What would you do if you were me?

[Kwill]

You mentioned in a past post that you had been going to a church locally. Have you been in touch with the pastor there? My Dad is a retired pastor, and I know he had a lot of training and experience with counseling people in difficult situations. Maybe there is someone like that locally who could at least listen and maybe help.

As people have said, go ahead and deposit the check in a reputable bank (Chase or Capital One or whatever) sooner rather than later. Once it's in a bank then you can transfer it elsewhere if you decide there's a better place. If it takes a few months for you to make up your mind about the very best option, then you aren't losing a ton of interest.

In the short term, might there be a pet-friendly extended stay motel near your work with kitchenettes in the rooms? You wouldn't want to be in a place like that very long, but if you feel like you need to go somewhere quickly, it might be nice to know the options.

[reeshau]

A quick search found a number of forums talking about New Jersey law and pre-payment.  It seems many view this as quite doable, as long as the upfront payment is explicitly separated from the security deposit.  Of course, there are cautions tomlandlords for accepting this, too, as it makes eviction possibly more difficult.  Of course, this is still just people on the internet.  And their opinion won't change that of the manager you talked with, if they are trying to avoid a potential penalty from the state.

Real Estate investors:  https://www.biggerpockets.com/forums/52/topics/154120-accept-prepay-of-rent-in-nj#:~:text=People%20who%20want%20to%20prepay,not%20called%20a%20security%20deposit.

Attorneys:  https://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/if-a-tenant-wants-to-pre-pay-6-months-of-their-lea-1098839.html

[Morning Glory]

Have you applied for the apartment? Just because you don't meet all criteria perfectly doesn't mean they have a 100% chance of saying no, it depends on how many units they have vacant and who else applies. Meanwhile you can continue to look for other situations such as a rented room or even an extended-stay hotel. Apply, apply, apply,( but watch out for scams). Ideally you will find something where your job income covers monthly costs so you aren't depleting your savings but its fine to use some to get on your feet.

First deposit that check in some kind of savings account with no fees because it's safer there--you can optimize for higher interest later.

It's a good idea to reach out to your old supervisor and ask permission to use them as a reference,  even if you don't plan to do so right away. I hope your work transition goes smoothly. 

[314159]

Deposit your check in a bank or credit union. CapOne, Chase, your local credit union, Ally, whatever - the exact institution doesn't really matter, but once it's deposited you won't have to worry about losing the check or letting it expire. (Not that it would be a disaster, you'd have to get the old check cancelled and a new one issued, but that's a hassle.)

You keep saying the hotlines can't help you, but I haven't seen any evidence for that assertion.

Great job talking to your coworker about apartments. This is a thing that normal people do and it is helpful because people can share knowledge (and their feelings, too). Keep it up!

I second the recommendation to ask church leaders or volunteers for advice as well, if you're going to a church. You are not the first person in the world to be seeking an apartment! People can have helpful advice.

I would ask if you're interested in following any of your old coworkers into new jobs, but it sounds like your priority is getting an apartment before a new job, which is a perfectly reasonable priority to have! Something to think about once you have a place.

[fumblina]

Yes, I don't plan to stay in my current position forever, but I am stable here and it's my first foray into working in the outside world and I can only spin so many plates at once. Finding a place to live is my number one priority. Once I am settled in there in the New Year I will look into getting my GED or community college or whatever.

I seem to be the chosen one they call in to ring the registers in the pharmacy. I am good at that and have encyclopedic knowledge of medications and everything runs much more smoothly when I am there and everyone at work relies on me and likes me. It's a shame that character references don't count because I have many people who would vouch for me from managers to coworkers and customers. I had another customer give me her business card and try to recruit me to work for her (in home care; but I would be starting at same pay there I am getting here, and I'd have to be able to drive and I don't know if it comes with health benefits). My co-worker was given a job in an office just on the strength of his charisma, so it's possible I might get lucky that way too. He's still working with me two nights a week on top of the new job and he still doesn't think he can afford to live alone. His girlfriend works three jobs. It's not uncommon for people here to work two jobs because it's so expensive to live in this area. I don't want to stay here much longer either because of the expense and if my brother is leaving there is nothing keeping me here besides this job.

