Hi guys
I've been following this website for over a year now, even though I post very infrequently. I've learnt a lot and I'm currently wrestling with something that I'd love your collective help with.
I'm originally English and I live in Australia. I'm 34 and single / no kids. I earn decent money (140K pre tax and super last year and added an extra 10K of side income, mostly from renting out my spare room to a friend). I have a too big mortgage mostly because capital city housing in Aus is super expensive (rather than the house being too big). I don't want to sell because I might not be able to get back on the ladder. And owning my own (mortgaged) place gives me a really necessary sense of security and home.
Other than that I do the usual MMM things of biking to work, packing lunch, not buying coffees and watching lifestyle inflation. I'm frustrated by my lack of ability to up my savings rate and I've figured this comes down to two things:
- my mortgage
- my dad.
Background on my dad. Let me start by saying he is a lovely man and I love and care about his happiness and well-being. He is 75 years old and did not financially prepare himself for retirement at all. He had a very good job as an accountant when I was very young but when I was 9 and he was 50, he was laid off and he had a very long period of unemployment after that. He had very good savings at that point so we just lived off his savings for years and years. I remember being 'comfortable' when growing up but even as a very early teenager I remember thinking 'this isn't right' and asking questions about how we were going to survive.
He wasn't looking for work and I guess he considered himself FIRE at that point. But he wasn't. Life dealt us some cards, my parents got divorced, he paid my mum a settlement, my brother was in and out of trouble for years, he had three very serious heart attacks and his savings were whittled away. I stayed with my dad when my folks divorced and he was a stay at home father. I was 11. I got help with the homework, a hot meal on the table and taxi-of-dad to pick me up when i wanted to see school friends at the weekend. As I said before, he was a good dad.
I worked as a teenager and tried to keep expenses down. Things were getting noticeably tight when I left for university at 18. The summer before I moved out, I worked in a factory to save up money for uni. My dad asked how much I was earning (FYI minimum wage) and about a year after I left, he got a job at that factory. The money had finally run out.
He worked at various factories for about 5 years or so before saving up some money and moving to India at the age of 64. He had lived abroad for most of his life and he knew the cost of living there was low. He qualified for a very, very low state pension of £48 a week as he hadn't racked up enough years of employment in the UK to qualify for a full pension.
When I got my first full time job post university at 21, I started sending him money, first £50 a month but creeping up whenever I could afford it. I've done that for the past 13 going on 14 years. He's lived a variety of places all over asia, usually finding a long term guest house and booking a cheap room on an ongoing basis. I've always seen him once or twice a year - a combination of me flying to him for a holiday and me paying for him to stay with me. Overall, it's worked out well. He is in good health, and for years he has enjoyed the lifestyle and the warm weather. He has always disliked England (hence him living abroad for most of his working life) and I haven't minded supplementing him.
However, as I've grown more aware of money, and started tracking my spending and wanting financial freedom and thinking about my goals and ambitions (the biggest one is security and not ending up like my father and brother) I'm becoming more aware of the fact that I'm supporting my dad's life style and it's not sustainable. Not sustainable from the point of view that the cost of living in Asia has gone up heaps, I'm completely at the whim of currency fluctuations and he's going to get older and need more help in the future. Last year, including the flights I bought him to come stay with me for two months, I spent about 17,000 AUD. He gets just under £2500 a year from his partial state pension.
The choices I think I have are as follows (but here is where I would love you to chip in):
- keep paying for him to live in asia, indefinitely - until he gets too old/sick to continue (this is a possibility, and while I don't love this option, I don't really mind it either - he was a good dad)
- ask him to move back to the UK where he will get a full state pension and subsidised housing. Then I can top up his income to make him more comfortable and also pay for an annual holiday to come see me or even to go to asia for a holiday as he loves it there. (this is my preferred option as it makes him less dependent on me, it gives him access to the NHS, as he is healthy now but who knows for how long. However, he would hate this option as it means he has to live in cold dreary england.)
- move him to australia with me. (this is very expensive - an aged parent visa costs $80,000 AUD so I would take on significant debt to do this. I would also have to fully support him and he would have to live in my spare room. I would also be liable for any medical issues he had here as he isn't a citizen. This is my least favourite option because of the financial stress it would cause, and also, honestly, the impact on my lifestyle. I want to get married eventually and maybe even have a family. Living with an aged father indefinitely would definitely hit my standard of living and honestly, would probably make me less likely to find and keep a life partner. (I haven't asked him but I believe he would be happy with this option as he would be in a warm country and would be near me).
So, there you have it. An unusual situation but it's mine and I have to deal with it. What haven't I thought of? I'm happy to consider the offbeat, as offbeat sums up my family and our choices fairly well.
PS/ my mum and brother are not options for contributing to his up keep. He has one brother who occasionally sends him a few hundred pounds. He has no assets at all, aside from a suitcase full of clothes and a phone and laptop.