So I discovered FI blogs like MMM about 10 months ago, did my own math, and realized that with a net worth of around 500k, the wife and I (ages 35 and 38 with one 2 year old kid) could FIRE comfortably in less than 10 years. I was ecstatic. I wanted to do whatever it takes to make that 7-8 years instead. Years of low-level frugality was going to pay off! Our dreams were within reach.
I excitedly showed the wife my forecasting spreadsheet, online calculators, and MMM posts. Somehow, she was unimpressed. I found even more stuff. Still skeptical. Finally, I took the lead and declared my intent for us to FIRE within 10 years. She accused me of becoming obsessed with unrealistic stories from the internet.
I asked if she disagreed with the math, and she said it was based on unrealistic assumptions such as a 7% ROI, health insurance being affordable, and $1.4-1.5M being enough to live on long-term. I addressed all these objections and yet she still looked at me like I had joined a cult (hmmm... the MMM logo working against me).
So here we are with incompatible life goals and a feeling that we are interfering with one another's well-being. She resents me groaning when a new $30 piece of "decor" arrives to clutter up our already-too-big house. She's irritated by my struggles not to resort to restaurant food when it's late and we're away from home. My few wins have been maxing out her 403 (b) and my 401 (k) deductions, maxing our Roth contributions, insulating the attic myself, keeping our 2 cars semi-frugal (5-6 year old subcompacts), carpooling when it's convenient, using a 2% cash back card, switching insurance and raising the deductibles, switching to an interest-paying free checking account, having a yard sale, vacationing frugally, using FSA's, and buying a little bit of baby stuff used instead of new. Setting the thermostat to 68 in the winter and 75 in the summer have started to become the norm. I've cancelled most of my hobbies.
Our burn rate decreased from $65k in 2015 to a projected $56k in 2016, but that's a long way from the $40-45k we need to target in order to FIRE on time. Our savings rate might hit 50% this year, but I would wish for 70%. We make a combined $120k per year. How hard can it friggin, be!!!?
The sites of the bleeding are lifestyle-related. Our (ahem...her) taste for premium groceries costs $6k/yr when it should be half that. We spent another $6k at restaurants. Several thousand more disappears into merchandise from Target, Amazon, etc. some of which is somewhat necessary so it's hard to judge.
If we could cut these bad habits, our spending would drop into mustache land (adjusting for day care, commuting, and other costs of being employed). We could avoid a couple YEARS of labor EACH of we were just a little tighter. She won't even look at the math.
The wife literally says "not worth it".
Oh, and he hates her job too.
W. T. F. I've done the analysis work and brought a solution on a silver platter. It's not like I'm asking her to sacrifice to support my expensive hobby. I'M INVITING HER TO BECOME A MILLIONAIRE WITH ME AND SHE SAYS NO THANKS!!! Is that reasonable?
For the $35 copays, a few months of counseling seemed a wise investment. Among other issues, my FIRE goals came up, but the counselor is a normal consumer sucka who doesn't see that as plausible either (she tries to be respectful, but I can tell).
The wife and I are out of sync. Divorce would set back my personal FIRE goals by at least another 5 years, and be miserable, so I won't even contemplate that. In fact, I must actively avoid it or most of my dreams fall apart. I see 2 realistic options:
1) PASSIVE: Accept that I'm on the slow boat to FIRE and try not to resent the years of extra labor. Don't rock the boat or come across as some sort of extremist, just let the maxed-out retirement accounts to their work in the background. Stop talking about money so much, but use my role as family CFO to quietly guide us to FIRE in 10-12 years. Don't risk the marriage over milking out another $5k/yr savings.
2) ACTIVE: Keep hammering our wasteful finances. Keep trying to get the wife onboard with FI. Yes, it'll be hard and yes, it'll involve some argument, but we're talking about preventing 2-5 years of wage slavery! Keep putting those quarterly mint.com reports on her pillow. Set strict budgets.
Which path would you take? I wonder how hard I can pull before the strong breaks?