Wedding Present?

[newelljack]

We are going to a wedding for my DW's cousin, who is a trauma nurse in San Francisco so I think she is well-compensated. She and her SO travel often but also want to move out of the city so they can get a place with a dog. East Bay houses are 600k+. I know it is none of my business how they spend their money, but I was thinking about getting them a copy of Your Money or Your Life for their wedding present...or do we just go with a nice pancake warmer? Thoughts?

[Primm]

Don't be so sure about her compensation amount. Nursing isn't like other professions, working in a specialist area doesn't get you any more money than non-specialisation. And while I think the book makes an awesome gift in general, I would probably go with something a little more personal for a wedding present.

[Villanelle]

I think a gift should be largely about the person receiving it and what will make them happy or bring them joy.  Unless she's expressed interest in your frugal ways, I think that's kind of an awful present, especially if it is the only present.  Finding a copy and including it with a check, and a nice note about how you've found the book useful in your marriage (assuming that's true) and you hope that it can contribute in some small way to the decades of happiness you wish them in your marriage--that's a nice gift. 

[LeRainDrop]

Not the time and place.  I'd just go with something from her registry.

[okits]

This is like gifting a book about weight loss.  Fine if it was requested or discussed, potentially offensive if unsolicited. 

[Pigeon]

Not the time and place.  I'd just go with something from her registry.

This. 

[Fishindude]

Bad idea.
Cash is never a bad wedding present.

[Playing with Fire UK]

Bad idea.
Cash is never a bad wedding present.

Cash and the book might work.

[nobody123]

Bad idea.
Cash is never a bad wedding present.

+1.  Money in an envelope if you don't want to buy useless "stuff" from their registry.  Even if you found the book helpful, included a note about how it helped resolve a disagreement, etc., it will come across as an insult.  How dare you assume we aren't 100% perfectly happy and will never have an argument, it's our wedding day!!!

[Goldielocks]

This is like gifting a book about weight loss.  Fine if it was requested or discussed, potentially offensive if unsolicited.

This.

Send the book now, and not as a wedding present.   Add a note saying you give it to all engaged couples you know to take the sting out.

[little_brown_dog]

I think financial advice is a tough sell in any situation, particularly if the person has not expressed an interest in discussing financial things with you personally. A financial self help book might come across like you are assuming they will mismanage their money – not a great sentiment for a wedding gift. People are extremely defensive about finances, so it is really easy for them to misinterpret your intentions if you just give them a financial book out of the blue. I would go with something nice off their registry and call it a day. However, if you or your wife are pretty close with the couple, then recommending the book to them while chatting would be a very polite and helpful way of bringing it up.

[llorona]

The book is an atrocious idea. A wedding gift is supposed to represent an expression of joy for the newlyweds. This is not the time to push your agenda or belief system on them.

Pick something off the registry or give them cash.

[Cognitive Miser]

This is like gifting a book about weight loss.  Fine if it was requested or discussed, potentially offensive if unsolicited.

This.

Send the book now, and not as a wedding present.   Add a note saying you give it to all engaged couples you know to take the sting out.

I kinda like this idea.  Also, the book is what, $10?  I think most people spend much more on a wedding gift for a family member.  The only time I have ever gone "off-registry" was to buy a piece of art from a mutual friend that I already knew engaged friends loved.  (It was a painting of a couple dancing, and these friends met on the dance floor.)  I mean, how do you register for something like that, that an artist painted?  But otherwise, noooooo I stick to the registry.

[honeybbq]

The book is an atrocious idea. A wedding gift is supposed to represent an expression of joy for the newlyweds. This is not the time to push your agenda or belief system on them.

Pick something off the registry or give them cash.

+10000

[newelljack]

I love all of the responses here. Okits nailed it by comparing it to a weight loss book. I am not very close to them and really, really, really don't want to spend much money (if any!) on a present since we already bought our daughter a dress to be a flower girl and a VRBO to stay in the area. But if we DO go from the registry, do you think I should get the $515 Le Creuset stock pot or the $530 Vitamix blender? Yes, those are REAL items on their registry.

[Pigeon]

Are all the items on the registry $500 or more?  It's not uncommon for people to put a range of prices.  Most of the weddings I go to have some $500 things, but they also have plenty of $50 items as well.  I don't see anything wrong with listing some expensive things as that's what some people will spend.

If there's nothing in your budget, you can use the registry as an inspiration.  Pick up some place mats to go with their dishes or oven mitts to match the Le Creuset.

[Goldielocks]

I love all of the responses here. Okits nailed it by comparing it to a weight loss book. I am not very close to them and really, really, really don't want to spend much money (if any!) on a present since we already bought our daughter a dress to be a flower girl and a VRBO to stay in the area. But if we DO go from the registry, do you think I should get the $515 Le Creuset stock pot or the $530 Vitamix blender? Yes, those are REAL items on their registry.

