Dear debthater,
I love, love, love that you have taken positive action so quickly! Kudos to you. I have lots to say on this subject and hope there's no duplication of previous comments.
Congratulations on amassing so much in 401k's at this stage in your life! You are well on the way to a great retirement, assuming you are well diversified. Your EF balance is awesome as well. Don't forget to think of your EF in net income dollars. It will go a long way if needed, especially with one of you still working. Also, kudos on the amount of home equity. Your payments must be quite small compared to your income. These three things you've done so right mean you have FREEDOM to make choices, which is a powerful position to be in, even if it doesn't seem that way to you just now.
Is it at all possible that the crying reveals a deeper emotional need to be doing something else with our life? It's possible that your frequent tears could be your psyche trying to tell you something besides the obvious fact that your boss is behaving badly.
Time spent commuting is a complete energy suck. You only have so many minutes on this earth and you are squandering way too many of them in a way that is not in line with your stated goals. Once it ends, you will feel an incredible sense of relief.
As to fertility, you are right to listen to your screaming clock. Once you find a way to de-stress your life, conception may occur without the need for medical intervention. Scary how few studies there have been on the effects on the mother's long-term health when medically assisted methods of conception are employed, not to mention the staggering costs. (This is not an anti-IVF rant; I have concerns about long-term health consequences to both mother and potential child.)
Gaps in employment are likely to become like bankruptcies once the Great Recession passes. There are so many people with these experiences, that the "stigma" will be greatly lessened. I wouldn't worry about any employment gap if you are in possession of valuable job skills, which seems to be the case. Instead, figure out something worthwhile that you could be doing with your time once you leave the job with the soul-deadening commute. If you love kids, for example, there are many volunteer opportunities.
Allow yourself time to have some fun in your life. Once you have children, there will be no possibility of breaks, you'll be a mom 100% of the time.
Here is advice that I KNOW has been given many times in response to similar questions around the web: get a copy of Amy Dacyczyn's "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" immediately and read all the parts about living on one income. The book is getting a bit dated in our post-internet era, but her advice still rings true. It will prove invaluable to you on the next leg of your journey through life.
Finally, if your husband's healthcare is secure and looks to be so as he transitions to his next position (you don't want to be pregnant and without medical insurance), make a little plan for how to occupy your newfound time and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!! Yesterday, if possible. You will feel giddy as a kid on the last day of school. My vote is a resounding YES! This is the payoff for being a debt hater!