Author Topic: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!  (Read 10317 times)

debthater

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« on: April 11, 2012, 08:20:28 PM »
Hi all,
I have been lurking on this forum and have learned so much!  I love MMM (and MrsMMM!!!) and the forum members!  I need your advice on my employment situation.  I find my job unbearable.  I won't go into all the details but it is literally painful.  The only positive aspect at all is that I make (relatively) a lot of money.  There are many downsides: terrible boss, boring work, and the worst part of all---a long commute (cue MMM cringe) due to spouse's move to Houston for his fellowship.  I commute 90 miles from my home each way through heavy traffic and this has made my job even worse as it can take 2 + hours each way.  However, employment options are non-existent in the town we now live in (and I cannot work from home).  Also, my husband will be moving again at the end of the year for a permanent position (location unknown at this time).  Finally, we have been trying to conceive and have not yet been successful due to the tremendous stress. 

Here is our information (we are both 34):
My Salary: 90k + 20% bonus (has paid out at target historically)
His Salary: 100k + 25% bonus (paid out 75% historically); his pay will be similar for his permanent position
401ks: 220k
Roth IRA: 15k
Bonds: 100k (generates 6k per year)
Cash: 88k (yes I like a large emergency fund)
Home Value: 240k
Mortgage: 118k @ 3.25% (he will have full relo at the end of the year--realtors fees, etc. will be covered)
Student Loans: 38k @ 2.85%
We both are vested in small pensions as well. 

Because of all we have been through with commuting, home buying/selling, etc. I do not know our exact actual expenses (though we track them).  If I were to quit I think we would be spending less (gas and all).  We have always easily lived on his salary and saved mine (despite home buying expenses etc.).  I would like to think that we could save more of his too if I were not working with my additional expenses or in a time of transition.  His job is very stable. 

I do feel that at the end of the year we could be completely debt free if I were to stay at my job(on paper--I would not actually pay everything off because of our specific situation).  However, I am having a very hard time making it through each day.  Each day become worse and worse.  I hate my job and it is bleeding over into my life.  To walk or not to walk? MMM and MrsMMM chime in too please!

gooki

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2376
  • Location: NZ
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2012, 09:11:36 PM »
Being a parent is worth more than any job.

If it's as bad as it seems, I'd walk out - you have enough liquid assets to be debt free should the need arise (which means you could live of peanuts should your spouse become unemployed).
« Last Edit: April 11, 2012, 09:14:09 PM by gooki »

windawake

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 435
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Minneapolis, MN
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2012, 09:26:32 PM »
Wow, 2+ mile commute EACH way? That sounds painful! I'm very sorry for you having to endure that.

If you calculate 90 miles each way, assuming your car gets 25mpg, that's 7.2 gallons of gas burned daily for a total of $26.28 a day in gas. That works out to almost $7,000 a year. Not to mention all of the other car costs that MMM always in incorporates. 

I think the quality-of-life value from quitting will way more than justify the additional saving you might have to do to compensate for a lower income. Plus it's just for a year. Have a great year and work on getting pregnant and recovering from all that stress. You can go back to work later or just adjust to a more frugal lifestyle.

Fizzer

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 4
  • Location: Vancouver, Canada
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2012, 09:54:37 PM »
From your post, it sounds like you already know what you want. It's certainly possible to live on your husband's salary, at least until you know where you're moving to in a year. May I ask what your husband's profession is? 100k for a fellowship position seems very high and I'm curious about profession is that generous.

arebelspy

  • Administrator
  • Senior Mustachian
  • *****
  • Posts: 27770
  • Age: -999
  • Location: Traveling the World
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2012, 08:07:13 AM »
I'd personally stick it out, it's not that much longer for a good amount of money, and just look for the positives, knowing you're getting out soon.  If it was for 10 more years, I'd say make a change, but a year? You can power through!  But only you can make that decision.
We are two former teachers who accumulated a bunch of real estate, retired at 29, and now travel the world full time with two kids.
If you want to know more about me, or how we did that, or see lots of pictures, this Business Insider profile tells our story pretty well.
We (rarely) blog at AdventuringAlong.com. Check out our Now page to see what we're up to currently.

zhelud

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 228
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2012, 08:27:08 AM »
Do you have to live where you do? Can you rent out your house (or sell) and find an apartment closer to your work, just for the remaining time of your husband's fellowship? Or would that just mean that he is doing the 2 hour commute?
If you are going to move after this year, maybe you really ought to sell the house now and find separate cheapo apartments that are closer to your jobs. 

