Author Topic: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...  (Read 1545 times)

ejmyrow

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 48
WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« on: July 20, 2018, 09:59:47 PM »
Aloha Amazing Mustachians!
So far you have been great help, and in this next chapter we could use advice:

WHEN should we move?

The facts:
We just got married this month.
We live and work in an expensive, beautiful part of California.
We have cool relatives in Denver and Boulder (and we are psyched that many Mustachians are there).
We are thinking of moving to Denver.
Wife = mid 30s, Husband = late 20s
We want kids
We currently have an excellent health insurance plan and decent paying jobs.
Current health insurance offers midwifery which we would definitely want.
We both think we could get comparable jobs in Denver.
Our closest relatives are 8 hrs away in Cali and we're not interested in living there.
Wife has worked at the University for 3 years. At the 5 year mark she gets a pension (annuity).
Wife also has saved up a lot in 403b and 457.
Husband has saved some in 401K.
University only gives 4-6 weeks pregnancy leave (plus we've signed up for both short and long term disability insurance).

Do we start job shopping in Denver now?
We probably need to be in new job at least a year before being eligible for pregnancy leave...

Or do we have the baby in Cali and move later?

Original plan was to make baby earliest due date to be in April of 2020 so that the 5 year mark was past and pension vested.
But if you leave before the 5 years they give you a check so maybe it would be equally great to just put that in Vanguard mutual funds...





ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3057
  • Location: Emmaus, PA
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2018, 05:19:53 AM »
Mid-30s? I say baby now.

pomegranatemom

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 5
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2018, 07:25:09 AM »
Congratulations on getting married! I understand the desire to be vested before having children. But I also think that if the wife is in her mid-30s and you want more than one kid, you should have a baby now.

A440

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 100
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #3 on: July 21, 2018, 08:23:26 AM »
Can you found out what the value of the cash payment is, that she would get if  you leave before 5 years? 

Also I think it would be unusual to have an insurance plan that does not cover a certified nurse midwife for prenatal care and birth.  A lay midwife may not be covered, but that is a whole different story.

If she is in her mid-30s would vote for trying for pregnancy soon.  Can start looking for jobs in Colorado at the same time. 

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8897
  • Location: Oregon
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2018, 09:02:09 AM »
If you're considering waiting on children, I HIGHLY encourage you to go and have your wife's ovarian reserve markers checked. The tests you want are called AMH, AFC (antral follicle count), and FSH. Two are blood tests, one is a transvaginal ultrasound. They usually are not covered by insurance, but trust me when I say that a couple hundred dollars is MUCH less expensive than the cost of fertility treatments. Admittedly, my views are colored by my experiences. At 27, with no health problems for my husband or I, we've been unable to conceive and are on our second round of IVF- still with no answers for why my ovarian reserve is low at an early age. One in eight couples of reproductive age experience infertility. (defined as more than 1 year intercourse with protection under 35 years of age, 6 months over 35 years of age). If I had waited, it's very likely I would have been unable to have biological children. Point being- if waiting is an option on the table, make the choice with adequate information. I wish it was more common knowledge that we have ways to test for ovarian reserve in women.

Megs193

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 95
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #5 on: July 21, 2018, 06:09:19 PM »
I would have kids now and move later. I work in infertility and there is a sharp decline in fertility around age 35. Obviously there are plenty of people that get pregnant after 35 but your chances of having a difficult time increase.

SimpleCycle

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 910
  • Location: Chicago
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2018, 08:33:13 AM »
Figure out if the pension is really worth sticking around for.  I had a university system pension that I opted out of waiting to vest and I got my contributions plus interest returned to me, which wasn't as big a hit over waiting for vesting as I thought it would be.

@Bracken_Joy and I have similar experiences with infertility, and I totally agree with her about getting ovarian reserve checked before you decide to wait.  You might get the all clear (which doesn't mean you won't have trouble, but at least rules out the "you have to start trying right now" problems) and feel comfortable waiting a few years, or you might find out you want to try sooner.

I think I'd start the plan to move sooner rather than later, and play the baby thing by ear.  The first year with a baby is hard, but humans are also an incredibly flexible and resilient species and can handle a lot.  We moved locally twice when my wife was 5 and 7 months pregnant, and it was okay.  I also think it's very likely your new health insurance would also cover midwifery, especially if you choose a nurse midwife.

mschaus

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 151
  • Location: Chicago
    • blog
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2018, 03:08:28 PM »
ejmyrow, hopefully just listing out the situation is helping you think about it. The advice to calculate the value of the different annuities, etc. is good. Is there enough money on the table to really impact a decision? That's up to you. You might find that the money isn't that big a deal but it's being used as an excuse to avoid making tough decisions. I'm a big fan of taking action now to correct your own life, because I feel strongly it's important to live the life you want rather than to run a miserable race to the FI "finish line" which is really just another start.

As for timing babies... hopefully that works out but you should really allow for anywhere from 1 month to 3 years after you say "yeah let's have a baby". Best of luck!

ejmyrow

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Re: WHEN should we move? ... and when to have baby...
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2018, 11:21:37 PM »
Thank you so much everyone! It has been really helpful to hear people's thoughts. At this point we are thinking that the pension vs. lump sum might be 6 in 1/ half dozen in the other since for example the lump sum can be inherited. I will ask my Obgyn about ovarian reserve markers!