Just skipping my lunch break and working until midnight and covering extra shifts has got me a big pay increase. My last paycheck was over $1,100. The one before that was $700 something. If I transfer to pharmacy I get another dollar an hour, if I cross train. They will pay for me to get certified as a pharm tech, too, if I want to go that route. But I need the GED first. 

Seems I can't deposit a check that big virtually, so I will have to go to Chase and then decide where I want to keep it longer term. It is not void for 7 years.

Is it feasible for me to transfer money from savings to PayPal or something like the YouTube guy said and then deposit into checking as income? Nobody needs to know where it's coming from, right? I can say it's for services rendered. Side income. Is this legal?

[Captain FIRE]

If you don't want to stay in the area much longer, then you definitely do not want to buy a house. Renting is the right plan.

Deposit the check ASAP.

If you are nervous about talking to your brother, you can write out what you want to say beforehand, just simple bullets so you don't forget/get flustered. Or you can try writing it out to him and emailing, if you think that would work better for you. Note it's easier to say no over email than in person though.

[Kwill]

Is it feasible for me to transfer money from savings to PayPal or something like the YouTube guy said and then deposit into checking as income? Nobody needs to know where it's coming from, right? I can say it's for services rendered. Side income. Is this legal?

I wouldn't. It sounds shady, and it would look weird if anyone questioned it. Plus PayPal or whatever would be charging fees on the transfers.

I wonder if a financial advisor would make sense for you. People here might have recommendations for reputable firms or even for specific trustworthy financial advisors in New Jersey. Usually on this forum, most people would want to manage their own money and avoid financial advisors, but it would be better to talk to a professional who has some training and legal obligations to advise you than to take advice from YouTube on how to handle a large amount of money (says a random anonymous stranger on the Internet).

[SunnyDays]

You may want to consider putting an ad on Craigslist, or other sites for “Apartment Wanted.”  List all the things that would make you a desirable tenant and what types of living situations you would accept.  Sometimes people have places available but they aren’t in a hurry to fill them unless just the right person comes along.  I have done this myself with 3 different roommates because I wanted a good fit but didn’t want to have to vet a bunch of people.  You may need to take something that is less than ideal in the short-term just to get out of your brother’s place on time.  You may be surprised what is out there that isn’t advertised.

[fumblina]

My brother doesn't respond to texts or emails. He basically told me after I got the big check to take it to Chase. They will treat me as a wealth client and I can talk to a financial advisor there. He just doesn't want to help me at all, even though he knows all this stuff and I don't. It was like pulling teeth just to get him to answer simple questions for me when I was deciding on my health plan through work. He just told me to "maximize cash flow."

It's sort of embarrassing to explain this all non-anonymously to a financial advisor. Explain that I've never worked before and am now a lowly cashier with no clue how to live in the world. I don't like to be pitied or treated differently. I'm not an invalid. I just don't know things because I've been so sheltered and stunted by trauma. It makes it hard to ask directly for help in real life, and when I do I just am rejected, more often than not. My brother doesn't help me when I ask. When I had the emergency with my dog and had to take her to vet I couldn't even find anyone to cover my shift for me even though I cover everyone else all the time. I have huge trust issues because no one has ever been there for me when I needed them in my life, including my own caregivers, whom I ended up having to take care of from a young age. I feel like if I could just get into a place and be settled and breathe for a while I could get a handle on all the rest one bite of the elephant at a time.

