Author Topic: Thought experiment: dream job, or dream spouse? (Read 21364 times)

lifejoy · « **on:** April 08, 2014, 08:18:26 PM »

So what'll it be? You can only choose one.

-Both options equal financial independence.
-The options are mutually exclusive: having one means you can't have the other.

Dream Job or Dream Spouse? And why?

Mazzinator · « **Reply #1 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:23:07 PM »

Dream spouse..why?...work sucks...

CarDude · « **Reply #2 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:24:13 PM »

Dream spouse all the way. I don't dream about work...willingly, at least.

expatartist · « **Reply #3 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:37:08 PM »

Dream spouse! They're part of your life 24/7, whereas most jobs are half that.
(As of August I am lucky enough to have both - but we're not FI ;)

johnintaiwan · « **Reply #4 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:45:37 PM »

I already have my dream spouse. I would say that even if she wasn't reading over my shoulder :)

lifejoy · « **Reply #5 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:46:27 PM »

So no one can think of work so enjoyable it would be a "dream job"?

SwordGuy · « **Reply #6 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:47:03 PM »

Dream spouse. Absolutely. I know from experience. :)

AJ · « **Reply #7 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:49:58 PM »

No contest - dream spouse! Even if the job was getting paid to test new chocolate bars, while play testing new video games, while getting foot rubs from Johnny Depp. A great life partner is absolutely priceless.

MDM · « **Reply #8 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:50:32 PM »

Spouse. Work to live, not live to work.

Primm · « **Reply #9 on:** April 08, 2014, 08:52:43 PM »

Spouse without question. I've had both (at different times, dream job came with abusive partner, dream spouse comes with good but not perfect job) and life partner trumps work every single time.

The Happy Philosopher · « **Reply #10 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:01:03 PM »

It's easier and cheaper to change jobs than to change spouses. I could do just about any job and be happy, can't say the same about any spouse.

Insanity · « **Reply #11 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:19:21 PM »

If I had my dream spouse, the dream job has a chance follow suit.

if you have a non-dream spouse, some jobs can be hard to hold down (I say this as someone who had to deal experience and whose spouse was partially the reason for leaving one job -- in a bad way).

This isn't even a fair question.

Daisy · « **Reply #12 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:24:21 PM »

I haven't found either. Maybe a better question...which one is easier to find?

EDIT: I'd rather find a dream spouse. Dream job wouldn't be a "job" to me. It would be a dream existence where I'd get to do what I want - when I want. This can include artsy things as well as volunteer (or lowly paid) activities that feed the soul.

Luck12 · « **Reply #13 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:28:58 PM »

This one's so easy. Dream spouse. Life is about close relationships (and what is closer than a spousal one) more than it is about work.

wtjbatman · « **Reply #14 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:32:13 PM »

Quote from: libraryjoy on April 08, 2014, 08:46:27 PM

So no one can think of work so enjoyable it would be a "dream job"?

Sure can, but dream spouse still trumps that by far. Like, really far.

expatartist · « **Reply #15 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:44:02 PM »

Quote from: libraryjoy on April 08, 2014, 08:46:27 PM

So no one can think of work so enjoyable it would be a "dream job"?

Part of why DH is a dream spouse is his attitude is more: "go for it" than "I dunno about that". He would never make me choose between a job and him. For a dream spouse, the dichotomy you present doesn't exist.

Before we were married I sat him down and said, this is what I want to do with my life:
* travel
* adventure
* art

Side effects include irregular income, frequent moves, and lots of time apart (weeks, sometimes months per year). He said yes anyway. And now I have a job where I'm paid to do all of the above.

It is possible to have a dream job and spouse at the same time! Of course, not every day are they both ideal ;)

Another poster brought up 'finding a dream spouse'. Here's a nice thread about how some of us found our frugal spouses: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/how-did-you-meet-your-frugal-spouse/

lifejoy · « **Reply #16 on:** April 08, 2014, 09:49:22 PM »

Quote from: serpentstooth on April 08, 2014, 08:49:39 PM

Quote from: libraryjoy on April 08, 2014, 08:46:27 PM
So no one can think of work so enjoyable it would be a "dream job"?

On a forum where we're trying to retire early?

Lol!!! So true, so true.

