The Money Mustache Community
Learning, Sharing, and Teaching => Ask a Mustachian => Topic started by: blake201 on December 19, 2014, 01:50:47 PM
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Hi Mustachians,
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and panicking as I head towards maternity leave without enough saved, an out-of-control grocery bill, lots of medical expenses and husband making almost no money. Would love advice on further cutting our expenses and ways husband could find some income to help get us through that gap without (gasp) incurring credit card interest or borrowing from our parents.
I will be be going on maternity leave in 4 weeks--9 weeks fully paid, 9 weeks totally unpaid.
Income:
- My take-home pay from a full-time job working at a nonprofit is $4,050 per month. I'm on partial bedrest now but allowed to work from home.
- Husband's current graphic design/illustration freelance income is meager--averaging $400 revenue per month as opposed to about $2,000 per month last year (he lost many clients who took work inhouse to save$). He has been applying to jobs of all kinds per week for months now with no luck--one or two interviews, but never anything more.
Basic family details: I'm in my mid-30s, husband in early 40s. We have a four-year-old daughter with severe multiple food allergies to 10 foods, plus asthma and severe eczema (this is relevant for grocery bill problem and medical bill problem), and are expecting Baby 2 in a month. We live in Brooklyn, NY in a 2-bedroom apartment with amazingly low rent.
The problem: How do we get through my maternity leave without running a credit card balance or borrowing from family?
Considering how Mustachian we would like to consider ourselves to be (no credit card or student loan debt, all our clothes except underwear/socks from thrift stores, cook everything we can from scratch with whole foods, buy food in bulk on sale and store inside bed/closet, have low rent, no cable TV or fancy cell phone plan, using bikes or public transport instead of cars, etc) we thought we would have zero problem saving for the unpaid 9-week portion of my 18-week maternity leave, especially once our daughter entered public pre-K and we could stop paying for preschool ...
But then...
- Right after I got pregnant, our 4-year-old daughter who had 5 severe food allergies had a series of reactions and developed 5 new allergies, suddenly making our already challenging grocery shopping and meal planning way more difficult/expensive.
- At the same time, she was also accepted to a medical treatment program that may actually CURE her asthma, food allergies and eczema in a few years... at a cost of $500+/month because it's not covered by insurance.
- Meanwhile, I've had a number of unexpected and expensive pregnancy complications -- and have often been so sick that I can't do all my usual grocery cost savings tricks or cooking from scratch and I have been having to take cabs to my weekly midwife visits because I can't take the subway or walk much these days.
So I think we're going to end up maybe $4,000 short or even more. The idea of running a credit card balance or borrowing money from parents makes me nauseous. So would love any help or ideas on cutting our expenses or finding other ways for husband to make money. I realize this is an epically long post, so I thank you in advance if you have any help to offer!
Also: I am not going to cut my maternity leave short. 18 weeks at home with a new baby is barely enough, and that is just not an option here!
Current average monthly expenses:
Fixed and/or Mandatory Expenses:
Rent: $1,300
Childcare: $0 right now because kiddo in special allergy-free public Pre-K classroom and husband picks her up after school
Internet: $57 (I periodically threaten to cancel Time Warner to get this down to $45, but last time they did not care).
Netflix + Pandora: $35 (we still get 2 DVDs a month from Netflix, as we use them for family movie nights instead of going to movies and the selection of kid-appropriate movies on streaming is weak)
Phone: $47 (Ting service for 2 used Android smartphones bought on eBay)
Electrical/Gas: $95
Life Insurance: $41.35 (necessary since husband has no income and if something happened to me, would be catastrophic)
Medical bills: $800 ($500 for kiddo's food allergy treatment, and the rest for copays, cabs for me to midwife appointments because I can't walk nowadays, vitamins for my anemia and prenatal vitamins, kid's eczema lotions and allergy meds, husband's asthma meds, etc)
Groceries: $1,000 (Yeah, I know. Was more like $630 before my health problems and kiddo's new food allergies Will get into more detail below).
Household goods: $75
Public transport: $30 (for husband—my Metrocard is taken from my pay)
Laundry: $30 (machines in basement of apartment building)
Subtotal: $3,510
Optional Expenses:
Charitable giving: $7.50 (we used to give a lot more, but cut back to a small monthly gift to our favorite org)
Y family gym & pool membership: $125 (We joined the Y a block from us when I started having medical problems that meant I couldn't ride my bike or walk much anymore--midwife said only real OK exercise for me is swimming, so we all go swimming together regularly as a family)
Restaurants: $105 (used to be $25/month, especially since kiddo can't eat it, but husband and I have resorted to takeout lately sometimes for oursevles)
Entertainment/recreation: $30 (taking kid to movies or museums and such--we go to movies with discount AAA passes for $6.25 each)
My fun money: $40 (I have mostly spent this on yarn and fabric to make things for baby and for Christmas gifts and whatnot, plus paying occasional late library fines)
Husband's fun money: $40 (he mostly spends this on music, video games, and sometimes on buying lunch for himself)
Kiddo's fun money: $15 (for special desserts or occasional toys)
General clothing & shoes: $30 (thrift stores only, except for socks, shoes and underwear)
Baby stuff & maternity clothes: $50 (we still had most of our baby stuff but had to replace our expired car seat, bought a used cosleeper, got some gender-neutral baby clothes at Goodwill since we don't know baby's sex, and I've had to get used maternity clothes on eBay and from local moms since I had gotten rid of most of mine)
Personal care: $18 (though not every month, husband usually cuts his own hair and I only get mine cut 1 or 2 times per year)
Alcohol and bars: $25 (for husband to buy wine or beer, I don't drink even before I was pregnant)
Birthdays & gifts: $50 (I mostly make gifts but we've had a lot of weddings and baby showers to attend and even the supplies to make gifts cost $$$. We are not buying any Christmas gifts for anyone or each other this year, but are making some for kids in our family). [/li][/list]
Subtotal: $530.50
Savings:
Saving for maternity leave: $400 (sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on husband's freelancing)[/li][/list]
Total monthly expenses: Approx $4,440
Assets: We have $3,000 in checking saved up so for my maternity leave, and will probably have about $4,000 saved by the time it starts, plus a small emergency fund we never touch to ensure we never overdraft our checking account. We have $105,000 in retirement accounts (pitiful, I know--and we have stopped saving for retirement altogether in the last few months).
Liabilities: We have no student loans (we used to have $40,000 but finished paying off last year) and never run balances on our credit cards. We are car-free. We rent and do not own, so no mortgage.
And...
Our ideas so far for increasing husband's income and making extra cash:
- Husband has been looking at the board here on side gigs -- he's applying to leapforce, fiverr and some of the others mentioned. He continues to apply to regular full-time jobs frequently and is also looking beyond "jobs he would actually find fulfilling" to "anything that pays any money at all" (such as temporarily working at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods--maybe we could get a grocery discount on those pricey allergy-free foods). And he is trying to find new freelance clients.
As we've decluttered the apartment to make room for baby 2, we've sold a lot of things on eBay or Amazon or the local parenting list-serves, but that's not yielding a huge amount and is a lot of work. - We opened up a Chase Ink card and are putting all spending on it for next 3 months to get the $625 cash bonus.
And... the grocery bill problem.
Like I said, even when kiddo had 5 food allergies, we were usually able to keep our grocery bill down to $600 a month. We bought in bulk on Amazon Subscribe & Save and Vitacost, watched sales cycles and flyers so we could stock up when safe foods were on sale, used coupons when possible (not usually possible with most of her safe items) and kept a price book of how much each item cost at any of the 5 supermarkets within walking or biking distance of us. Plus we cook from scratch as much as possible and avoided convenience foods (including most allergy-safe convenience foods).
But when she got 10 (sesame, nuts, peanuts, dairy, eggs, mustard, peas, canola, poppy, cumin), it got harder (especially sesame, mustard, peas and canola, which are in many otherwise allergy-free products) and the bill lately ranges from $900-$1,300 a month. She can't eat an item that has even been made on shared lines (or sometimes in the same factory) as one of her worst allergens without having a reaction--she's that sensitive. We can't comparison shop on almost anything except fresh produce or meat ... She has ONE safe brand of pasta, and it is $2-$3 a box even when bought in bulk. Her one safe fake milk (oat milk) is $3 - $5 a quart. Her one safe brand of dried or canned beans is $5 a box or $2.50 a can. Earth Balance fake butter that contains no peas or canola? $6 for a little container. Sunflower seed butter--$4 a jar online (or $11 in a store here). Safe bread (when we don't have time to make ourselves, which is almost always lately): $4.50-$7/loaf. And so on.
And we are supposed to only feed her organic or at least antibiotic-free meat or chicken, as exposure to antibiotics could worsen her already severe allergic march. (Pesticides are also implicated in food allergies, so though we certainly cannot afford all organic, we follow the Clean 15/Dirty Dozen most of the time).
And she is a somewhat picky eater, yet eats as much as an adult sometimes. And I am on a gestational diabetes diet and can't have many carbs, and an iron-rich diet because I'm significantly anemic.
Typical groceries we buy:
Sunbutter (she and I live on this stuff)
Bonne maman jam (only safe jam)
Allergy-free bread (Angelic Bakehouse, sold only at Whole Foods, only confirmed safe bread for her allergies)
Lots and lots of fresh veggies -- potatoes, squash, spinach, kale, broccoli, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, onions, garlic, leeks, herbs, beets, whatever is in season and on sale. Some organic for items that are especially likely to have pesticides. We belong to a CSA but only in summer/early fall.
Fresh fruit when on sale -- bananas, apples, oranges, occasionally berries when on sale
Frozen organic veggies for emergency meal-making--mostly spinach, kale, broccoli, brussels sprouts, etc
Whole antibiotic-free chicken (roast or slow-cook, use carcass to make stocks)
Dark meat chicken parts, antibiotic free
Cheap stew meat or slow-cooker appropriate cuts of beef or pork (antibiotic free when possible)
Whole Soy soy yogurt
Soy cheese
Pacific oat milk ($3-$5/quart)
Allergy-free baking supplies: flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking soda, salt, vanilla, etc.
Allergy-free oatmeal, grits and other hot cereals
Allergy-free deli meat and sausages and bacon from Applegate (SO EXPENSIVE but sometimes only way to get a quick meal for the kid in a pinch... Trader Joe's has best price on this)
Earth Balance soy garden buttery spread (only Earth Balance fake butter that is safe for kiddo)
McCormick spices and seasonings (only safe spice brand for us)
De Cecco pasta (only safe pasta)
Lundberg or Rice Select rice or couscous (confirmed safe)
Eden Organic dried and canned beans (only safe beans)
Rice noodles (Tinkyada only safe brand)
Soba noodles (Eden Organic only safe brand)
Muir Glen canned tomatoes (only safe brand)
Olive oil (we have a few safe brands)
Muir Glen ketchup
Safe crackers & chips: Wheat Thins, Triscuits, Tostitos
Safe tofu
Maple syrup
Safe raisins and dried fruit (Newman's Own is safe but pricey)
Cheerios
OK! So... if you read all that or even most of it, you have my gratitude. Ideas welcome!!! I do think our expenses should go down once baby actually arrives (we can cancel the Y once other free exercises are OK, we might buy SOME disposable diapers but we still have our cloth ones, we won't need formula because I'm going to breastfeed and hopefully after a while I'll be back on my feet and able to focus more on saving money on food and can take public transport again) but not sure they will go down ENOUGH without some work.
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Have your husband apply at the Apple Store. He already knows a lot about Macs due to his design background, so it should be fairly easy for him to get (I know, I'm a designer as well who worked at an NYC apple store for a year and a half). He'll start part-time, which will leave him time to do his freelance too. The starting pay in the NYC area is $17 an hour I believe. No reason he still can't apply to better full-time jobs, but that should be some low-hanging fruit for him to grab in the meantime.
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A couple of thoughts on food: kids generally don't want or need a whole lot of variety. Come up with 1 inexpensive breakfast and lunch and 2-3 dinners. Just keep repeating them. Make a distinction between what DD can't eat (allergic) and what you don't want her to eat. This may be the time that organic and hormone free has to go for awhile.
Can the medical program you daughter is on go on hiatus for awhile? Or would that put her back to zero?
You have lots of expenses that you can't afford on $400 a month income - Netflix, the Y, Pandora (whatever the heck that is), anything that has "fun" in the title.
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Do you have a car? Tell your husband to drive for Uber. He'll make $20-25 an hour after expenses and can work as much or as little as he likes. I know a few people that moonlight or morninglight as Uber drivers as those pay the highest rates.
If he doesn't have a car, apply to UPS or FedEx I know they will hire any able bodied person that can lift a 50lb box.
Your husband needs to be working two or three jobs, like yesterday. Does he feel like everything will just kind of work out?
