Author Topic: It's April Fools, But Serious Question  (Read 7645 times)

Elbata

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It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« on: April 01, 2015, 11:09:23 AM »
More people are getting cremated than ever before.

When I die, I wish to be cremated. I don't even want my family to be bothered to pick up my ashes from the crematory. In fact I've already collected enough ashes from cigarette trays to look like me (post cremation).

Here's my conundrum: The crematories I called will dispose of my ashes, but they do it via a boat ride, witnessed, then dumped at sea. Seventy five freaking dollars. Please, there's got to be a garbage can right by the oven when the ashes are scraped out.

Wouldn't you think there's a crematory that could simply dispose of the ashes and not tack on this extra charge?

dragoncar

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2015, 11:11:16 AM »
Probably.. Ask the county who they use for unclaimed bodies

I'm a red panda

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2015, 11:49:11 AM »
It is very possible your waste management facility (uh, dump) will not take human remains, and they can't just throw them into the garbage can.

$75 sounds pretty cheap for a boat ride.

thd7t

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2015, 11:59:43 AM »
It's a one time fee of $75, after you die.  If it concerns you, greatly, set the money aside ($75 out of your stache).  Don't know your FIRE date, but if it's 20 years away, you've lost $1/month in income (based on S&P500 index fund with 7% growth and 4% SWR).

Gone Fishing

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2015, 12:01:25 PM »

In fact I've already collected enough ashes from cigarette trays to look like me (post cremation).


Cigarette ashes smell like schit.  Still won't smell right, but at least find yourself some fireplace ashes.

RootofGood

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2015, 12:01:42 PM »
I want my ashes dumped down the toilet.  Most epic water slide evar.  And my corporeal remains get to spend eternity on the water somewhere (will I make it to the ocean?). 


JoJo

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2015, 12:07:00 PM »
hahaha!  April Fools!

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2015, 12:37:11 PM »
I want my ashes dumped down the toilet.  Most epic water slide evar.  And my corporeal remains get to spend eternity on the water somewhere (will I make it to the ocean?).

No. You will settle out with the other solid particles and be landfilled, most likely, or spread on fields.

TrMama

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2015, 01:04:58 PM »
You cannot control people from beyond the grave. Specify in your will that you want to be cremated, don't want a funeral and don't want your ashes stored/spread anywhere that incurs a charge. Let your family know your wishes now.

Beyond that. Let it go.

Alternatively, dig a big hole in your backyard now. When the time comes, fall into it.

RootofGood

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2015, 01:19:49 PM »
No. You will settle out with the other solid particles and be landfilled, most likely, or spread on fields.

Way to ruin my vision of my eternal resting place!  :) 

forummm

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2015, 06:03:23 PM »
Why do I care what they do with me after I'm dead? I'm dead. It can't really bother me then.

couponvan

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2015, 07:26:06 PM »
And this is why having a family cemetery comes in handy....$0 burial costs.  Seriously, my extended family owns a cemetery - I plan on being cremated and buried there along with my grandparents.

RootofGood

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #12 on: April 01, 2015, 07:58:42 PM »
And this is why having a family cemetery comes in handy....$0 burial costs.  Seriously, my extended family owns a cemetery - I plan on being cremated and buried there along with my grandparents.

If you get cremated and have your ashes scattered in the wind, it's roughly the same $0 cost. 

bzzzt

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #13 on: April 01, 2015, 08:03:32 PM »
Way to ruin my vision of my eternal resting place!  :)

Really want to ruin it? Head to the treatment site on turnover day... Worst. Jobsite. Ever.

BlueHouse

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #14 on: April 01, 2015, 08:12:09 PM »

In fact I've already collected enough ashes from cigarette trays to look like me (post cremation).


Cigarette ashes smell like schit.  Still won't smell right, but at least find yourself some fireplace ashes.

I'm not sure about human cremains, but I had my cat cremated and her cremains looked NOTHING like cigarette ash. It looked more like bones or rocks that had been throu a wood chipper and then bleached. There were chunks as large as my pinky finger nail. I put the under a rose bush.  Now that rose bush is gone and somebody famous built a golf course on it.

markstache

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2015, 09:15:16 PM »
For $65 I will dispose of your ashes in a most inappropriate way. Just send Western Union to:

Nigerian Prince
Swiss Bank: 309484720-394089453-2

God's love to you.

