Author Topic: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?  (Read 3411 times)

FIRE_at_45

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Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« on: November 06, 2016, 07:46:55 PM »
I'm pretty new to actually having a plan for retiring early.  I'm still early in my planning and I expect my plan may change 10 times before I actually pull the trigger.  For me I'm single with two children.  I may meet someone, I might not.  It's hard to know exactly what my future holds.

Anyhow, I'm curious who you talked about your early retirement goals with during your planning.  I've had some discussions with friends.  One is older (59) and retired at 58.  I didn't reveal my plans but I thought his reaction was funny when I told him about MMM's lifestyle.  "$50 k really isn't much money to live on.  We blow through that not including our housing expenses.  That's just travel, food, golf fun for a couple". 

So far I've only talked to my brother.  He's frugal too and told me about MMM so it's easy to talk to him about it....although he isn't on the same path because his wife is more into living now. 

Have you had anyone close look at you like you are just nuts??  I'm thinking about talking to my parents.  I think they will be open to it because they retired at 55 and they love retirement.  Part of me doesn't want to tell people because I may change my mind.  The other part of me thinks that articulating things will help me figure things out and having people poke holes in my logic might be good for me.

Snake P. Jenga

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2016, 08:10:08 PM »
I tell basically everyone I know. Even coworkers know that I'm planning on retiring early. They don't know how close it is, but they know I'm shooting for much earlier than the norm.

I can't be fucked to keep it a secret. I like talking about it when it comes up naturally, and it opens up interesting conversation and offers to connect me with resources/people. Sure, there are a few people who think I'm crazy, but overall I get a lot of support, even from people who don't think they could do the same thing.

I try not to mention it if I know someone is in serious money trouble, so I'm not rubbing it in their face or anything.

You might change your mind: so? Who cares? If you have a good reason not to retire, you can tell people you found a job you love, or whatever the reason is. If your reason to keep working is shit, then other people's opinions aren't the problem.

KMMK

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2016, 08:23:50 PM »
Yeah, pretty much everyone. Nothing to hide and I like to make sure people know it's an option.

azure975

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2016, 08:26:09 PM »
I constantly want to talk about it since it's always on my mind, but generally it doesn't go well. Generally people are polite about it but seem either slightly incredulous/skeptical or slightly envious, so I'm decided to consciously suppress myself from bringing it up and only talk about it with my husband. The only exception is my parents, who know our actual finances and are happy for us. I do feel that it creates a bit of distance between me and my friends, since I can't freely share about something that's such a big goal of mine, but I guess that's the price you pay!

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2016, 08:36:19 PM »
I don't hide it with anyone, but what comes up 10x's as often is just frugality in general.  Most everyone knows me as a super frugal person, and I own it and am proud of it.  But when people get to know me more they will eventually put two and two together and mention to me that I must be only spending a small portion of what my wife and I make.  At that point I'm pretty up front that I save over half my income, and that I'd rather buy years of waking up and doing what I want over anything I can get off amazon. 

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2016, 09:01:22 PM »
I don't really, except with my wife and say people I met at MMM meetups or the like.
I mean, I don't try to hide anything, but it doesn't really come up.

I don't go out of my way to bring it up either: First rule of FI/RE club, is don't talk about FI/RE club.

icemodeled

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2016, 09:15:27 PM »
I definitely have discussed it with family and co-workers also, whenever it may be brought up in some way. I love finance, budgeting and planning for/working towards FIRE so I do like discussing it. I have had good and very bad reactions. Yea I have had people think it sounds nuts and that "only if you win the lottery can anyone retire early" thrown at me. I still like to talk about it. My husband agrees with MMM ... But he doesn't really care - he is on board and is following our budget to save more but he isn't excited about it, like me. Actually.. No one is but me :(

Dicey

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2016, 09:17:52 PM »
Yeah, well, I was kind of superstitious and didn't want to jinx myself. This was long before MMM happened. By the time Pete came around, I was so used to not talking about it that I didn't really feel a need to. Plus, my company was known for pushing people out if they knew they weren't completely nose-to-the-grindstone. If it came up in conversation with friends, I didn't avoid the topic, but I was more comfortable discussing retirement without naming actual dates.

