Hi,
I'd really appreciate your views on an issue which is currently facing me. Apologies in advance for the length of the post.
I moved to a small town 2 years ago, buying a small house which was mortgage free, with the intention of changing employment in time so I had a walk/bike commute to my job. I got made redundant 6 days after moving and although I was lucky enough to start another well paying job 2 months later (my current employment) this was based a lot further away. I chose to rent a tiny apartment near that employment, and I commuted home at weekends. I'm now considering leaving my job (which I find stressful) and try to find a (probably much less well paid) job which is local to my home - i.e. my original plan. I have worked out my likely cost of living and need to find work paying £10k a year in order to live (I don't spend much). Anything over £10k could be saved. It wouldn't be financial independence but it would mean I had some choice over the work I chose to do and I do have some savings to fall back on in a fallow period. It would also give me more time in the evenings to do things I'd like to do (for example, up until 2 years ago I swam with a masters club, and did much more sport). I have some money in pension funds which would pay out at 60 and would be enough to support me thereafter. I'm currently 43.
However, my boyfriend who lives about an hour's drive away would like me to move in with him. This would mean a long commute for me to get to my current job (about 3.5 hours in total each day) and so I still wouldn't have time for sports clubs or evening activities. It would also mean that my living costs go up a lot - I would need a salary of £23k to meet half the living costs of my boyfriend's house and my travel. Most of this cost is due to him having a far larger house than me to house a far greater number of possessions (for example, he has 3 cars), and he has a large mortgage. Although I could still give up my stressful job to have a more enjoyable life, realistically I wouldn't be able to find a job paying £23k locally, so I would either have the long commute or would be eating into my savings to live with him and help pay his mortgage.
My boyfriend shares care of his young daughter with his ex wife so it makes it difficult for him to move from the area, but he's also quite resistant to the idea that he could stay in the same area and downsize. He wants to keep his 3 cars (I don't have a licence so only he drives) and wants a home with garaging for the cars. He also considers it necessary to have a playroom for his daughter in addition to her bedroom, plus a spare bedroom for guests and plus an office in case he needs to work from home (although I've never known him to do this, and its not really necessary as his work is only 5 minutes drive/15 minutes cycle away). He doesn't want to combine the rarely used spare room with the never used office.
When he and I discuss finances he says he agrees that it makes sense to focus on needs rather than wants (but he bought 2 more new bicycles a few days after we last talked about this). I feel he'd like to live more simply in theory, but finds his current lifestyle too comfortable to make any changes.
While it would be lovely to live with my boyfriend, I don't want to have the additional commute and the consequent diminution in time to do sports, and (as I'm the tidier of the two) I guess I'll probably spend a lot more time on household chores. I also don't want to carry on with my stressful job. But my main concern is that I'll be paying more, and in order to subsidise an anti-mustachian lifestyle.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I could persuade my boyfriend that downsizing is both feasible and attractive, and that its not necessary to have 3 cars plus a playroom/office/spare room which will be nearly always empty. Or should I just go back to living in my own home and show him by example?
Thank you in advance for any suggestions.