I'd like to share a general comment with the rest of this forum:
Unless you guys have personally cared for the health and/or finances of an elder, preferably a parent or grandparent, then you are blissfully unaware of the resources and issues.
Until you have navigated the Medicare, Medicaid, and "nursing home" systems then your advice is probably not helping.
DH and I are seriously considering the idea of finding her an assisted living facility close to us. He has made the decision to retire in 6 months from Active Duty, and I have a great job here...we could stay put and be very comfortable for 5-10 years in our current location before MY parents start needing us.
Thank you all...keep the good ideas coming!
My father's Alzheimer's symptoms showed up in 2008, and by late 2009 when he shared his "slipping memory" with us he was completely resistant to all offers of help. He was polite as ever, but he was hard-core stubborn. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic to your situation, but I doubt that you will ever change your MIL's behaviors. I doubt that you'll get any help from siblings-in-law, either.
Six years ago a local geriatric care manager advised me: "Get ready for the emergency, and wait 'em out." You can't change your mother's behavior, but you can act on your own behalf and help yourself feel better about the situation.
If you're able to subsidize your MIL in her trailer for the next couple years, that's the path of least resistance and most communication. If she eventually admits that she could use help with meals or cleaning or laundry or transportation, then that's an opportunity to introduce her to "concierge services" and have a discussion about assisted living.
But while you're waiting her out, right now I suggest you contact a Boulder-area geriatric care manager like Gordon Wolfe at Human Network Services (
http://www.humannetworksystems.com/About-HumanNetworkSystems.htm). He was a huge help to my brother and me with our father in 2011 and again in 2012. Get ready to spend $50-$100 for a few hours of reassurance and advice. They'll guide you through the whole discussion (including VA benefits and Medicaid) and open a file on your MIL. Someday if the police or the hospital or the social workers contact you, Gordon or your chosen GCM will be ready to swing into action.
I'm sorry to say that at age 92 with obstinacy, it's far more likely that your MIL have a medical emergency before she ever asks for your help. (If the police are called, they may take her to the hospital too.) When that happens, the hospital discharges Medicare patients as quickly as possible for a few weeks of rehab services at a skilled nursing facility (which is also paid by Medicare). The doctor's attitude will be "You can go home, but first you have to do xxx weeks of physical rehab before you're ready to live safely on your own." In my father's case, he insisted on going home until the surgeon assumed the authority role and even wrote a "prescription". Dad refused to cooperate with me or my brother or the GCM, but when the doctor wrote the prescription then suddenly Dad was totally motivated about six weeks of free room, board, & exercise.
If your MIL ends up in the hospital then you'll be working with your GCM and the hospital's discharge coordinator to get your MIL to a skilled nursing facility. Discharge coordinators are experienced (and so are GCMs like Gordon) but they'll probably start at a website like this one:
http://www.skillednursingfacilities.org/directory/co/boulder/or this one:
http://www.skillednursingfacilities.org/directory/co/denver/When you talk through this situation with Gordon or your GCM, you might even decide to tour a few places. Many SNFs are also full-care facilities. In my father's case, after about a month of physical rehab at Amberwood Court Care Facility he transitioned from Medicare to private pay while staying in the same semi-private room. He's been there for over four years. Amberwood's rates started in 2011 at $212/day (semi-private) and have risen to $245/day, with the expectation of 4%-6% annual fee hikes.
As you're keenly aware, finances are a problem. If your MIL has enough savings for 6-12 months of private pay then you could get her into a care facility and immediately file a Medicaid claim. Your GCM and the care facility's social worker will help you through the process. Care facilities cannot discharge a resident for being unable to pay after they've spent down their assets. (Care facilities can still ask a resident to leave if there are behavioral or other care issues.) If your MIL does not have enough assets to pay for a care facility then you'd either have to find a care facility or a private residence that accepted Medicaid, or you'd end up moving her back to the trailer (or someone else's residence) with visiting GCM staff and "nursing assistants".
If you want to read more about various scenarios, I recommend Paula Span's "When The Time Comes". It's probably in your local library.
Your MIL's credit card balances are an unsecured debt. If she can't pay them then nobody else should, either. She'll eventually bump into a limit and either work out a payment plan with the card company, or they'll write off her debt and turn it over to a collections agency. She can ask the agencies to stop contacting her and they'd have to go to court to obtain a judgment. The reality is that neither the card company, the collections agency, or the courts will be very aggressive about collecting a debt from a 92-year-old woman. The key is to not have any other family members step in to help pay the balances either, because any family funds will be better used for your MIL's direct care instead of her debts. I wouldn't even open up a joint checking account with her. It might be better to send any of the financial support that you're contributing now directly to the trailer property manager instead of to her (in case her accounts are garnished or even seized).
Unless your MIL has signed a power of attorney with one of her family members, there's not much you can do about her finances. If you can't figure out who's helping her with her bills and accounts, then that might have to wait until your MIL is ready to move to a care facility (or has a medical crisis). If she's upset about the credit card bills (or the collections agency or the court judgment) then she could petition the probate court to have someone (your spouse?) appointed as the conservator, possibly in conjunction with yet another bankruptcy. Send me a PM if you have more questions about that issue.
Someone is eventually going to have to figure out whether she's been filing state/federal tax returns. That problem is far worse than the credit-card companies.
I'm sorry to say that while the siblings may be little or no help, they'll feel free to chime in with plenty of helpful suggestions. Your spouse could suggest that they only get a vote if they contribute to your MIL's care: cough up a check or a spare bedroom.
As I said, your MIL won't let you help her. But you can still set up an emergency-response system with a GCM and educate yourself so that you don't have to deal with this on your own.