Perhaps some similar marriages and advice may be out there.
My husband and I are two generally well-matched INTJ personalities. But I tend towards a bit more extroversion and long-term goal planning in that spectrum, and my job and personality means I keep a tight day planner and check off a lot of tasks and deadlines. He is much better with people, but interaction drains him a lot more than it does me. He goes into a regular shift and keeps no day planner because his activities are regular and has a lot of trouble planning outside of routine. We're both in our early 30s. At work his deadlines are swift and he gets a lot of feedback in a small office. His job is not long term planning at all and neither is his personality.
Practically this means I've handled a lot of "initiating" tasks: opening bank accounts, searching for houses to look at when we bought it, etc. We are both big INTJ dreamers, so we talk big picture, discuss our priorities, agree on what needs to be done. If it's a routine change (who cooks more, we have X amount spendin money this month, etc) that's no problem. We both adjust the routine and it's ok. If it requires a conversation or initiation of something new I go get it done. Normally I'm ok with that and "executing" things like phone calls and planning. I do the steps that accomplish them.
But when there is something "extra" his skillset is better at that has to get done and has a deadline, he can't remember it and doesn't do it without a reminder. Or ten. Or just doesn't do it at all.
This is as simple as remembering to pay off a bill (every month) or as long-term as listing our car for sale (dragged on for months). And saying he'd book a tax appointment and not following through. He hasn't booked himself things like dentist appointments or massage even though it's covered now and he keeps saying he'd like to. Even though he's done enough work in his field to graduate a while ago, and has a job that'a given him the last few tech courses necessary, he's put off contacting the person at the school that can apply them to his transcript and get him graduated It's like he can't remember how this fits into the big picture so there's no motivation... And I'm freaking out because pieces of the puzzle get missed
Day to day we are good. But this is the recurring conflict. Every 1-2 months something like this pops up. He's tried ways to write it down: downloading a planner, giving himself reminders in Google calendar, a paper Moleskine planner, even tasks in Wunderlist. I've tried talking and reminding and texting. Even emails. But no "reminder" works. It disappears in his mind and gets put off. Maybe 3/10 things get done by him that need to.
And for these things, they're not contentious items. we've already talked about what has to be done, and agreed. We're very honest if either of us doesn't want to do something or prefers not to. But this is "gotta get done" stuff that I can't do (like call to graduate) or I don't want to be stuck doing the rest of my life (making dentist appointments).
One small solution we found: For the bills, we always do a "check in" weekly and take care of things before we go out on a weekly date. That's been a good solution to make sure that is done. And in the day-to-day we share a lot of tasks (cooking, cleaning, yard-work) with no issue. It's just these long term/initiating things that cause an issue.