HappierAtHome · « **Reply #17 on:** April 08, 2014, 10:26:04 PM »

Dream spouse, all the way.

lifejoy · « **Reply #18 on:** April 08, 2014, 11:05:52 PM »

This is helping me to not take my dream spouse for granted :D

Lately I've been too focused on my lack of "dream job". But who could ask for better FI motivation! :)

kaetana · « **Reply #19 on:** April 08, 2014, 11:16:08 PM »

I'd also take spouse over job, any day. However, if I ended up with my "dream" spouse, it certainly wouldn't be my husband. He is a lot of things I thought I didn't want and a lot of things I didn't think to want. I think most people (myself included) know shockingly little about what would actually make them happy. I'm just happy to be happy now, albeit by accident!

wtjbatman · « **Reply #20 on:** April 08, 2014, 11:34:21 PM »

Quote from: kaetana on April 08, 2014, 11:16:08 PM

However, if I ended up with my "dream" spouse, it certainly wouldn't be my husband. He is a lot of things I thought I didn't want and a lot of things I didn't think to want.

They should make a hallmark card out of this.

sol · « **Reply #21 on:** April 08, 2014, 11:36:37 PM »

It's a difficult set of circumstances, but I suppose I could construct a scenario where dream job would be preferable. It's convoluted, though, and involves basically not having a spouse. Just lots of very open minded girlfriends.

A dream job could provide enough income to make a real difference in the world. Fund a network of orphanages. Host charity fundraising parties. Cure devastating diseases. Spend a few weeks per year on your dream vacation, whether that's high rolling in Vegas or hut-tripping the Alps with the Swedish bikini team. Acquire real power and influence, the sort that money can't buy.

Spouse is the obvious answer for most of us, because we recognize the value of a life partner in determining your long term happiness. But I guess I could foresee a life without a single life partner that would still be fulfilling. It just requires a little more imagination than most of us here are prone to exhibiting.

nosyparker · « **Reply #22 on:** April 09, 2014, 01:43:23 AM »

dream spouse.
because an okay job you can leave at the end of the day and a dream spouse could make that seem fine.
(and i guess by dream spouse i mean ideal, because my fiancé is fab but also not what i would have dreamt)

MissStache · « **Reply #23 on:** April 09, 2014, 06:20:54 AM »

Spouse, just like everyone else!

I've had some pretty terrible jobs and some pretty terrible boyfriends. The bad boyfriends made me WAY more miserable than the bad jobs.

Paul der Krake · « **Reply #24 on:** April 09, 2014, 06:25:20 AM »

But what if the dream job is being a trophy spouse?

Rural · « **Reply #25 on:** April 09, 2014, 06:46:35 AM »

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I have both. I'd quit today if he needed me to.

Nancy · « **Reply #26 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:27:40 AM »

Quote from: sol on April 08, 2014, 11:36:37 PM

Spend a few weeks per year on your dream vacation, whether that's high rolling in Vegas or hut-tripping the Alps with the Swedish bikini team.

Swedish bikini team! Is this a real thing? I can't imagnine the team component of wearing a bikini. Is this real life?

Daleth · « **Reply #27 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:38:52 AM »

Quote from: wtjbatman on April 08, 2014, 09:32:13 PM

Quote from: libraryjoy on April 08, 2014, 08:46:27 PM
So no one can think of work so enjoyable it would be a "dream job"?

Sure can, but dream spouse still trumps that by far. Like, really far.

Yes. Exactly.

Cromacster · « **Reply #28 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:47:50 AM »

Overall Dream Spouse. Although I can think of a few dream jobs that would come close. Even so, the Dream Spouse will always win out because I don't picture myself doing my dream jobs for the rest of my life.

Quote from: wtjbatman on April 08, 2014, 11:34:21 PM

Quote from: kaetana on April 08, 2014, 11:16:08 PM
However, if I ended up with my "dream" spouse, it certainly wouldn't be my husband. He is a lot of things I thought I didn't want and a lot of things I didn't think to want.

They should make a hallmark card out of this.

Haha reminds me of Rumsfeld

Quote

because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know.

NinetyFour · « **Reply #29 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:59:13 AM »

Right now, I have neither. I have a job, but it is far from a dream job. And I have no spouse, no SO.

I believe I would opt for a dream spouse, and then I would pursue my dream hobbies.

I could enumerate some qualities of my dream spouse, but maybe such a list actually belongs over in the "Mustachian and Single" area of the forum. ;-)

lifejoy · « **Reply #30 on:** April 09, 2014, 09:18:17 AM »

Quote from: sol on April 08, 2014, 11:36:37 PM

It's a difficult set of circumstances, but I suppose I could construct a scenario where dream job would be preferable. It's convoluted, though, and involves basically not having a spouse. Just lots of very open minded girlfriends.

