome.

You don't need a gym to get fit. The workouts on this site are great for someone starting exercise, can be done at home, require no equipment, don't take long and are listed so you know exactly what you should be doing each day. If you can get through the 30 days of level one you'll be well on your way.

http://lifemadefull.com/30-day-at-home-crossfit-challenge-workouts/

Print it out stick it on your wall and do it first thing in the morning. Then tick off each day as you do it (important), you'll have something to be proud from the start of each and everyday.

If you start some exercise you'll be more likely to feel like eating, even if you don't eat the quality of food all the time that's OK. If you can eat even one healthy meal a day, or just a banana or apple with breakfast it is a start.

Mental health is a challenge for many people and takes time to overcome.

woopwoop

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2016, 06:02:27 PM »
Remember that you don't have to change all at once. Taking one good step at a time will get you there. You are very young and have lots of time to change, so try not to feel overwhelmed. One step at a time, maybe adding one new daily habit each week.

For example:

Ask your dad to buy you one food that's healthy and nourishing that you enjoy. Avocados, maybe, or oatmeal? Something easy. Have that as an extra snack every day.

Do ten burpees every day.

Go for a short walk around the block every day.

Start small and work your way up. You can do it!

ayylmao

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2016, 06:15:17 PM »
I say this as someone who also struggled with self esteem and depression throughout high-school and college...

It sounds like your situation is too complex for random strangers on the internet to help you with, and I urge you to find someone you can talk to in person and confidentially. Digital addiction can be a very real thing, as are problems with esteem, diet, fitness, etc.  Many of the actions you described sound like symptoms of something else.  I really hope you reach out to someone who can help - school counselor, teen help center, religious leader, your parents or family...  If you don't think you can talk to them to start the conversation, just print out what you've written here and hand it to them.

Best of luck
PS - it's nice to see you have $3800 saved up and you are only 16.  That's a good financial start to life.

edit:  I wrote this before I saw your response regarding a counselor. 
Adding:  glad to hear you are seeing a counselor.  How long have you been seeing this particular one? It's a process that can take many months, and it may often seem like there's little progress.  If you've been doing this for a long time period and things aren't getting better, it's always ok to ask if you could talk to someone else to get another perspective.
g'luck.

I've been seeing the person for only 3 sessions so far :( time will help. My electronic genocide is definitely not normal but it's the defensive mechanism I've developed. Honestly, not having a laptop is for the best, and having my computer usage controlled is most important right now. I will see what comes up :)

ayylmao

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2016, 06:16:33 PM »
Is there any type of outdoor activity you enjoy or have ever had an interest in? For a long time I was interested in hiking but it took me years to try it and then finally when I did I loved it. You are 16 though so not sure that is exactly feasible, but maybe running?

The main point is are you sure nothing has ever piqued your interest?

If you feel you are an internet addict I think being outdoors even if it's for a walk would help. In my late twenties I used to walk 10k every night and would listen to music, that kept me out of the house listening to tunes for at least two hours. Maybe try used books or a library and read instead of using gadgets. Just shots in the dark here, but we've all been through the identity existentialist crisis. Maybe embrace it and start reading camus, satre and the darker russian classics, nabakov, Dostoevsky etc. I went through this phase for ten years.

Yep, I've literally had zero interests my whole life. Hard to believe, but true. Video games and the Internet are just time passers. I really have lived more destructively than I'd ever realize until it got to the point of me short circuiting laptops as a defense mechanism...

human

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2016, 06:22:29 PM »
So the drowned laptop was not accident? If that's the case, it's time to either reach out for help or find something or somethings worth your time. Volunteer your time, get a library card from a good university nearby and dive in.

I'm not psychiatrist but it seems you haven;t been exposed to much else but the virtual world. You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Try some new activities that can be done solo, take your cash and buy a cheap bike, or some decent shoes and get out of that house.

When you get physical you will want to start eating more healthy and try to stick to it.

meghan88

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2016, 06:47:39 PM »
I echo all of the other advice you've had on here so far.  I had a terrible time growing up as well.  I think you'd be surprised to know how many others around you are also having a bad time, in some way.  No matter how privileged the upbringing, there's always something to bitch about.

Thing is, there is no magic mindset that you will be able to snap into.  Unfortunately it is a process that takes work, which is probably not what you want to hear right now.  It's hard work to develop good habits, and habits are the architecture of our daily lives.  If you've developed bad habits, do your best to pare those down by whatever means works for you, and you alone.