Side topic, as a first generation immigrant that had parents work three jobs ranging from gas attendant to convenience store clerk. The concept of apply for all kinds of jobs for months and not finding work just doesn't compute in my mind. I mean I was thirteen years old when I started working and ever since then I basically got a job whenever I wanted to work. Sure I couldn't be picky if I needed a job immediately but I always knew I could get a job even if it was minimum wage or under the table. I mean if I had kids to feed, which I do, I would be washing dishes, scrubbing toilets, you name it, if I knew we would be going into debt.
Just realized, can you apply for disability or unemployment? Have you looked into that with HR or social services?
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Just some random thoughts:
Have you looked into a scholarship for the Y? Your income might be low enough to get a break on that.
You are paying quite a bit for Netflix, Internet and Pandora-have you looked into a cable package that might shave some $$ off your monthly rates?
Your husband might benefit from a job at Whole Foods-I believe staff get a 20% discount on food and are pretty well paid as a base rate.
If family are looking at gifts for you for Christmas / new baby maybe a gift card to Whole Foods / Trader Joe's might be a good suggestion?
The study that your daughter is part of is VERY expensive. How can they justify that price / month?Let the people who are running this know that it is a huge financial strain for you right now and that you may not be able to continue it until after maternity leave. They may be able to find some sort of waiver or at least hold her place until you are in a better position financially.
Bedrest sucks, but it will be worth it in the end. Try not to get too stressed out-hang in there!!
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It seems like a lot of your optional expenses can be pared down (our netflix is $8/month, and we stream Pandora for free).
Amazon might be a good source for some of your non-perishable foods (Tinkyada noodles for example are far cheaper on Amazon than at our local groceries, but you have to buy a case). Also, do you have a local Gleaner group or one nearby? In our area this is membership-based group that can take advantage of produce and other food from groceries, farms, and even individuals (e.g. excess fruit from trees on their property). I have several friends that save a considerable amount on their food bill with their membership (and membership cost can be deferred by volunteering a certain number of hours/year).
I second seeing if you qualify for any sort of aid. Good luck.
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For allergies I've heard it's possible to slowly introduce kids to allergens to build up their immune system. doctor supervised of course. and cut back on meat, just use small amounts for flavoring.
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Yikes...kinda scary spot to be in.
Are there support groups near you for kids with allergies? Because sometimes someone who has already been down that path can help? They know the best places to buy stuff cheap, or would go in on a bulk shipment?
You're on the wrong coast but an example out west would be:
azurestandard.com
unfi.com
Same exact stuff you buy at Trader Joe's (which does offer an employee food discount, btw) or Whole Foods, but at an amazing discount. Both will ship free one day a month on the west coast...I've gotten 800lbs of organic, grain free chicken feed delivered to my town with no shipping cost. But if there were some sort of pasta or light things it might actually pay you to have them shipped?
I think one thing that might help you is if while you're on maternity leave you experiment with making some food stuffs she can tolerate yourself...crackers or whatnot. Crockpot jam. Pear butter is even better than apple butter and can be done overnight in a crockpot...so much cheaper than the imported jam you mention.
Other than that I don't know what to tell you, but I hope you figure something out. Have a safe and Happy Holiday, and also a safe birth.
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Thanks everyone for ideas so far!
A few thoughts/responses:
On that food allergy treatment:
Yes, that food allergy treatment our daughter is in is super expensive ($500/month), but it is actually working and is currently considered by leading allergists to be one of the only chances for a real "cure" for food allergies. In the six months our daughter has been in treatment, instead of having three or four asthma attacks per month, she has had one the entire 6 months when she had a cold. The eczema and weeping open sores that covered her body have all but vanished. She has stopped having reactions all the time and has not needed her Epi-Pen once.
And she has gone from super-allergic to milk (reaction if someone who ate milk kissed her on cheek) to tolerating small amounts of milk baked into some foods. Without the treatment, she would probably never be able to attend a regular public school safely without an 1-to-1 aide hovering over her at all times.
With the treatment, she might actually outgrow some of her food allergies instead of developing new ones. So in the long run, it is an investment in our family and our daughter's health, happiness, etc.
If she was older she could get it through free clinical trials at Mt. Sinai, but they are only taking ages 12-45.
I belong to a lot of allergy-parent support groups (including one for children on this treatment) and we're generally all in the same crappy grocery shopping bind (unless the kids have just one or two allergies). Some of the other parents in the group have done "GoFundMe" projects to ask for donations for their children's treatment costs, but I feel really uncomfortable doing that.
On cutting some other expenses
We are definitely planning to cancel the Y and probably a bunch of other stuff when I'm on leave (like Netflix DVD service and Pandora radio, we can get DVDs from the public library and put up with ads on Pandora. And of course "fun money" and alcohol and whatever has to go when there isn't any income...
Still worrying we will come up short, though.
On husband's work sitch:
The Apple store is a great idea, not sure why we didn't think of that! He'll investigate.
Yes, he HAD been focusing his job search middle-income jobs like the ones he used to have before he became a freelancer (he was laid off in 2010, became a stay at home dad for a few years, then became a freelancer when we found an allergy-free preschool our daughter could safely attend). He also was a stay at home dad this summer so we didn't have to pay for summer camp. So he's mainly been job searching since the end of August. I think we weren't really looking at all kinds of odd jobs until more recently because we never thought he would get so few interviews.
We did think of Uber, but husband grew up in the city and hasn't driven a car more than once in the last 7 years. We take bikes and public transit and are frankly a bit afraid of driving since we do it so rarely. I wish we had an extra room we could rent on AirBNB!
Freelance $400 a month is an average, so hopefully he can also increase that -- this month it was $1,000, but some months it has been less than $400.
On food costs and feeding the picky eating kiddo...
This is something where I think we just need to get our discipline back and really focus, though I am honestly not sure how low we can get that bill until she outgrows some allergens--most of my friends who have kids with multiple allergies are in the same financial boat with their groceries.
When I am home on maternity leave I should be able to do a lot more of my from-scratch stuff again for sure once I am recovered from the birth and can wear baby on my back--bread and most baked goods from scratch (I love to bake and used to do all the time before I was on bedrest), crockpot jam, more couponing and sales flyer checking and timing sales at local grocery stores, etc. Making crackers is a great idea, those stupid Wheat Thins are $4 a box (but alas, the cheap crackers at Trader Joe's are full of allergens). And daughter loves to help bake safe foods she can eat.
We do already buy any non-perishable allergy-free foods online on Amazon Subscribe & Save or Vitacost to save money (if they are cheaper than local, which they almost ALWAYS are by far--NYC grocery stores are awful!), and we store them in bulk inside a storage bed in the kid's room. It's the perishables and fresh stuff that we buy locally that tend to kill our budget.
The kid's eating habits are a bit harder. I tried just serving her oatmeal with sunflower seeds and fruit for breakfast every day (what I eat) but she got really bored and refused to eat it after a while—she seems to need a variety--allergy-free bagels with Sunbutter one day, cereal and soy yogurt, oatmeal another, homemade whole wheat waffles another, Cheerios and oat milk another.
And she consumes SO much meat and chicken, more than husband or myself much of the time--doctor said it's because she's allergic to dairy and eggs and is craving protein. The only non-meat protein sources she will eat are Sunbutter and sunflower seeds, soy cheese/yogurt, chickpeas, and occasionally black beans, but when we present her with a bowl of vegetarian chili or beans and rice with just a few shreds of bacon or ham hocks for a little flavor, she's like "Where's the meat, Mommy? I'm HUNGRY!!!" She will pick out all the little bits of meat and ignore the rest sometimes.
I can't complain too much, though--unlike many four-year-olds, she does love her spinach and brussels sprouts.
A few other thoughts:
I do realize things could be a lot worse. We have no debt now, and could probably manage to pretty quickly pay off any we incur when I'm on leave. I just hate to go down that road--I would love to be socking money away into retirement and towards future financial freedom instead of digging ourselves into debt in the other direction.
And once I go back to work at the end of May, we then face question of whether husband should be stay at home dad again -- if he hasn't found a job that can pay enough for daycare, he'll have to, which is a bit of a bummer, since he'd like to go back to work.
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What about Starbucks? I'd bet the tips are good in Brooklyn.
BTW..... having read up a bit on atopic dermatitis and asthma for girls, I'm glad you're getting her treated. Apparently boys grow out of asthma, but girls, less so, and it can get more serious. Would they let you pay back on a longer term?
I'd also checkin with any of the food-help nonprofits. I mean, you're working in a non-profit, they understand the low-pay issue. Even 2-3 months of rental assistance and some food would help. WIC maybe?
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What about Starbucks? I'd bet the tips are good in Brooklyn.
BTW..... having read up a bit on atopic dermatitis and asthma for girls, I'm glad you're getting her treated. Apparently boys grow out of asthma, but girls, less so, and it can get more serious. Would they let you pay back on a longer term?
I'd also checkin with any of the food-help nonprofits. I mean, you're working in a non-profit, they understand the low-pay issue. Even 2-3 months of rental assistance and some food would help. WIC maybe?
Yes, I know $500 a month sounds like a lot for ... but if it ends the ER visits and hospital stays, it is beyond worth it. (She had to be hospitalized and put on steroids for two weeks when she was two, for example, for her severe asthma and atopic dermatitis). The asthma doctor says that on just six months of treatment, her lung function has almost doubled and she barely needs her steroid inhalers or steroid creams at all. And the Phase II trials have found the medicines she is on for asthma work better than prednisone without the side effects... it just takes the FDA forever to approve new drugs.
I checked on food stamps before but I think our income is usually too high, but I hadn't thought of the food help nonprofits or WIC. Maybe when I am on maternity leave without pay that would be an option--I never considered that! We couldn't really go to a food bank because many of the foods wouldn't be safe for her, but maybe one of the local nonprofits that has fresh produce could help us.
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What about Starbucks? I'd bet the tips are good in Brooklyn.
BTW..... having read up a bit on atopic dermatitis and asthma for girls, I'm glad you're getting her treated. Apparently boys grow out of asthma, but girls, less so, and it can get more serious. Would they let you pay back on a longer term?
I'd also checkin with any of the food-help nonprofits. I mean, you're working in a non-profit, they understand the low-pay issue. Even 2-3 months of rental assistance and some food would help. WIC maybe?
Yes, I know $500 a month sounds like a lot for ... but if it ends the ER visits and hospital stays, it is beyond worth it. (She had to be hospitalized and put on steroids for two weeks when she was two, for example, for her severe asthma and atopic dermatitis). The asthma doctor says that on just six months of treatment, her lung function has almost doubled and she barely needs her steroid inhalers or steroid creams at all. And the Phase II trials have found the medicines she is on for asthma work better than prednisone without the side effects... it just takes the FDA forever to approve new drugs.
I checked on food stamps before but I think our income is usually too high, but I hadn't thought of the food help nonprofits or WIC. Maybe when I am on maternity leave without pay that would be an option--I never considered that! We couldn't really go to a food bank because many of the foods wouldn't be safe for her, but maybe one of the local nonprofits that has fresh produce could help us.
Maybe make contact earlier if you can. The best kind of people to help are those who you know you can make the difference for. If you just need 6 months and you're on your feet, fantastic. Plus you sound like people who are trying to do their best to help themselves. Maybe someone would have contacts for your husband to get a job.
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What about Starbucks? I'd bet the tips are good in Brooklyn.
BTW..... having read up a bit on atopic dermatitis and asthma for girls, I'm glad you're getting her treated. Apparently boys grow out of asthma, but girls, less so, and it can get more serious. Would they let you pay back on a longer term?
I'd also checkin with any of the food-help nonprofits. I mean, you're working in a non-profit, they understand the low-pay issue. Even 2-3 months of rental assistance and some food would help. WIC maybe?
Yes, I know $500 a month sounds like a lot for ... but if it ends the ER visits and hospital stays, it is beyond worth it. (She had to be hospitalized and put on steroids for two weeks when she was two, for example, for her severe asthma and atopic dermatitis). The asthma doctor says that on just six months of treatment, her lung function has almost doubled and she barely needs her steroid inhalers or steroid creams at all. And the Phase II trials have found the medicines she is on for asthma work better than prednisone without the side effects... it just takes the FDA forever to approve new drugs.
I checked on food stamps before but I think our income is usually too high, but I hadn't thought of the food help nonprofits or WIC. Maybe when I am on maternity leave without pay that would be an option--I never considered that! We couldn't really go to a food bank because many of the foods wouldn't be safe for her, but maybe one of the local nonprofits that has fresh produce could help us.
Maybe make contact earlier if you can. The best kind of people to help are those who you know you can make the difference for. If you just need 6 months and you're on your feet, fantastic. Plus you sound like people who are trying to do their best to help themselves. Maybe someone would have contacts for your husband to get a job.
Looks like we would for sure qualify for WIC benefits while I'm on the unpaid portion of my leave (even if husband has a low-wage job) especially since I will be breastfeeding--there is a WIC office at the hospital near me, so I'm going to call them and discuss. Though I looked at their brochure and some of the main foods they offer -- milk, eggs, peanut butter -- are allergens we can't even keep in our house, but maybe they can be flexible and offer soy milk and Sunbutter instead given the circumstances. And they offer fruits and veggies and whole-grain cereal and whole-grain bread as well. So that might be a good $50 towards the weekly grocery bill.