Elbata

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2015, 10:23:04 PM »
OP here. Thanks everyone for posting.

I brought this to my wife and of course she thinks I'm a nut. But I really wanted to know and I've learned a few things from the answers/comments.

$75 I know is not a lot of money, but still it doesn't seem right. Others said it might be laws governed by the state (CA).

TBH, I'm a vegan, but for many years ate animals. What I would really wish for upon my death is to be ground up and fed to the animals I ate for so long. I know, weird, perhaps TMI.

rpr

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2015, 10:40:38 PM »
Elbata-- not weird. There are the Zoroastrians in India who leave the dead body out to be consumed by vultures, crows, etc. They  consider both cremation and burial to be polluting. While I'm not a Zoroastrian, I think that this would be fine with me. 


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sunday

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2015, 12:19:53 AM »
Elbata-- not weird. There are the Zoroastrians in India who leave the dead body out to be consumed by vultures, crows, etc. They  consider both cremation and burial to be polluting. While I'm not a Zoroastrian, I think that this would be fine with me. 

I've always thought I want to tossed overboard and eaten by various sealife. I figure, I've eaten enough of them, time to return the favor. Circle of life and all that.

louloulou

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #19 on: April 02, 2015, 12:37:03 AM »
I want to be cremated as soon as possible after death- no embalming, no coffin, no funeral. Once I am cremated they can have a memorial or whatever but I do not want any of our money going to the 'funeral business'. I told my husband if he does any of those things, I will come back and haunt him :-p

marty998

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2015, 12:55:45 AM »
It's a one time fee of $75, after you die.  If it concerns you, greatly, set the money aside ($75 out of your stache).  Don't know your FIRE date, but if it's 20 years away, you've lost $1/month in income (based on S&P500 index fund with 7% growth and 4% SWR).

Everyone missed the gigantic pun here. Being cremated really does mean you end up fired.

$19.38 compounds to $75 over 20 years at 7%.

I brought this to my wife and of course she thinks I'm a nut.

Which brings us back to how you think you can have your wishes carried out.... Think how embarrassing it'll be for your widow when the funeral attendant asks "so what urn would you like?" and she has to respond "oh don't worry, just pop him in the trash can over there".
« Last Edit: April 02, 2015, 01:14:47 AM by marty998 »

I'm a red panda

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2015, 06:36:07 AM »
I want to be cremated as soon as possible after death- no embalming, no coffin, no funeral. Once I am cremated they can have a memorial or whatever but I do not want any of our money going to the 'funeral business'. I told my husband if he does any of those things, I will come back and haunt him :-p

I've told my husband that if he buries me, I will come back and haunt him.

My religion (that I don't really practice) requires that ashes be interned, so if I die while a family member who is devout is still alive and they are concerned for my eternal soul, I told him it would be fine to throw my urn in with someone else. But I am NOT to have a plot of my own. There isn't enough space for the living on the earth, the dead can't have it all.

thd7t

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Re: It's April Fools, But Serious Question
« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2015, 06:57:48 AM »
It's a one time fee of $75, after you die.  If it concerns you, greatly, set the money aside ($75 out of your stache).  Don't know your FIRE date, but if it's 20 years away, you've lost $1/month in income (based on S&P500 index fund with 7% growth and 4% SWR).

Everyone missed the gigantic pun here. Being cremated really does mean you end up fired.

$19.38 compounds to $75 over 20 years at 7%.

I brought this to my wife and of course she thinks I'm a nut.

Which brings us back to how you think you can have your wishes carried out.... Think how embarrassing it'll be for your widow when the funeral attendant asks "so what urn would you like?" and she has to respond "oh don't worry, just pop him in the trash can over there".
Your compounding math is right.  I was starting with $75 and compounding it at 7% over 20 years to about $300.  It's identical math, but different starting points.  I just figured that you never know when you'll need that $75. 

Now, I have two FIRE dates to worry about!