Author Topic: What do you wish you did before you were parents?  (Read 15610 times)

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8898
  • Location: Oregon
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #50 on: September 27, 2016, 03:56:43 PM »
Really love this thread and glad it was started. My husband and I currently do not have any kids but have been talking about it more and more. Seems we always have some reason to wait.. Like "well we will have a child after we move" then "ok we will after we finish remodeling" and then "ok how about after we save up some more..". Will we ever have a time come along when we say, yep were ready!?

I am 28 and he is 27, no debt - mortgage paid off, 30k savings. I feel we may be better off financially then many others when they have kids.. But for some reason I never feel it's good enough to start a family, or feels there's some reason to wait longer. Maybe I'm just worried about change.

I've had multiple people tell me, "there is never a convenient time to have a baby". =)

MrsPete

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3519
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #51 on: September 27, 2016, 04:11:45 PM »
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing about our pathway to parenthood:

I was 24 when we married, and we had three years "to ourselves".  We both finished our college educations before marriage.  During those first years we saved heavily, bought a house and dug into our careers.  Adding children made our lives immensely better and brought us closer together.  Yes, we had some bad moments, but we had many, many more good moments.  I can't think of anything I wish we'd done before children.  Now the oldest is finished with college and the youngest is a college sophomore -- and we're still relatively young.  I'm 100% happy with the time frame we chose. 
« Last Edit: September 27, 2016, 04:14:31 PM by MrsPete »

Anatidae V

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8626
  • Age: 30
  • Location: Fourecks
  • Nullus Anxietas
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #52 on: September 27, 2016, 08:27:15 PM »
Question to everyone saying you wish you'd started earlier- how old were you when you had your first? A few people included it, but that's just made it more interesting- the mid-30's I expected with that answer. 24 I didn't expect with that answer. Would love to see some more points on that graph, so to speak.
DH and I will both be 27 at the birth of our first. I had planned to start at 24/25. But, I desperately needed to gain weight and prove I could keep it on. I have lost ~3kg from morning sickness, which means I am underweight again. But because I already have practiced this, I know what to eat as it eases - so I would also say, don't just get healthy but learn how your body works (do you put on too much weight, or do you have trouble keeping it on? What exercise do you enjoy & can do consistently?).

DH wanted to be married and settled in work before we started. Even though we'd been together for years. :)
« Last Edit: September 27, 2016, 08:28:56 PM by Anatidae V »

I'm a red panda

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8011
  • Location: United States
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #53 on: September 28, 2016, 07:33:35 AM »
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing about our pathway to parenthood:

I was 24 when we married, and we had three years "to ourselves".  We both finished our college educations before marriage.  During those first years we saved heavily, bought a house and dug into our careers.  Adding children made our lives immensely better and brought us closer together.  Yes, we had some bad moments, but we had many, many more good moments.  I can't think of anything I wish we'd done before children.  Now the oldest is finished with college and the youngest is a college sophomore -- and we're still relatively young.  I'm 100% happy with the time frame we chose.

This was what our plan was (though I was 22 when I got married)- we were going to wait 3 years. Then husband left the air force and the plan got a little of course.  I really regret waiting.  All my friends now have 7-10 year olds, and I'm dealing with insane morning sickness hoping I get to bring this baby home.

asauer

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 590
  • Location: North Carolina
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #54 on: September 28, 2016, 07:56:06 AM »
Congrats!  I don't think there's anything I wish I had done before we adopted our children but here are a couple of things we did that I'm REALLY glad we did:
1. We both got jobs with little to no travel
2. We both got healthy- eating right and physically fit.  I cannot stress how important this is!  Parenthood takes a shitload of mental and physical stamina.  You need to have that capacity now and the habits now- it's really tough to form new habits while in the throws of early parenting.
3. I got my master's degree.  With kids it's doable, I have several friends who have done it but I'm so glad I could focus on just that and work without parenting in the mix.
4. My hubs and I went to counseling for a few months.  Our marriage was great but a lot of folks we knew started having marriage issues right after having kids b/c it's such a life change, etc.  The counselor really helped us optimize our communication and get on the same page with parenting values and expectations.  I don't think we would have done that except during our home studies (where they ask tons of very personal questions), I realized that hubs and I hadn't intentionally thought through what we needed to. 

