Author Topic: Should I move?  (Read 369 times)


  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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Should I move?
« on: July 15, 2018, 08:08:22 PM »
Currently, I live 6 miles from work. I bike to the office between 1-3 times/week in the spring, summer, and fall.

I'm considering moving further from work; if I do, my commute one-way would be 17 miles.

Here's why: my boyfriend and I own a duplex. Our mortgage is just over $1600 a month. We live in one unit and have tenants in the other that pay us $1150/month. We could rent our unit for $1200—putting us at $2350/month, netting us about $700/month.

And we'd be moving back to my childhood home, where we would not have to pay any rent. In fact, we'd be splitting utilities with my mother who lives there part-time. She's even offered to put the house in our name, which I don't plan to accept.

A few other considerations:
- We're expecting our first baby in December, so we'd have more space, no loud tenants above us, a better neighborhood, and be closer to help (my mom and my bf's mom)
- My father passed away unexpectedly this winter, and I hate my mom being alone in the house
- I can work from home 2 days a week
- I'm getting big and tired and unbalanced (baby!), and my biking-to-work days are probably over for a while anyway

Should we do it? Everything makes sense to me except the commute, which is really screwing me. I HATE DECISIONS


  • Handlebar Stache
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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2018, 08:37:12 AM »
No.  You and your BF moving in with your mother?  No way...


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2018, 08:41:58 AM »
If all parties are good at boundaries, kindness, respect, then it sounds really really good to me!
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  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2018, 11:36:54 AM »
If all parties are good at boundaries, kindness, respect, then it sounds really really good to me!

$700/month + cutting utility bills in half + having free childcare/help with the baby in exchange, spending more time with your aging mother, etc for having to drive 16 miles to work 3 days a week? Yeah, sounds like a net positive financially to me with some intangible upsides. The intangible downsides such affect on quality of life living with your parent again, having to deal with commuting, impact on your boyfriend's commute/work, etc are a different equation that only you can answer.

If you're the only sibling, it may behoove you to look into having the home title jointly with survivorship rights with your mother if she wants the house to go to you (in most states that means if she passes the home is yours, no probate etc necessary, but obviously get legal advice from a lawyer in your area if you decide to consider it). Signing it over may negatively impact tax benefits for the house though as many states have tax benefits for senior citizens etc that can help reduce property taxes. Those benefits may be available even if you are both on the title however.. again, get professional advice in your area to be sure of what the laws state for your situation.
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Mother Fussbudget

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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2018, 12:04:07 PM »
The person I would be asking is DH - Dear Husband. 
If DH is *FULLY BOUGHT INTO* this plan, it could work.
Otherwise... no. 


  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #5 on: July 16, 2018, 12:04:26 PM »
My parents moved in with us while in between homes once. We all get along but the space was not very conductive to living together. No one had any space to retreat to in order to get space from the rest of us. They had some unreasonable expectations at first that needed to be worked through.  They have both always owned their own home so I found they were having trouble adapting to our household norms and parenting style. There were several things they used to do that we have chosen not to include in our toolbox of parenting tricks so there is always that lingering expectation you are getting it wrong. This needed to be overcome with some extremely blunt discussions. For example: Like our parents before us, we are not a no spanking home, the difference being that we try to only spank as a lesson when serious harm could occur. IE don't touch the stove, knives, insert dangerous situation. Contrast this to spanking for any general misbehavior. It was pretty hard telling my father that trying to teach a kid to not hit their siblings by hitting them doesn't make very much sense. Initially he just thought we were snowflakes and screwing up the next generation.

The key is not to be dismissive of their ideas no matter how strongly I feel they are wrong. The best way I made progress with them was to ask questions. Like: When I was a kid and you spanked me for X you gained short term control but did I stop X behavior long term? or If you had a do over what do you think would have worked better with your discipline?

When they actually were forced to sit and think about the past results I was amazed at the wisdom they held and often they saw that how they wanted to parent in reflection was not how they reacted to parenting out of habit or emotion.

Overall it was a positive experience and they ended up staying nearly two years. Now that they moved out we appreciate the experience and have even discussed options for a multi family home that has a little bit better space design so every one can quietly retreat if we need to.
« Last Edit: July 16, 2018, 12:06:13 PM by Swish »


  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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Re: Should I move?
« Reply #6 on: July 16, 2018, 01:01:09 PM »
Thanks for all your advice! I'm definitely leaning towards moving. My boyfriend is on-board, his only hang-up is the actual move itself—he really dreads packing and unpacking (I hate it too, but doesn't discourage me at all).

Before we bought our multi-family, I lived with my parents and he spent most of his time there anyway, so I think we're both pretty used to the living situation (and the house is pretty big, so should be plenty of room to escape). And my mom is only there half the week. She inherited her parents' house out-of-state, and plans to move there full-time when she retires sometime in the next several years.