ToughMother

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 230
  • Location: Western Mass.
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2012, 09:55:46 AM »
I left a job before finding another because it was so miserable and stressful.  The good news was that I found a job that I'm much happier at, has a better salary, but a much worse commute (I went from a 20 minute bike ride to a 35-45 minute car ride).  That said, the car misery doesn't compare to the day-to-day work misery.

Add the fact that it is impacting your desire to have a family and you've got good e-fund to tie you over?  Tell 'em where to shove the job.

GL.

sol

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8492
  • Age: 42
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2012, 10:03:13 AM »
May I ask what your husband's profession is? 100k for a fellowship position seems very high and I'm curious about profession is that generous.

There are a bunch of physics and math fellowships that are 100k/yr or higher.  They're mostly based out of national labs and come with a two or three year term.

Once you figure or how to build a nuclear bomb, the government has an incentive to keep you financially comfortable.

HumanAfterAll

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 110
  • Location: Seattle
  • Targeting 2021
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2012, 10:08:57 AM »
I would quit, call it a "sabbatical", de-stress, and maybe set up some passive income by writing an e-book or two. 

You never know what life will bring, and it sounds like this job + commute is making your quality of life terrible, leaving no time or energy left for anything else, and delaying your long-term family plans. 

Take this job and shove it!

Nancy

  • Guest
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2012, 10:27:15 AM »
It sounds as though you are financially secure enough to take the sabbatical. If it were me, I would figure out what my  monthly expenses were for the past six months, and then I would see how not working could reduce those expenses (gas, eating out, etc.) Make sure that you reduce your spending while on your time off. This should be easy, but sometimes stay-at-home spouses start spending money out of boredom.

Best of luck!
« Last Edit: April 12, 2012, 11:00:08 AM by Nancy »

debthater

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2012, 10:45:36 AM »
Hi Everyone!  Thank you so much for taking the time to provide your advice!  I really appreciate it!  When I discuss with friends, they can't understand why I would leave a 'good' (stable well paid) job since I don't wanna disclose the numbers. 

Rationally, it is very hard for me to walk away from the money.  My husband has a heavy travel load so he is not even home half of the time (temporary while he is in his development program).  This makes it even harder to walk away from the money--to sit alone in a town where I know no one all day? The work is not that difficult, and I work 8 hours.  However, there are some major issues with my direct supervisor (who is an evil man).  I cry multiple times a day.  My doctor thinks this has impacted my ability to conceive.  However, there is no guarantee that I could get pregnant if I wasn't under the stress. 

gooki--that is my main reason for wanting to leave.  family = priceless!

wideawake and zehuld-we have to keep the house for the relo.  he would have the commute and has longer hours than I do if we continued to live by my job. we have been doing this for nearly two years.  It was easier earlier on as he was traveling nearly 100% and I had a different boss.  Also, I had a cheap apartment by my job.  I am looking into other housing options so I don't have to commute on the days he is away.  However, even without the commute I sometimes feel like it is too much. 

fizzer--Rationally, I want to stay.  However, multiple times a day I just feel like I can't.  Fellowship was probably the wrong word (that is what it is called in my field).  I think technically it is called an Executive Development program (aka fast track).

arebelspy-I know! I have added up my actual working days (excluding vacation, sick days, and holidays) and found my daily working rate including bonus after taxes.  It is a hard number for me to walk away from to go sit alone by myself.