There was one poignant exception though. One of my colleagues was 65 and suffered from OMY Syndrome. I used to nag her to pull the trigger all the time. When I left at 54, she finally got the message and retired a couple of months later. She had a great life for a year and then was diagnosed with a horrible kind of cancer and died a slow, agonizing death a year later. I console myself that at least she and her husband had one great year in retirement that they might not have had.


FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2016, 09:23:01 PM »
I don't really, except with my wife and say people I met at MMM meetups or the like.
I mean, I don't try to hide anything, but it doesn't really come up.

I don't go out of my way to bring it up either: First rule of FI/RE club, is don't talk about FI/RE club.

Such a good movie!  Thanks for the laugh.

I think I will become more comfortable talking about it.  I actually find it very liberating to have a plan.  I don't think that ER will buy me happiness. I think I need to create happiness for myself. 

My situation is different from some in that I don't get to see my children all the time.  Part of me wants to make up for that lost time.  It also means I'm not free to run around the world like some people but I will be free to take off on week long camping trips without my kids and work.  I can join meetup groups and other things like that to fill my time. 

My parents are coming for a visit and I think I will talk to them.  They know I'm frugal so this won't be a crazy shock.  I don't think they will think I'm crazy either because I've had some good chats with my dad about what a drain it is to own a house...and the like. 

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2016, 09:24:18 PM »
I just discussed things as they came up - not the whole concept. Making your house more energy efficient and reducing bills. Investing wisely. Frugality...

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2016, 09:29:41 PM »
Yeah, well, I was kind of superstitious and didn't want to jinx myself. This was long before MMM happened. By the time Pete came around, I was so used to not talking about it that I didn't really feel a need to. Plus, my company was known for pushing people out if they knew they weren't completely nose-to-the-grindstone. If it came up in conversation with friends, I didn't avoid the topic, but I was more comfortable discussing retirement without naming actual dates.

There was one poignant exception though. One of my colleagues was 65 and suffered from OMY Syndrome. I used to nag her to pull the trigger all the time. When I left at 54, she finally got the message and retired a couple of months later. She had a great life for a year and then was diagnosed with a horrible kind of cancer and died a slow, agonizing death a year later. I console myself that at least she and her husband had one great year in retirement that they might not have had.

That's a real risk and I probably won't talk about it at work.  I may talk about savings and frugality if anyone's interested but I don't want to push it on people.  One of my coworkers is young and still living at home.  She is really thrifty and told me she is saving over 50%.  I shared MMM and she said 'early retirement isn't really a goal for her'.  I didn't take it any further. 

This really isn't about trying to convert people...it more about me :)

sparkytheop

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2016, 09:36:16 PM »
My early retirement goals really aren't that early since I'm planning on retiring when I'm 57 (minimum retirement age to take full advantage of my pension, health care,etc). It's no secret that I plan do retire the second I can out that I'd retire at 46 if I magically get the option of an early out, being able to get the same benefits).

I have coworkers who make a lot more than I do (they are also dual income, while I've been a single mom since my son was 3), and they talk about having to work well into their 60s. They sometimes joke about my beater car, but so do I. Just a difference in priorities.

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #12 on: November 06, 2016, 09:40:44 PM »
My early retirement goals really aren't that early since I'm planning on retiring when I'm 57 (minimum retirement age to take full advantage of my pension, health care,etc). It's no secret that I plan do retire the second I can out that I'd retire at 46 if I magically get the option of an early out, being able to get the same benefits).

I have coworkers who make a lot more than I do (they are also dual income, while I've been a single mom since my son was 3), and they talk about having to work well into their 60s. They sometimes joke about my beater car, but so do I. Just a difference in priorities.

That's tough.  I remember a MMM post about that 'pension smension'.  I have a great DB pension plan too but it basically just accumulates with years of service and there are no golden numbers. 

I'd recommend asking questions now because you may learn you can opt out earlier without a major penalty....that's if you can do it financially.  Good luck!

arebelspy

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2016, 11:16:32 PM »
I tell basically everyone I know. Even coworkers know that I'm planning on retiring early. They don't know how close it is, but they know I'm shooting for much earlier than the norm.

This exactly.