SNAP/Food Stamps are out because we have too much in retirement savings. I'll look at other food programs too.
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I'm pretty sure WIC simply makes a list of what you're allowed to buy and hands you a debit card that you go and buy food with--should be flexible. Even if you're feeding everyone but your daughter, it's a great start.
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Do you have a car? Tell your husband to drive for Uber. He'll make $20-25 an hour after expenses and can work as much or as little as he likes. I know a few people that moonlight or morninglight as Uber drivers as those pay the highest rates.
NOPE! No, don't do that! If he gets into a crash while driving with someone in the car he would be covered on Uber's insurance. At ANY other time he has to be covered by his own insurance and by this I mean commercial driver insurance which runs about $200/week. If you do not have this and your regular insurance finds out you are using the car for commercial driving they will immediately drop your policy.
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On the food, you're buying lots of special carbs that I'm sure cost a lot, like the soba noodles and so on. Since your daughter can eat potatoes, think about ways you can use them to stretch out your food budget, since they're so cheap. Might be kind of tough with the dairy and egg allergies, but there are probably solutions. Cut them in different shapes, bake, fry, boil, put them in a soup, mash and make potato cakes, maybe make eggless gnocchi, etc. Most of these iterations can be done with sweet potatoes too, for more variety.
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Could your husband step in and bake bread, make jam, etc. to cut down on food costs, since you're on bed rest? And, he's currently underemployed?
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So sorry to hear about your little one with food allergies. I grew up with a mom with celiac disease who also cannot eat dairy, and it can be hard when you start having to eliminate more and more and more (she can't have pea protein, certain veg, etc). She has leaky gut as well, and just started the GAPS protocol. Bone broths, stuff like that. It's supposed to help. Glad to hear this medical trial is working so well for your little one!
My husband and I were soy, dairy, egg and gluten free for a year and a half (and are now just soy and gluten free). Horsepoor is right-where your grocery budget is killing you is in the prepared baked goods. We have to make things like pre-made pasta or pizza crust a rare treat item. I know it's hard when time is short and you just want to give your kid a cracker with some sunbutter.
Sunbutter can be made at home; I know that stuff is expensive as hell (like $12 a jar and I live in a LCOL area). If she eats a lot of dried fruit, you might benefit from getting a nice dehydrator. It would be a big initial outlay but compare it to those individual tiny fruit leathers or raisins or whatever and it might pay for itself quickly.
Also, I'm not a parent, so I should probably shut up, but when I was growing up if I didn't like the food that was placed in front of me, I had to try one bite, and if I didn't like it I was allowed to make myself a bowl of cereal. I do know that with allergic kids it's important to do some level of food rotation so they don't become sensitive to the thing they eat a lot of, but having to rotate food every single day just because your kid won't eat it more than one day in a row sounds a little extreme. Again, not a parent, but has anyone here ever tried letting their kid...not eat for one meal if they don't want oatmeal two days in a row? And then she'll be hungry at some point and will HAVE to eat whatever is in front of her (within her allergen guidelines of course) at the next meal. Or maybe doing oatmeal first week of the month, waffles the second week, etc?
Also plus seven on your husband finding multiple part-time jobs; anything he can get at this point, because mostly you guys have an income issue. When my husband was starting out with his web development business, he got a LOT of sub-contractor work by posting ads in other cities' Craigslists. We lived in Utah but he listed ads in Portland, LA, San Francisco, etc. Might try that. I know some people have luck with eLance, but YMMV.
And, Amyable has a point: why isn't your husband cooking since he's barely working?
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I would consider cutting maternity leave short. 9 weeks is not unheard of for maternity leave.
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Wow! I am impressed with how well you are managing your lives! I can't imagine working around so many allergans.
I wanted to speak to the length of your maternity leave (as I type my 7-week old is sleeping in the Baby K-Tan carrier...).
I am totally with you on 18 weeks feeling like a minimally acceptable time to be home with a newborn. The US is seriously cro-magnan in how it values (not) baby bonding and family building time.
I am basically self-employed and with my firstborn, I took 4 months of leave, all unpaid. Hubby was working at the time, so we managed the income shortfall by cutting way back on expenses and trimming our savings rate. We never went into debt, and we made it work.
However, with this baby (#2), I am the sole breadwinner - DH is stay-at-home parent to our son. As such, as much as I believe in, and want, similar uninterrupted maternity leave with our new daughter, our reality is that I am the only person bringing in income for the family. Which seems like essentially the same situation you are in.
I bit the bullet and went back to work on a part-time basis (like, 10 hours a week) when DD was 5 weeks old. No lie, it's not easy, but it's also not as bad as it sounds. We are able to schedule my work hours between feedings for the most part (and much of my work is done from home), so I haven't had to pump too much or use too many bottles with her. She is also still physically on my person 12+ hours a day, and even though I will have to ramp up my work hours when she is 13 weeks / 3 months old, I still feel good that she is getting lots of good parental bonding time throughout given that hubby is SAHD.
I share my experience only to gently challenge the notion that you absolutely must have 18 weeks of leave. Are you certain that this is non-negotiable? Only you can answer that of course...
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I'm pretty sure WIC simply makes a list of what you're allowed to buy and hands you a debit card that you go and buy food with--should be flexible. Even if you're feeding everyone but your daughter, it's a great start.
Except if this kid is so allergic that she can't be kissed by someone who had drank milk, I am not sure if they can have those foods there. Tell the WIC people about the allergies, NY allows for substitutions because of allergies. However, why not go back to work after the first nine weeks, if your husband is home.
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Could your husband step in and bake bread, make jam, etc. to cut down on food costs, since you're on bed rest? And, he's currently underemployed?
Right now husband is doing 95% of all household stuff (he had been doing 80% since I got pregnant, and now does almost all due to me being on partial bedrest) -- all laundry, all dishes, all cleaning, much of the child/kid care stuff (he does all the hard stuff and I get the snuggles while lying on the couch), all the grocery shopping and 80% of the cooking. I do almost nothing besides work from home lying in bed and snuggle with kiddo and tell her stories and play with her.
If he was also baking bread and making jam or pasta as well I think that might interfere with his job hunting and the freelance gigs he still has. I think that will have to wait until I'm on leave and physically able to help out agin.
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On the food, you're buying lots of special carbs that I'm sure cost a lot, like the soba noodles and so on. Since your daughter can eat potatoes, think about ways you can use them to stretch out your food budget, since they're so cheap. Might be kind of tough with the dairy and egg allergies, but there are probably solutions. Cut them in different shapes, bake, fry, boil, put them in a soup, mash and make potato cakes, maybe make eggless gnocchi, etc. Most of these iterations can be done with sweet potatoes too, for more variety.
That's a good point. We have a pasta maker and have made pasta and gnocchi before... and once I don't have gestational diabetes, potatoes are always a great meal base!
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I'm pretty sure WIC simply makes a list of what you're allowed to buy and hands you a debit card that you go and buy food with--should be flexible. Even if you're feeding everyone but your daughter, it's a great start.
Except if this kid is so allergic that she can't be kissed by someone who had drank milk, I am not sure if they can have those foods there. Tell the WIC people about the allergies, NY allows for substitutions because of allergies. However, why not go back to work after the first nine weeks, if your husband is home.
Yeah, we can't eat/keep those foods in the house for fear they could get on surfaces, plates, etc. But I'm sure WIC has some other options.
The reason I don't want to go back to work at nine weeks is because one of the main reasons I took my current job three years ago was for the long maternity leave and other benefits. Everyone has values they focus on, and for me, it is really important to me to bond and be with my newborn for longer than the paltry average in the U.S.
I got 12 weeks unpaid with my daughter at my previous job and it was not nearly enough--we had barely got breastfeeding all in order at that point and I had a lot of challenges with pumping at work. I would rather cut all expenses we can down to the bone and husband would rather work whatever job he can find for a time or rather than losing that precious time with a baby I'd never get back again. Husband has had his turn spending time at home with a baby when he was a stay at home dad--it's my turn this time.
I mean, the main reason we'd love to retire early one day if we ever can is to spend more time with our kids instead of working--to me that is infinitely more precious than maintaining any standard of living. The U.S. is pitiful when it comes to maternity leave. But given our current savings, by the time we get to early retirement, this little baby is going to be a teen.
And if husband finds a decent job, I am going to take the option of extending my leave to 26 weeks total (another 8 weeks unpaid)--that's what most of my coworkers have done.
I mean, it's not that we have NOTHING saved for my maternity leave... right now at our current level of expenses, we will have enough for me to be on at leave at least 13 weeks... we just need to cut those expenses and bring up income to make it through another 5 weeks.
Again, we are not in a huge crisis here--more a bit of panic and "oh crap, we need to figure something out right now" mode. We have no debt, we have some retirement savings... we just have some crazy medical and grocery bills that are messing with our Mustachian mojo, as it were.
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So sorry to hear about your little one with food allergies. I grew up with a mom with celiac disease who also cannot eat dairy, and it can be hard when you start having to eliminate more and more and more (she can't have pea protein, certain veg, etc). She has leaky gut as well, and just started the GAPS protocol. Bone broths, stuff like that. It's supposed to help. Glad to hear this medical trial is working so well for your little one!
My husband and I were soy, dairy, egg and gluten free for a year and a half (and are now just soy and gluten free). Horsepoor is right-where your grocery budget is killing you is in the prepared baked goods. We have to make things like pre-made pasta or pizza crust a rare treat item. I know it's hard when time is short and you just want to give your kid a cracker with some sunbutter.
Sunbutter can be made at home; I know that stuff is expensive as hell (like $12 a jar and I live in a LCOL area). If she eats a lot of dried fruit, you might benefit from getting a nice dehydrator. It would be a big initial outlay but compare it to those individual tiny fruit leathers or raisins or whatever and it might pay for itself quickly.
Also, I'm not a parent, so I should probably shut up, but when I was growing up if I didn't like the food that was placed in front of me, I had to try one bite, and if I didn't like it I was allowed to make myself a bowl of cereal. I do know that with allergic kids it's important to do some level of food rotation so they don't become sensitive to the thing they eat a lot of, but having to rotate food every single day just because your kid won't eat it more than one day in a row sounds a little extreme. Again, not a parent, but has anyone here ever tried letting their kid...not eat for one meal if they don't want oatmeal two days in a row? And then she'll be hungry at some point and will HAVE to eat whatever is in front of her (within her allergen guidelines of course) at the next meal. Or maybe doing oatmeal first week of the month, waffles the second week, etc?
Also plus seven on your husband finding multiple part-time jobs; anything he can get at this point, because mostly you guys have an income issue. When my husband was starting out with his web development business, he got a LOT of sub-contractor work by posting ads in other cities' Craigslists. We lived in Utah but he listed ads in Portland, LA, San Francisco, etc. Might try that. I know some people have luck with eLance, but YMMV.
And, Amyable has a point: why isn't your husband cooking since he's barely working?
Yes, Sunbutter can definitely be made at home. Right now I generally manage to get it for $4/jar or occasionally less with sales/coupons/buying online in bulk but we'll probably try homemade when I'm on leave.
And I probably exaggerate a little--I don't have to give her something different EVERY day, but she won't eat the exact same breakfast for a week or two like I do. And kids with so many multiple severe food allergies often have "feeding" issues and can become severely picky/fearful about food to the extent that they need special allergy-free formula to get enough nutrition...
... and they have to eat a wide variety of rotating foods to keep from developing new allergens to the ones they haven't eaten recently. For example--kiddo used to be fine eating peanut butter and not allergic at all--then she got bored with it and didn't eat for a few months and then developed an allergy to it and needed her Epi-Pen when I gave her peanut butter waffles--now we can't even have peanut butter in the house. And she passed a shrimp food challenge and now must eat shrimp at least once per month to avoid developing shellfish allergy, etc.
But it's totally a reasonable critique, whether or not you have kids yourself! I do think there can be an over-catering to picky eating... and kiddo knows that she's not getting any dessert or snacks if she doesn't at least try everything we put in front of her and eat some veggies.
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You mention cutting the optional expenses while on leave. Do it all now (not then). And move Netflix & Pandora into optional:-) Cut everything you can before asking family for a loan/gift. Had the optionals been cut some months ago you would have been set for your leave. Not sure lack of planning means family has to kick in (not meaning to sound harsh, just blunt:-)
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I work full time and do freelance graphic design on the side.
If your husband charges an hourly rate, the new year is a good time to raise it. A letter thanking his existing clients for their business over the previous year will help to keep him top of mind for future business. You can google some of the wording regarding raising your hourly rate, but generally the best practice is to just state what the new rate is, no need to try to give a reason because it can come across as an excuse and clients may try to bargain down. Just say something like: because you so appreciate their business, you are giving them advance notice that your rate will be increasing by X date.