ToughMother--I think all the factors alone are bearable (bad commute is ok if all else is good) but when it is only the money... it makes it hard.  I am so happy that you had great luck and are in a better place.  I know this is temporary.


Sol-Lol.  My brother is in a math fellowship and makes more than 100k.  It is insane. 

El Beardo and Nancy--Love the idea of sabbattical.  It seems not permanent and relaxing.  Reframing it perhaps?  Not quitting-sabbattical.  I am telling myself that at any time I can quit and only have two more weeks. 

Nancy-good point.  i will do that this weekend.  I am keeping the cash because I like 50k and additional in case of need for IVF/adoption.  However, once husband is in a more perm role we will shift to pay things off.  We should also know more about future children. 






James

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1680
  • Age: 46
  • Location: Rice Lake, WI
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2012, 11:12:27 AM »
The biggest thing that sticks out from your story is the stress at your current job.  Crying multiple times at work is not normal.  If it's your boss, then something needs to change.  If you think it's partially you, then I suggest seeing a counselor to work on ways to better tolerate the stress.  Obviously you shouldn't get into great detail here about your boss, but can you go to your boss's boss?  At the very least you should be talking to your Human Resources department, or if it's a really small business than the owner?  I just think the little you have described leads me to think more should be done in that regard.  Quitting might work, but you might feel even better if you can fix the boss situation, even if it means leaving shortly after on your own terms.

Having said all that, if you can't change your job situation and it makes you cry multiple times per day (and if it's not a matter of needing counseling for how you are handling the situation), then you should not being putting yourself in that situation.  You only have one life.  It doesn't sound like your financial welfare is as stake, it sounds like your mental welfare is.  Either stand up to your boss, go around him, quit, or seek counseling.  But I highly recommend against doing nothing and going on without change.

michelle

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 13
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2012, 04:00:32 PM »
I live in Houston suburbs and work near downtown so I sympathize with the commuting issue.  I have no idea what you drive but ignoring all other costs (tires, brakes, repairs, wear & tear) associated with driving aren't you spending nearly $600 in fuel alone per month?  Could part of your stress be from sheer exhaustion from being behind the wheel 3 to 4 hours per day on top of a full work day? 

Even if you have to live apart during the weekdays and even if it's a net wash or a tiny bit more expensive, I think you need to get an apartment to live in Monday night through Thursday night and spend Friday-Sunday nights at home.   

Arbor33

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Upstate New York
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2012, 08:02:07 AM »
I'm with James. Please please please schedule a meeting with your superiors and see what can be done. Even if it comes back to you on a personal scale, I'm sure steps could be taken to lessen the emotional stress you're encountering. Sometimes Usually people in the workforce will have a tendency to forget that a company is made up of people with emotions and lives outside of the office. A meeting might actually remind them you're human...

Just remember, you control your happiness. Perception is much more heavily weighted than reality in the happiness realm. Your boss is a jerk. So what? The magic hands on the clock make him/her disappear every day at 4!!! You are not debthater the accountant or debthater the doctor or what have you. You're debthater. Bosses can't have any baring on who you are unless you let them.

Sparky

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 163
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2012, 07:49:04 PM »
Simple advice to a complex problem: Quit the job, or try taking a leave of absence for as long as period of time as you can. If your life improves enough, you'll soon discover that doing your former job wasn't worth it at all.

It's really not that hard to find a job in ones field that pays equal or better than the previous one. You're not making great money because of dumb luck, it's because you have a skill in demand and people are will to pay good money for you to do it for them.

debthater

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #15 on: May 04, 2012, 10:13:13 PM »
Hi everyone!  I wanted to thank you all again for the advice.  I wanted to give you an update on my situation and share some of the actions I have taken as a result of your advice. 

