Author Topic: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?  (Read 2655 times)

pudding

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Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« on: January 14, 2017, 02:56:03 PM »
Hi Mustachians, where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?

I think I've ended up a bit of an oddball and seem to not really have a niche where I can say 'hey that fits for me.

Example; I've been salsa dancing for years, and I've heard off a few people that I'm not the kind of person they would expect to be dancing, as I have tattoos and also like martial arts and in my younger days was partial to the occasional street fight or two and have a scar on my forehead where I got hit with a beer glass by a bouncer. But I really like salsa dancing.

I'm from the UK and have ended up living in a neighbourhood in Canada thats mostly Chinese families. I like my neighbours, but again it's a bit of a mismatch when looking for people to hang out with.

I like to go the gym, ski sometimes and eat healthy, drink in moderation, look after my stash. But my old group of friends that I know through punk rock music,  I've known for years like to knock the beers back, never ever go to the gym and ski about once every 5 to 10 years.

Boring hanging out on my own too much though... Any thoughts?

Occasionally a friend of old will suggest going on a trip together, but I just know we have a different travel style and we wouldn't get along as they'd want to mostly hit the bars. I've started just going to the bars anyway and having a cup of tea.

I went to yoga the other day, I was the only guy there. Might sound good but I'm this tattooed guy who genuinely likes it, not there just to try pick up the gals. I went to Zumba and same thing.

Also noticed I'm often the oldest at things I end up doing. Yoga (not always at yoga but often) , martial arts, down the gym... sometimes I think I've failed to realise that I got older. But then I wonder what others around my age are doing? I guess a lot are raising kids, and I have a daughter but I was 22 when she was born and she's 33 now, and I have 2 grandkids, I also have a half brother thats the same age as my oldest grandchild, and I'm young to be a granddad anyway I guess.

My dads a musician, I went to art school and my oldest grandkid is an actress, she had a lead role in a movie a couple of years back and does quite well.

Also I raised my daughter on my own since she was 3, that was a kind of an oddball time too, as I don't know any guys doing it and single moms and single mother groups kind of looked at me as OK, but different and would tolerate but not really include.

Anyway bit of a ramble, but reading it back to myself does sound a bit 'different'
« Last Edit: January 14, 2017, 03:15:40 PM by pudding »

swick

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2017, 03:12:56 PM »
I think the key for me is to not try to find one group of friends to meet all my needs. I was that kid in highschool who had friends from many different groups but didn't "fit" into one. It has worked out well for me.

We have friends who we board game with, but they aren't really interested in going out for a hike.

I have friends I have kept from HS and when we get together it is like no time has passed, even though they lead VERY different lives.

There are several communities I have carefully and consciously cultivated relationships in, like this one and some Entrepreneur/ conscious business networks. I did this because I knew exactly what I was looking for and what needs I had that I wanted to meet.

The awesome thing about the internet and connectivity is your friends can be anywhere. One of my very best friends lives two time zones away but we connect all the time, even if we only see each other once a year. Finding like-minded people is just a lot easier.

If you are looking for FI minded folk, start a local meet-up or post on the forums and see if there is anyone close by.

lhamo

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2017, 03:29:03 PM »
If your Canadian city happens to be Vancouver or Toronto -- you are in luck!  There are large MMM contingents in both cities, and I can highly recommend making friends through the forums.   Both I have met both swick and Jon_Snow  in person, and can vouch for their authentic awesomeness, and I look forward to meeting others from up north soon.

The thing I like about MMM forum friends is that we tend to be an unconventional bunch, more likely to look at your combination of age, gender single parent past, tattoos and interest in salsa dancing/yoga/zumba, etc and go "COOL!  Another unconventional friend!"   Your quirks are what make you interesting -- you just need to find the people that embrace them rather than feel put off by them.  And the forums are a great place to start.


swick

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2017, 03:39:10 PM »
If your Canadian city happens to be Vancouver or Toronto -- you are in luck!  There are large MMM contingents in both cities, and  Your quirks are what make you interesting -- you just need to find the people that embrace them rather than feel put off by them.  And the forums are a great place to start.

YES! So much this!  And thanks lhamo, you are totally awesome too!  Even if you live outside of the main cities (like we do) you will probably find some mutachians around. If you want to PM me your location, Pudding, I might be able to give you some suggestions of more awesome people :)

Laura33

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2017, 04:13:33 PM »
If your Canadian city happens to be Vancouver or Toronto -- you are in luck!  There are large MMM contingents in both cities, and I can highly recommend making friends through the forums.   Both I have met both swick and Jon_Snow  in person, and can vouch for their authentic awesomeness, and I look forward to meeting others from up north soon.

The thing I like about MMM forum friends is that we tend to be an unconventional bunch, more likely to look at your combination of age, gender single parent past, tattoos and interest in salsa dancing/yoga/zumba, etc and go "COOL!  Another unconventional friend!"  Your quirks are what make you interesting -- you just need to find the people that embrace them rather than feel put off by them.  And the forums are a great place to start.