Good luck to you and congrats!

hunniebun

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 491
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #55 on: September 28, 2016, 08:09:17 AM »
+1 to learning to live on one income. Pre-kids we inflated our lifestyle to the kind that needs both our incomes to pay for and I thought that being a working mom would be great, but it is more hectic than I had imagined.  Now, I wish we had more flexibility/wiggle room to work less.   Even if you both want to keep working, you just have way more options. 

We traveled a fair amount, and we still do some with kids, but it is just different.  So I would still suggest that as something to consider too if you have a wish list.  It is okay when they are under 2, since babies fly free...but with two big kids, flying anywhere can get pretty expensive. 

Genevieve

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 319
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #56 on: September 28, 2016, 08:45:01 AM »
I really appreciate this thread! We've been on the verge of having kids for a year or so now. I've waited because

1) I'm trying to lose weight and

2) We've moved several times in the past few years for my husband's job and I haven't had a stable job. I want to work somewhere for 2ish years so I actually have some negotiating power with flexible work.

I'm almost 28 now, so if we settle down after this move (on Saturday! ) we can start trying for our first kid right before 30. Any longer than that I guess I'll have to make some compromises, but it seems possible this could work.

I like the idea of going to counseling before having kids. Pre-marital counseling is often great. Why wouldn't pre-kids counseling be great too?

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3057
  • Location: Emmaus, PA
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #57 on: September 28, 2016, 08:49:43 AM »
Really love this thread and glad it was started. My husband and I currently do not have any kids but have been talking about it more and more. Seems we always have some reason to wait.. Like "well we will have a child after we move" then "ok we will after we finish remodeling" and then "ok how about after we save up some more..". Will we ever have a time come along when we say, yep were ready!?

I am 28 and he is 27, no debt - mortgage paid off, 30k savings. I feel we may be better off financially then many others when they have kids.. But for some reason I never feel it's good enough to start a family, or feels there's some reason to wait longer. Maybe I'm just worried about change.

It's scary! But at some point you have to decide, "I am a scared but we can do this." We set a savings goal and went off BC when we hit it. Maybe a similar plan would work for you.

aetherie

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 796
  • Age: 27
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #58 on: September 28, 2016, 09:10:08 AM »
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a thing about our pathway to parenthood:

I was 24 when we married, and we had three years "to ourselves".  We both finished our college educations before marriage.  During those first years we saved heavily, bought a house and dug into our careers.  Adding children made our lives immensely better and brought us closer together.  Yes, we had some bad moments, but we had many, many more good moments.  I can't think of anything I wish we'd done before children.  Now the oldest is finished with college and the youngest is a college sophomore -- and we're still relatively young.  I'm 100% happy with the time frame we chose.

I'm 24, about to be married, and planning on a three years before kids timeline. Thank you so much for posting this - I know it's far from a one-size-fits-all thing, but it's nice to know that our plan has worked well for others. It's hard not to second-guess ourselves (should we be starting sooner? waiting longer?)...

des999

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 189
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #59 on: September 28, 2016, 09:24:04 AM »
I don't have a lot I'd change, but one thing we did before we had a kid was backpack in Europe for a month.  I highly recommend it, it was one of our greatest experiences, and we still think about and talk about it today (10 years later).

We still travel a lot with our son (5 years old), but that trip would not have been the same with a kid, or even at this age.  Being in our 20's made that trip so much better.  Plus it helped us gain some perspective that we might not have gotten any other way.

Christiana

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 173
    • Zatera Ul
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #60 on: September 28, 2016, 09:44:13 AM »
Life insurance.