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You mention cutting the optional expenses while on leave. Do it all now (not then). And move Netflix & Pandora into optional:-) Cut everything you can before asking family for a loan/gift. Had the optionals been cut some months ago you would have been set for your leave. Not sure lack of planning means family has to kick in (not meaning to sound harsh, just blunt:-)
Oh, it's not harsh. You are quite right--I think it was delusional of us not to cut more of our optional expenses months ago, we just couldn't believe husband's job search would take so long or his freelance business wouldn't pick up more and were obviously in denial! If we had cut those when I first got pregnant, we would certainly be far closer to our goal (maybe not all the way there, but way closer).
We would HATE to borrow from our families, and there are SO many strings attached to that kind of thing. They would be happy to help (our daughter means the world to them and they know how much those monthly treatments cost), but they would also be happy to comment on every single purchase we made and otherwise make us feel like kids instead of adults.
I think the more I look though, this really is also an income problem as someone mentioned above, not just an expense problem. (It's also a time problem--when you are sick or temporarily disabled, the time available to do all the thrifty things needed to cut expenses goes down). Husband put in his applications to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods -- we'll see if they have any hours available, and of course he's continuing to look at other things that pay better and other freelance gigs.
I really appreciate all the advice, and of course I'm not offended by folks being blunt... I did ask for help after all!
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I work full time and do freelance graphic design on the side.
If your husband charges an hourly rate, the new year is a good time to raise it. A letter thanking his existing clients for their business over the previous year will help to keep him top of mind for future business. You can google some of the wording regarding raising your hourly rate, but generally the best practice is to just state what the new rate is, no need to try to give a reason because it can come across as an excuse and clients may try to bargain down. Just say something like: because you so appreciate their business, you are giving them advance notice that your rate will be increasing by X date.
Thanks for the tip! Yes, he does charge an hourly rate (used to be $25, now $30 and $35 for some clients). The problem is less what he gets paid per hour but more that he isn't getting enough hours... his two biggest steady clients (who used to account for about $1,500 - $2,000 per month together) took all their graphic design and illustration inhouse or switched from using illustrations to cheap stock photos. He has found a few new ones but the number of regular clients whose rate he could raise is just 2 or 3 -- still worth doing, though.
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I can totally sympathize about wanting a longer maternity leave. My job only provided 6 weeks paid maternity leave, and my husband was long-term unemployed. It wasn't easy, but for me it made more sense than forgoing the pay. For my second, I extended the leave to 8 weeks with some vacation and then went part time for a few weeks. That really helped because I could feed my son before I left and when I got home and pump once at work.
FWIW, I found that breastfeeding the second was way easier than the first, even from the beginning. I think it was because I knew what I was doing, even if the baby didn't. You may not have the same problems the second time around.
Only you can decide if a longer leave is worth debt, buy just remember it is an option.
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FWIW, I found that breastfeeding the second was way easier than the first, even from the beginning. I think it was because I knew what I was doing, even if the baby didn't. You may not have the same problems the second time around.
Agree! I have been pleasantly surprised at how much easier it has been with #2. Not problem free, but a lot easier. Hopefully you'll have the same experience, OP.
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Well I don't have experience with allergies. But all I can say about bringing down food bills:
1. Figure out the cost per meal of the meals you do eat.
2. Put the cheap ones in rotation more often
3. Figure out if you can make stuff yourself (you were doing a lot of that before)
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FWIW, I found that breastfeeding the second was way easier than the first, even from the beginning. I think it was because I knew what I was doing, even if the baby didn't. You may not have the same problems the second time around.
Agree! I have been pleasantly surprised at how much easier it has been with #2. Not problem free, but a lot easier. Hopefully you'll have the same experience, OP.
Oh, I sure hope so! The first time around I got awful painful thrush that took FOREVER to get rid of, then oversupply and vasospasms and some other not fun issues... it took me seven months to be able to nurse kiddo or pump without pain! (And then I nursed her very easily until she was almost three). Formula wasn't an option since she is very allergic to cow's milk and I was pretty stubborn about making breastfeeding work. That was partly why going back to work at 12 weeks was so hard for me.
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Found this easy and cheap oat milk recipe:
http://ohsheglows.com/2013/01/10/homemade-oat-milk-easy-fast-cheap
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FWIW, I found that breastfeeding the second was way easier than the first, even from the beginning. I think it was because I knew what I was doing, even if the baby didn't. You may not have the same problems the second time around.
Agree! I have been pleasantly surprised at how much easier it has been with #2. Not problem free, but a lot easier. Hopefully you'll have the same experience, OP.
Oh, I sure hope so! The first time around I got awful painful thrush that took FOREVER to get rid of, then oversupply and vasospasms and some other not fun issues... it took me seven months to be able to nurse kiddo or pump without pain! (And then I nursed her very easily until she was almost three). Formula wasn't an option since she is very allergic to cow's milk and I was pretty stubborn about making breastfeeding work. That was partly why going back to work at 12 weeks was so hard for me.
Sadly for me, that was not the case. I was at least experienced enough to realize the problems earlier, and fix them.
I still was plagued with plugged ducts. And with #2, I realized that's what they were, so I was much less willing to suffer them. Even though I was pumping more often, working fewer hours. With #1, I nursed for 13.5 months (6 weeks after stopping pumping, he weaned). With #2, I only made it 10 months (6 months after I gave up pumping, he weaned).
I hope it's much easier for you.
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Given that OP has a kid with allergies, it would definitely be beneficial for her to nurse her kids.
I found #2 was easier than #1 because the breasts just weren't ready to nurse--needed a little stretching, which meant cracked and bleeding nipples for #1. But I also knew how to avoid the plugged ducts better. With number 1, I'd stopped rotating and ended up with mastitis.
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In re the picky eating problem: rather than having a week of this then a week of that, why not rotate based on days of the week? I had a very limited diet for a time as a child and to avoid the constant tantrums, Monday was pasta day, Wednesday was pizza day and Friday was chicken day. The other days varied, but you could do it with every day of the week if you wanted. It would take some of the decision-making/thinking out of dinner and mean you can prep in advance and freeze if you want to. It gives the illusion of more variety (though I used to love the routine). And you can make different sauces or toppings to mix up chilli day or stir try day or whatever.
(Also, as someone else mentioned, have you ever tried just saying "OK" when she refuses to eat something? She can eat what's on the table or nothing and both options are fine. My parents never did that to me, but I often wonder if it would have helped.)
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Good for you taking that time off after baby. You can't ever get that back. Don't listen to people saying it's "too much" etc - do what is right for your family. Unfortunately maternity leave in this country sucks.
Breastfeed your new baby.
I hear you about the food allergies - we were in a similar situation but now improving with some alternative allergy treatments. I know how stressful this can be.
Your expenses (with the exception of food - and there is only so much you can do there) are pretty reasonable. Focus on increasing income, every little bit helps. Have anything you don't need/use that you can sell?
Baking your own gluten free bread isn't too hard and might be cheaper for you, esp if you're using a lot of it:)
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(Also, as someone else mentioned, have you ever tried just saying "OK" when she refuses to eat something? She can eat what's on the table or nothing and both options are fine. My parents never did that to me, but I often wonder if it would have helped.)
What else can you do? I never figured out how to safely shove food down my kid's throat if they didn't want to eat it. :)
My only exception would be if they are in the lower 10th percentile weight-wise or losing weight because they're clearly not eating enough. We did have that with one of our kids, and once I realized his situation, I started just feeding him whatever he wanted, even if it was ice cream or chips. I figure something was better than nothing. He's back up to a good healthy weight today.
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I don't have a kid but what I've read is that the more the kid is involved the more they will eat the food. In France they have kids as young as three learning to cook.
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I don't have a kid but what I've read is that the more the kid is involved the more they will eat the food. In France they have kids as young as three learning to cook.
Yes, this is very true. She's been helping me cook since she was three, actually--and as she has gotten older, we let her do more (but no going near oven or sharp knives, so she can only cut soft things with her kid's knife). She can make her own sandwiches, knead bread, mix pancakes, assemble a salad, mix guacamolé, roll cooked sushi, and much more. Kids with that many allergies HAVE to learn how to cook--she will never be able to eat in a restaurant.
Most of the time, this seems to encourage her to actually eat the item, but it's not foolproof... there has been many a time when she made a whole allergy-free pizza with me but then only ate the pepperoni off the top when it was done.
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(Also, as someone else mentioned, have you ever tried just saying "OK" when she refuses to eat something? She can eat what's on the table or nothing and both options are fine. My parents never did that to me, but I often wonder if it would have helped.)
What else can you do? I never figured out how to safely shove food down my kid's throat if they didn't want to eat it. :)
My only exception would be if they are in the lower 10th percentile weight-wise or losing weight because they're clearly not eating enough. We did have that with one of our kids, and once I realized his situation, I started just feeding him whatever he wanted, even if it was ice cream or chips. I figure something was better than nothing. He's back up to a good healthy weight today.
Yes, we do sort of follow the "one bite" rule but it seems to work better if we just put out a variety of healthy foods and let her eat which ones she wants.
The "you have to eat all your veggies" really backfired on us when we used to try it... there was a day when I was like "you need to eat all your peas before you can have more noodles or chicken..." and I thought she was just complaining because she didn't LIKE the peas. She ate all her peas... and was covered in hives minutes later. Turns out she developed a brand-new allergy to peas (apparently relatively common in children who have peanut allergy) and was complaining because they made her mouth itch.
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General update: husband and I went over all suggestions and had a meeting last night to take another super close look at both income and expenses.
For the income, short-term plan is for husband to apply to Whole Foods, Trader Joes, Apple Store and maybe Starbucks and see what he can get there, while continuing to do as much freelance as he can on the side... medium-term plan is for him to find a steady job with pay that will be enough to put the new baby in daycare when I go back to work (failing that, he will stay at home with baby until he finds such a job).
On the expenses, we found a few small things to slice off for now (the fun money and entertainment, Pandora and Netflix DVD service, all restaurants, all alcohol) and looked really carefully at the grocery bills again.
It was actually a bigger jump than I thought when we looked in YNAB--last year, our average grocery bill was $550 a month (that was when we she just had 5 allergies and we were total grocery cost ninjas, really focused all the time on watching sales flyers and meal planning and buying everything at the cheapest store at the cheapest price and calculating cost per meal, etc).
It jumped up to $800 average when she developed the 5 new allergens, but it didn't jump to $1,000+ until I started having pregnancy complications and gestational diabetes and our from-scratch cooking and grocery-saving mojo tanked.
So I THINK that we must be able to slice at least $200/month out of that grocery bill or more... we can eat less organic stuff (just go antibiotic-free with meats, which we already often do), ditch most snack/processed foods, update our safe foods price book spreadsheet and make a new cost-per-meal spreadsheet (we haven't done this since she developed the new allergens) and put those meals into more frequent rotation as someone suggested above.
We shall see. I am feeling slightly less panicked now (which is good--since I'll be having a baby in 3-5 weeks, I need to stay calm!)
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No advice on how to save any significant amount of money that hasn't already been covered, but I had a thought about the love of meat thing. I am not sure what sorts of fats your family tends to eat-- probably not a lot if you can't do butter or most vegetable oils? But meat tends to be fatty, and fats are a particularly dense source of calories. Particularly, it is the saturated fat variety which is important for children's brain development.
I have a child who can't do dairy or gluten (and am experiencing a newfound appreciation for the limits of his sensitivities, lol) and to sub butter for frying and some baked things, I use tallow (fat that sheaths the liver in cows). You can buy it very cheap from butcher shops in unprocessed chunks, cut it into more bite sized chunks (removing meaty sections), and then melt it down and strain out any membranes. Store in fridge.
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My comments here are to show alternatives to your situation... These may not fit with your value system, so just a "foil" to help you think through your situation.
1) Maternity leave at 9 weeks, plus 9 weeks. That is 18 weeks for the primary income earner to be out of work, for only an average of 50% pay. I highly recommend that you return to work (even if from home full time for a few weeks), after the first 12 weeks, and DH stay home. Chances are that without a C-section, you will be feeling MUCH MUCH better than you do now, by the time 12 weeks is past. Note that the "wonderful" 1 year Canadian maternity leave is actually at the same pay you indicate here... which is one reason why I was not able to take full advantage of it-- money can be important.
Your husband then becomes a SAHD for a year, with only occasional freelance work to top up income, as workload permits. Totally do-able, and recommended if you have a pre-schooler with medical issues, AND a newborn at home. I will point out that there is no difference in your values between staying home 18 weeks and 36 weeks, so you may as well go "whole hog" now and have a SAHD for the on-going parenting.
2) Excema, Asthma, food allergies, etc -- you do know that most kids change or outgrow these issues by the time they are 8 or 10 years old? My son had horrible excema, triggered by allergies, which went mostly away by 5 years, when moderate asthma developed (no more than 1 trip to emergency a year), which also is now only "mild" at age 12. His allergic reactions are also now very mild in comparison. Meanwhile, my sister picked up a severe fish allergy at the age of 24, after eating fish 2x a week for her entire life, and severe excema for about 10 years before it went away again. Allergies and impacts change with age, diet, lifestyle.