This, exactly.  I think many people find their way here because they feel out of sync with "normal" people.  You don't need friends who enjoy everything you do, you need friends who enjoy *some* things you do and respect the differences as cool instead of weird.  So I'd say just keep doing stuff you enjoy, look for folks with the right attitude in all of those places, and enjoy them for what they offer without expecting it to be "all."

Also, sometimes people say stupid things/note differences because they are awkward or are trying to make conversation, not because they actually think you are weird (not that I, umm, err, have ever done anything like that before -- awkward introverts unite!).  Sometimes you might need to work a little harder to see beyond that superficial first impression, too.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2017, 04:20:20 PM »
I think the key for me is to not try to find one group of friends to meet all my needs.

This is applicable for me, too. I kind of did a hard reset on my life in 2014 when I moved to NYC. I've made a lot of new friends since I moved here. None of them are "everything" friends. I don't have that one BFF that I do everything with. 70% of the time when I want to do something I can think of a friend or two who would also like doing that thing, and I'll invite them. The other 30% of things I want to do are too weird and maybe I go alone, and maybe I make a new friend who is also that flavor of oddball, and in the future I'll have someone to do that kind of thing with :-)  I've now got a beautiful collection of open-minded and diverse acquaintances here and a few people who have grown into close friends. Doctors, lawyers, retirees, bartenders, software engineers, teachers, musicians, artists, etc.

I think you have to have a pretty adaptable personality to make this work. Different aspects of my personality come out when I am with different people, and I enjoy that. But not everyone works that way.

I wonder if part of your problem meeting like-minded folks is that in spite of you being an oddball, your interests are actually fairly mainstream - like yoga, or skiiing, or going to the gym... so you meet a lot of average, mainstream type of people there. But you seem to want to meet people who are truly counterculture. Any chance of cultivating some weirder/more oddball hobbies? :-)

Erica

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2017, 05:48:32 PM »
You are very independent, not enough of a follower for most.

Probably should move to an off-grid town where people are more self sufficient

You may not find anyone who shares your interests such as salsa dancing, but you'll find shared values

Especially for easy traveling together. Just my humble option. Here is an example of a town I think you'd enjoy- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iowa_Hill,_California

Goldielocks

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2017, 07:52:02 PM »
Portland.   Uniqueness is celebrated.

Lski'stash

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2017, 08:29:27 AM »
I think you'd do just fine among my friends...although that's not really an answer.

I listen to a lot of punk rock/punk pop/ska. I LOVE Billy Talent.

Anywho...I guess, I would just start going to the places that you love and meet people there? The Gym, Ski areas, and concert halls all have lots of people. If your a bit more introverted, I would actually practice what you might say when you meet someone.

That's how I found my dog park friends, anyway, so it might work for you, too.

pudding

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2017, 12:49:33 PM »
I think the key for me is to not try to find one group of friends to meet all my needs.

I wonder if part of your problem meeting like-minded folks is that in spite of you being an oddball, your interests are actually fairly mainstream - like yoga, or skiiing, or going to the gym... so you meet a lot of average, mainstream type of people there. But you seem to want to meet people who are truly counterculture. Any chance of cultivating some weirder/more oddball hobbies? :-)

I was thinking along these lines too. Yoga and skiing etc is the 'new pudding' the old pudding I left behind in the old country.

If you've ever seen the movie train spotting, at the end when Ewin McGregor has run off with all his friends money and he's giving his speech;

"The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead"

I was never into hard drugs but a lot of my friends were. I just had a guy come say hello last week from back in the UK, he's the son of an old friend of mine, his mum died in a motorcycle crash, his dad raised him but got into heroin, did a big robbery and him and son went on the run to Greece for 6 months, father got sentences to 6 years in jail....

ahh I don't miss those times back in northern England. Or do I???

But I can relate to the character that Ewin McGregor plays. When I was at yoga last night, It's all nice and relaxing and everything, but I was sat in the sauna a while back at the gym and 4 heavily tattooed Hells Angles came in and I found it really easy to chat to them.

Sometimes it's like you're this kind of person, but by chance you were born into this kind of environment, and you do this and that to make your life what you'd like it to be, but you still have your past and the friends you made there.


Dollar Slice

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2017, 01:07:51 PM »
Sometimes it's like you're this kind of person, but by chance you were born into this kind of environment, and you do this and that to make your life what you'd like it to be, but you still have your past and the friends you made there.

This is extremely common, I think (especially among immigrants). Maybe not in the exact same way as you, but in the sense of being born into one kind of life, and then having to hack through the jungle to forge your own life because you didn't have mentors and family members showing you the path. Difficult, but rewarding.

pudding

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Re: Where do you find your tribe if you're a bit of an oddball?
« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2017, 09:10:18 PM »
Today I  went and had dinner with a guy who I've lived near for about 7 years now. We actually have a ton in common.

Thinking a lot of the problem was working so damn much before and being in work, drink beer, sleep mode.

Hoping things get better now.