TVRodriguez

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 601
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #61 on: September 28, 2016, 10:08:23 AM »
Nothing.  I could say "travel more" or "start having kids earlier so we could have had more," but really, there's nothing that I truly wish I had done differently.  We are fortunate.  Very very fortunate.

Kroaler

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 781
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Greenville, South Carolina
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #62 on: October 02, 2016, 01:47:20 PM »
I see many "started sooner" responses in the replies.   Makes me question my current thinking on the matter...

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14061
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #63 on: October 02, 2016, 01:56:48 PM »
Some of our friends were actively trying to have kids for a couple years before being able to conceive.  We conceived pretty much the first time (led to a miscarriage), and then again pretty much the second time we tried ( Yes, it turns out all those horror stories your parents tell you as a teen are true.  :P ).  If there's anything that I wish we had been able to do more of it's pre-kid sex . . . which was certainly more frequent and spontaneous.



1) I'm trying to lose weight

FWIW, our child's age between 1 and 2 was so full of consistently frustrating meal times that my wife and I both lost weight.  It's hard to enjoy a meal when you're aggravated, and it turns out that we both just don't eat as much at a meal when miserable.

Lski'stash

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 520
  • Age: 32
  • Location: West Michigan
    • A Teacher's Journey to FI in the Mitten State
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #64 on: October 02, 2016, 05:38:01 PM »
Wow, this is a great thread! Posting to follow.

This is a stage that is coming up relatively soon in my own life. My husband and I are nearing the end of our 20's, and are finally thinking seriously about kids. There are a few financial areas I know I want worked out (loans gone, maxed out savings strategy), and we want most (if not all of the renovations done on the house we just bought.

I am also trying to scale back my own responsibilities at school and am trying to max out our pay scale (We get a modest raise for every 15 credits pas our Master's Degree). The way  see it, it may only be a $2,000 raise, but it's an extra $2,000 every year!

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6445
  • Location: BC
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #65 on: October 02, 2016, 06:05:47 PM »
Worn a bikini (more often)...

Honestly,  there are many things I wished I had done before being married, but not really before kids, because they did not restrict a lot of my chosen activities.  (I had kids at age 26).

Jesstache

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 195
  • Location: CA
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #66 on: October 02, 2016, 11:35:58 PM »
A little advice on maternity leave logistics: I had no paid maternity leave but I did qualify for FMLA though so I used the entire 12 weeks.  I knew our timeline plan so I signed up for the maximum STD (short term disability) benefit allowed which cost something like $8 per month, then I was able to be paid for 6 weeks of my FMLA leave as giving birth is considered a STD (ha) and was paid IIRC something like $680 per week so I actually did have a decent "paid leave".  You had to be enrolled in the plan for 1 year before being able to collect so I think I paid out like 15 months worth before claiming for the birth.  Pretty good ROI.

Since we planned fairly well and it all worked according to plan, which was start trying 1 year after we were married and we were successful on the first "try", I was able to switch from an individual health plan that did not have maternity coverage to the much more expensive work group policy just before getting pregnant (our anniversary was 2 months after open enrollment).

I was 27 and a month shy of 30 when our kids were born (no more coming).  We traveled, worked a lot, made a lot of $ and saved a lot.  Wouldn't change a thing though I'm only 33 now so not a ton of time to reflect but I doubt my answer will ever change.  You can still do almost anything you want with kids, just might cost more or take more effort but it's almost always worth it.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6869
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #67 on: October 03, 2016, 11:33:52 AM »
I would say, now that I think about it - learn to cook and eat at home.  Learn to pack lunches, shop and eat frugally, and cook frugal meals.

The early years of babyhood and kid hood can be exhausting.  When you have a new baby, in my opinion, it is NO TIME to try something new (at work or at home).  There have been recent posts here about tips on how to stop picking up takeout and cook at home.  It's  hard!

(I made a similar comment to a friend who was talking about being promoted with a newborn - she chided me on saying that I wouldn't recommend it.  I just laughed.  She doesn't have children, but was thinking about it at the time.)