A dream job could provide enough income to make a real difference in the world. Fund a network of orphanages. Host charity fundraising parties. Cure devastating diseases. Spend a few weeks per year on your dream vacation, whether that's high rolling in Vegas or hut-tripping the Alps with the Swedish bikini team. Acquire real power and influence, the sort that money can't buy.

Spouse is the obvious answer for most of us, because we recognize the value of a life partner in determining your long term happiness. But I guess I could foresee a life without a single life partner that would still be fulfilling. It just requires a little more imagination than most of us here are prone to exhibiting.

Way to think outside of the box!

bugbaby · « **Reply #31 on:** April 09, 2014, 09:52:30 AM »

Libraryjoy,
That is a Total No Brainer. How about these options:

A. 10 years living paycheck-to-paycheck working 60hrs a week, with a super-spendy, but incredibly hot, sexy, fun spouse

vs:

B. 10 years FIRE with millions living in leisure with a frugal, but incredibly ugly, grouchy spouse

Straight up A or B you both vanish right after the 10 years

*Why and How would you make it work?*

sol · « **Reply #32 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:04:22 AM »

I didn't understand the question to mean you could have one that was great and the other that sucked, but rather that you could have one that was great and not have the other at all.

I agree having a terrible job is preferable to having a terrible spouse, but that wasn't the question. Dream spouse and no job is pretty great, but dream job and no spouse could be great under some circumstances.

Cromacster · « **Reply #33 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:06:43 AM »

Quote from: babybug on April 09, 2014, 09:52:30 AM

Libraryjoy,
That is a Total No Brainer. How about these options:

A. 10 years living paycheck-to-paycheck working 60hrs a week, with a super-spendy, but incredibly hot, sexy, fun spouse

vs:

B. 10 years FIRE with millions living in leisure with a frugal, but incredibly ugly, grouchy spouse

Straight up A or B you both vanish right after the 10 years

A....What's the point of FIRE if you are hanging out with a grouchy person? I'd rather be happy at home and stressed at work.

Norrie · « **Reply #34 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:07:50 AM »

Dream spouse, for sure. 16 years in, the impact of having an incredible spouse has definitely out-weighed any job that I could ever imagine. (Plus, jobs don't bring you breakfast and tea in bed each morning, and my spouse does.)

My husband has a dream job that many people would love to have, and that's pretty awesome to witness. I think that it's part of what shapes him into being such a rad spouse. But even with his great job, he strives to put family first.

Cromacster · « **Reply #35 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:17:06 AM »

Quote from: babybug on April 09, 2014, 10:14:13 AM

Yeah but can you really be happy at home when you're barely making ends meet and your awesome spouse loves burning the cash & swiping the card? You don't think you'd fight or at least stress about money at all in scenario A?
Quote from: Cromacster on April 09, 2014, 10:17:06 AM
A....What's the point of FIRE if you are hanging out with a grouchy person? I'd rather be happy at home and stressed at work.

You are right, I probably would. Under scenario B I would be divorced...which could potentially ruin FIRE and it just sounds like no fun. If a divorce under scenario were to occur there's nothing to lose. And at least you can have some fun while it lasts.

bugbaby · « **Reply #36 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:20:58 AM »

Quote from: Cromacster on April 09, 2014, 10:17:06 AM

Quote from: babybug on April 09, 2014, 10:14:13 AM
Yeah but can you really be happy at home when you're barely making ends meet and your awesome spouse loves burning the cash & swiping the card? You don't think you'd fight or at least stress about money at all in scenario A?
Quote from: Cromacster on April 09, 2014, 10:17:06 AM
A....What's the point of FIRE if you are hanging out with a grouchy person? I'd rather be happy at home and stressed at work.

You are right, I probably would. Under scenario B I would be divorced...which could potentially ruin FIRE and it just sounds like no fun. If a divorce under scenario were to occur there's nothing to lose. And at least you can have some fun while it lasts.

sorry deleted post trying to correct....

I'm not sure but part of me would rather do B and just spend less time with spouse, hopefully more with kids and other people, do my hobbies etc, coz I once did a bit of A and didn't end too well [divorced over money problems].

LucyBIT · « **Reply #37 on:** April 09, 2014, 10:30:00 AM »

If both options in the OP equal FI, then what you're really asking is "Do you value a spouse or a career more?" The majority of people in the world are prone to partnering, so to find someone who would answer "Dream job, no brainer!" you'd need to ask the group that doesn't value partnering. And they exist, I just don't think any of them have responded to this thread.