My two cents is that you either need to find a charity source to pay for the allergy treatments, or you need to afford them yourself. In your situation, I would take my child off the non-covered treatment, and just double down on locating the allergen sources in her diet / environment, realizing that it will likely get better in a couple of years, as long as you stick to it for now. Maybe have a goal that your DH needs to find additional work to cover her treatment before you resume. Nothing like a real goal to help be creative to find real income.
3) Treatment: You do know that many non-authorized treatments do seem to work, but then are proven to be no more effective than other treatments/ methods? This is one reason why so many never make it to funded stage. $500 per month is far to much to spend on this right now... (Yes, I too, have paid $500/month for non-covered "therapy" (unrelated to allergies) for my child too, and it worked, but at some point I had to wake up to the fact that it was a diminishing returns "improvement", at a huge cost, and we ended it after 8 months to no real detriment.).
Good Luck! I hope that when the new babe comes, all your worries will fade away...
It is in our nature to be worried like this just before the baby comes. Some of us "nest", and some of us worry about stable (financial) home at around 36 weeks.
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Piece of advice on the meal planning. It seems to me that you are trying to do food replacements (at high prices) rather than finding foods that your daughter is not allergic to and cooking with them.
For example, is there a carbohydrate (pasta, rice, bread, tortillas, quinoa, couscous, potatoes, etc.) that she is not allergic to? If so, then feature that/those in her diet and stop buying expensive allergen-free pasta. This also applies for butters. We don't need to eat butter. Or jams. Or milk. I did a lot of reading online about milk. It's hard to find the truth, but it seems pretty likely that a milk free (any kind of milk, real or fake) diet is possible as long as you get your nutrition from other foods.
I understand that with a daughter allergic to 10 categories that it gets difficult to find satisfying meals (for you or for her).
My argument is basically the old vegetarian argument: stop eating meat substitutes and just eat a healthy diet without meat.
Good luck.
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You might want to take a look at what taxes you are having withheld from your paycheck, because with all your medical expenses, you might be able to deduct them? If so, you could reduce your withholding and bank more of those dollars rather than wait for a refund.
Also, it occurred to me that you guys would be in an ideal position to start a blog about your daughter's allergies. With your husband's skills and your family experiences, it's a niche that would probably find a very interested base of readers. You could have a donate button, and you would probably get freebies from companies wanting reviews, and possibly you could make a bit of money from ads. You could even make it a frugal living with high medical expenses sort of niche blog.
In any case, good luck to you!
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My comments here are to show alternatives to your situation... These may not fit with your value system, so just a "foil" to help you think through your situation.
1) Maternity leave at 9 weeks, plus 9 weeks. That is 18 weeks for the primary income earner to be out of work, for only an average of 50% pay. I highly recommend that you return to work (even if from home full time for a few weeks), after the first 12 weeks, and DH stay home. Chances are that without a C-section, you will be feeling MUCH MUCH better than you do now, by the time 12 weeks is past. Note that the "wonderful" 1 year Canadian maternity leave is actually at the same pay you indicate here... which is one reason why I was not able to take full advantage of it-- money can be important.
Your husband then becomes a SAHD for a year, with only occasional freelance work to top up income, as workload permits. Totally do-able, and recommended if you have a pre-schooler with medical issues, AND a newborn at home. I will point out that there is no difference in your values between staying home 18 weeks and 36 weeks, so you may as well go "whole hog" now and have a SAHD for the on-going parenting.
2) Excema, Asthma, food allergies, etc -- you do know that most kids change or outgrow these issues by the time they are 8 or 10 years old? My son had horrible excema, triggered by allergies, which went mostly away by 5 years, when moderate asthma developed (no more than 1 trip to emergency a year), which also is now only "mild" at age 12. His allergic reactions are also now very mild in comparison. Meanwhile, my sister picked up a severe fish allergy at the age of 24, after eating fish 2x a week for her entire life, and severe excema for about 10 years before it went away again. Allergies and impacts change with age, diet, lifestyle.
My two cents is that you either need to find a charity source to pay for the allergy treatments, or you need to afford them yourself. In your situation, I would take my child off the non-covered treatment, and just double down on locating the allergen sources in her diet / environment, realizing that it will likely get better in a couple of years, as long as you stick to it for now. Maybe have a goal that your DH needs to find additional work to cover her treatment before you resume. Nothing like a real goal to help be creative to find real income.
3) Treatment: You do know that many non-authorized treatments do seem to work, but then are proven to be no more effective than other treatments/ methods? This is one reason why so many never make it to funded stage. $500 per month is far to much to spend on this right now... (Yes, I too, have paid $500/month for non-covered "therapy" (unrelated to allergies) for my child too, and it worked, but at some point I had to wake up to the fact that it was a diminishing returns "improvement", at a huge cost, and we ended it after 8 months to no real detriment.).
Good Luck! I hope that when the new babe comes, all your worries will fade away...
It is in our nature to be worried like this just before the baby comes. Some of us "nest", and some of us worry about stable (financial) home at around 36 weeks.
Definitely aware that many treatments in development seem to work but are then proven ineffective--but actually, the treatments she's on have been shown to work in double-blind placebo-controlled clinical trials that have been running for over a decade. They just haven't made it through final steps of the process.
And while many children do outgrow some food allergies by age 8 or 10, she is in a different situation. Eggs and milk are commonly outgrown (she is already showing signs of outgrowing milk) but the other allergens she has are generally life-long in 80% of cases (sesame, tree nuts, peanuts, mustard). She was also developing many new allergies to previously safe foods until she started the treatment--her system was just on allergic hyperdrive. Her allergies are so severe she might not be able to attend public kindergarten next fall -- which would be a far greater financial problem than $500/month.
We are extremely strict with allergen sources in the home/environment/food... which is why our grocery safe list is so restricted. Many of her allergens are non-top-8 and therefore do not need to appear on labels at all under U.S. law. So for every food on her list, we have to call/email the companies every three to six months to confirm the items are still safe and that the. All the reactions she has had in the past four years were either due to developing a brand-new allergy to a food that was fine before (like peas) or to a company changing it's manufacturing practices suddenly (i.e. suddenly making sesame crackers on the same line as formerly safe plain wheat crackers) or to someone coming into contact with her who hadn't washed hands/face properly (a small cousin at a party kissing her on the cheek before we could stop her after eating ice cream).
And the asthma treatment she is on has had several double-blind placebo-controlled trials that also showed it to be extremely effective.
So while I think we can certainly slice that grocery bill and other bills smaller, that's not a place I am willing to cut.
Also--someone else noted that tax deductions are possible for medical expenses. We have an FSA through my work but the limit is $2,500 per year. We then also deduct all additional medical expenses -- including the difference in cost between the specialty allergen-free foods and non-allergen-free ones.
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Piece of advice on the meal planning. It seems to me that you are trying to do food replacements (at high prices) rather than finding foods that your daughter is not allergic to and cooking with them.
For example, is there a carbohydrate (pasta, rice, bread, tortillas, quinoa, couscous, potatoes, etc.) that she is not allergic to? If so, then feature that/those in her diet and stop buying expensive allergen-free pasta. This also applies for butters. We don't need to eat butter. Or jams. Or milk. I did a lot of reading online about milk. It's hard to find the truth, but it seems pretty likely that a milk free (any kind of milk, real or fake) diet is possible as long as you get your nutrition from other foods.
I understand that with a daughter allergic to 10 categories that it gets difficult to find satisfying meals (for you or for her).
My argument is basically the old vegetarian argument: stop eating meat substitutes and just eat a healthy diet without meat.
Good luck.
Yes, these are all good points! Part of the challenge here is that some of her FAVORITE foods are the fake stuff--the fake milk, the fake butter, the fake cheese. But I'm sure it would benefit us both budget and health-wise to move away from those as much as we can... though it would limit our ability to make allergy-free foods that seem "just like the real thing" (like soy cheese pizza, etc).
The other challenge is that even many "plain" foods like dried beans, pasta, quinoa, couscous, rice etc, need to be purchased in a safe variety from a manufacturer who can assure me they aren't contaminated by nuts, sesame seeds, etc. (For example--we can't buy them from the bulk bins at Whole Foods because of cross-contact... even bags of Goya dried beans are not safe, etc). Not potatoes though--those can be bought wherever.
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You might want to take a look at what taxes you are having withheld from your paycheck, because with all your medical expenses, you might be able to deduct them? If so, you could reduce your withholding and bank more of those dollars rather than wait for a refund.
Also, it occurred to me that you guys would be in an ideal position to start a blog about your daughter's allergies. With your husband's skills and your family experiences, it's a niche that would probably find a very interested base of readers. You could have a donate button, and you would probably get freebies from companies wanting reviews, and possibly you could make a bit of money from ads. You could even make it a frugal living with high medical expenses sort of niche blog.
In any case, good luck to you!
Thank you! I do have an allergy-free cooking & lifestyle blog but I have been neglecting it ... so right now it only brings in a sad little $3 per month (as opposed to my much-longer-standing sewing blog, which tends to bring in $50 monthly for ads even when I don't have time to blog). I'm sure if I put more effort in it could go up by quite a bit.
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It sounds like the peas was a one-off bad result, rather than a common happenstance, so I would suggest catering to her less. Meal rotation for the week on a daily basis is a good idea.
We only have a finite amount of money, so we have to spend it on our priorities. Sometimes we get into a rock/hard place and need to make decisions we don't like. Please prioritize for us the following items:
- DD's allergy treatment
- 18 weeks maternity leave (versus 9, 12, or some variant in between)
- Going into debt
Shy of DH getting a job (which it sounds like he's working on), those are your big choices. You plan for the worst case scenario, such as not getting a job. You can save a bit here and there on cutting out luxuries like Pandora (really? I listen all day and put up with the ads), but ultimately you need to prioritize the above because that's the big costs. It sounds like #3 is your least priority. (Me, I'd choose #2 and have a 12 week maternity leave. And I'm entitled to 6 months unpaid at my job too. But that's why we need you to say what's most important.)
btw, the "fairness" of your husband having had time at home doesn't wash with me. Sometimes that happens, that one parents gets more bonding time than the other. Often it's the reverse genders. That's life. Be happy you got that time for your DD rather than feeling it has to be even with your new baby.
Great to work on cutting the grocery bill down. Hopefully your husband can step it up here until after you are back on your feet. There was a potato thread around here a while ago you might hunt up.
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I completely respect your decision to stay home as long as possible, or whatever feels right to you. Your employer has let you work from home for the end of your pregnancy - would you be able to work from home (or do PT work from home/etc) after baby? Like maybe take 12 weeks off completely, then wks 12-18 you could work (some) at home? Then you could still be available to feed and bond with baby and could maybe help close your $ gap?
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Forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but why do you need 18 weeks of maternity leave? 12 weeks is the federally mandated maximum for FMLA and all most employers even offer. Especially with your husband working only part time? And your employer is currently allowing you to work from home.
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As the mom of a now adult child that had asthma from the time he was 1, many allergies, illnesses, etc I would not skimp on the food bill especially since the treatments are working. People with severe allergies die from having contact with allergens & the less things she is allergic to as an adult the better. I would also continue the treatments. Hopefully, the new baby is allergy free.
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Forgive me if I'm being insensitive, but why do you need 18 weeks of maternity leave? 12 weeks is the federally mandated maximum for FMLA and all most employers even offer. Especially with your husband working only part time? And your employer is currently allowing you to work from home.
Because caring for and breastfeeding a newborn is draining. Husband isn't the one waking up every couple of hours nursing, and even if he were to get up and bottle feed, she still has to pump at night or else suffer the wrath of clogged ducts.
Seems like he should be able to find some sort of part time work even if just temporary jobs to make it through.
Working part time from home is possible if he's around.
Just because federal law says 12weeks is good, doesn't mean it was based on any sort of sound medical data or talking to a bunch of moms. I'm sure if corporations had their way, they'd vote for 0 weeks off so that they could minimize their own hassle.
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Because caring for and breastfeeding a newborn is draining. Husband isn't the one waking up every couple of hours nursing, and even if he were to get up and bottle feed, she still has to pump at night or else suffer the wrath of clogged ducts.
Seems like he should be able to find some sort of part time work even if just temporary jobs to make it through.
Working part time from home is possible if he's around.
Just because federal law says 12weeks is good, doesn't mean it was based on any sort of sound medical data or talking to a bunch of moms. I'm sure if corporations had their way, they'd vote for 0 weeks off so that they could minimize their own hassle.
Sure, but knowing how much this is a priority to her, I would have expected cutting of the fun money, Pandora, Netflix, etc well before the point when they can't afford to have her quit without going into debt. I just think the advice we can offer is limited at this point, when she's on bedrest and can't adopt a lot of other strategies for cutting groceries, etc.