James and Arbor--I have spoken to my supervisor and his boss.   I shared my feedback on the situation and discussed my feelings.  I was told that things would change.  There was a fury of meetings and lots of talk.  Not much has changed and I don't know how long I am willing to wait.  I will do a follow up again in two weeks.  I did a brief touch base with boss 2 today.   I will let you know how it goes.  I have been focusing on 'this is temporary' and 'this shall pass' to minimize emotional reactions at work.  I also pray in my moments of weakness.  This has helped some.  However, I am still overall unhappy while at work. 

Michelle and others-I have obtained a CL apartment with a very nice roommate.  I am also working from home one day (the only immediate outcome of the talk with boss 2) a week.  I have also changed the time I leave at work Fridays to minimize traffic so I get home and can enjoy Friday with my husband.  This I think has also minimized the exhaustion. 

Sparky-Thanks for the vote of confidence.  I think you are right but most other opportunities are in Houston as well so there would be the same commute.  There is not much job activity in our new little town! I am applying for anything and everything though.  I am also seeking out 100% remote positions but they are few in my field.  I will keep at it though. 

I still fear that these are just small things to keep me there a little longer.  I am doubtful thought that I can make it to the end of the year.  I am scared to walk away from a job in this economy but I feel like I am going to have to soon if things do not change. 

Any other advice for me? 

$_gone_amok

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 149
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2012, 01:07:57 AM »
If I were you I'd quit the job to travel and de-stress. I know this sounds like a very un-mustachean thing to do, but I think you and your husband are in great financial health and can afford to do so.  What are your husband's thoughts on you quitting your job?  A few years ago my wife had a job that she hated and I encouraged she to quit to find something that she truly loves, she did that and now has a job that she looks forward to everyday. 

I think being debt free and FI is important, but not as important as selling your soul to work for someone you don't like. Plus, it is good to do something you want before the kids come and then you don't have time for anything else =)

Good luck!

Osprey

  • Guest
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2012, 05:05:17 AM »
I am also in a position of burnout and miserable with a huge commute... Unfortunately my advice will be swayed due to those reasons so the best I can do is send you a big virtual hug.

For myself, I have recently started getting anxiety attacks about halfway to work, but I am contractually obliged to stay and I have an inflexible employer (the government of my country! lol) So I would say, see if those meetings and small changes help you at all. Find an outside interest or hobby to concentrate on. And if you're still completely miserable then just quit. Life is too short and you are too valuable.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10173
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2012, 11:03:41 AM »
Dear debthater,
I love, love, love that you have taken positive action so quickly! Kudos to you. I have lots to say on this subject and hope there's no duplication of previous comments.

Congratulations on amassing so much in 401k's at this stage in your life! You are well on the way to a great retirement, assuming you are well diversified. Your EF balance is awesome as well. Don't forget to think of your EF in net income dollars. It will go a long way if needed, especially with one of you still working. Also, kudos on the amount of home equity. Your payments must be quite small compared to your income. These three things you've done so right mean you have FREEDOM to make choices, which is a powerful position to be in, even if it doesn't seem that way to you just now.

Is it at all possible that the crying reveals a deeper emotional need to be doing something else with our life? It's possible that your frequent tears could be your psyche trying to tell you something besides the obvious fact that your boss is behaving badly.

Time spent commuting is a complete energy suck. You only have so many minutes on this earth and you are squandering way too many of them in a way that is not in line with your stated goals. Once it ends, you will feel an incredible sense of relief.

As to fertility, you are right to listen to your screaming clock. Once you find a way to de-stress your life, conception may occur without the need for medical intervention. Scary how few studies there have been on the effects on the mother's long-term health when medically assisted methods of conception are employed, not to mention the staggering costs. (This is not an anti-IVF rant; I have concerns about long-term health consequences to both mother and potential child.)

Gaps in employment are likely to become like bankruptcies once the Great Recession passes. There are so many people with these experiences, that the "stigma" will be greatly lessened. I wouldn't worry about any employment gap if you are in possession of valuable job skills, which seems to be the case. Instead, figure out something worthwhile that you could be doing with your time once you leave the job with the soul-deadening commute. If you love kids, for example, there are many volunteer opportunities.
Allow yourself time to have some fun in your life. Once you have children, there will be no possibility of breaks, you'll be a mom 100% of the time.

