Tips for talking to SO about money

[lightbeard]

As far as I can tell there isn't already a post on this topic. Please share your tips on talking about money with your SO. Do you have any secrets or rituals for talking about finances?

I'm sure many of you have heard of statistics where money is a hot topic for couples. For example, "44 percent of Americans see personal finance as the most challenging topic to discuss with others, more so than subjects like death, politics, and religion."

In my relationship we are both very excited to have discovered the Mustachian lifestyle. We've been through several iterations of reinventing our goals as a team including minimalism, world schooling our son, and now MMM. While we definitely talk about money on a daily basis and don't equate it to talking about death, it's not always easy.

It would be inspiring to hear from those who do so gracefully and even in a way that strengthens the relationship.

[ketchup]

I think there are a ton of posts on this topic already.  But anyway...

Like many here, I'm the math geek and spreadsheet warrior of the relationship, and the other half doesn't give half a shit about that beyond the big picture.  We'll discuss long-term planning, large purchases, and whatnot together, but we're on the same page with all the day-to-day.  Monthly-ish summaries on spending/investments/etc but I need to keep them short or she zones out.  She's overall frugal, and we don't really clash over spending.

She's self-employed, so I'm the one to organize her income and business expenses too.

[terran]

This probably isn't exactly what you're looking for, but you might still find this stickied post useful: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-to-convert-your-so-to-mmm-in-50-awesome-steps/

There are two types of money discussion we engage in. One is the technical aspects of money (since I'm the one that spends time on forums like this I share the things I learn about investing, accounts, etc, etc). This isn't really an emotional thing. The thing that can be emotional about money is its stand in for goals, so making the non-technical discussions about money actually discussions about goals takes the focus off the money and focuses it on what our goals in life are. From that base you "just" need to get on the same page about life goals. Of course, there are compromises at the margins, but if you can't get on the same page with the major life goals, or at least find a way to support and help achieve one another's goals then you're probably with the wrong person.

[Linea_Norway]

DH and I don't talk about money on a daily basis. I am the excel geek and he looks my FIRE excel sheet once a year and corrects my mistakes in it.
We do discuss large purchases before we make them. But we don't check eachother's expenses, as we are both frugal enough to reach our goal. We do talk about other people's money behaviours sometimes.