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The concern here I see is that their hair is about to be on serious fire and the latest gameplan is for the husband to go apply to three or four "cool company" jobs.
Maybe there's a control issue going on here, because it sounds like a lot of excuses protecting the spouse for doing a half-efforted employment search, while wife is digging harder and harder to plan because she can't take action herself. Sure, I understand the bed rest part of it and that there is a child that needs extra care in the meantime, but I would expect them to be acting as though their was a massive fireball under their ass TWO months ago. McDonalds is always hiring. There are night jobs where he could still help care for daughter/wife during the day. Are there no friends to come help for a few hours every afternoon if needed? Even a minimum wage job for 10 hours a week would bring in as much money as he's making on freelance - that would be doubling income at this point.
I think this situation might be more dire than they are willing to face: What happens if second child is born with serious allergies or complications and Dad still doesn't have a job? Not to stress out a pregnant woman, but its time to make him go out and get employment - even if it's slaughtering cows or driving a bus. It might be an ego thing (for both of you) to go from graphic designer to minimum wage, but this is about survival.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but just looking at the reality of the situation. You're acting like a middle class NY family with two incomes when you are about to be living on less than ONE minimum wage income - for four months. That sounds like a debt emergency in the making.
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I'm not trying to be harsh, but just looking at the reality of the situation. You're acting like a middle class NY family with two incomes when you are about to be living on less than ONE minimum wage income - for four months. That sounds like a debt emergency in the making.
+1
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I'm not trying to be harsh, but just looking at the reality of the situation. You're acting like a middle class NY family with two incomes when you are about to be living on less than ONE minimum wage income - for four months. That sounds like a debt emergency in the making.
+1
and ++1. I haven't added to this thread because all I can think to do is to run around screaming "hair on Fire! Hair on fire!"
The health of daughter #1 is primary, everything else secondary until baby #2 comes along. Her allergies are extreme and web docs here can't address that. spend whatever it takes to keep her allergies in check.
I forsee a long next few years where this couple will have little time to do anything other than work to bring in income and take care of small children. Birth control should be a priority in there because another child can sink them.
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I'll echo the concerns of other posters - you and your husband appear to have been ignoring reality for quite awhile (you've admitted you might have been in denial a bit about how long it would take your husband to find a job). It's time to really open your eyes and make some plans - you can't afford not to.
I'm glad you realize that unnecessary discretionary spending like Netflix, pandora, alcohol, and restaurants has to be gone, like, yesterday. Enjoy requesting books/movies/TV shows from the library, or exchanging your favorite movies with friends and family to see some new things. I don't even understand paying for Pandora - I never have, the ads aren't that bad. And takeout (paying someone else to cook for you and bring you food) is not a luxury you can afford.
Your husband needs to be working a job, hustling, anything. I understand that he was limiting his search to salaried positions in his field, but it is no longer smart and reasonable to do so. Sure, he applied to Apple and Whole Foods and Trader Joes. What about every other retail or food service position he can find? Has he posted fliers advertising himself for SAT or other tutoring, or graphic design lessons? Do you have any friends that could help him get some part-time or seasonal work?
You mentioned an allergy & lifestyle blog you've been neglecting, and a knitting blog. Perhaps you (and especially your barely working husband) can put some time into the blogs. Has your husband shared his resume with friends and ex-colleagues in his field to see if they have any suggestions? Perhaps there are some reasons that he's barely gotten any interviews. Does he have a great website that showcases his graphic design work? Has he reached out to his college's alumni relations/career services to connect with other graduates in his field and look for work?
I ... am amazed you didn't cut all your extra spending 7-8 months ago when you found out you were expecting, and that your husband didn't start applying to any and every job. At this point there isn't much you guys can do, so I wish you the best of luck in staying sane and taking care of yourselves and your daughter.
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your apartment situation could be a hidden asset. how restrictive is your lease? can you sublet? how close are you to your family? can you move in with them for 3.5-5 months? if yes.. once your baby is born, pack up your bags and move it with your family for the summer. your husband can continue his from home freelance job, maybe your family can help out with the oldest, and you can get a nice amount of money for your apartment
for the summer -- scratch that, I did not catch that your leave starts soon. but perhaps subletting could be profitable anyway, to visiting students/professors, here for semester? (interns, visiting scholars etc. all need places to live. maybe find out how cool hip companies like google source their interns' accomodations? you could easily collect 5k/month for your location.)
i would not do airbnb since it is probably not legal under your lease (and you don't want to loose your place). but sublets are usually legit!
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If their apartment is rent stabilized, they cannot legally charge more than a small percentage above the lease amount (to cover the use of furniture etc.). They could not legally charge $5,000 a month. If it's not rent stabilized, that may be a different story, but still could be dicey depending on the relationship with the landlord and terms of the lease.
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Sometimes this forum is a little too negative and judgemental. The girl is here asking for helpful opinions and advice. There is nothing good to come of making her feel worse than she already does about this situation.
Love the idea of working on the blog/etc and maybe that can be helpful for you sometime down the road.
Any updates with the husband and work ideas/considerations?
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Rough situation. First priority is to intelligently keep your first child and future child healthy. There are no shortcuts there; however, you may have to change your habits and start making things yourselves. No one can afford $7 for a loaf of bread. That's nuts! Where possible, homemade needs to be your friend.
I mostly agree with others. I wish you were asking this 6 months ago. Spouse needs to get a steady job and build freelance/design experience and business on the side. Once it regularly outpaces work income, then they can legitimately quit and do that full time.
Anyway, since you're asking now, it's really simple. It's a bit too late for some things, so cut back where you can, and try your best to get through the next few months. Hopefully delivery goes well and new child is healthy! That's what most important after all.
Short term, try your best to minimize the damage from lack of good planning.
Long term, I see this as more of an income problem. 1.3k is not horrible for food in an allergen free diet, and rent and other stuff really isn't that unreasonable, but your big issue is being in your 30s and 40s with barely anything saved and looking forward to the same in the future.
Do you live in a family owned home? You could easily lose your rent control and your life would be turned upside down. I'm not trying to scare you, but since you (admittedly) lived in denial for a while, it may be time to start thinking of ways to stop living on the edge. I'm sure you love your family and would do anything for them, so how about addressing the structural problems in your family's budget?
Best wishes. Hoping the new little one is doing great.
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Hi. A friend of mine lurking on the forums, and was suggesting that you look into moving to the Bronx. She acknowledges that it might not be best from a commute standpoint, and you already said you have amazingly low rent, but she wanted to throw that out there.
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Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but did you say earlier that you own a car? But that you hardly ever drive it? And have been taking cabs to your Dr appointments? If so, why not sell the car? The proceeds can be used to get you through the next few months.
I'm also super curious about this allergy/asthma cure. Can you tell us what it is? I have asthma myself and it seems to be getting worse as I get older. I'd love to be able to reverse the process.
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The concern here I see is that their hair is about to be on serious fire and the latest gameplan is for the husband to go apply to three or four "cool company" jobs.
Maybe there's a control issue going on here, because it sounds like a lot of excuses protecting the spouse for doing a half-efforted employment search, while wife is digging harder and harder to plan because she can't take action herself. Sure, I understand the bed rest part of it and that there is a child that needs extra care in the meantime, but I would expect them to be acting as though their was a massive fireball under their ass TWO months ago. McDonalds is always hiring. There are night jobs where he could still help care for daughter/wife during the day. Are there no friends to come help for a few hours every afternoon if needed? Even a minimum wage job for 10 hours a week would bring in as much money as he's making on freelance - that would be doubling income at this point.
I think this situation might be more dire than they are willing to face: What happens if second child is born with serious allergies or complications and Dad still doesn't have a job? Not to stress out a pregnant woman, but its time to make him go out and get employment - even if it's slaughtering cows or driving a bus. It might be an ego thing (for both of you) to go from graphic designer to minimum wage, but this is about survival.
I'm not trying to be harsh, but just looking at the reality of the situation. You're acting like a middle class NY family with two incomes when you are about to be living on less than ONE minimum wage income - for four months. That sounds like a debt emergency in the making.
+1
He needs to apply for everything and anything he can. Some other ideas since someone else mentioned working from home, there are two companies that hire independent customer service. I know nothing about them, but you could probably google them and get some work pretty quickly - www.liveops.com and http://www.workathomeagent.com. The best is usually the easiest though, apply for any and all jobs.
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If their apartment is rent stabilized, they cannot legally charge more than a small percentage above the lease amount (to cover the use of furniture etc.). They could not legally charge $5,000 a month. If it's not rent stabilized, that may be a different story, but still could be dicey depending on the relationship with the landlord and terms of the lease.
Interesting point, I did not know about sublease restrictions on rent stabilized dwellings. In this case really no point risking loosing a lease over a few k.
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I'd keep your daughter in the medical program -- but I'd ask if they could waive fees while you're on maternity leave. This has great long-term value.
I also agree with searching for real-food options instead of "fake food"; homemade bread, for example, is easy.
I totally agree that the discretionary spending should've been gone long ago.
I also agree that you can't afford the extra 9-weeks of maternity leave -- not when your husband is home already. Whether you feel it's enough or not, you don't seem to have the option to take more.
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Just chiming in on the allergy stuff. I have 6 - though knock wood, not life threatening. Two are "categories" though which actually ups the number. These are medically necessary restrictions. I'm gluten free, dairy free ( including whey and caesin) and allergic to strawberry, red dye 40, avocado and mango. I also have Crohns and HS so I get being an autoimmune disaster. That said, with my allergies, my grocery bill went down! I just eat non-processed foods. No cross contamination there. I buy store brand organic meats and fish and regular veggies. I don't eat desserts and rarely snack. When I do its usually chips and a homemade bean dip. This is gestational diabetes friendly too. Today's dinner was salmon and asparagus. Yesterday was ground hamburger and a seasonal vegetable medley stir fry (sweet potato, squash) and apples. Tomorrow might be pork chop and string bean. Lunch is trickier and I do some canned stuff. I eat tuna and pickles and chips or a can of organic soup. There are allergy free MREs at Rite Aid that are under $4 each. My fave is a chicken gumbo one but I can't say if it is allergy free for her. Sometimes I microwave a couple of sausages.
You don't need bread. You don't need milk or fake cheese. The Bold Pizza or Ian's chicken nuggets are special occasion only. If you stick with real foods, there are tons of things she can safely eat.
You might enjoy the book Epidemic of Absence about allergies and autoimmune conditions. The author treated himself with whip worms. It is an interesting read. ETA: also check out "clean" by Dr. Junger. It is an elimination diet but gives lots of safe meal ideas.
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Hi everyone,
Sorry I haven't responded lately—my daughter and I both got horribly sick for over a week with a nasty cold and we're just now recovering. Thanks for the continued ideas!
I do worry that it seems some of the most recent responses are a bit harsh/judgmental about us. I was definitely asking for advice, critique, ideas, etc, to try to achieve my goals here and I'm not easily offended. BUT I don't see why so many people think wanting 18 weeks at home with a newborn is so crazy—maybe it's not typical in the United States, but the United States has the worst maternity leave in the developed world. Breastfeeding and being at home and bonding with baby is really, really important to me, and I'm asking for ideas on how to achieve that rather modest goal, not slice it down. If someone in this forum was asking for ideas on how to retire early to spend more time with their kids--would everyone suggest early retirement is silly and they should just keep working?
Every baby and mom is different, but my daughter was still nursing around the clock every 1 1/2 to 2 hours (which is totally normal for a nursing baby) when I returned to work after 11 weeks with her last time... I could barely function at work. Time with a newborn is more precious to me than delaying our other financial goals by a few months, and I would hate to go into debt, but I know we'd be able to pay it off quickly if we had to, we've done it before with our loans and such.
Someone asked what the priorities were between daughter's medical treatment, 18 weeks of maternity leave and going into debt. I'm not going to choose between the maternity leave or daughter's medical treatment—kids come first. Look, if we HAVE to go into debt temporarily, we will -- even if somehow husband did not find more income by the time the unpaid portion of my leave starts (which I doubt--he is bound to find SOMETHING in the next few months), we might rack up $3,000-$4,000 in debt at most over those unpaid 9 weeks. Which totally sucks, but we could pay it back in less than a year if we had to, and in the end we will have maybe delayed saving as much for retirement as we'd like, but we'd be OK.
Obviously we need to do something to make things better and we have been a bit in denial and made some mistakes here... but—I'm not sure how "on fire" our hair really is here at the moment. I'm more trying to prevent our hair from catching fire and seeing what we can do to fix things. As I mentioned a few times—we have low rent, NO credit card or student loan debt (we used to have over $50,000 in debt about 5 years ago and finished paying it off last year before trying for a second baby), no car, and a decent (if not amazing) chunk saved for retirement. Aside from our high grocery and medical bills, we spend very little and are finding ways to spend less. (And we are HEAVY users of the library, the great outdoors and other free entertainment).
