I'll try to update this post. participated in a group meeting at the new school, which made me feel this is the right thing to do. Her academics failures are affecting how she sees herself and also the learning experiences, and this is a way for her to experience that with hard work comes success. It is almost like a boot camp (except not aversive) in the way they start with fundamentals, overlearn, and then use homework as reinforcement, but small focused amounts, and designed so the child can work independently. However they are serious! if the homework is not completed for 2 days in a row it results in automatic after school detention. We are really going to have to up our game, but if we can it will pay off.
As far as the grocery, I have taken over the grocery shopping and will detail with him what the different meals are. But he will do stuff like (this week alone), wait too late to start something that needs the crock pot, and get take out burritos for the kids instead. The following day, again not wanting to do the crock pot, going to the grocery store to buy $25 worth of food and cook that instead. I didn't say anything to him, but for him to change his mindset about this, it is going to be an uphill battle, or I will have to do both the grocery shopping and the cooking (and I know with my schedule I don't have the time). However there are times I have made multi day meals such as over the weekend, the next day he will simply make something else new for dinner and not eat the leftovers.
Some saving graces is our mortgage compared to some is relatively low, and as we both either bike or walk to work our gas bill is low ($40) (though this will go up because of the school commuting which is split between 3 parents). I have done well with spending on clothes, miscellaneous areas (no new school clothes needed at this time). And despite the fact that of the additional expenses (school payments, a $500 car bill and 1800 in washer and dryer), managed to be cash positive the last 2 months (I'm not sure how)- though we still heloc debt from June negative income.
Anyways because I feel the value of this experience for my daughter, I am on board with postponing things like vacations until we get a handle. We will have our 20th anniversary this spring, but like birthdays, it's really just a number, we can take a raincheck for a better time for us.
-eta I figured out how we managed to be cash-positive, I was paid 3x in July. This won't happen again the rest of the year.
I keep on thinking of things! Regarding the braces we are doing the program, that it is a fixed cost regardless of the length of time she needs to wear braces or number of visits, etc needed. It also covers the initial costs of the retainer, which they have already told us, she will have to wear for life.