Here is advice that I KNOW has been given many times in response to similar questions around the web: get a copy of Amy Dacyczyn's "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" immediately and read all the parts about living on one income. The book is getting a bit dated in our post-internet era, but her advice still rings true. It will prove invaluable to you on the next leg of your journey through life.

Finally, if your husband's healthcare is secure and looks to be so as he transitions to his next position (you don't want to be pregnant and without medical insurance), make a little plan for how to occupy your newfound time and GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!! Yesterday, if possible. You will feel giddy as a kid on the last day of school. My vote is a resounding YES! This is the payoff for being a debt hater!

James

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1680
  • Age: 46
  • Location: Rice Lake, WI
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2012, 11:19:54 AM »
Hi everyone!  I wanted to thank you all again for the advice.  I wanted to give you an update on my situation and share some of the actions I have taken as a result of your advice. 

James and Arbor--I have spoken to my supervisor and his boss.   I shared my feedback on the situation and discussed my feelings.  I was told that things would change.  There was a fury of meetings and lots of talk.  Not much has changed and I don't know how long I am willing to wait.  I will do a follow up again in two weeks.  I did a brief touch base with boss 2 today.   I will let you know how it goes.  I have been focusing on 'this is temporary' and 'this shall pass' to minimize emotional reactions at work.  I also pray in my moments of weakness.  This has helped some.  However, I am still overall unhappy while at work. 

Michelle and others-I have obtained a CL apartment with a very nice roommate.  I am also working from home one day (the only immediate outcome of the talk with boss 2) a week.  I have also changed the time I leave at work Fridays to minimize traffic so I get home and can enjoy Friday with my husband.  This I think has also minimized the exhaustion. 

Sparky-Thanks for the vote of confidence.  I think you are right but most other opportunities are in Houston as well so there would be the same commute.  There is not much job activity in our new little town! I am applying for anything and everything though.  I am also seeking out 100% remote positions but they are few in my field.  I will keep at it though. 

I still fear that these are just small things to keep me there a little longer.  I am doubtful thought that I can make it to the end of the year.  I am scared to walk away from a job in this economy but I feel like I am going to have to soon if things do not change. 

Any other advice for me?


Sounds like you have taken some great actions to better your situation!  I don't know what more you can do, just be sure to follow up with your boss and don't back down.  Eventually you might realized they won't back you up and you need to leave, but until then make sure they know what you are going through.  I've been in similar situations at work where they make all sorts of talk and noises but nothing happens.  Then when you follow up a couple more times the real changes actually get made.  Or they don't.  But don't assume they won't just because they make a lot of useless noise to start with.  Standing up for yourself like that is something to be proud of!


In the end that job isn't your life, and if it doesn't work in the big picture there is nothing wrong with leaving it.  I do think you will feel better about leaving since you have gone through this effort to try and make it work.  Good luck!

kdms

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 178
  • Location: Ottawa, Canada
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #20 on: May 07, 2012, 08:18:14 AM »
My doctor thinks this has impacted my ability to conceive.  However, there is no guarantee that I could get pregnant if I wasn't under the stress. 

For whatever it's worth....I quit a very well-paying relatively easy shiftwork position that had me gritting my teeth at the start of every shift, praying that nothing would happen during the shift, almost crying in relief after it was done, and then starting the cycle all over again.  We were trying to conceive as well.  Less than six months after my last horrible nightshift and switching into a 9-5 where I liked the work, liked my coworkers, even though it paid less, I got pregnant.  Work-related stress is cumulative because vacations are never long enough to undo the damage completely (in my opinion, and I have no research to back that up, just experience).  If you've gone so far as to get tests done (on both of you I might add, it's not just the female side of the equation) then I would be inclined to believe your doctor....good luck!

