I’m moved to ask this board what they think about a twist on the common relationship situation (read through the 50 steps to MMM your SO and still find myself at a loss). My girlfriend is a truly fantastic person - extremely sharp, funny has a strong and fulfilling career for which she is well-paid. We’re very compatible in most ways and have a strong connection. However, one sticking point is money/career.
My career plan and desired lifestyle:
My plan was to retire by 35 or 40, and then continue working on a variety of interesting projects in retirement, some of which would likely generate money so that I wouldn’t have to touch my nest egg for quite some time.
In terms of lifestyle, I am not currently the most Mustachian person out there but I do save ~40% of my income in a HCOL city. In the future, I want to carefully avoid the type of car-reliant suburbs I grew up in, opting instead for a walkable area for day to day errands and a minimal commute to work if possible. I’d like to own the correct amount of (nice) house, one fuel-efficient car bought in cash and infrequently used, and practice domestic insourcing to build skills, etc.
Her career plan and desired lifestyle:
She is in a career that requires a great deal of training, so she is only a few years into her working career and loves it. Her family is all in the same line of work, and the precedent has been set that people work for a very long time (her grandfather recently retired at age 90), so she doesn’t plan to retire early if at all.
For lifestyle, she is not necessarily a spendy person and is generally thoughtful with her money. However, she is not Mustachian by any stretch and thus has no issue with driving for errands, having a suburban house and lifestyle, purchasing things because she wants them and can afford them, even if she is not deluded into thinking that an average consumer product can deliver happiness.
She is also I think a product of her upbringing and system from a career/money standpoint – she believes that you should save for retirement and life goals, but has expressed concern that she would feel drained by consistently evaluating money decisions in a Mustachian way, particularly on medium or smaller ticket items. She also wants to be with someone who has a career focus, goals, etc. for both reasons of growth and financial stability. To her, this means that my desired retirement date and retirement activities would be concerning if not an outright issue.
To summarize: I’m very much opposed to a kind of “traditional” suburban life with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, expenses running high and incomes having to run ever higher to ensure a strong and secure retirement at 70. I don't think she's going to spend us out of house and home, but I do think she wants a more traditional life than I do in that sense. However, I think that this is a truly amazing person, and though she is not a card-carrying Mustachian she is still far better in this regard than the typical spendypants American.
Two questions: 1) is the gap too wide to bridge? 2) if not, how do I ensure that I can lead a fulfilling, Mustachian life with a non-Mustachian SO?