When your anti-Mustachian SO makes more money

[SeaEhm]

 

The best advice I've seen on the subject: 

If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.– Antoine de Saint Exupery

Both personally and in convincing my husband to delay gratification, my best success has been from building a shared vision of the life we want.

JRR85 brings up an interesting point.

If you had a choice between two jobs.
One that you liked at a rating of 49/100 but got paid $100k.
The second is a job with a rating of 60/100 for $85k.
Knowing that the $10k difference in price might potentially increase your life's enjoyment, which would you take?

[vivophoenix]

it doesn't matter if he is unhappy at work, or even if he makes more money.

what does he value? lunch or that 5k more into savings?

one thing you have to be careful about, and i see often on this board, is that assumption that the money saving spouse is on the side of right.


if he doesn't want to retire early, or save money then it doesn't matter. but re-read and it sounds like he does, but he also values lunch out. is  lunch out interfering with his other values, if so point it out, if not let it go.

at the end of the say i like to thing : which hill am I willing to die on.

Am I willing to argue over 5k in lunches if I am on a pretty good path to retirement already? which it sounds like you may be.

to be honest, it sounds like he is pulling his weight equally so he should have equal say.

[skiddieleet]

I haven't read all the replies, but I thought I'd offer my input as the sole income earner in a marriage and the one more focused on FI.

I used to go out to lunch almost every day, and since finding this site, I have toned it down, but still go out often.  I almost never bring a lunch, but sometimes eat at work where they have subsidized healthy choices that end up being pretty cheap.  I understand where your spouse is coming from as I enjoy getting away and eating out.  If he's not very spendy other than that I wouldn't let it bother you.

However, when I go out it's usually $5-$10 with the occasional $11 or $12 meal.  I'm sure they're used to certain places, but potentially he can influence his group to go to more reasonably priced places.  It's always nice to find places where you're not waited on and don't have to tip, as it helps out a lot on cutting down costs.  I tend to over tip.

With those incomes and that being one of the only spending issues y'all should have a hefty savings rate (I hope).  Enjoy it :)

[starguru]

Have you approached this from the point of view of savings and how long to your reach FI? 

With 170k of income, it seams you could be saving 80-100k a year.  How much are you saving and how long to FI? 

If you are both happy with that, and he can still enjoy his lunches with coworkers, what's the problem? 

Also, does he spend a lot in other areas?  There might be room for compromise and or some horse trading; prioritize what's really important to him.