Things you wish you knew before immigrating to the United States

[Adventine]

So I will (hopefully) be immigrating to the United States in 2021, and wanted the hive mind's advice on ways to optimize the move.

I'd love to hear from other Mustachians who have also relocated to the US. Anything you wish you'd known before you permanently moved? Anything that falls under the category "nice-to-have/do-before-I-leave"? Pitfalls to avoid?

Some relevant background: I'm a Filipino citizen with a US citizen fiancé, and we are both Mustachians (our story here for anyone interested). I have always lived in Manila, Philippines. This will be my first ever international move, so I want to get things right and be prepared as much as I can before I leave my home country.

Here are the list of things I've identified so far:

Visa:
- Researched costs, timelines and documentary requirements for the visa application from start to finish, including filing fees, travel costs, and applicable US/PH laws.

Investments:
- Reread the MMM and Bogleheads resources on investing. The savings advice has always been valuable, but much of the investing advice was never applicable to my situation, so I never needed to pay much attention. Now, though, I definitely need to review.
- Decide how to efficiently move my PH-domiciled investments to the US. This requires careful timing, both when the market is high AND when the exchange rate is favorable.

Career:
- I continue to work and save at my current job until the visa is granted.
- The conditions of my K1 fiancé visa will prevent me from working or travelling outside the United States until I obtain the work and travel permits (EAD-Employment Authorization Document and AP-Advance Parole).
- With all the COVID delays, people have reported significant delays obtaining their EAD and AP. That means I am facing a long period of not working for many months after my arrival in the States. It actually works in my favor because I could really use the time to decompress from my current stressful job. I want the time to do some self-reflection and decide what I want to do next.

Climate:
- I am not used to cold weather and I've never seen snow in person! I'm used to wearing tank tops, shorts and flip flops all year round because the temperature in Manila always hovers around 23°C - 33°C (74°F - 93°F). Moving to my partner's hometown Memphis, TN will require a significant adjustment.

Relationships:
- I have of course had extensive talks with my partner about all of this. We are jointly planning and saving for these goals.
- I think the hardest part of the move will be saying goodbye to the family and friends here in Manila. Although I have both family and friends in the States, my strongest relationships are all here. After the pandemic is over, I plan to visit regularly, but of course it will not be the same.


So, Mustachians, any other important things that I need to consider, before immigrating to the US?

[SwordGuy]

I can promise you that Memphis, TN can be plenty hot and sweltering in the summer.

Winter can feel cold to someone from the tropics but you won't see much snow in Memphis very often.   

There are a lot of good things about Memphis.   I lived there for many years. 

If you like medieval swordfighting or arts and crafts I still have good friends in the area.

If you find yourself in eastern NC after the plague is over, consider yourself and your fiance' invited for a visit with my family.

I hope you'll be applying for US citizenship, we need more smart and kind people hereabouts.

[ctuser1]

I'd try to establish a credit history in the US ASAP. It's useful for a wide variety of things, especially when you are getting started.

If you are going to have your own paycheck soon, then you can take those and go to DCU (www.dcu.org) for a credit card. They give out full-fledged credit cards based solely on paychecks (at least they did when I asked them last). That credit card will soon build your credit within a year or two.

The alternative is a lot more hassle. "Secured" credit cards with very low limit etc.

[MudPuppy]

The expression "Bless your heart" can be an insult by southerners

Can be. Usually isn’t, and tone and context will tell you the difference.


I’m looking forward to reading about your journey!

[Steeze]

Apply for the Visa ASAP. It can take months longer than expected to get the interviews. It took DW about a year and a half to get the interview after we were married, was supposed to be 3-6 months.

Since we were not married two years at the time of the interview, she was given a conditional status which means another interview after two years. Except it is two years from the interview date, not the marriage date, so her permanent resident status will take almost 4 years instead of 2.

Also the relationship thing is tough. Luckily her parents are able to afford to travel to the states fairy often. But it is still a huge ordeal to travel from the other side of the world with jet lag, 24hr flights, and all. They are getting older and it is not going to be so easy in their 70s as it is in their 60s.

Now with Covid they cannot even come at all. We are having our first baby this spring and there is a good chance her parents will miss it due to politics.

Then there is the whole idea of what to do when parents are very old? Will we move to her parents to help them in old age, or we stay near mine to help them? Her parents are not likely to immigrate and my parents? Forget about it, they aren’t leaving the states ever, because to them the entire world is a dangerous third world country.

Then when her parents are here they are isolated in a big way - no friends or community to interact with, mostly stuck in the house cooking and playing on the phone. After the 5th time you’ve been to NYC there isn’t much interest in site seeing, especially when the trip lasts for a month or two.

Not an easy road for sure, more complicated than we, or at least I, anticipated. There is a real chance that I will not be around for my parents in their old age which is sad for me. She is an only child though, so we are obligated.

Also with our son on the way, now there is much consideration on where to live for access to foreign language outside the home. How will he communicate with her parents? Should we move to China for his early education? If so, at what age or grade level? Will he be too far behind to start at first grade, or should we go for pre-school (age 3-5)?