In truth, cooking at home is as easy, or easier, than eating out.  But it's only easier if you are already in the  habit

fa

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 233
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #68 on: October 03, 2016, 12:05:39 PM »
Not have kids.....  No, seriously, I don't think there is a need for a pre-child bucket list.  I would recommend being with your SO long enough to develop your relationship.  Once the kids are there, pressure on the relationship increases.  Raising kids is much easier if it is a strong relationship, which takes some time to mature.  Best of luck to you!

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8576
  • Location: Australia
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #69 on: October 03, 2016, 06:44:01 PM »
Anyone care to share their experience with morning sickness?

Seems like a good thread to ask in, as there are so many parents here and you're already talking about the parenting experience :-)

Both my sisters had hyperemesis gravidarum (spelling?) so I am concerned that it will happen to me as well when I'm pregnant.

I'm interested to know: when morning sickness started for you*, when it stopped, and how bad it was.

*If you're telling me "X weeks pregnant", I'd also love clarity on whether you're using the "weeks since first day of last period" or "weeks since conception" method of dating a pregnancy, if you remember which it was - the two systems are really confusing me, why can't we just pick one and stick with it?

Basically, trying to get an idea of what the average experience is with morning sickness.

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8898
  • Location: Oregon
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #70 on: October 03, 2016, 06:51:44 PM »
Anyone care to share their experience with morning sickness?

Seems like a good thread to ask in, as there are so many parents here and you're already talking about the parenting experience :-)

Both my sisters had hyperemesis gravidarum (spelling?) so I am concerned that it will happen to me as well when I'm pregnant.

I'm interested to know: when morning sickness started for you*, when it stopped, and how bad it was.

*If you're telling me "X weeks pregnant", I'd also love clarity on whether you're using the "weeks since first day of last period" or "weeks since conception" method of dating a pregnancy, if you remember which it was - the two systems are really confusing me, why can't we just pick one and stick with it?

Basically, trying to get an idea of what the average experience is with morning sickness.

Not a parent yet, but I am a nurse, and can share what I learned is pretty "typical" for morning sickness. I will be using date since last period. First, not all women experience "morning" sickness- something like 80-90% experience some nausea, but it's actually "only" about 1 in 2 or 1 in 3 who experience vomiting. (Random note: I was taught that fatigue is considered the only universal symptom). Second, as I'm sure you know, morning sickness is a misnomer- it can occur any time of day. For most women, it starts week 6-8, and tends to lessen around week 14. Some women experience morning sickness into the second trimester, though.

Hope you get some personal experience answers too, but figured this could be a starting point for you.

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8576
  • Location: Australia
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #71 on: October 03, 2016, 07:42:35 PM »
Not a parent yet, but I am a nurse, and can share what I learned is pretty "typical" for morning sickness. I will be using date since last period. First, not all women experience "morning" sickness- something like 80-90% experience some nausea, but it's actually "only" about 1 in 2 or 1 in 3 who experience vomiting. (Random note: I was taught that fatigue is considered the only universal symptom). Second, as I'm sure you know, morning sickness is a misnomer- it can occur any time of day. For most women, it starts week 6-8, and tends to lessen around week 14. Some women experience morning sickness into the second trimester, though.

Hope you get some personal experience answers too, but figured this could be a starting point for you.

Thanks BJ!

So is the "date since last period" system universal in the US? One of my friends was showing me her pregnancy app and explaining that it's always two weeks out from the numbers her GP and OB use, because it's an American app using "date since last period" while most Australian medical service providers use what we call fetal age, or "weeks since conception".

So your numbers translate to morning sickness starting 4-6 weeks post conception, and lessening at week 12 (the end of the first trimester in our system). So 6-8 weeks of illness on average.

