Author Topic: When a neighbor assumes help...  (Read 1607 times)

jeromedawg

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When a neighbor assumes help...
« on: May 31, 2022, 09:53:06 AM »
Hi all,

At first we thought our neighbor messaged us thinking we were someone else who they had specifically spoken to about this and previously offered the help.

I just re-read it though and it seems like a bit of a demand and to us. What do you guys think?

It's not a big deal but "I think we'll take you up with help..." comes off a bit brash to me -- we will probably go ahead and help as we don't mind helping at all. But the way it was asked/assumed kind of irks us.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2022, 09:59:43 AM by jeromedawg »

HPstache

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2022, 09:58:37 AM »
Hi all,

At first we maybe thought our neighbor thought we were someone else who previously offered them help and they are taking them up on it but sent it it to the wrong people....

I just re-read it though and it seems like a bit of a demand. What do you guys think? I guess it's not a big deal but "I think we'll take you up with help..." comes off a bit brash to me...

I think you are being too sensitive about the wording.  This is probably a mix-up of phone numbers as you suggested but I would absolutely help if I were in your shoes and not overthink it.

jeromedawg

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2022, 10:02:08 AM »
Hi all,

At first we maybe thought our neighbor thought we were someone else who previously offered them help and they are taking them up on it but sent it it to the wrong people....

I just re-read it though and it seems like a bit of a demand. What do you guys think? I guess it's not a big deal but "I think we'll take you up with help..." comes off a bit brash to me...

I think you are being too sensitive about the wording.  This is probably a mix-up of phone numbers as you suggested but I would absolutely help if I were in your shoes and not overthink it.


Yea, thinking about it more we aren't going to turn it down. Just a little surprised at the request (also because they never ask us for help as we're new on the block... so I guess maybe they've made their rounds and other neighbors aren't available). This neighbor does come off as a bit rough around the edges so I guess it's not outside of the character - I don't know why but it just seems surprising when it translates over directly (or even moreso) in the form of a text hahahaha

PMG

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2022, 10:04:49 AM »
Oops. Iíd either help (and lean on them next time you need it!) or let them know kindly that you have other commitments and arenít available! 


I just had a similar but different miscommunication with a neighbor yesterday. I thought we were casually talking about separate holiday plans. They thought I was inviting them over.  Oops. Fortunately they couldnít make it and sent regrets so I got my evening back without any awkwardness! 

Frankies Girl

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2022, 10:10:42 AM »
If you like the neighbors and didn't already think they're rude/entitled, I'd just assume the wording is awkward or they spoke to one of the other neighbors and are mistaken about who they meant to text.

If it was me I'd just text back and say "Hi NEIGHBOR, this is NAME at 1234 address. I'm happy to help but wanted to make sure you meant to contact me. Just letting you know in case you'd already set something up with one of the other neighbors, didn't want any confusion about your COSTCO delivery. Have fun on your trip!"

And keep an eye on them if they are rude/entitled. You definitely can decline to help out someone if it's too much of an imposition or they ask way too much and don't reciprocate.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2022, 10:13:51 AM by Frankies Girl »

HPstache

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2022, 10:14:44 AM »
If you grab the Costco package for them and store it at your house, as they requested, I think all the answers will be revealed to you about the mistake they made.  What will likely happen if the neighbor thinks the number in their phone which is a different neighbor, they will go to their house to come grab the package/ask how things went/thank them etc., and that neighbor will be like, "uh, I didn't do any of those things for you".  Then the person will suddenly realize there was a phone number mixup, or they confused what neighbors names, and probably knock sheepishly at your door realizing that their message came off as demanding.  Should be entertaining at least.  I personally believe that relationships with neighbors are extremely important, I wouldn't miss the chance to be helpful here.

Villanelle

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2022, 10:20:32 AM »
It is very odd wording if this is out of the blue.  I'd respond that I'd do it since it is a pretty small ask, but I'd also go out of my way to mentioned my or my spouse's name, to draw attention to exactly who they contacted, just in case.  "I'm happy to grab your mail and Jane and I will keep an eye out for the Costco package."   Beyond that, I'd just let it play out.  When they return, if they go to pick up their things at Bob's house and he has no idea what they are talking about, he will presumably send a message to you and it will all be sorted out.

Kris

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2022, 10:54:16 AM »
If you like the neighbors and didn't already think they're rude/entitled, I'd just assume the wording is awkward or they spoke to one of the other neighbors and are mistaken about who they meant to text.

If it was me I'd just text back and say "Hi NEIGHBOR, this is NAME at 1234 address. I'm happy to help but wanted to make sure you meant to contact me. Just letting you know in case you'd already set something up with one of the other neighbors, didn't want any confusion about your COSTCO delivery. Have fun on your trip!"

And keep an eye on them if they are rude/entitled. You definitely can decline to help out someone if it's too much of an imposition or they ask way too much and don't reciprocate.

I think this is the best solution. It really does sound like they texted the wrong person, and that they had talked to the person they thought they were texting previously about helping them out.

jeromedawg

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2022, 10:57:59 AM »
Thanks all!

Well, I forgot that we won't even be around this weekend so we replied back saying we can't get the mail or Costco package and that she should contact someone else for that but we can help pull the bins out :)

So if it was intended for someone else, she'll definitely know now but we also didn't [fully] decline helping out either hahaha.


charis

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2022, 01:28:54 PM »
Interesting issue. It sounds like a mistake because, logistically, you can't assume help unless you know your neighbors will be around to begin with.

jeromedawg

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Re: When a neighbor assumes help...
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2022, 02:20:20 PM »
Interesting issue. It sounds like a mistake because, logistically, you can't assume help unless you know your neighbors will be around to begin with.

Yea, we're not sure either. My wife pointed the same thing out after we replied: "she's going to think we're crazy if she thought we offered to help her and are not telling her we'll be out of town" hahaha.

In the case that this was a mistake, my best guess is that she may have had one too many drinks at the little neighborhood gathering we had on Friday was talking to someone else about all this, forgot who she talked to, and then just assumed it was us upon texting. I know she was drinking wine and margaritas that night, and probably had several but when we were talking with her she seemed somewhat coherent...maybe buzzed a bit? All I know is that this topic never came up in that conversation lol.