Take as much time each day as you can to do something positive for yourself.  If you only have 15 minutes twice a week, do some body-weight squats and some push-ups, then eat something healthy.  That's only 30 minutes out of your whole week.  Start from there.  Just grant yourself those 30 minutes.  And, like human said, dive into something.  You might just surprise yourself.

Not all counselors are good at what they do.  If the one you're talking to doesn't "get" you, then switch.

woopwoop

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #12 on: June 12, 2016, 07:08:00 PM »
Forgot to mention: One other thing that always helps me feel better is volunteering. Helping other people gives an immediate boost of "I matter to someone".

marty998

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2016, 04:14:34 AM »
I would suggest music... pick up a guitar, a couple of instruction books and learn some tunes.

At first I was like "turn that fucking racket down" but I came to love hearing my brother practice his various chords and songs... he now makes an extraordinary number of other people happy every time he gets his guitar out.

We were never really musically inclined siblings... but he was able to learn from scratch at 16.

mozar

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2016, 09:54:55 AM »
It's fine to be a twig. This idea that you have to be big and beefy to be successful is a lie, told to get you to spend more money on things that are unecessary.
If you feel like people are out to get you that is very serious and you should consider going to a psychiatrist to make sure you don't have a thought disorder.

BNgarden

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #15 on: June 13, 2016, 10:45:57 AM »
It's good that you're reaching out for input on this.  Many people like to help others succeed, but only some of the comments will resonate or seem like things you will want to try.  That's okay, choose what sounds intriguing.

I echo others' comments about making sure you seek out a person you can speak to that works for your situation, and also speaking to a doctor to perhaps get a referral to a psychiatrist just to check into things.  (It's hard to convey what is going on inside one's head through writing on the internet.)

In terms of believing change is possible and to understand the propensities of the brain and some unique challenges in teen years, if you like to read, check out this book (or similar) from the library: http://www.drdansiegel.com/books/brainstorm/

Making new patterns of behaviours and thoughts is possible, although you will have to practice, practice, practice.  Start with something small. 

One example: If you have something you love in your life without conflicted feelings (a pet?), focus on appreciating or wishing that thing / being well.  Really feel the feeling of gratitude or love.  Or another method: Whenever you notice a good feeling, take at least 20 seconds to savour that feeling.  Be like a detective and watch what feels good and when, savour them, and be sure to continue catching the good feelings and reinforcing them.  (Don't do this with the bad feelings.)

Taking control of your attention and your mind, so you can direct it where you want it to go is an absolutely terrific skill, that not so many people have in life. 

One thing I wish I had heard many decades before I did is "You don't have to believe your thoughts".  Just because your brain throws it up, doesn't make it true or even worth listening to...

Do be sure to check your feelings and behaviours out with professionals IRL in case there's something there that warrants some specialized attention.  The earlier you get on top of it, the better.

All good wishes!

Slee_stack

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #16 on: June 13, 2016, 10:46:03 AM »
You've listed a number of 'negative' traits that you think you have.

Have you ever bothered to list the positive ones as well?

I'll help you start:

For a 16 year old, I think you post/write very articulately.  You also seem like you are  insightful and already looking (and asking!) for ideas that will help YOU control what you can to make you life better.  Teenagers don't have control over a heck of a lot to begin with!  While you might not have control of the money you earned (yet!), you still earned it!  That's not automatic for everybody your age!


Recognize and accept that you do have talents and now your challenge is going to be to figure out what activities, people/groups, places/environment, etc will allow you to enjoy yourself applying them.  Maybe it ends up being sports.  Maybe art.  Maybe foreign languages.  Maybe discovering a cure for cancer.  Maybe all of them.

The only suggestion I can make is to TRY to be open to trying just about anything...even if you think you wouldn't like it.  Remember that someday you'll hit upon something that isn't boring and now you can spend some time on that the whole rest of your life, now that you know.  You may end up with 1 or 100 different interests!

Good luck.  You sound like you could do very well in the world if you keep searching!

lizmc1779

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Re: I really need some help here...
« Reply #17 on: June 13, 2016, 11:13:56 AM »
I am 37 and still a twig! It's ok! I started running a few years ago and it has done wonders for me. I'm slow and at first embarrassed but the secret is that no one really cares!! There are lots of local running groups and I've found sites like Fat Girls Run helpful (even twigs can benefit from the perspective offered from groups like this). Local groups usually take all comers - the point is getting out there!! Wish it hadn't taken me until my 30s to realize this!!