Author Topic: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?  (Read 1497 times)

liquidcheese

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Ok so here me out, this is a great venting tool so thank you for listening...I have a dilemma that is literally eating my mental and physical health to the point I am having trouble sleeping and waking up with a stomachache every morning.  I have been with the same mega corp since 2005 as an intern and have never worked for another company.  I have been a low level manager for the past 7 yrs until December, when I moved to a new facility and became a manager of managers.  With the move, I went from $94k to $106k base pay.  Sounded great at the time. Basically my manager split his department up and gave me half. Most are disgruntled, experienced employees (all 15+ yr employees) who have come into the group and never left, either too lazy to move, or the good ones get blocked to interview for new positions and are forced to stay.  My boss kept the ones that are difficult to deal with as a nice gesture, but boss is too afraid of them to keep them accountable for anything.  An acceptable answer for the team to say to the boss is, "I don't have time for this assignment", and boss will tell them to send the assignment to the boss and I, just to tell me to do it.  Very frustrating. When I brought that up after the 3rd time it happened, my boss asked if I was ready to put that person on my team, and then I can handle their workload and behaviors.  We are short staffed so I am doing 2 individual contributor roles on top of my daily manager tasks.

I came on to the team to help manage the implementation of a new system that I have already implemented as an individual contributor in a previous facility.  I was told that it was going to be implemented in 2021 before and during the interview process, but now being told it will be most likely 2023 and are also now looking at other systems than the one I am familiar with.  I understand projects get pushed back, however I also feel like the truth may have been stretched to get me there to lock me in until the project is over.  As a high performing employee over the past 10 years, I would also say any demotions to get back to the level I was previously at are slim to none.  My previous position left much to be desired anyways, but comfortable.  Many of my old coworkers from my previous job have jumped ship to an EV company, although I've heard my new boss say "there is no green grass, it's brown grass every where we stand" after one of my employees left the 1st week I joined the team, to that same EV company.  I feel like I need to apply.  If I go, I am prepared to take a cut if needed and my wife is on board, shes tired of listening to me bitching and coming home later in the evenings.  Do I look like a jerk leaving after 3 months, should I care what they think? Or tough it out but I really don't see a rainbow on the other side here.  So today, I'm 36 with $450k in investment funds, but probably 8-10 yrs out from FIRE on my current path.  However, I just found a liking to gambling, and I could see this going south very quickly.  I suppose I am tyring to fill a void?

Duke03

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2021, 12:27:27 PM »
You are looking at this all wrong.  You are not leaving after 3 months.  You are leaving after 16 years.  You owe this company nothing.  I'd bet that once you actually enter the job market you will see you that you are being under paid so by jumping ship you aren't looking at a pay cut, but will actually get a pay raise.  No way in hell after interning with them and giving you crappy raises for 16 years are they actually paying you market rate right now.

BikeFanatic

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2021, 12:36:01 PM »
+ 1 above
Start looking for a new job. Sounds like a horror show! You will probably make more money elswhere, and if you do not, who cares you will get a promotion eventually with your great go get em attitude. Your manager job sounds like they are dumping the bad employees on you. Get out. I never stayed at a job 16 years that is a LONG time. Good luck.

maizefolk

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2021, 12:37:04 PM »
I agree with Duke03. You've been with a single employer for 16 years. No one is going to question you applying for or taking other jobs.

And the longer you are in a position that makes you unhappy, the harder it'll be to get that other job because that frustration and bitterness unfortunately tends to come across in interviews, for example in how you describe your coworkers and direct reports.

However, I just found a liking to gambling, and I could see this going south very quickly.  I suppose I am tyring to fill a void?

This certainly has the potential to blow up everything you are working for. In my experience gambling is a lot like drinking in that some people can drink socially and some people can gamble socially and some cannot.

Since you're at the point where you are wondering if you have a problem, just stop. Today.

Don't make excuses to yourself about being unhappy and needing to compensate. There are cheaper ways to spend money trying to buy happiness.

chasingthegoodlife

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2021, 12:37:14 PM »
The new position is not what you expected, and potentially not in line with your skills and experience (if they go with a different system).

You have given many years of conscientious service.

You are allowed to look for a job thatís a better fit.

From the companyís perspective, better they hire someone else now than have you leave at a crucial moment further along in implementation.

Take your time and look for a role youíre excited about.

Mrs. Sloth

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2021, 01:56:26 PM »
Agree with the others. Time to get out of there but just try to make sure you don't jump into another bad position. Good luck!

liquidcheese

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2021, 02:16:36 PM »
I definitely appreciate the advice given, it was kind of eye opening when it was mentioned that 16 yrs experience and not even paid market value, and to look at it as a whole not just the last 3 months.  I'm ready to start looking, hopefully be able to update soon with good news!

