The fact that two vets both refused to euthanize would make me take a step back and re-evaluate, but honestly after everything you've said I would lean more towards getting 2 crappy vets in a row. I agree with going for finding one that will come do it in your home. Will probably be less likely to question you, plus it's so much less stressful for the dog and everyone else.
It has made us step back and re-evalute. It's pretty much absorbed our lives for the last week, and we've talked to pretty much everyone we know that knows us and knows the dog. Two people had reactions of "OMG that's terrible! I would never think of putting her down just for those issues! You are terrible!". About 8 other people said they agree and it's probably her time, and that it's also very unlikely she can be successfully rehomed. And about another 8 people had a reaction of "Finally! I don't know how you've lived with this dog for that long! If she was mine I would have given her up/euthanized her
years ago."
That makes me feel a little better about the decision as opposed to the support in this thread, because none of you know the dog and are getting 100% of your information from my point of view. I try to be accurate and objective, but I am sure there is a vet forum somewhere where my vet has a thread about some horrible person that wanted them to euthanize a relatively healthy dog, and a bunch of other vet forum members rallying around posting support for the vet. "yeah fuck those dog haters!" "ugh, owners like that are the WORST." "rabble rabble rabble terrible person"
If you have found 2 seperate vets that have seen the dog's medical history and had the stories told to them and they are both refusing to euthanize I think you have your answer. If you don't want the pet what is the difference to letting them rehome it to someone that does?
I would personally be allowing them to rehome my dog at this point, though I would and have spent significantly more money to keep a pet alive and have budgeted money for a pet's entire natural life before I got the pet. [https://www.cnbc.com/2017/04/27/how-much-does-it-cost-to-own-a-dog-7-times-more-than-you-expect.html]
I currently have an old pet with multiple ongoing problems, we track his quality of life each day and if he's in pain or not enjoying his normal joys he gets a mark on a calendar. Too many marks in a row will mean it's time, though I live with a vet so it's a lot less guess-work on if he's in pain or unhappy. You have to remove your emotions about it, if you will readily admit you don't like the dog and never have he probably isn't getting a fair shake.
The first vet was the clinic we've been going to for 10 years (entire life of the dog), but the actual DMV was one we haven't seen in awhile. She had none of the records for the dog, and didn't seem familiar with the dog's history (and she has quite a history at this office). I don't understand how you can knowingly go into a euthanasia appointment for a patient of 10 years, and not even bother to check the records of the animal, like past chronic conditions and current medications. [she wasn't aware the dog has allergy issues. I have records dating back to 2011 about her allergy issues! cephalexin, ketoconazole, shampoos, hydrocortizone lotions, allergy testing, sublingual immotherapy, subcutaneous immotherapy, and she was on steroids (prednisoline) for 5 years from 2011-2016 and has been on apoquel from 2016 until present. We must have had 20 god damn appointments about her allergy issues!] I get that they are busy, but by her own admission she takes euthanizing a dog very seriously. Seems like you'd want to at least glance at the records and see what's been going on for 10 years so you don't get caught off guard. Unless she planned to refuse the whole time and just wanted to get us in the office to sell more services?
The second clinic was the humane society and had never seen the dog. The vet was in the room literally less than 10 seconds before she made the determination that the dog as a good quality of life. I explained a lot more about her actual quality of life, but they flat out refuse to euthanize an animal that doesn't have a terminal condition. None of my dog's conditions are terminal, she could very well exist for several more years. They definitely don't seem like they have any ulterior motives aside from the dog's best interest though, and are willing to take her knowing full well she's an asshole with possible aggression issues and thousands of dollars in ongoing medical issues.
My budget for a dog was $0 because I didn't want the expense or responsibility of the dog. Unfortunately this was more of a step child situation where my wife and her former boyfriend got a dog together then split up, and he bailed on the dog and my wife got stuck with her, and she came as a package deal with my wife. I've tried to do right by this dog for 9 years, and I've put up with the shit and piss and puke, and dog shit all over my yard, and the awful smell of dog on everything in my house, and the hair everywhere, and the slobber. And the medical bills and appointments. I gave her allergy shots for a year. I carried her up and down the stairs every night for 3 months after she had CCL surgery. I went through all her medical records and receipts last night, and we are probably $20k deep into this dog. Her total medical costs are more than I estimated originally too. All the medication she needs adds up to about $2,400 annually. Plus with an old dog with this much medication you gotta do the expensive diagnostic blood work, frequently. Every 6 months according to the vet.
My concern with rehoming her is that she is going to get all the medical care she needs to continue to "exist", and will do so in a crate at the humane society for several more years, because as I mentioned, none of her ailments are technically terminal, they are just expensive and make her uncomfortable and reduce her quality of life. My secondary concerns are that if she does get adopted it's going to be at the expense of one of the tons of young, healthy dogs they currently have that are up for adoption. If someone takes my dog, it means they aren't taking one of those other dogs. The supply of adoptable dogs is always going to outpace demand, so some animal is going to be getting the shaft.
I feel for the vets too. I'm sure they have people come in and say "I just don't like/want this pet, put it to sleep", and that's gotta be difficult to deal with. I feel like that's how we are being received, even though I don't feel like that is the case. It's just a shitty situation all around.