Like many of you do...
I drive an old car, I live in a little house, I have old furniture, and most of my repairs are DIY. But I'm sick and tired of everyone (family, neighbors, friends) thinking that I'm financially struggling. I am not poor. I spent most of my childhood being truly poor (well, American poor), and I was so excited to no longer be sneered at by everyone. Nope. No such luck.
I adopted a wonderful child through the state foster care system (most frugal way btw, cost about $500) which means in my state she has state insurance, subsidized daycare, WIC, and b/c she's handicapped there are automatic state disability payments (which happen to come on an EBT card just like welfare payments). So I look poor.
I know this is shallow, and it shouldn't actually matter. But I'm tired of grocery store cashiers being rude, people commenting on what I buy with my "welfare". I want to brand my networth into my forehead. Last year at her (wealthy) preschool I had to go through four "homevisits" simply because my earned income was so low.
How do you deal with the lack of social status that being Mustachian seems to bring with it? I'm not talking about people not inviting you to join their country club. But the discrimination that people who are poor deal with every day in this country.
IIRC, you (OP) indicated that you do dress well...so not sure why so many responses are focused on dressing for less.
My interpretation of your post is that your concern is less along the lines of being bothered by trivial opinions of you and more by the continual environment of discrimination (eg, the home visits). Which, IMO, would wear on most and is very understandable.
As far as experience/advice, I don't think I look "poor" as much as "young." Combining this with being a woman, I don't think others automatically take me very seriously. I have a PhD in electrical engineering (that I earned 8 years ago), pretty serious work track record and credentials, and a fat net worth (relatively), but I'm a blonde woman and I think people see me and think "college student" more than adult.
For a while I thought that I could just find the right clothes and haircut and suddenly it would change, but this was no only ineffective, but I think put the focus too much on blaming myself. When the reality is that I think that the fact that women are often thought of as "young" is indicative of a general subconscious societal infantilization of women. Which, I don't think is unrelated to how others are responding to you.
So, I guess, while I do feel for your sitch, my only advice is along the advice that others have given of "fuck them." But don't put up with it. Talk to the head of the preschool ASAP regarding the in-homes being discriminatory. Tell people in the grocery store to mind their own business, shop elsewhere, etc. Dress however you like and are comfortable and don't go all "do I look poor in these pants," taking responsibility for others' miseducated opinions.