Some people have the problem when they get close to ER of people thinking they're crazy, parents worrying they don't have enough, etc.

When you "prime" them for years, and then finally do it, it's not a conversation of can it happen, it's a celebration of you finally accomplishing a goal.  Even if it seemed like a crazy plan at first, they had years to adjust and get used to the idea.

It comes up a lot less now that we're ER'd, but that's because we're traveling and not close yet with people we meet, the way we were with friends, family, and coworkers. Anyone who knows us well knows our situation, and is happy for us.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (occasionally) blog at AdventuringAlong.com.
You can also read my forum "Journal."

Villanelle

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #14 on: November 06, 2016, 11:33:54 PM »
I haven't discussed the details with anyone.  It's just not the type of thing to come up, and when the edges of the topic have come up, it's generally been with with who I know wouldn't be receptive. I might still mention that DH and are are putting as much away as we can in the hopes of RE, or I might point out that I don't drive a 2000 Toyota Echo because it's sexy, but I know they are unlikely to connect the dots, and that's okay.  With friends who I worry about financially, I'm more likely to throw out hints, even knowing that they just aren't ready.  They bemoan having no money and then mention a new car, and I make a joke about my old car.  They say how "lucky" we are that we've traveled so much and I point out that I'm not paying for private school or living with a view of the ocean.  If they expressed interest in my finances, I'd be a cautiously open book--cautious not because I worry about their judgement, but because this can easily come off as sanctimonious or judgey, especially to someone already uncomfortable with their own financial choices. 

There's a couple people I wouldn't want to know what we have, even in broad terms, because they'd be the hand out type, but in general, the reason I don't share is just because I know most people don't want to discuss it.

I've probably gone in to the most detail with my parents, who have always been very frugal and lived many of the principles of mustachianism.  I mentioned the possibility that DH won't get another job after he gets out of the military, and they sort of laughed as though that was unrealistic, but they know we have no debt and that we save/invest a lot, and are going to be fine.  In general, they really support out choices and they know they don't need to worry about us, which is great.  I wouldn't hesitate to list exact balances with them, if it came up or felt necessary for some reason.   

stashgrower

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2016, 02:00:23 AM »
ER mostly doesn't "come up" in my conversations, but frugality does.

Case

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2016, 07:35:11 AM »
I'm pretty new to actually having a plan for retiring early.  I'm still early in my planning and I expect my plan may change 10 times before I actually pull the trigger.  For me I'm single with two children.  I may meet someone, I might not.  It's hard to know exactly what my future holds.

Anyhow, I'm curious who you talked about your early retirement goals with during your planning.  I've had some discussions with friends.  One is older (59) and retired at 58.  I didn't reveal my plans but I thought his reaction was funny when I told him about MMM's lifestyle.  "$50 k really isn't much money to live on.  We blow through that not including our housing expenses.  That's just travel, food, golf fun for a couple". 

So far I've only talked to my brother.  He's frugal too and told me about MMM so it's easy to talk to him about it....although he isn't on the same path because his wife is more into living now. 

Have you had anyone close look at you like you are just nuts??  I'm thinking about talking to my parents.  I think they will be open to it because they retired at 55 and they love retirement.  Part of me doesn't want to tell people because I may change my mind.  The other part of me thinks that articulating things will help me figure things out and having people poke holes in my logic might be good for me.

I rarely discuss it with anyone outside of immediate family and close friends.  I feel at my work place it is a job risk to make it open discussion.  First, it could be a risk in that HR/others might be looking for long term people (although actually they often say they aren't).  Second and more importantly, your everyday coworkers may trea you differently if they view you as a temporary figure.

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2016, 07:37:57 AM »
I tell basically everyone I know. Even coworkers know that I'm planning on retiring early. They don't know how close it is, but they know I'm shooting for much earlier than the norm.

This exactly.

Some people have the problem when they get close to ER of people thinking they're crazy, parents worrying they don't have enough, etc.

When you "prime" them for years, and then finally do it, it's not a conversation of can it happen, it's a celebration of you finally accomplishing a goal. Even if it seemed like a crazy plan at first, they had years to adjust and get used to the idea.