Anyway - just to say that it is complicated for everyone involved.

Then, at least for us, there is a lot of anti-China rhetoric in the media. In the major cities it is not a big deal, but even many of my friends throw around a China joke here and there without thinking about it. If we are in a more rural or southern place then there is certainly a strong bias against the Chinese.

[Dave1442397]

Get all the paperwork moving as soon as possible.

Apply for a Social Security card immediately. You'll need an SSN for everything in the US - bank accounts, taxes, licenses, etc. When I first came here, I didn't realize it was used like that - I thought it was just something to do with retirement and old age pensions :)

Get a Driver's License asap. I don't know about TN, but car insurance in NJ was much higher for the first three years after getting a license. It's good to have a license even if you don't plan on driving right away.

As someone stated above, start working on your credit history.

Get a cellphone carrier with a good International calling plan. I have found Mint to be very inexpensive for Int'l calls.

[ctuser1]

Apply for a Social Security card immediately. You'll need an SSN for everything in the US - bank accounts, taxes, licenses, etc. When I first came here, I didn't realize it was used like that - I thought it was just something to do with retirement and old age pensions :)

Good point on Social Security.

If I understand correctly, however, she won't get SSN with K1 visa as that does not have employment authorization by default (unlike H1/L1 etc). She will need to apply for Work Authorization, and can apparently apply for social security number along with that: https://www.ssa.gov/ssnvisa/ebe.html#:~:text=If%20USCIS%20approves%20your%20application%2C%20you%20will%20receive%20two%20documents,another%20envelope%20your%20SSN%20card.&text=You%20should%20receive%20your%20SSN,receive%20your%20EAD%20from%20USCIS

Get a Driver's License asap. I don't know about TN, but car insurance in NJ was much higher for the first three years after getting a license. It's good to have a license even if you don't plan on driving right away.

Good point on the insurance too.
With a new license, car insurance rates will likely be very high. You should definitely shop around. I have personally found GEICO to have better pricing for edge cases than other carriers. You should probably work with an agent to shop around AND also check out GEICO yourself (brick and morter agents won't generally work with GEICO). 

[uniwelder]

After you've arrived on your fiancé visa (don't know if you used a lawyer for that process or not) and gotten married, you don't need to pay big bucks for a lawyer for the green card application.  For my wife, we tried asking around and all lawyers wanted something like $4,000 to submit the application and we still would have needed to to gather up all documentation, which was the time consuming part.  We did find someone who worked for the Catholic Charities group as a lawyer/consultant.  He was happy to look over our paperwork, correct the mistakes (the green card application was tricky, not particularly user friendly), and walk us through a mock interview.  Cost was about $150 for about 1 1/2 hours of his time.  This was back in 2016, with paper forms.  I think its online now from what we've heard, so it might be more user friendly to submit.  We still keep in touch with him as he's had some questions regarding some of his clients specific to my wife's home country, and we've updated him on my wife's citizenship (made official about two weeks ago). 

[Steeze]

After you've arrived on your fiancé visa (don't know if you used a lawyer for that process or not) and gotten married, you don't need to pay big bucks for a lawyer for the green card application.  For my wife, we tried asking around and all lawyers wanted something like $4,000 to submit the application and we still would have needed to to gather up all documentation, which was the time consuming part.  We did find someone who worked for the Catholic Charities group as a lawyer/consultant.  He was happy to look over our paperwork, correct the mistakes (the green card application was tricky, not particularly user friendly), and walk us through a mock interview.  Cost was about $150 for about 1 1/2 hours of his time.  This was back in 2016, with paper forms.  I think its online now from what we've heard, so it might be more user friendly to submit.  We still keep in touch with him as he's had some questions regarding some of his clients specific to my wife's home country, and we've updated him on my wife's citizenship (made official about two weeks ago).

+1

We did the paper forms (2017) and filled it out ourselves. Any question you could possibly have has been asked and answered on a forum somewhere. Use your google foo to guide you. No reason to pay for a lawyer.

[lhamo]

Be sure you understand the timelines for applying for citizenship (if you want to do that) or maintaining your greencard.  We almost messed up DH's citizenship application by moving back to China before it was approved.  They kept sending his fingerprinting/swearing in date notifications to our old NY address (even though we asked repeatedly that they be sent to our office address (which could open them for us).  By the time we got the third notice for his swearing ceremony it was something like 7-10 days before the date, which was just a few weeks before we had been out of the US long enough to invalidate his application.  I didn't figure out that last bit until after he had been sworn in--I probably would have had a nervous breakdown if I knew how close we were!

You should be fine as long as you don't intend to move back overseas (to the Ph or elsewhere) until you get citizenship, but best to fully understand the rules before you plan, or act on plans, to do extensive travel.