My aunt, for example, has never been married and has no intention of ever being married. She doesn't want any kind of spouse, so for her it would be a no-brainer. On a FI board, most of us don't want any kind of "job" (i.e. that you have to do), so it's a no-brainer.

expatartist · « **Reply #38 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:23:33 PM »

@libraryjoy Sorry to hear you're not liking your job these days. Why? Is it your current conditions? Pay/environment, etc? What brought you to the library sciences? Was it your love of books or literature?

Last year I was feeling pretty down about my field: its depressed salaries (everyone gets into it because they 'love' it, so aside from artworld superstars there's not much money for producers), the gallery system, the limitations of a teaching career, and how useless my discipline seemed compared to the sciences and other fields. But after unexpectedly landing in a great community I found the right job-for now. I hope you can too. Keep up your good work...

MountainMan · « **Reply #39 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:41:37 PM »

Dream spouse. Anything is possible with a great relationship. Anything is bearable with a great relationship.

SDREMNGR · « **Reply #40 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:50:18 PM »

What the heck is a dream spouse? What do they do that real spouses don't? Or what don't they do that real spouses do?

TomTX · « **Reply #41 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:51:51 PM »

Quote from: sol on April 08, 2014, 11:36:37 PM

A dream job could provide enough income to make a real difference in the world. Fund a network of orphanages. Host charity fundraising parties. Cure devastating diseases. Spend a few weeks per year on your dream vacation, whether that's high rolling in Vegas or hut-tripping the Alps with the Swedish bikini team. Acquire real power and influence, the sort that money can't buy.

Dream spouse could easily have egregious amounts of money along with the power and influence. And wouldn't mind hosting the Swedish bikini team. And have kinks perfectly complementary to your own, et cetera.

Sooo... OP: why is this even a question?

RootofGood · « **Reply #42 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:53:33 PM »

Sorry, as an early retired married man, I have both a dream job and a dream spouse already! And the dream spouse even has a job.

Spartana · « **Reply #43 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:54:21 PM »

Hmmm.... I gave up the dream job so I could be with the dream spouse and would reverse that if I could. So dream job and stay single!

sol · « **Reply #44 on:** April 09, 2014, 07:57:19 PM »

One way to boil down this question is to ask whether you think it is possible to live a fulfilling life without ever marrying, or without ever working. From that perspective, I can justify choosing the dream job.

lifejoy · « **Reply #45 on:** April 09, 2014, 08:08:39 PM »

Quote from: expatartist on April 09, 2014, 07:23:33 PM

@libraryjoy Sorry to hear you're not liking your job these days. Why? Is it your current conditions? Pay/environment, etc? What brought you to the library sciences? Was it your love of books or literature?

Last year I was feeling pretty down about my field: its depressed salaries (everyone gets into it because they 'love' it, so aside from artworld superstars there's not much money for producers), the gallery system, the limitations of a teaching career, and how useless my discipline seemed compared to the sciences and other fields. But after unexpectedly landing in a great community I found the right job-for now. I hope you can too. Keep up your good work...

Thanks for the support :) I'm trying some new things, hopefully that will help! Right now I'm in a position that is lower than what I'm qualified for, so it gets discouraging at times.

MissStache · « **Reply #46 on:** April 10, 2014, 06:40:43 AM »

Quote from: sol on April 09, 2014, 07:57:19 PM

One way to boil down this question is to ask whether you think it is possible to live a fulfilling life without ever marrying, or without ever working. From that perspective, I can justify choosing the dream job.

That is an excellent point, and one that I totally agree with.

LibrarIan · « **Reply #47 on:** April 10, 2014, 06:57:12 AM »

I'll be frank - you can't have sex with a dream job. Spouse it is.

Roland of Gilead · « **Reply #48 on:** April 10, 2014, 07:08:46 AM »

I married my dream girl who went to an ivy and now makes $250,000+ a year...who needs a dream job?

(I would love her if she didn't make anything though)

NinetyFour · « **Reply #49 on:** April 10, 2014, 09:01:30 AM »

Quote from: LibrarIan on April 10, 2014, 06:57:12 AM

I'll be frank - you can't have sex with a dream job. Spouse it is.

What if your dream job is being a porn star?

News:

Author Topic: Thought experiment: dream job, or dream spouse? (Read 21364 times)

Nancy

Spartana