It comes up a lot less now that we're ER'd, but that's because we're traveling and not close yet with people we meet, the way we were with friends, family, and coworkers. Anyone who knows us well knows our situation, and is happy for us.

That`s very true and I had not considered that point of view. 

Nice job on the podcast with Brandon.  I enjoyed it.  Went to your blog and found a shell.  I am interested in learning the actual nuts and bolts of the math.  I want to teach my kids a few different ways to get it done.  I will take a look at that book you recommend as well. 


arebelspy

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2016, 07:49:05 AM »
Went to your blog and found a shell.  I am interested in learning the actual nuts and bolts of the math.  I want to teach my kids a few different ways to get it done.

It was not ready for launch--Brandon published before we were expecting.  :)

Sign up for the newsletter, if you're interested, and when the back content is filled in, I'll send out an email letting everyone who signed up know.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (occasionally) blog at AdventuringAlong.com.
You can also read my forum "Journal."

scantee

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #19 on: November 07, 2016, 08:13:57 AM »
I'll tell anyone who indicates a general interest in personal finance. Surprise! that doesn't end up being very many people. Like three, now that I really think about it.

I've told a few people who are not into personal finance and didn't receive negative reactions, more bewilderment than anything. It's as if I said "I'm building my own rocket ship and I'm going to fly to Mars!" and their response is just like "you have fun with that dear..."
« Last Edit: November 07, 2016, 08:16:17 AM by scantee »

Zikoris

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #20 on: November 07, 2016, 05:43:23 PM »
Most of Canada, and a decent chunk of the rest of the world. We were one of those couples featured in those big newspaper articles that get shared all over social media, and emailed to everyone and their brother. A bunch of the lawyers in my firm got a big surprise that morning when they picked up their morning paper and saw the person who makes their coffee on the cover.

I figure that the only way for the movement to gain traction is for people like us to start coming out of the woodwork, baring our bank accounts, and showing people how it all works. We're in the fortunate position where having it become public knowledge is not harmful to us, which makes us the ideal sacrificial lambs.

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #21 on: November 07, 2016, 06:52:35 PM »
Most of Canada, and a decent chunk of the rest of the world. We were one of those couples featured in those big newspaper articles that get shared all over social media, and emailed to everyone and their brother. A bunch of the lawyers in my firm got a big surprise that morning when they picked up their morning paper and saw the person who makes their coffee on the cover.

I figure that the only way for the movement to gain traction is for people like us to start coming out of the woodwork, baring our bank accounts, and showing people how it all works. We're in the fortunate position where having it become public knowledge is not harmful to us, which makes us the ideal sacrificial lambs.

That's good publicity I guess for your book!  It would be a bit of a shock for the workplace environment though.  If you still have the link, please include it.

Zikoris

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #22 on: November 07, 2016, 06:56:25 PM »

http://www.theprovince.com/business/young+living+cheaply+vancouver+bring+freedom/9692666/story.html

There's another one coming out next spring as well - February or March. We did a pretty long interview for it, and the reporter also interviewed an early retiree friend of ours. It should be interesting to see the reaction to that - it's going to be longer than the Province one, and delve more deeply into both numbers and philosophy.

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #23 on: November 07, 2016, 07:34:30 PM »
I confide in the students in my physics and AP chemistry classes. They're high school juniors and seniors, generally interested in STEM, and pretty curious about anything they think might help them with the transition to adult life. My kids live in a very high poverty community, and I may be the only person in their lives to introduce them to the idea of investing for retirement at all, never mind FIRE, so I figure I can spare a few minutes here and there to make sure they learn about index funds and Roth IRAs before they graduate.

FIRE_at_45

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Re: Who did you confide in about your ER goals?
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2016, 08:59:47 PM »

http://www.theprovince.com/business/young+living+cheaply+vancouver+bring+freedom/9692666/story.html

There's another one coming out next spring as well - February or March. We did a pretty long interview for it, and the reporter also interviewed an early retiree friend of ours. It should be interesting to see the reaction to that - it's going to be longer than the Province one, and delve more deeply into both numbers and philosophy.

That's a great article!  I like how they pointed out that you are having fun and enjoying life rather than saying it's not possible.  Good for you!  Thanks for sharing.