debthater

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2012, 08:41:53 PM »
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to give you an update on where things are with my situation. Things have gotten progressively better (still not great but not crying in my office) with my boss.  The craigslist apartment has also helped to minimize my commute time.  I am able to workout which helps my well being.  I am still not satisfied with the work I do but am now focused on the light at the end of the tunnel--the end of the year!  Also, my bonus target has been adjusted to be 30% which is a nice little perk.  There is talk of restructuring which could mean some position eliminations...and the cherry on top severance pay!  They will begin looking at the organization in November; we shall see how that looks.  I am still not pregnant.  This is difficult.  I am trying to focus on my faith but that is still hard.   I have had some interviews for external positions.  The right thing has not come up but there have been a number of good leads.  The response to my few applications has made me realize that the market is really turning around for skilled or niche employees.  This also makes me feel more hopeful.   I used to spend a great deal of 'my' time obsessing about work, worrying, and being very sad.  With my return to exercise and the other steps I have taken these habits are changing.  This helps me to feel like my job has become just a job instead of my whole life.  I also have focused on nesting like crazy.  The challenge of doing this on a budget is very fun and I am enjoying home projects. 

Even with these mild improvements and light at the end of the year, I still feel like I am at a cross roads.  I am praying I will walk away at the end of the year but I am scared that I will be too afraid.  I am working on my future plans which is a challenge given the transient nature of my husband's job.  With the potential end of my current job as an option and these decisions coming to a head soon I feel a little overwhelmed. 

Does anyone else ever feel like this?  How do you know what to do?  I am scared I will regret... regret leaving a high paying job to sit solo at my house... regret being afraid to leave.... regret not leaping toward the right opportunity. 

Any ideas?  Anyone else make a big leap?  How did you have faith that it was the right move?

James

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1680
  • Age: 46
  • Location: Rice Lake, WI
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #22 on: August 25, 2012, 02:55:42 PM »

Yes, I've felt all those things to various degrees, and my wife has to even greater degrees.  Hang in there, you are doing well.

Regret is a dangerous thing.  Like hate, it is a powerful emotion and can produce results other emotions can't, but both can eat you alive from the inside if you aren't careful.


The fear is good, it keeps you focused on the decisions you need to make and the mental energy you need to take in figuring out those decision.


But controlling all those emotions is very important, you need to set aside time to allow those emotions to exist, and then allow them to retreat back while you go about your daily life.  Make appointments with yourself to work on each of these issues, to think about them and have actions such as calling about job options, talking to your boss, talking to your husband about future plans, etc.  Just knowing you have a plan for facing those things at a certain point can allow you to not worry about them the rest of the day.  Keep a journal so you don't have to remember all the issues, you can tell that part of your brain "Don't worry, we'll next work on those issues at 6:00pm Tuesday, until then you aren't welcome".


The exercise is awesome, that is very helpful in keeping you balanced and handling thing well.


I have made big leaps that I wasn't sure of, and we are considering a big leap currently.  How do you have faith it's the right move?  I have no idea.  You communicate a lot, follow all leads, get the best advice you can, prepare, and then step out and don't look back.  :)

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10173
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #23 on: December 18, 2012, 12:03:24 PM »
Dear Debthater,
I've been pretty quiet here lately because I have experienced some major life changes myself. I finally got married for the first time at age 54 (tell "All The Single Ladies" there is hope). We got married on 10-11-12 and I retired two months later. I'm still getting used to it, but I am giddy with excitement and possibilities.

In re-reading your posts, I am struck by the thought that you may be trading the dollars earned at your job for the ability to conceive. I have a number of friends who spent what you earn in a year in their efforts to conceive artificially. Why not just take a year off, focus on your self, your health, your hubby and see what happens? You can afford it and the results might surprise you. If you take time off and are still not able to conceive, at least you will know in your heart that you did everything you could to allow nature to take her course before you consider expensive and potentially hazardous artificial methods.

debthater

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #24 on: May 20, 2013, 08:51:16 PM »
Congrats Diane C!  That is amazing!  I think that people who step away must have good news to share! I certainly do!  I almost feel like pinching myself as things have gone so well.  It is not as if the past year has been painless, but an eye on the prize has kept me focused that I am moving forward toward my family goals as well as financial goals.  I fought so hard to stay and I MADE IT!