I think someone else implied that we are somehow not using birth control carefully--that's definitely not what happened here. Both kids were fully planned and decided on, and we spaced them out by four years for financial reasons (we waited til all our debts were paid off older kid was in free public school before trying for younger) ... it was just that the unexpected medical bills and higher grocery bill hit right AFTER I got the good news on my very planned second pregnancy.
Someone else mentioned they thought husband looking at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, etc. was a bit fancy or whatnot—he didn't apply there because of name brands, but more because those places pay better by the hour than many other retail jobs around here.
And as for a general update — we did get the December grocery bill bumped down from last month's by nearly $200 by being a bit more careful to avoid convenience allergy-free foods. Husband has a few job leads though no offers yet (Trader Joe's wasn't hiring unfortunately either) and is still looking (last week was rather a dead week due to the holidays). He also brought in more freelance income in December than previous months—$1,100 instead of $400, which isn't amazing but still an improvement.
Anyway, will update on how things are going when I can — I'm 37 weeks along now, so might not post much for a bit when baby arrives.
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You don't need bread. You don't need milk or fake cheese. The Bold Pizza or Ian's chicken nuggets are special occasion only. If you stick with real foods, there are tons of things she can safely eat.
It's true that no one needs chicken nuggets or the like... though I do think whole grain bread is pretty essential in our house. We don't have to avoid gluten or wheat, so it is actually very cheap to make when we have the energy/time -- the reason we can't buy regular inexpensive commercial bread is because of her sesame seed allergy.
But the principle is sound—the less processed the item, and the more whole foods based, the cheaper (at least for fruits, veggies and meats--though as I mentioned even canned or dried beans we have to buy from the one safe supply source, etc).
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Thanks for the update and I'm glad to hear things are looking up. I was one of the people who asked if cutting down the maternity leave was a viable option, because I did just that. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't think wanting 18 or 36 or 52 weeks home with newborn is crazy, only that it isn't always possible or affordable.
I think there was a lot of sense in the post that asked you to rank your priorities of your daughter's treatment, long maternity leave and avoiding debt. I'm glad you have an answer and are committed to your priorities. You sound like you'll do fine. If you're feeling judged harshly, just try to remember that you asked a forum dedicated to avoiding debt.
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Thanks for the update and I'm glad to hear things are looking up. I was one of the people who asked if cutting down the maternity leave was a viable option, because I did just that. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't think wanting 18 or 36 or 52 weeks home with newborn is crazy, only that it isn't always possible or affordable.
I think there was a lot of sense in the post that asked you to rank your priorities of your daughter's treatment, long maternity leave and avoiding debt. I'm glad you have an answer and are committed to your priorities. You sound like you'll do fine. If you're feeling judged harshly, just try to remember that you asked a forum dedicated to avoiding debt.
I agree - a lot of people don't disagree that more time home with a newborn is better, only as Merula puts it, that it isn't always possible or affordable. Sometimes you lose your job, or you go into massive debt to do so. That's why I asked about your priorities, because I was seeing that the time for small cuts to have a significant impact was a while ago (the latte factor). I'm reminded of the sign that basically said: "Service. Quality. Cost. Pick any two of the three." I think you can accomplish two of the three priorities I listed. Debt is ok to you, when going into debt for a longer than 12 week maternity leave wouldn't be ok to me. But we're working with your priorities, not mine.
Additional idea: Have your husband look into a short term job doing tax prep.
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You know what... I somehow missed that part of this is paid leave (9 weeks paid, 9 weeks unpaid). I could not figure out why my response was coming across as so harsh, but I seriously thought you were putting yourself in the hole $3k a month and trying to justify taking off an additional 2 months like that! That would have been a $10k-15k debt hole for 18 weeks off. It totally explains why you guys aren't acting like your hair is on fire - you've got a couple months before that regular income goes away.
Do you have to let your work know now about the extra 9 weeks? Do you have the option of waiting 6 weeks (just to see if your spouse finds a job, better assess your spending cutbacks, etc)?
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You know what... I somehow missed that part of this is paid leave (9 weeks paid, 9 weeks unpaid). I could not figure out why my response was coming across as so harsh, but I seriously thought you were putting yourself in the hole $3k a month and trying to justify taking off an additional 2 months like that! That would have been a $10k-15k debt hole for 18 weeks off. It totally explains why you guys aren't acting like your hair is on fire - you've got a couple months before that regular income goes away.
Do you have to let your work know now about the extra 9 weeks? Do you have the option of waiting 6 weeks (just to see if your spouse finds a job, better assess your spending cutbacks, etc)?
Yes, that's why I'm panicking but not PANICKING yet -- I would definitely not be acting so blasé about a $10K-$15K debt. (Not that I'm feeling blase about my current worst-case scenario of $3K-$4K debt, but I feel like we will somehow be able to avoid that, and hopefully not go into debt at all).
My paid maternity leave runs until mid-March. And it's definitely flexible—my work would be thrilled to have me back earlier if we couldn't figure something else out... or if somehow things dramatically improved for us financially (husband landing great paying job) I would even be allowed to request an extension of the maternity leave for another 8 weeks unpaid. So there's time... just not much time... to fix this. :)
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Thanks for the update and I'm glad to hear things are looking up. I was one of the people who asked if cutting down the maternity leave was a viable option, because I did just that. I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't think wanting 18 or 36 or 52 weeks home with newborn is crazy, only that it isn't always possible or affordable.
I think there was a lot of sense in the post that asked you to rank your priorities of your daughter's treatment, long maternity leave and avoiding debt. I'm glad you have an answer and are committed to your priorities. You sound like you'll do fine. If you're feeling judged harshly, just try to remember that you asked a forum dedicated to avoiding debt.
Fair enough! :) And it's not that I am not also dedicated to avoiding debt ... I mean, we just finished paying off $50,000 in student loan debt last year and hoped to never be in the hole for even a penny again. My hope is that we can get through that gap without doing so at all... and the ideas I'm getting here from all of your are definitely a big help.
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I skimmed through this topic and what stood out for me was the allergy treatments for eczema. Sorry to intrude, but as a lifelong eczema sufferer I ended up going the holistic route and am pretty much clear of it now. I am not sure if you mentioned what treatment you were going through earlier in the thread or if it was working. If you are interested in my experience, please PM me and I can give you more information. I know it's frustrating when everyone starts to give out medical advice, especially online. It wasn't until my 30s until I found this after many years of frustrating "experimental" treatments.
One trick I found to avoiding bread was to start eating rice crackers or rice thins. Personally, I like the thin cakes better. I slather on some type of nut butter or hummus on it and I like it much better than regular store bought bread now. They also sell thin crackers made from corn & quinoa, among other things. Check it out in the rice cakes section of Whole Foods. I have never made the price comparison with bread. I think a pack costs in the $3 range, which is probably comparable to bread. I always like what I put on the bread, rather than the bread, anyways. That was a good tip someone gave me.
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Because you are pregnant the income requirements for Medicare/Medicaid and food stamps is substantially higher. I would also look into chipotle seriously for husband. My co-workers says the health insurance alone is crazy good and your daughter could get a lot of allergy free food there. Some friends of mine adopted a baby from Korea and he is super allergic to everything made of Apple's wheat and he can only eat out at chipotle.
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I skimmed through this topic and what stood out for me was the allergy treatments for eczema. Sorry to intrude, but as a lifelong eczema sufferer I ended up going the holistic route and am pretty much clear of it now. I am not sure if you mentioned what treatment you were going through earlier in the thread or if it was working. If you are interested in my experience, please PM me and I can give you more information. I know it's frustrating when everyone starts to give out medical advice, especially online. It wasn't until my 30s until I found this after many years of frustrating "experimental" treatments.
One trick I found to avoiding bread was to start eating rice crackers or rice thins. Personally, I like the thin cakes better. I slather on some type of nut butter or hummus on it and I like it much better than regular store bought bread now. They also sell thin crackers made from corn & quinoa, among other things. Check it out in the rice cakes section of Whole Foods. I have never made the price comparison with bread. I think a pack costs in the $3 range, which is probably comparable to bread. I always like what I put on the bread, rather than the bread, anyways. That was a good tip someone gave me.
Hi Daisy--the experimental treatment program she is in through doctors at the Mount Sinai hospital in NYC is mainly for her severe multiple food allergies and asthma, though it is also helping her eczema a lot. It has been highly effective for her so far. It is actually considered to be a possible cure, and she no longer needs all the strong steroid creams and daily wet wraps for her eczema and has been able to step down significantly from her steroid treatments for asthma and her lung function is way up and number of asthma attacks is almost none now ... she may not need the asthma meds at all within a year. As for the food allergies, she just passed a baked milk challenge where she was able to eat a tiny bit of milk baked into a muffin—a challenge she had failed previously—though we will have more proof if she starts to outgrow other allergies (milk is often outgrown naturally, whereas nut and seed allergies are not).
The treatments have all been through double-blind placebo-controlled trials for safety and early efficacy trials... alas, she does not qualify for the free trials running now because she isn't old enough, which is why we are paying out of pocket.
She is severely allergic to sesame, which puts most rice crackers or cakes in the danger cross contamination zone — there are some safe rice breads or rice crackers out there, but they cost a lot more than her safe brand of wheat bread.
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Because you are pregnant the income requirements for Medicare/Medicaid and food stamps is substantially higher. I would also look into chipotle seriously for husband. My co-workers says the health insurance alone is crazy good and your daughter could get a lot of allergy free food there. Some friends of mine adopted a baby from Korea and he is super allergic to everything made of Apple's wheat and he can only eat out at chipotle.
Will definitely look at that, there are several Chipotles in my area. We don't need Medicare/Medicaid (I have great health insurance through work, it just doesn't cover kid's monthly allergy/asthma medical treatment because it is still experimental and still in clinical trials) ... but when I looked at food stamps even though pregnant our resources (money saved for retirement) disqualifies us. I do qualify for WIC while on leave, though, which was a great idea from another poster here. And I found a few food pantries in my area I will be looking at too if necessary.
Alas, while Chipotle is truly amazing for people with allergies and WOULD be our only safe restaurant for my kid, she's allergic to cumin seed, which is in most Chipotle items. If the food allergy treatment keeps working, I am hoping she will pass a cumin challenge next year.
Right now she's allergic to sesame, dairy, eggs, tree nuts (except almonds), peanuts, green peas, cumin, poppy, canola and mustard. (These are all based on actual reactions she had that were later confirmed by testing, and not just by testing alone). She has passed challenges to almonds, coconut and shrimp and to small amounts of highly baked milk.
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BUT I don't see why so many people think wanting 18 weeks at home with a newborn is so crazy—maybe it's not typical in the United States, but the United States has the worst maternity leave in the developed world.
Wanting to stay home 18 weeks isn't crazy at all; wanting something and being able to afford it aren't the same thing.
Maybe the US is wrong, but keep in mind that in all those "better" countries, you'd pay taxes towards other people's maternity leaves . . . for your entire life. I took two lengthy maternity leaves, and I saved for each one beforehand -- but now that they're done, I'm not paying for other people's leaves.
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Debt is ok to you, when going into debt for a longer than 12 week maternity leave wouldn't be ok to me. But we're working with your priorities, not mine.
Additional idea: Have your husband look into a short term job doing tax prep.
Yes, well said. Given that the husband is already home, my priority would be bringing in some income after Week 9, but it is up to the OP to make that call. We can point out options, prompt new thought processes, but in the end, only she and her husband can make the decision.
Tax prep is a good idea -- tax season will be upon us shortly, and it's almost criminally easy to become qualified to do computer-based taxes at places like Walmart.
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I can't figure out how to quote just a section. OP - do you keep your health insurance while on maternity leave? Even when you are on unpaid maternity leave? At most jobs, once you go into unpaid status you have to pay your employer's portion of your health care. Just something to consider if you haven't already looked into that.
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Has your husband looked at the stock photo market himself? I know many artists dislike selling their art cheaply, but it can produce an extra income. I'm only earning a couple of hundred a month, but then I'm no artist. Maybe he has some sketches or stuff that is not 100% perfect that he could test?
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My sympathies to you regarding your daughter's health problems. Chronic conditions like this are so painful to manage - my sister has two children with genetic syndromes so I know how bad it can get. It sounds like you've been managing that very well. I agree that you should definitely talk to that allergy treatment program about getting at least a temporary break on payments. They may have a sliding scale system based on income, for example.
However, don't take this the wrong way, but I was really struck by what is coming across as your husband not pulling his weight. It sounds like you're the only one doing all the worrying and planning, but it took a family conference to get him to give up the beer. I suggest you show him this post and then read him the riot act. He needs to do everything suggested so far and more...like, why isn't he waiting tables, putting signs up advertising tutoring or guitar lessons or whatever, or for heaven's sakes, begging in the subways if that's what it takes? Why isn't he volunteering to bake bread and crackers and make sunflower butter at night? Why isn't he the one looking into financial assistance programs?