Lol. Get a vitamix cookbook.   Only you will know it was used from. Amazon. For $10!

[Captain FIRE]

I love all of the responses here. Okits nailed it by comparing it to a weight loss book. I am not very close to them and really, really, really don't want to spend much money (if any!) on a present since we already bought our daughter a dress to be a flower girl and a VRBO to stay in the area. But if we DO go from the registry, do you think I should get the $515 Le Creuset stock pot or the $530 Vitamix blender? Yes, those are REAL items on their registry.

If you're not very close, why did you agree to have your daughter as a flower girl? 

Not sure where others weigh in on this, but other than international weddings, I don't figure travel costs into determining the "value" my wedding gift.  (Maybe because I've had to travel for about 90% of the weddings I've attended.)  I'd be pretty happy if it was just a hotel/VRBO and not a plane flight as well.

If the registry is too pricey, you can always go off registry or give cash (comes in all sizes).  But are all of their registry items that expensive?  Some people put a few expensive items on figuring it might be a group gift or purchased by very close relatives/friends or older family friends.  Although I didn't register for expensive items, I had a few people give us presents at that level.  The issue here, however, is less about the value of the gift you are giving, but whether it's the right time to push your beliefs on the couple.

[notactiveanymore]

I had a kitchenaid mixer on my registry and my husband's aunts/uncles went in on it for my shower and our wedding present. I use it all the time, so even with the high price tag it is useful and will last forever. I had added it not expecting anyone to get it, but I was thinking if we got enough cash I could use the fulfillment discount to buy it after. You get about 15-20% off of anything on your registry that doesn't get purchased, so many people add more expensive items with plans to purchase after.

As for the book, I think it's fine if and only if a) you are close to the couple, 2) you can include an honest note about the change the book has had on your life, and 3) you give it in addition to a regular wedding gift. If any of those are not true, then it's probably not a great idea.

[newelljack]

My DW and I talked about what to get them. We decided to look at the things we have used most in our 9 years that were kind of surprises. We definitely have NOT used any of the china but, like theotherelise, we use the Kitchen-Aid all the time.

So I guess what I would like to turn this thread into is, "What has been your most useful gift you have ever received?" and go from there!

[LeRainDrop]

So I guess what I would like to turn this thread into is, "What has been your most useful gift you have ever received?" and go from there!

My best friend says a medium-sized wooden cutting board from Williams & Sonoma (though I'm sure any other good-quality brand would do just as well).

[Tiger Stache]

Not the time and place.  I'd just go with something from her registry.

This. Don't be "that guy"

[Primm]

So I guess what I would like to turn this thread into is, "What has been your most useful gift you have ever received?" and go from there!

My best friend says a medium-sized wooden cutting board from Williams & Sonoma (though I'm sure any other good-quality brand would do just as well).

Oh yes, this! I got an amazing (really thick) timber chopping board as a first-time-around wedding present in 1990.

I'm still using it. So it's 26 years old and has an amazing patina and is smooth and worn into an almost bowl shape, but I still love it to death.

[Villanelle]

I love all of the responses here. Okits nailed it by comparing it to a weight loss book. I am not very close to them and really, really, really don't want to spend much money (if any!) on a present since we already bought our daughter a dress to be a flower girl and a VRBO to stay in the area. But if we DO go from the registry, do you think I should get the $515 Le Creuset stock pot or the $530 Vitamix blender? Yes, those are REAL items on their registry.

A gift card to the store at which they are registered is always appropriate and appreciated if you don't want to do cash and you con't stomach any of the registry items.   Or, if you know other people attending (or buying gifts) suggesting pooling resources to get a pricer item. 

[honeybbq]

I love all of the responses here. Okits nailed it by comparing it to a weight loss book. I am not very close to them and really, really, really don't want to spend much money (if any!) on a present since we already bought our daughter a dress to be a flower girl and a VRBO to stay in the area. But if we DO go from the registry, do you think I should get the $515 Le Creuset stock pot or the $530 Vitamix blender? Yes, those are REAL items on their registry.

The cost of the flower girl dress and VRBO is irrelevant.

Just give cash if you don't want to get them a Vitamix. But I do like the heavy cutting board idea, but maybe they already have one? This is why I always do cash.

[notactiveanymore]

DH and I were each living alone when we got married, but were still using dorm room and hand me down stuff exclusively.

Items we use regularly (weekly or daily) which were gifted from our wedding:

- Rice Cooker
- Towels
- Pillows
- Mid-range pot/pan set
- KNIVES!
- Vacuum
- Pyrex (or other glass storage containers)
- Kitchen Utensils (silicone whisks esp. wish I would have asked for a serving spatula)
- Wood Cutting Board (actually have just had to stop using it because ours had a knot in the board and water has clearly gotten down in the knot and it's now soft. we'd only been using it for veg, but still, the bacteria growth scares me. we seasoned it regularly with coconut oil, but I think the knot situation was just going to happen regardless.)