Anyway, is there a specific section of Craigslist I can post to about this? Honestly, my ideal would be to live in a guest house or something with a little kitchenette and a little yard for my dog. I would eventually like to buy a small plot of land and build a tiny home (not on wheels!). I looked fruitlessly for long term stay bnbs last night and found nothing in my area but they showed me a cute cottage-like guest house in CT and I fantasized about just taking my big check and quitting my job (or transferring to a local store in that town) and just focusing on getting the GED and moving onward and upward and living straight off the inheritance until I had that sorted and a new job in the pipeline.

A friend offered me his home in a remote corner of the country on the Canadian border. I could stay there a year while he travels. For less than $500 a month. But there are no work opportunities there and I don't drive and I don't think I could weather harsh winters as a woman on my own.

[Captain FIRE]

Well, just remember that in a way, you hold a lot of cards. It takes time, a lot of effort, and is a pain to evict people. So if you don't find a place by his deadline, he can't just call the cops and force you out the next day. It might behoove him to help you as a result, if you can figure out a gentle way to communicate to him that helping you will help him.

[reeshau]

In talking with your brother, I also think he may change his answer if you have a solid request in hand, rather than a theoretical ask.  You say that you are a "ghost" in his house.  Does he know about your apartment hunt in any detail?  If you have been at odds recently, maybe he is skeptical or doesn't realize that you are as far along as you really are.

If you came to him with the application in hand, and said "a cosigner is required.  I've looked into x, y, and z options, but they won't accept them.  Neither will these other two options."  Then it would put him on the spot to follow through with what he said he would do.  And, it would be the step to allow he and his family to move on, as well.

[314159]

...Explain that I've never worked before and am now a lowly cashier with no clue how to live in the world...

Reiterating what @BNgarden said on the previous page - it's important to explain that you've never done paid work before, because you were a (or the sole?) unpaid, full time caretaker for your parents for XX years. That is tons of work! (Not only does this explain why you weren't in paid work before, but it also suggests that you are a committed, hardworking, responsible person.)

[MayDay]

Have you explored local forums that may be able to connect you to resources?

Being autistic you may qualify for a support worker to help you with these things. I wouldn't necessarily recommend pursuing that now just because it's a huge huge huge administrative burden to figure out. But I recently heard of a clinic near me (in MN so not helpful to you) that has a support worker as a free service. If you ask for help on local message boards/Facebook groups, etc you may find some kinds of similar options.

[SunnyDays]

There is a section on Craigslist for Housing and within that there is a Wanted section where you can post you ad.  There is also Sublet/Temporary; Roommates, etc.  There are various areas for NJ so pick the one you currently reside in.

[reeshau]

@fumblina ,
All has been quiet for a few days, but it seems like a critical time for you.

I just want to say, hope you are doing OK, and managing through the difficulty.

[fumblina]

Hello everyone.

An update: my brother agreed to co-sign and my application for the apartment was accepted. I will be moving into a 1 br, 1 bath first week of November. It has in-unit washer and dryer, dishwasher, fridge, microwave. Half hour walk from work, sidewalk all the way. Will save me money as I'll only have to pay for a ride when the weather is bad enough.

Just have to figure out the logistics of moving now while working a full time job with an irregular schedule.

I deposited the big check at Chase. My brother wants me to set up an account with a full year's worth of rent and I think he may want it to be a joint account but we haven't talked much about it.

Going to ask my brother if I can buy the bed I've slept in for the last year. Otherwise I will have nothing to sleep on. I have very few pieces of furniture.

Thank you to everyone who has helped and supported me and offered me advice in this challenging time. I really appreciate it more than I can express.

[Louise]

That's really wonderful news! I'm glad you were able to secure housing.

[iluvzbeach]

@fumblina - what a fantastic update! You are going to love having your own place. So glad you found such a great apartment & got that check deposited.

[Captain FIRE]

That's great news!

Don't stress if your brother won't sell/won't sell at a reasonable price for a used bed. You can buy just a mattress and throw it on the floor if needed. I slept on a futon for a year until I could afford to get a proper bed (although it did not do good things for my back admittedly after a full year). Also sign up for your local freebie site on Facebook, people give away household goods all the time.