Fatigue worries me because I already experience fatigue from an automimmune illness, but hey, maybe that just means I'll know how to handle it ;-)

Bracken_Joy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8898
  • Location: Oregon
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #72 on: October 03, 2016, 07:57:23 PM »
Not a parent yet, but I am a nurse, and can share what I learned is pretty "typical" for morning sickness. I will be using date since last period. First, not all women experience "morning" sickness- something like 80-90% experience some nausea, but it's actually "only" about 1 in 2 or 1 in 3 who experience vomiting. (Random note: I was taught that fatigue is considered the only universal symptom). Second, as I'm sure you know, morning sickness is a misnomer- it can occur any time of day. For most women, it starts week 6-8, and tends to lessen around week 14. Some women experience morning sickness into the second trimester, though.

Hope you get some personal experience answers too, but figured this could be a starting point for you.

Thanks BJ!

So is the "date since last period" system universal in the US? One of my friends was showing me her pregnancy app and explaining that it's always two weeks out from the numbers her GP and OB use, because it's an American app using "date since last period" while most Australian medical service providers use what we call fetal age, or "weeks since conception".

So your numbers translate to morning sickness starting 4-6 weeks post conception, and lessening at week 12 (the end of the first trimester in our system). So 6-8 weeks of illness on average.

Fatigue worries me because I already experience fatigue from an automimmune illness, but hey, maybe that just means I'll know how to handle it ;-)

Actually, a lot of autoimmune diseases go into remission during pregnancy. A bonus I guess? Turns out, trying to attack your own cells while trying to carry a baby to term doesn't go so well, so the body tones it down during pregnancy. (Unfortunately, a lot of women then experience a rebound after delivery- this is particularly common in MS and lupus, is my understanding. Really any of the relapsing/remitting pattern diseases). Anyway, I would ask your immunologist about this if you haven't yet. Some interesting stuff around autoimmune and pregnancy.

A blurb on it: http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2010/06/21/remission_during_pregnancy/

As for the date since last period... I have no good idea as to why. Tradition? =\

HappierAtHome

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8576
  • Location: Australia
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #73 on: October 03, 2016, 08:22:31 PM »
Actually, a lot of autoimmune diseases go into remission during pregnancy. A bonus I guess? Turns out, trying to attack your own cells while trying to carry a baby to term doesn't go so well, so the body tones it down during pregnancy. (Unfortunately, a lot of women then experience a rebound after delivery- this is particularly common in MS and lupus, is my understanding. Really any of the relapsing/remitting pattern diseases). Anyway, I would ask your immunologist about this if you haven't yet. Some interesting stuff around autoimmune and pregnancy.

A blurb on it: http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2010/06/21/remission_during_pregnancy/

As for the date since last period... I have no good idea as to why. Tradition? =\

Read the article - thanks! Something to look forward to :-)

I know date since last period makes sense before the point at which you can accurately date a pregnancy, but once you can date it, it makes sense to me to switch to fetal age. Ah well! Something to keep pregnant women on their toes I guess, having to switch between the systems ;-)

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5299
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #74 on: October 04, 2016, 02:32:49 AM »
I wish we'd started earlier.

Hey, that's a surprising response I haven't heard. Why?

It's fantastic and I'd want to maximize the proportion of my finite lifespan I'll know my children and descendants for.

I mean, my daughter was born when I was 24 so there isn't a ton it could have been moved forward by, and I wouldn't want to change anything that would make her different if given a time machine, but one only has so many years and maybe we could have had nearly an entire additional year in this best phase of life I am aware of.

Oh my yes.   I waited until 30 and in hindsight I wish we'd started earlier.   Having kids is absolutely wonderful in my books and I can't wait for grandchildren.  The sense of family connection is the thing I treasure most in life.  My mom had me at 19 which was too young imo but boy she has sure had a full life with the grandkids and will likely live to see great grandkids.

My SO felt the same way. We are pretty stoked to be able to have children early and maximize our time with them if we so wish. It's been great so far - excited for it to get better.

