Thank you! I posted yesterday (after a difficult time working on the timeline and reviewing my errors). I went home, read your kind responses and did feel better. I took some Ambien and slept.
This morning I went for a jog, ate breakfast and I am back to the office. Things do not seem so bleak.
I would like to thank you for taking the time to post such thoughtful responses, your suggestions on how to look at the problem in different ways, learn from it, and keep going on.
After considering your guidance, I decided I will not walk. I'll stay, help with the remediation and provide all information needed, as painful as that is.
I will start applying for similar positions and try to have options lined up when the transition to the new company is complete, and I will cash the severance offered (yesterday I was even thinking of declining it, to pay for my sins).
MDM: Thank you for your words, it did make me smile. (Damage will be around 150k, it seems)
Becabeca: Your post was so very thoughtful. It did make me step back and think about what exactly was bothering me so much. My own pride? My reputation among colleagues? The realization I too make mistakes (Gasp!).
AnnaGrowsAMustache: Since I started on this company in 2006, we have been acquired four times, changed brand/name three times, and the last merge was just 14 months ago. I suspect by 1Q next year we will finally turn off the lights. It was one of those sales/acquisitions that brought me to MMM, and because of this forum, this time I'm not dreading losing my job at all.
Dicey: Agree! I would feel crappy if I just walked. I would probably feel relieved in the short term, only to kick myself later on. I plan on doing all that is needed to remediate the situation, and be available to answer any questions.
swashbucklinstache: Thank you for sharing your personal experience with a very very similar issue - It is very nice to hear the opinion of someone in your position, and I took your advice to heart.
Linea_Norway: At the time of my error, the company was a 100-person affair and the IT team was only a 5 person team. Policies and procedures were just a dream - not much investment in the IT department, because $$$. The goal was to sell the company and turn a quick profit, so the investment was minimal.
Malkynn: what kind of therapist should I look for? Stress-management?