Zamboni

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2021, 02:17:33 PM »
good luck in your search!

red_pill

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2021, 01:02:27 PM »
Did you say you are starting a gambling addiction?   Like it was just thrown in there at the end. 

highflyingstache

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #9 on: March 07, 2021, 01:25:28 PM »
Another thing to conisder. This is the devil you know, very well.

Nothing stops you from looking and considering other employment, walking out of interviews with salary and compensation numbers available. It's great to look around and survey, but it brings up a few really great points:

First, with the other potential employers.
Since you're already making a decent amount of money, and really do have little to lose, you can walk in with your head held high. Not cocky, but confident. If the interview goes bad, or the company in question tries to lowball say, compensation, well then, you don't have to bow to the wish. This makes you a desired commodity, and you can use that to bring confidence. It also means you don't have to take the first offer, and you really can carefully inspect, consider and take your time. Like buying a car, or going through the produce isle at the supermarket, you usually can win by taking your time, picking the best looking fruit, or coming back later in the week when it goes on sale and is just as fresh.

With your current employer, it's twofold. First, it's a great distraction to look beyond your borders. You can compare other operations, find out the "brown grass", read through what bullshit makes up well pissed on greengrass, or astroturf, and what really truly might be a good fit. That's part of taking the time. But it ultimately lets you dream a little, forget to be such a go getter at your current job and relax about this. A project being a wee bit late, or the pressure put on you now, as you're about to walk out the door, might just allow you to push back, stand up for yourself a bit more, and actually define your current role. When you're a slight bit less invested (but by no means malicious or actively trying to do the corporation harm) you might find you enjoy your job that much more, even if projects run over by 20% and the widgets aren't made quite as quickly.
Secondly, there's the leverage part. This is my favourite, because it's the devil you know. After all your research, and preferably with the right offer in hand, you can walk into the office of your boss (or their boss) and say look, no hard feelings, but here's what I want, plus 10% (20?), I want X team, I want these assurances. You like the corporation, or you wouldn't have stayed 16 years. But the position they put you in, they probably didn't overtly realize they were shovelling you into this turd corner. They just know they don't have to worry about the turd in said corner anymore. Either way, you can negotiate your way out of it, respectfully. If they balk, and you call their bluff, you probably were getting taken advantage of. If they seriously consider and counter proposal (hence why you mark up a bit) then they want you. It's your game to play.

All this assumes you're not too burnt out. But after some weeks of looking, and the power back in your hands of choices in your future, plus knowing your personal worth, well you might feel a lot more relieved. And who knows, if you walk in with a proposal to the boss, they'll probably respect you for it. If you relax on the projects right now, most people above you won't mind, and you won't take it personally. And by looking beyond the borders of your company you get practice interviews, you get to consider options and most importantly, you're back in the drivers seat the whole time.

This is a great opportunity. No place to go but up.

Sun Hat

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #10 on: March 07, 2021, 02:08:39 PM »
Habitual gambling is a serious problem that has the potential to destroy your life. If it is filling a void, you need to identify what that void is and find healthier ways to fill it. Whether you do that on your own through introspection, with a therapist, a self-help book, or gamblers anonymous the important thing is that you find a way to quit now. It's a self-harm mechanism, and if your own welfare isn't motivation enough, consider it to be an enormous red flag to future employers.

As for your work situation, the only thing that you ever owe an employer is a solid day's work in exchange for the promised wage. Capitalism isn't about feelings - your company has made their willingness to exploit you by putting you into this shit position clear, and you don't owe them loyalty in return.

MilesTeg

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2021, 05:18:44 PM »
Ok so here me out, this is a great venting tool so thank you for listening...I have a dilemma that is literally eating my mental and physical health to the point I am having trouble sleeping and waking up with a stomachache every morning.  I have been with the same mega corp since 2005 as an intern and have never worked for another company.  I have been a low level manager for the past 7 yrs until December, when I moved to a new facility and became a manager of managers.  With the move, I went from $94k to $106k base pay.  Sounded great at the time. Basically my manager split his department up and gave me half. Most are disgruntled, experienced employees (all 15+ yr employees) who have come into the group and never left, either too lazy to move, or the good ones get blocked to interview for new positions and are forced to stay.  My boss kept the ones that are difficult to deal with as a nice gesture, but boss is too afraid of them to keep them accountable for anything.  An acceptable answer for the team to say to the boss is, "I don't have time for this assignment", and boss will tell them to send the assignment to the boss and I, just to tell me to do it.  Very frustrating. When I brought that up after the 3rd time it happened, my boss asked if I was ready to put that person on my team, and then I can handle their workload and behaviors.  We are short staffed so I am doing 2 individual contributor roles on top of my daily manager tasks.

