Hi Mustachians,
I think I stumbled upon Mr. Money Mustache by way of an article about cycling. Bicycling was a catalyst for me about 3 years ago, waking up some long dormant aspects of myself. It has led to improvements in my health and happiness and reason for being. But one part of me continued to be stuck in sleep, stormy and sad - my responsible financial self.
Cliff Notes version - I grew up in a family led by emotionally and financially dysfunctional parents. The consumer way was the default path. Self-destruction was the default path. My emotional reaction to my father's early death was to head to a graduate filmmaking program. Once I had my MFA and moved back home to figure life out, my widowed and handicapped mom was one step from foreclosure and ruin.
I started my non-collegiate adult life with about $80k in student loans, $15k in consumer debt, and the task of cleaning the hoarder's type environment of my mom's home, selling it, getting her into senior housing, and finding a job, any job, with my expensive and hard to market film degree.
I certainly made many missteps early on, but I did manage to pay off the $15k. Then relationship turmoils set in, and I lost my way. I got into a cycle of deferring the student loans, living paycheck to paycheck and not saving, living a completely consumerist life. Working a dead-end job and growing further and further from reaping much professional gain from my education.
Not quite a year ago, I changed jobs at my company. It was a leap of faith - going from an administrative job to a sales job. But so far, I have excelled in my new job, and increased my income from about $40k to $60k or more. Bicycling has brought me round to seeing what it is I really enjoy in life - exploring, thinking and being healthy and active. I suddenly have the true ache to earn my freedom, to be free of the grind of work servitude to the altar of consumption. I want a life in which I can pursue my writing, my cycling and travels. I also still help take care of my mom.
Although I have been pouring over this amazing website and community, I still feel overwhelmed figuring out my first steps. It is a crime against humanity, but I have never even taken advantage of my workplace 401k (has 60% matching up to the first 10% you contribute). But do I do this? Do I attack my debt? Emergency fund? I have nothing in place that will create the future I want, and I am 37. Dating but not married. No kids or pets. Rent an apartment with a roommate but plan to get my own small place this year (renting). Have a car loan - need car to transport mom, do her errands, go to suburb places for my work sales appointments. I live 3.5 to 5 miles from work (depends on route, short route is all 25 mph streets).
I still deal with emotional resistance - when I start to look at bills and expenses, it seems so overwhelming I often stop right there. Rationally I know that is ridiculous. I still feel vestiges of strange hangups I have from my youth - an attitude that focusing on money, wealth, savings, frugality is for squares, not for creative people, that it is for the annoying WASPY folks I could not relate to in college. Back then, it felt more comfortable to be artsy and poor, because I felt I could not possibly reach the echelons of the monied and free class.
Now, I don't really feel I am striving to be part of that country club world - I just want to buy my time, my freedom, not objects or prestige.
I suppose my question is both about finances and about soul searching. I feel like I am shedding some parts of me that have been fortified and hardened over a long time - it's easy to cling to that old person, those old views, yet the real me inside is raw but fighting to emerge.
What to do first?
Thank you in advance for your insights :)