This problem is far more serious than a temporary cash shortage: it could be that the prolonged gap in employment history is a big factor in his not getting a job offer, and this is only going to get worse. I know a couple of people who were in this situation, and both were nursing relatively unproductive side businesses similar to your husbands'. Both husbands ended up becoming "Mr. Mom" and never worked again, so I guess it worked out for them. Would this outcome be OK with you, though?
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putting signs up advertising tutoring
This seems like a great idea. Ads on Craiglist and even Facebook if you do that also. My sister's kids used to attend a fancy-schmancy private school in Manhattan (like 40k per kid per year) and she said it seemed like all the kids had tutors except hers. SAT/ACT tutoring could be a good deal as well, I thought about doing that once we quit the full time work.
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OP - I wanted to come back and clarify one of my posts. When I said you don't "need" certain foods, I wasn't trying to be judgmental in the spending money sense. Obviously that is the point of questions here and this blog so I'm sure that is how my post read. What I was actually trying to say is that in the health and nutrition sense, I was shocked that I didn't "need" some of the foods I grew up believing were staples. I thought you HAD to eat refined carbs. I was an athlete so every meet was after a big spaghetti dinner with bread, etc. It was very eye opening to see that I could be healthy, if not healthier, not eating that stuff. When I found out I had food issues, I went immediately to substitutes instead of elimination. Took me awhile to figure out I didn't need (health and nutrition wise) the substitutes. I hope that makes sense! I was shocked the first time I ate a meal of meat and veggies with no starch but was still full and satisfied after. I know the starches aren't your family's issue but the dairy is and for the other allergies the situations are probably comparable.
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OP - I wanted to come back and clarify one of my posts. When I said you don't "need" certain foods, I wasn't trying to be judgmental in the spending money sense. Obviously that is the point of questions here and this blog so I'm sure that is how my post read. What I was actually trying to say is that in the health and nutrition sense, I was shocked that I didn't "need" some of the foods I grew up believing were staples. I thought you HAD to eat refined carbs. I was an athlete so every meet was after a big spaghetti dinner with bread, etc. It was very eye opening to see that I could be healthy, if not healthier, not eating that stuff. When I found out I had food issues, I went immediately to substitutes instead of elimination. Took me awhile to figure out I didn't need (health and nutrition wise) the substitutes. I hope that makes sense! I was shocked the first time I ate a meal of meat and veggies with no starch but was still full and satisfied after. I know the starches aren't your family's issue but the dairy is and for the other allergies the situations are probably comparable.
I agree. I've had to cut some things out of my diet, and sometimes it was things I never really liked anyways.
I remember going to dermatologists when I was a child with my eczema and they would try to get me to eat "fake" chocolate bars made of carob. They were disgusting. I wouldn't eat them. I wish I had found just something else to eat. Funnily, chocolate wasn't my issue, but that's another topic...
My mom has issues with lactose, so she buys this disgusting lactose free milk. OK, maybe only me finds it disgusting. But that's such a heavily processed product I can't see how that can be so healthy. I told her to try almond or soy milk, but she wants nothing to do with it. My father decided to take my advice on almond milk and realized his lifelong diarrhea ended. He happily announced this to me. We do have weird conversations, but that's another topic...
Recently, I realized I never really liked pasta. It's just a big blob of stuff that absorbs certain sauces well. So I found spaghetti squash, which has good texture and could be argued to be healthier. It absorbs sauces well too.
I had a conversation with an old friend recently and he was telling me how he carbo-loads with pasta before big bike rides. I told him I didn't eat pasta and he was flabbergasted and started telling me how healthy it would be to eat it pre-workout. Now, the topic of conversation right before this was him commenting on how nicely I was aging. I do look a bit younger than my age (part genetics, part healthy habits - I think). So then I told reminded him that maybe he shouldn't critique my eating habits too much after just telling me I must be doing something right. He then agreed. This was all said with some humor back and forth.
Oh well, not sure where this is going, but wanted to chime in to think outside of the box. Instead of buying "replacement" products, find ways to eat other things. Easier said than done with a child, I know. I'm not sure if any of these things are actually cheaper though, so not sure if I've been of help.
I would reiterate my previous suggestion to consult a holistic practitioner. They seem to be more nutrition oriented and have been a huge life changer for me and my eczema.
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My sympathies to you regarding your daughter's health problems. Chronic conditions like this are so painful to manage - my sister has two children with genetic syndromes so I know how bad it can get. It sounds like you've been managing that very well. I agree that you should definitely talk to that allergy treatment program about getting at least a temporary break on payments. They may have a sliding scale system based on income, for example.
However, don't take this the wrong way, but I was really struck by what is coming across as your husband not pulling his weight. It sounds like you're the only one doing all the worrying and planning, but it took a family conference to get him to give up the beer. I suggest you show him this post and then read him the riot act. He needs to do everything suggested so far and more...like, why isn't he waiting tables, putting signs up advertising tutoring or guitar lessons or whatever, or for heaven's sakes, begging in the subways if that's what it takes? Why isn't he volunteering to bake bread and crackers and make sunflower butter at night? Why isn't he the one looking into financial assistance programs?
This problem is far more serious than a temporary cash shortage: it could be that the prolonged gap in employment history is a big factor in his not getting a job offer, and this is only going to get worse. I know a couple of people who were in this situation, and both were nursing relatively unproductive side businesses similar to your husbands'. Both husbands ended up becoming "Mr. Mom" and never worked again, so I guess it worked out for them. Would this outcome be OK with you, though?
Not taking it the wrong way! First, just to clarify that husband has not been lazing around here — he was a stay-at-home dad for about two years, doing 90% of household chores and caring for our daughter during the day from when she was 3 months old til she was 2 (until we finally found a daycare program that could handle her allergies). Since then he has been trying to either build his freelance business or find a good full-time job, neither of which has panned out. So he stayed at home with the kiddo again this summer, and started job-hunting in earnest only in September when she was in free public pre-K.
Right now with me on partial bedrest... he does ALL household chores (all dishes, all laundry, all the cooking and grocery shopping, all cleaning), as well as picking up daughter from public school at 3 each day and trying to freelance and job-hunt AND taking care of me and the kiddo. Lazy is not the word here.
BUT I think he would freely admit he is super shy and not great at networking or career-building or job-hunting... I have always had good steady fulfilling jobs with benefits and decent pay, whereas he has mostly had low-paying temp jobs of various kinds.
But I think part of the challenge here is while that certainly put him on a "Mr. Mom" type track (and this has definitely affected his ability to find jobs), and he is wonderful with kids, he doesn't really WANT to be a stay-at-home dad forever, so he was focusing his job search on jobs that would actually pay enough for him to not be.
That's why he wasn't really looking much at lower-paying jobs that would just bring in income, because none of those would pay enough to put the baby in daycare once I go back to work. The CHEAPEST daycare or nanny share arrangements in our neighborhood are $10-$12/hour, so if he gets something with take-home pay less than that that doesn't actually help his resume, it's not really worth it.
So any lower-paying jobs would just be a temporary income boost while I'm on maternity leave—once my leave is over, he would still have to quit a low-paying job and stay at home with baby til he finds a decent-paying job.
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OK, two little updates (both positive):
- I MAY be able to get a temporary break or discount on daughter's medical treatments during the unpaid portion of my leave. I just have to speak to the doctor again to see what that will actually entail.
- It is not 100% certain til approved by HR, but my boss told me yesterday she put in for a merit pay increase for me linked to my performance review because I took on a lot of huge new projects at work this year that were out of my current job description and very successful... if it goes through (which I will find out next week) it will amount to $5,000 additional or so in income each year, effective in January. Which I think is at least a few hundred extra in take-home pay each month.
Also, I did a little math to see what possible scenarios are here, which is making me slightly calmer:
- Scenario 1 (worst case): Husband doesn't find any work at all (which seems really unlikely to me) by March when unpaid leave starts, and we only slightly reduce the grocery bill. At our current rate of savings, that puts us in $3,000 of debt.
- Scenario 2 (middle case): Husband finds low-paying or temp job bringing in $1,200-$1,600 or so takehome pay per month before I go on leave, and we reduce grocery bill by at least a few hundred dollars per month. That would probably mean $0 in debt during unpaid part of my leave, and maybe even a little savings. He quits job when I go back to work to be stay-at-home dad, hopefully just temporarily.
- Scenario 3 (best case): Husband finds good job with more than $2,000 in takehome pay per month, and we reduce expenses to boot. We continue to save money and can begin socking away for retirement again and new baby will start daycare when I go back to work after 18 weeks.
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Congrats on the (potential) pay increase. Will certainly be very helpful and timely for you.
Please don't take the responses to heart. If some of us were in charge no one in the world would be allowed to have kids until their financial shit was perfectly in order.
The human race would naturally grind to a cliff-diving halt...
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Congrats - hoping for the best on everything you updated about. Keep us posted.
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Good on you for raise, and here's hoping for reduced payments for that allergy program...
There is nothing wrong with the stay at home Dad scenario as long as you are both happy with it. In which case, temp job during your leave and working from home sounds like the best option. The latter particularly, because I'm afraid by now that his chances of getting a solid job offer are slim. What about tutoring, which can be done from home? And have you checked out tutor.com? It won't pay as well as a free lance arrangement but it's all done over the computer, and he can tutor in the evenings or other time that's convenient.
As regards networking...maybe your husband can look for Meetup groups to make that easier.
Spending reduction will be important too, and the food bill is the obvious place. Making as much as you can from scratch will be key, those special little jars of this and that are what's killing you. It's not that difficult to make nut butters and milks, bread, and eggless pasta. You might look for an old copy of Laurel's Kitchen, which has instructions for things you might never think to make from scratch, plus some nice simple recipes for good, kid-safe foods without dairy & eggs. And you need to look into joining Costco for nonfood items as well as things like organic meats and maybe a few other items that are "safe". You would be shocked at how much less it is than what you're probably paying. The car service will run you $12 but probably still worth it if you make, say, one big trip per month.
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Hope you were able to get some help/discount on the allergy treatments for your daughter, though I would say do not cut those out if they are helping! Lots of foods can be made at home as others have pointed out, by you or husband if you use a good crock pot. Easy & frugal dinners would be a meat and a side vegetable - very simple and healthy.
Did you decide what to do about maternity? My job provided no paid leave and I took 16 weeks (some my own accrued leave), so any paid leave sounds awesome. I would have loved to do 6 months but it wasn't affordable - bills and retirement contributions - so I hope you find a way to take the leave without debt by cutting now and saving! Maybe the baby will be a little late lol and you have a little more time to save... :)
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Give cloth diapers a try. I never thought that I would use them, I opened my mind, and now I love them. Cloth diaper babies smell so much better too!
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Again, not a parent, but has anyone here ever tried letting their kid...not eat for one meal if they don't want oatmeal two days in a row? And then she'll be hungry at some point and will HAVE to eat whatever is in front of her (within her allergen guidelines of course) at the next meal. Or maybe doing oatmeal first week of the month, waffles the second week, etc?
When I grew up and my sister and I didn't like the food that was placed in front of us....we were allowed to not eat and go to our rooms...we were not allowed to eat something else instead. That wasn't that long ago, I am 30 and my sister is 28. We did that on occasion when we really didn't like something...didn't do us any harm to skip a meal once in a while. And if we were really hungry...we would eat it eventually later on, lol. My sister wanted to be a vegetarian at some point and asked if my parents can cook sth else for her that's vegetarian if we are having meat/fish. I still remember the laughter that this suggestion elicited. She was then allowed to cook her own food...provided she bought the ingredients from her allowance money...which we didn't get very much of. I think her vegetarianism lasted less than a month.
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Just wanted to throw in an update for those of you who gave advice and thoughts on this thread (thank you!)
I had my baby at the end of January (an awesome little guy, now almost 6 months old), and everything all worked out amazingly after all.
I got 19 weeks of leave with him in total (10 of them paid), and even though my husband never found a job (he's a stay at home dad now and actually loving it for the moment) we cut our expenses, sold LOTS of old things from around the house on eBay and Amazon (bringing in over $700) and signed up for a rewards credit card with bonus points (which we pay in full each month and got a $650 bonus) so we never went into any debt.
The biggest cuts we were able to make were to the grocery bill—we cut it by about $400 each month by cooking more from scratch (mostly husband's doing as I was too busy with the baby)... we got a bread machine as a gift which enabled us to make lots of allergy-free bread to keep our daughter happy with her Sunbutter sandwiches. We were also able to negotiate a discount on our daughter's medications.
I'm back at work now and the first month was super rough but things are going well and I just got a nice little merit raise.
AND it has actually turned out to be a good thing that husband has been unable to find work—we are now in the running for an income-restricted affordable housing 3-bedroom apartment. If all works out, we will be able to BUY a 3-bedroom apartment in NYC for $50,000 that on the open market would be worth maybe $750,000. If husband had a good job, we would not qualify, but still wouldn't have enough money to buy a market-rate apartment of that size for our little family of four.
So... I suppose that panic served to get us in better financial shape. :)