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5299
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #75 on: October 04, 2016, 02:39:06 AM »
I've had multiple people tell me, "there is never a convenient time to have a baby". =)

On the plus side, one can then re-frame this as "If no time is a 'good' time, then anytime is equally as 'good' and therefor anytime could be 'the right time' to have a baby!

GuitarStv

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14061
  • Age: 38
  • Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #76 on: October 04, 2016, 06:47:33 AM »
Anyone care to share their experience with morning sickness?

Yes, I got very sick of my wife throwing up during the end of the first trimester!  :P

I'm a red panda

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8011
  • Location: United States
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #77 on: October 04, 2016, 07:17:39 AM »
I've had multiple people tell me, "there is never a convenient time to have a baby". =)

On the plus side, one can then re-frame this as "If no time is a 'good' time, then anytime is equally as 'good' and therefor anytime could be 'the right time' to have a baby!

I think that is the point. If you wait for the right time, you'll wait forever.

I'm a red panda

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8011
  • Location: United States
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #78 on: October 04, 2016, 07:22:35 AM »
Anyone care to share their experience with morning sickness?

Seems like a good thread to ask in, as there are so many parents here and you're already talking about the parenting experience :-)

Both my sisters had hyperemesis gravidarum (spelling?) so I am concerned that it will happen to me as well when I'm pregnant.

I'm interested to know: when morning sickness started for you*, when it stopped, and how bad it was.

*If you're telling me "X weeks pregnant", I'd also love clarity on whether you're using the "weeks since first day of last period" or "weeks since conception" method of dating a pregnancy, if you remember which it was - the two systems are really confusing me, why can't we just pick one and stick with it?

Basically, trying to get an idea of what the average experience is with morning sickness.

I use date since last period.

For my first I was extremely ill until about 22 weeks. I was sick so often I started eating meals in the bathroom, about 10 times a day (as I could only take a few bites at a time).  However, I could generally keep water down, so they didn't need to hospitalize me.  I lost about 30 pounds in those first 22 weeks. The doctor kept telling me baby takes what it needs, and I need to make sure to be taking vitamins so my long-term health wouldn't suffer, but did put me on modified "couch" rest (basically, no exercise, but I could go to work).  I was overweight (not obese) at the start of my pregnancy, so I had weight to lose- if I was under or normal weight, possibly there would have been more concern.  The nice thing though was when I wasn't puking, I felt great. I never felt bad, I just threw up any food that went near my mouth.  I never found a "safe" food, and began picking my meals based on what hurt the least to throw up. In general I had very little appetite, so I never felt hungry.

This pregnancy, I am currently 15 weeks. The first trimester I barely had enough energy to move, and always felt horrible, though I only threw up maybe 3-5 times a day.  I'm now throwing up about 3-5 times a week, usually triggered by smells or brushing my teeth; most food I eat stays down. I have zero appetite though and have to force myself to eat, which is usually only a few bites.  I've lost 10 pounds.   Now, I'm slightly less tired, though still completely exhausted when I get home from work and tend to go to bed by 8:00.  But both pregnancies I've had  terrible insomnia.

charis

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1741
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #79 on: October 04, 2016, 08:16:49 AM »
The dating system that I am familiar with and used by doctors is from last period.  Weeks from conception is not one that I have seen used for dating.

I had horrible nausea and fatigue during the first trimester, but no vomiting in either pregnancy (until I caught a stomach bug, but that's another story).  It lasted for 13-15 weeks appx.

little_brown_dog

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 915
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #80 on: October 04, 2016, 10:30:54 AM »
I lucked out and only had mild morning sickness. I would get nauseous/motion sickness while riding to work on public transport, and occasionally in the mornings when I first woke up. Eating ginger snaps and sipping water helped. In general, my morning sickness was really more a mild nausea and lack of appetite more than actual illness. It wasn’t like I was turned off or sickened by certain foods, more like nothing really ever felt appetizing or particularly tasty to me. I had to make myself eat at times because I just completely lacked the desire to eat.  I had this from about 8 weeks along (counting from the first day of my last period) until 12 weeks. I threw up only once, around 12 weeks for no apparent reason – just came over me randomly one night while I was watching TV. It was the oddest sensation - completely fine one moment, and running to the bathroom the next. I puked and within 20 min felt fine and never threw up again after that.

meerkat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3419
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #81 on: October 04, 2016, 11:12:31 AM »
Little to no morning sickness, I never threw up. Occasionally I would be nauseous, starving, and full (having just eaten) at the same time as I got later in the pregnancy and the baby took up more room. All three of those combined then made me grumpy.