I came on to the team to help manage the implementation of a new system that I have already implemented as an individual contributor in a previous facility.  I was told that it was going to be implemented in 2021 before and during the interview process, but now being told it will be most likely 2023 and are also now looking at other systems than the one I am familiar with.  I understand projects get pushed back, however I also feel like the truth may have been stretched to get me there to lock me in until the project is over.  As a high performing employee over the past 10 years, I would also say any demotions to get back to the level I was previously at are slim to none.  My previous position left much to be desired anyways, but comfortable.  Many of my old coworkers from my previous job have jumped ship to an EV company, although I've heard my new boss say "there is no green grass, it's brown grass every where we stand" after one of my employees left the 1st week I joined the team, to that same EV company.  I feel like I need to apply.  If I go, I am prepared to take a cut if needed and my wife is on board, shes tired of listening to me bitching and coming home later in the evenings.  Do I look like a jerk leaving after 3 months, should I care what they think? Or tough it out but I really don't see a rainbow on the other side here.  So today, I'm 36 with $450k in investment funds, but probably 8-10 yrs out from FIRE on my current path.  However, I just found a liking to gambling, and I could see this going south very quickly.  I suppose I am tyring to fill a void?

They will dump you on your ass the first sign of trouble, just like any other corp. You are a means to an end. You owe them nothing save professionalism.

Villanelle

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2021, 06:00:49 PM »
Will your boss think you are a jerk?  Maybe.  Just as you might think he was a jerk if your position was downsized three months after you took it.  But he'd do the latter to you if it was best for him and the company, and you should do the former if it is best for you.
« Last Edit: March 08, 2021, 11:05:05 AM by Villanelle »

sailinlight

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2021, 07:38:26 PM »
I'm a manager in Medium-Corp and when one of my employees tell me they found another place to work, I tell them, "Congratulations, if it doesn't work out, call me back." Several of them have over the years and I've always hired them back. If your boss takes it personally that you're looking out for yourself, then that's not a place you want to work anyway.

SKL-HOU

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2021, 07:47:00 PM »
I left a brand new employer after 2 months to go back to my previous position. It was really about the commute, i underestimated traffic. You have been with them for 16 years. And even if it was 3 months, sometimes things just donít work out. The employer wouldnít hesitate to let you go after 3 months.

Abe

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #15 on: March 07, 2021, 08:52:34 PM »
I donít exactly understand what you do but it seems you have technical expertise that is useful outside of your current job, and potentially useful for an expected growing field of electric vehicles. Conversely you are working in a dysfunctional branch of a company youíre familiar with but hasnít respected your skills. I think you should look for other jobs and if thereís one that fits, take it. Itís a bit of a risk in the short term during a recession, but if you have a niche then you may not be the first on the chopping block if the new company needs to dump people for the CEOís profits. Obviously your current company doesnít respect you in that way, so in the long term another company that values you may be safer.

If the gambling means gambling with jobs, Iíd say itís more of an educated guess. If itís actual gambling, thatís sounds like playing with fire.

Zamboni

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Re: Am I a jerk if I leave 3 months into a new job, should I care?
« Reply #16 on: March 08, 2021, 05:55:26 AM »
I was just thinking about your post because I was in a similar position last year. So, how you feel makes sense to me.

In my case, I've been at the same employer for more than a dozen years in a technical role. In the past three years or so, a new boss started pressuring me to move into a role I really, really didn't want (think lower management/customer service: all of the grief, all of the pressure and complaints from all directions, none of the authority or rewards). For a couple of years I refused.

Finally, after other people were churned through the role and spit back out, it came down to "you are the only one who can do this other job, we need you" and I caved. They gave me a tiny pay bump, no where near what I requested. Although I knew that it wasn't going to be super fulfilling, at first I thought I could hack it because part of my conditions for taking it on included promises for hiring to cover for the two people who were retiring, so I thought I could hire folks who were not as checked out and technophobic as the retiring people. Then COVID hit, retirements replacements all got put on hold (although the retirements happened as scheduled), COVID caused a widespread upheaval that put people at my level at a particularly hard hit pressure point, promised reductions to the work I was still doing in my previous role evaporated, and it became total misery.

All in, I lasted about 7 months in the role. Which was double the time of my predecessor. And, like you, I felt very guilty about transferring back out! Looking back, it was Stockholm Syndrome more than anything. So, I get where you are.

My vote is that you bail. No regrets.