Ironically gaining some fat doesn't seem to have hurt my chances with guys...
I'm totally not surprised. When I was young, I was obsessed with getting that last little bit of fat off my butt and thighs. Now, as a middle aged woman who only recently managed to climb back to a reasonable weight after several years struggling not to drop under 100lbs (5'4"), I realize that I look a hell of a lot better at 110 lbs and with a dimpled ass. 100lbs and I look gaunt....it's not pretty. It was do-able in my dewy early 20s, but definitely not now. And my breasts have recovered! :hoping to hang onto this weight:
It is sad that gay photographers and gay magazine editors decided to put girls that looked like skinny pre-pubescent guys on the covers of their magazines for years. (Serious joke.) While different men do *cough* like different figures most men like women who look like a healthy woman.
As a father of a daughter, and a human in general, it breaks my to hear your and partgypsy's stories. I can invision the trials and efforts you both took; the pressures that society coerces unto women is disheartening.
What is this homophobic bullshit?
Yeah... I think the entire fashion industry, a lot of visual media, and certainly cosmetics and hair industries are all culpable, certainly not just the gay men.
Also, I think my comments might have been misinterpreted to mean that I spent all the time worrying about my body or weight when I was young. But I totally didn't. I mean, I always had an image of my 'ideal' body and my 'ideal' weight in my head (I suspect most people do), and I felt good about myself to some degree when I attained those ideals occasionally, but I didn't make huge efforts to get there and I didn't worry much about it after my early 20s...just cut back on eating crap a bit if I started climbing to the high end of my typical weight range. I mean, I didn't have time to worry much about it once I was in college full time!
My main point was just that my body's natural weight plateaus include one (~100 lbs) that looked totally healthy and normal in my twenties, but I discovered when I ended up there in my forties (from health problems, not efforts to lose weight), it was no longer comfortable or healthy looking. My perceptions didn't change (Objectively, I really did look fine in my twenties at that weight, and objectively, I no longer do). My body changed with age, so I had to adjust and try to take in more calories and keep my weight higher.
But this made me really question the limitations of BMI as a measurement of health. My body was healthier and more functional in my twenties, but that 100 lbs that was normal and fine for me at that age (probably because I maintained more muscle) was still considered 'underweight' by the BMI.
Anyway I am aware that a lot of women and girls [ETA: and in recent decades, a lot of men and boys as well] really do struggle with body image their entire life. I could have fallen into that, I suspect, but by my twenties I was starting to focus more on body functionality and health. Also, several of my jobs emphasized physical performance. None of my jobs emphasized clothes, makeup, hair, or appearance beyond basic cleanliness and presentation. Most of my female friends took only passing interest in those things, also. I never really read/watched a lot of material that focused on female appearance. And I never had to deal with body shaming of any sort, from either gender, fortunately.
To sum up, I think body functionality and health should be more emphasized in our self-monitoring/cultural monitoring, than weight on a scale/BMI.