Thank you all for your encouragement, strategies, and support.  All of your suggestions that I did to improve my situation really paid off and made my life more enjoyable as I worked to meet my goal. 

Also, I found out I was pregnant (!) along the way.  I am so happy and excited.  This made me fight harder (but at the same time focus on minimizing my stress) for my future family.  I knew that cash would come in handy in the event that I decided not to go back to work.  I updated my goal to stay through my paid maternity leave (I know... I know...).  I felt this short term sacrafice would help buy more long term freedom. 

We are up almost 200k since our last posting due to discipline and the crazy stock market.  We paid off my student loans, invested, and have the cash to pay off the house.  We are throwing money at it month by month and starting to invest more.

The best news...I have found another job internally that is a MUCH shorter commute.  Still not great (30 minutes each way) but with working only 40 hours a week and for the pay I receive I think for the time being it is worth it.  We will continue to save and make decisions on if it is the right thing for us to do.  Also, since it is internal my maternity leave will be paid.  But who knows what our life will look like when our baby gets here! That may all change.   

Any time that I do continue to work should have a SIGNIFICANT impact on our savings as we won't be funding two households, the commutes, and the extras I bought to make my life bearable (I spent a lot of evenings at Target!).  Our daycare bill is less than my student loan payment so I think that things should be okay on one salary still even with a child. 

I am so much happier.  I love my home!  One of the things that got me through the year was working on it and thinking about actually getting to enjoy it.  Well, I am enjoying it now and it makes it so much sweeter!!!

I think when you get to the point of enjoying the fruits of all your hard work it is so awesome!  But a little scary as well.  I haven't posted on here for fear of somehow 'jinxing' myself.  I am forcing myself to enjoy today and all of our hard work.   I am also taking pride in it all.

Thank you all again.  You have no idea how many times I reread your posts and comments during my difficult moments. I really appreciate the support.

smedleyb

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 434
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #25 on: May 20, 2013, 09:10:11 PM »
I applaud both of you.

But Diane C., holy shit, what a transformation!  All the best. 

Arbor33

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 117
  • Age: 32
  • Location: Upstate New York
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #26 on: May 21, 2013, 06:12:22 AM »
Congrats on the pregnancy and the job change debthater! I wish you all the best!

little_owl

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 158
  • Location: DC Metro
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #27 on: May 22, 2013, 03:21:13 AM »
I'd personally stick it out, it's not that much longer for a good amount of money, and just look for the positives, knowing you're getting out soon.  If it was for 10 more years, I'd say make a change, but a year? You can power through!  But only you can make that decision.

I agree with this.  It sounds pretty difficult, but if you could do one more year, that is some substantial savings to your 'stache.  If you are commuting for such a long time, could you do 4, 10 hour days?  Or, barring that, could you listen to something during your commute?  When I commuted, I listened to Spanish languag CDs from the library and learned passable "travel spanish," which I have been able to use with some of my clients!

During the year, you could use a countdown clock, graph, or other device to help you remember that this is temporary, and a sacrifice you are making for your future self.  It sounds like a crappy but well paying office job, so you can always remind yourself that at least you arent working in the coal mines!

Good luck in whichev option you choose.

Dicey

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 10173
  • Age: 61
  • Location: NorCal
Re: To Quit Or Not To Quit? Advice please!
« Reply #28 on: July 23, 2013, 07:25:17 AM »
I am finally coming up for air after jumping into the late marriage + early retirement pool. Haven't spent any time on the forum(s) in months. What an outstanding piece of news, Debthater!!! Please, please post an update when you can find the time. A thousand congratulations to you!!