[PMG]

A note of caution that any account should be only in your name. That is your money.

Also, you can order a foam mattress delivered right to the apartment. It will be boxed up tight, regular ups or fed ex delivery. We are on year 4 with our sub $300 mattress from Walmart and it’s been fine. I am usually all for buying second hand but sometimes ordering new is much more accessible.

The apartment sounds lovely. I’m happy for you.

[reeshau]

Congratulations!  Those are big steps.

I hope things continue to work out for you with this next step.  Give yourself some time to settle in.

[Adventine]

Congratulations on securing a good place!



Don't feel too bad about sleeping on a mattress on the floor. That's the way my husband and I have been sleeping for several years. Not because we can't afford to buy a bed frame, but because we're ultra minimalists who discovered that we don't need a bed frame. We sleep just fine without one.


Also, your bank account should only be in your name.

[former player]

I'm so pleased to have this update.  Congratulations on your new home. 

It's also lovely news that your relationship with your brother has been good enough for him to help you with this.

[oneday]

Also sign up for your local freebie site on Facebook, people give away household goods all the time.

In addition to Facebook -

Freecycle has a website: https://www.freecycle.org/home

Buy Nothing has a website and app: https://buynothingproject.org/

Craigslist has a free section: https://www.craigslist.org/about/sites

One or another might be more active in your area.

Also remember to leverage your network! If you mention to friends, coworkers or others in your orbit that you are setting up house for the first time, you might find that someone has or knows of someone who has exccess they are looking to re-home.

[SunnyDays]

That's wonderful news!  Be sure to pop by once in a while to let us know how you're doing.

[Laura33]

Congratulations!!

And I will second (third, fourth):  do not put your brother on your account.  If you have a joint account, that means he has every right to withdraw every single penny in that account for whatever he wants.  He seems to be whining about money being tight and under a lot of pressure, so do not tempt him with access to yours.

[zolotiyeruki]

You have taken some big steps, and made some serious progress.  Way to go!  Don't rest on your laurels, though--focus on the next steps.

[RWD]

Congratulations!!

And I will second (third, fourth):  do not put your brother on your account.  If you have a joint account, that means he has every right to withdraw every single penny in that account for whatever he wants.  He seems to be whining about money being tight and under a lot of pressure, so do not tempt him with access to yours.

Yeah, I can only think of negative outcomes to making that a joint account.

[charis]

Congratulations!!

And I will second (third, fourth):  do not put your brother on your account.  If you have a joint account, that means he has every right to withdraw every single penny in that account for whatever he wants.  He seems to be whining about money being tight and under a lot of pressure, so do not tempt him with access to yours.

Yeah, I can only think of negative outcomes to making that a joint account.

Fifth.  It's unclear from your post (1) why you think he wants it to be a joint account and (2) why you are even considering allowing that.  If he's pressuring you to do that because he co-signed for the apartment and is worried that he will be on the hook for your rent if you spend down the balance on other things, I can understand his concern.  But a joint account is not the answer. There are other ways, such as asking Chase if he can have viewing access to the "rent" account (if you want that) where he's not an account holder and cannot take any action (transfer/withdraw, etc). I have this option at my bank.  Or just email him the monthly statement.

[reeshau]

But a joint account is not the answer. There are other ways, such as asking Chase if he can have viewing access to the "rent" account (if you want that) where he's not an account holder and cannot take any action (transfer/withdraw, etc). I have this option at my bank.  Or just email him the monthly statement.

This would be as much as I would agree to.  But brother / OP / the bank teller might be using "joint account" loosely.  He should not have withdrawal rights.

[JupiterGreen]

Congratulations, this is great news! Keep us updated.

[BicycleB]

Agreeing with congratulations - and not having a joint account.

[draco44]

Fumblina, I hope your new apartment is bringing you peace and wish only the best for you.