Author Topic: Wedding Etiquette Question  (Read 4089 times)

sabertooth3

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 109
  • Location: MD
Wedding Etiquette Question
« on: April 06, 2015, 02:30:44 PM »
I got married about 6 months ago, and one of my best men (I had 2, they were the whole groom's party) gave me $400 cash for the gift. My wife and I were registered and we did not ask for cash, nor did we explicitly say "no cash".

His wedding is coming up in a few months. What's the protocol/etiquette for our gift to him and his wife-to-be? They aren't registered at all, so I presume they are looking for a cash gift. Do I have to match his gift to us? Or can I get away with something less?

I was thinking $100-150, but I'm wondering if anyone here's been in this situation before and how they dealt with it.

klystomane

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 180
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2015, 02:47:38 PM »
I got married about 6 months ago, and one of my best men (I had 2, they were the whole groom's party) gave me $400 cash for the gift. My wife and I were registered and we did not ask for cash, nor did we explicitly say "no cash".

His wedding is coming up in a few months. What's the protocol/etiquette for our gift to him and his wife-to-be? They aren't registered at all, so I presume they are looking for a cash gift. Do I have to match his gift to us? Or can I get away with something less?

I was thinking $100-150, but I'm wondering if anyone here's been in this situation before and how they dealt with it.

Wasn't he your best man?


Vandal09

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 18
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2015, 02:54:53 PM »
$400 if you can afford it. It doesn't always need to be even, but in this case, this close to your own wedding, I'd get as close to it as I could.

dsmexpat

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 223
  • Age: 30
  • Location: New Mexico
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2015, 03:00:03 PM »
Give him $401 back, assuming you didn't spend the $400 he gave you on something dumb which you shouldn't have because you probably knew he was getting married when he gave you the $400. When someone gives you a gift in a context where gifts are exchanged (and both of you getting married 6 months apart counts as an exchange to me) they're really giving you an obligation to reciprocate. When someone gives you money it's very easy to reciprocate equally because you know the exact cash value of their gift and you happen to have that exact cash value in your hand because they just gave it to you. Give them the money back and call it even. Any less and you're a bit of a dick, they established the value with their gift so you'd be cheap to go under that value.

BBub

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 774
  • Age: 34
  • Location: Deep South
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2015, 03:05:50 PM »
Are you in the wedding?  If so, maybe you could get the groomsmen to pool together some money and give him one envelope from all the groomsmen.. that would probably reduce your burden and give him a little more cash.

klystomane

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 180
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2015, 03:08:44 PM »
Give him $401 back, assuming you didn't spend the $400 he gave you on something dumb which you shouldn't have because you probably knew he was getting married when he gave you the $400. When someone gives you a gift in a context where gifts are exchanged (and both of you getting married 6 months apart counts as an exchange to me) they're really giving you an obligation to reciprocate. When someone gives you money it's very easy to reciprocate equally because you know the exact cash value of their gift and you happen to have that exact cash value in your hand because they just gave it to you. Give them the money back and call it even. Any less and you're a bit of a dick, they established the value with their gift so you'd be cheap to go under that value.

LOL'd. I was trying to be nice and have him arrive at a similar conclusion.

My best man also gave me cash as a gift but I didn't accept it (it was more than $400 by the way) as I felt he had done so much for me over the years and was like a brother to me.

Stop being so cheap.

prestache

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 5
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2015, 04:09:39 PM »
With the weddings so close together, you should give him the same amount as he gave you, or as close as you can afford.  The only exceptions would be (1) if your spouse can't attend his wedding, but his attended yours (then I'd say $250 would be appropriate), or (2) if you have to spend significantly more to attend his wedding than he spent on yours (ex. yours was local for him, going to his requires travel, hotel, etc. for you - in which case, I'd say $300 would be appropriate).

Congrats to you both!

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4770
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2015, 05:38:31 PM »
We're in a similar situation and will likely reciprocate the money.

LiveLean

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 741
  • Location: Central Florida
    • ToLiveLean
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2015, 05:40:54 PM »
I'm glad we got married in 1998. The arms race of all things wedding related is amazing. I remember thinking a $100 Home Depot gift card was quite generous -- and gift cards were a fairly new item at the time.

justjenn

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 43
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2015, 07:00:20 PM »
I would say as close as possible to the same amount unless there is an obvious disparity in income. If he's a lawyer and you work at Wal-Mart, then you shouldn't feel obligated to match the gift. But if you know you make about the same, then give the same amount back.

okits

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8722
  • Location: Canada
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2015, 08:22:10 PM »
Unless you really can't afford it, give $400.  Though gifts should be about whatever you want to give, lots of social expectations run on reciprocity.

sabertooth3

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 109
  • Location: MD
Re: Wedding Etiquette Question
« Reply #11 on: April 07, 2015, 08:27:30 AM »
Thanks all, I was thinking reciprocity but wanted to get some input from folks here. We're pretty close financially (both work white collar type jobs) and it'll even out with travel and everything. Thanks!