The short story:
DH and I met in college in 2008 (I was 22, he was 26), and married in 2010. I came into the marriage with $24k of student loan debt, and he had $20k. (That was our only pre-marriage debt.) In the next 3 years, I spent $8k on failed ventures of one kind or another. He paid off all our debts with his well-paying job. I had the opportunity for a job that paid $45k, but decided to work a tea shop instead. Let's just say I had 'money issues' and was young and massively stupid. We had children, I quit the tea shop, and became a stay-at-home mom.
For 3 years now, I have handled all the monthly bills and finances, and have done a good job. I have begun to embrace many MMM ideas and aspects of minimalism. Even when I was being stupid, we always kept our finances reasonably tight, and have just passed the $100k in retirement mark. We have always each had small discretionary allowances, but spend little outside of that (our weekly 'family date' for years has been pizza at Sam's Club).
I am now 27, DH is 31. Our kids are 2.5 and 7 months. Our extended family is across the country. DH makes good money (computer engineer), but Seattle is expensive. I want to get help with the kids every once in a while, but it is hard to justify. I would like to start pursuing a few interests that could become a career when the kids go to school, but my past mistakes have made it impossible for DH to trust me or want to support my pursuits financially. He wants to be able to retire in 10 years, and has big plans for our financial freedom--every dime that leaves the bank account now pushes his dreams for himself and our family out further.
Here are my questions for all you wonderful Mustachians:
-How do you manage with young children--do you feel that your sanity is worth some small childcare expenses or do you tough it out together alone?
-DH says that I owe the family $30k for my loans he paid off, plus the mistakes, though our finances have always been combined and I have been a stay-at-home mom for close to 3 years. How do you value a stay-at-home parent financially?
-DH has basically been the sole income for our entire relationship. It is hard to see it as 'our money,' even now that we are a family. How do you navigate an exclusively one-income household when the non-earner has pursuits and philosophies and desires the breadwinner does not?
-How do you look at expenses for children and their interests, activities, and education? How do Mustachians feel about spending money on their children, knowing that it may never 'amount to anything tangible,' but that it's part of childhood (especially living in such a crazy-expensive urban environment)?
*EDIT: I'm definitely not talking crazy expenses, I have NO desire to create little entitled brats--what I'm referring to are things like zoo/museum memberships, the occasional gymnastics class or book, art supplies... DH lives by the idea that there should always be a 'free option,' but I don't always agree. (So far, the only thing we have spent money on for our kids activity-wise has been zoo memberships, $3 community center toddler gym days, and a daycare registration fee, though we haven't actually GONE to the daycare since. Otherwise, it's just been library events, parks, and playdates, which are great and plentiful in Seattle.)
-In general, how do Mustachians feel about and value sanity and experiences and relationships when they are not quantifiable things that generate no 'return?'
Any advice on any of the things would mean the WORLD to me! You guys are awesome! (If anyone in Seattle wants to give me any lengthy advice, I will happily buy you lunch and listen intently!)