Could really use some mustachian advice on what to do here!
The situation: woke up to a text this morning asking if I would consider co-signing for my brothers student loans. Cue instant sick feeling, and immediate NO reaction.
Out of my entire family, I am the most financially responsible. Two years out of college, will pay off the last of my $30k in student loans this year, and then planned to shift gears and skyrocket my savings for a retirement in my mid-20s.
My parents: used to be upper middle class, dad lost his job, mom still had hers. Continued to live UMC lifestyle, tried to open a business that went out of business, declared bankruptcy. They have cooled down a lot on spending, but still live pretty extravagantly in my eyes. I have made my dad an authorized user on my credit card to help build credit, and so far has been ok. He always pays, although often not the full payment. Any interest he accrues, he also pays. I don't love the situation, but trust my dad wouldn't leave me with the bill.
My brother: alright kid, but completely and totally irresponsible. He was going to school to be an engineer, failed out due to too much partying and going to see his gf, went to community college for a year, and is now trying to go back to another university. He has a part time job, but spends all the money he makes on alcohol and going out to eat with his girlfriend. He's also dishonest, and has stolen $400 from me recently. He also has screwed my other brother over with not paying him for things he promised he would pay for, leaving my other brother stuck with the bill.
I have yet to talk to my parents, as they asked late last night and I was asleep, but know that they will promise that if he doesn't pay, they will pay. I feel more comfortable with that, but what if something happens to them?
I know that my brother is not the type to pay off his loans quickly, like I have. If I sign for this, I feel like I'll have it hanging over my head for the next 30 years, or more, in a best case scenario where he actually pays. Then, what if he moves away, or just decides to stop paying?
In my gut I know it's the worst decision I could make, but also feel incredibly put on the spot and uncomfortable. How can I say no...its family!
Are there any suggestions I could give my family to help them figure out how to pay for his school, without me having to put my name on this train wreck?
UPDATE: I told my parents no, they did not react well but have not asked me since. Will be calling them again to discuss the situation with the credit cards, and get my father off the card, but so far it seems like all is quiet and they have accepted my decision to not co-sign. Thanks for the great advice.
UPDATE 2: Had another awkward conversation with my mother a few days after that first call, and it seemed like although I had told her no, she was determined to get those loans one way or another. I was actually nervous, because I although I didn't think she would go behind my back, I knew she knew my social security number, and the thought crossed my mind that she might do it anyway. However, I talked with them again last night and it seems that they've figured out another way to help my brother, although they haven't said what that is. Also on the phone call last night I finally brought up with my father that I'd like for him to stop using my cards. He joked around about it, and asked me what the big deal was because he was helping my credit score (which I know is not true), but I could also tell that he was hurt. That was confirmed this morning, when my mom texted me to tell me that he was very hurt, and to ask me what happened, what brought this on, etc... and also mentioned that they have always supported me.
I didn't want to discuss via text message, but have a hard time standing up to them on the phone and always cave in, so I just finished penning a very long email to explain to them where I'm coming from, and why I don't want to do this anymore. I just hit send, and actually feel very nervous and sick to my stomach, as I feel like a traitor to the family and am worried that they will not understand, but I hope that they understand where I'm coming from. I guess that this would have had to happen eventually, so it's better that I do this sooner rather than later, but it's an awful feeling!
You'll all be happy to know that as intended, I also offered to pay for the student loans that they took out in my name, as well as to remove myself from the family cell phone plan, rather than pay them the money for my portion every month as I've been doing, as I really would like to be fully responsible for myself financially. I also told them that I appreciate everything they have done for me thus far and don't want them to think for a second that I don't, but this is a completely different situation that I don't want to be a part of anymore.
I hope that they understand, and that this doesn't cause a huge rift in my family. Very nervous, but hoping that this is the right thing to do. Thanks for all of your input, MMM friends!