Metric Mouse

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5299
  • FU @ 22. F.I.R.E before 23
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #82 on: October 05, 2016, 01:37:43 AM »
XS had almost no morning sickness. Mild nausea a handful of times over 3 weeks, 9-12. Nothing before or after.

11ducks

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 562
  • Location: Duckville, Australia
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #83 on: October 05, 2016, 04:59:02 AM »
Mild morning sickness, about weeks 5-13, it just felt like a mild hangover, i was queasy, minimal vomiting, a bit hot/uncomfortable, just felt a bit shit overall, but still worked/studied etc.
Second trimester is where it's at - you're feeling better, your boobs look great, hair looks great, not quite fat yet (weeks 12-20 ish is the bomb).
 

erae

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 90
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #84 on: October 05, 2016, 06:24:14 AM »
Could we move the morning sickness convo. to a separate thread? My husband and I were enjoying the responses to the OP prior to the hijacking

elaine amj

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3116
  • Location: Ontario
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #85 on: October 05, 2016, 12:58:46 PM »
I had DS at 20. I regret not camping with friends, and not taking time to be by myself. I went from school to uni/ft work, to pregnant to parenting/Uni/work, never got to do the young adult 'finding myself aimlessness' of lazing around, road trips, indulging in passions like art classes or cooking school or spending a week by myself or travelling solo.

On the flip side, I'm 32 with an awesome 12DS, a good job and completing 2nd Masters. I think that having him young and poor made me a hardy person, an in many ways it was easier (energy, not mourning the loss of time/freedom/money that I didn't have yet anyway lol). Now my sibs are having babies in their 30s, dealing with stress and responsibilities, money issues and sleeplessness, and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Life is great and I'm incredibly lucky!

When I got married very young and started having children, I remember my Mom mourning that I wouldn't get to experience my 20s as an unencumbered young adult. I was only 22 when I had my DD and already at that time I was sure of what I wanted and I had no interest in being footloose and fancy-free. To this day, I really don't regret skipping that life experience. Being a parent was harder than I thought though and dealing with mom guilt never seems to go away.

I am in my late 30s now, my kids are almost grown and I will have my freedom again really soon. That's rather exciting to think about it. In the last few years, we have done more adult trips and I still get giddy when I think about it.

as to the OP's original question - I think I would have treasured the couple time more. We were really only married a short time before our first arrived and I wish we had realized how precious that time was. Instead, we just went about our daily routines. And of course, once baby came....our lives were drastically different.

hoping2retire35

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1401
  • Location: UPCOUNTRY CAROLINA
  • just want to see where this appears
Re: What do you wish you did before you were parents?
« Reply #86 on: October 07, 2016, 11:52:07 AM »
as others have said reach out to extended family, esp. both of your siblings. Offer to help watch their kids or just tag along for shopping/park/festival instead of doing a 'normal' mid 20s activity.

First kids at 28 and married 6 years before, wished we traveled even more, but no biggie. I'm the youngest and can now see how my sisters and brother wanted us more involved, they never asked but still. Now we think the same thing about her younger bro and sis, "why don't they ever offer to babysit or come over more?"...."oh yeah, we have three wild tornadoes rummaging about."

edit; if you want to have more than just one or two you need a much longer head start. You will likely want 2 years or more between kids so that compounds when you get to 3 and 4 or more.
« Last Edit: October 07, 2016, 11:56:11 AM by hoping2retire35 »