The family obligation thing is a hard one.  We moved to China (where my SO's family lives) when our oldest was 9 months old.  We were lucky enough to have lots of vacation/leave time through our nonprofit jobs, but it still meant most of our vacation time was spent with his family in China or mine in the US.  We only took a few non-family-visit vacations.   We moved back to the US when our oldest was 14 so that he could participate in a special program -- SO was not quite ready at that point so he and our youngest stayed in China for another year.  That was stressful for everybody.  And now SO is stuck here in the US due to Covid and hasn't been able to visit/help care for his aging parents as much as he usually would.  Also stressful.  Anyway there are no easy choices and somebody sacrifices no matter what you do.  I personally think it is probably easier for someone who grew up elsewhere to immigrate to the US just because it is so much more common here.  One of the things that made long-term living in china hard for me was that in spite of being fluent in Chinese and pretty well adapted to the culture I was never not going to be an outsider/foreigner. You just can't blend in there the same way you can in the more diverse US setting.  I found that really exhausting.

We also did our own green card and citizenship paperwork.  It isn't really that hard as long as your situation is straightforward.  Or at least it wasn't 20-30 years ago.

[Tigerpine]

Since others are taking up the nuts and bolts of immigration, I'd like you to pause and consider another topic.

After living in Japan for 10 years, I moved back to the US and noticed very quickly that the food just didn't taste "right".  Meat, all of it, was just "off".  It took me about a year to finally get used to it.  Other foods tasted a little strange, as well.

You won't realize what a large presence food is in your life until you leave the food you're used to behind.  When I lived near Chicago, I could easily get the ingredients I wanted to make the food I was used to.  Then I moved to SC, and the asian grocery stores were more sparse and further away.  It was a huge shock, gastronomically speaking.  And the food choices of the people there were very different than anything I had experienced before.  Sadly, I did not like the food there for very long.

In terms of your relationship, I hope you two can consistently genuinely agree on food choices.  Food is so important to culture, and we never notice it until put into a new environment.  Be ready to experience a different palette of flavors in the US than you are used to, especially when around the natives.  It may agree with you, or it may not.  Just be ready for it, is all I'm saying.

I was not ready for it, nor expecting it, and I had a very difficult transition back to the States in part due to the differences in food.  I tried cooking for family, but that caused a lot of stress, because with rare exception (i.e., curry rice) they didn't like the menu.

[Adventine]

Already so many great responses! Thanks, all.

@Sun Hat : I will definitely have to control my facial expressions if anyone says Canada is a US territory! For most things Philippine-related, I'm mentally preparing myself that most people will not know anything about my home country.

@SwordGuy : That's an awesome picture of you! I definitely need to build up my community in Memphis. And we will take you up on that offer to visit, as soon as I've settled in and we're all vaccinated. The idea of four seasons, and that the temperature can vary wildly depending on the time of year, and the need to dress appropriately depending on the weather, will all be new to me. I was last in Memphis in autumn, and it was plenty cold for this tropical islander. I haven't decided yet on US citizenship, but definitely US permanent residency.

@Steeze @lhamo @Dave1442397 : No worries there. We started the visa process 6 months ago and plan to DIY it all the way, without using lawyers. Timelines are hard to estimate because we're all in Covidland, where everything is topsy turvy. I think it works out fine. I prefer that a significant population of the US was vaccinated first before I immigrate. I also understand that, in order to keep my permanent residency / qualify for US citizenship, I have to live in the United States for years. I cannot just up and relocate again to another country without immigration consequences.

I have two sisters who share the responsibility for caring for our aging father. We've already made plans for his long-term care. Ideally, I will be able to visit the Philippines at least once a year, excepting future pandemics. And I don't plan on having children, so that's one less thing to think about.

@ctuser1 : Fiancé will add me to as an authorized user to his credit cards, so that's taken care of.

Google fu confirmed I can get an SSN as soon as I arrive in the States, even before marriage. It's on on my to do list as a priority.

@Tigerpine : thank you for bringing it up. I hadn't considered that food might be an issue, and I love to eat! Fortunately, I'm fairly aligned with my fiancé with eating habits, he has already identified a  Filipino grocery store, and he learned to cook Filipino food while he lived with me here in Manila. I also plan to bring a stash of pantry items when I relocate (Knorr sinigang mix, anyone?)

So much to prepare for, so much to get ready!

[AccidentialMustache]

Start building your own credit file anyway, asap. Should you split or your spouse pass or become incapacitated, having that history will give you options you otherwise wouldn't have.

[Paul der Krake]

Nothing really. A couple things surprised me when I got off the boat, but not holding me back in any way. Americans are a pretty straightforward bunch. There are no secret codes. What you see is what you get.

Research, ask questions, verify the answers you get, and you'll be more than fine.

[dang1]

hmm.. Things you wish you knew before immigrating to the United States: avoid these Titas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mad5d-Yxn44&ab_channel=JeppyParaiso

[UnleashHell]

firstly - do not screw with immigration. they have no sense of humor and they do like the rules to be followed. and they can mess with your life.

secondly - its different. and living here is very different to visiting.
Things will frustrate you and annoy you - things that seem normal to locals just aren't to you and they will be no good reason for it.

Don't be afraid to seek out those in a similar position - sometimes all you need is a non american so that they can understand the frustrations of adapting and be an understanding person to put your frustrations on. Americans will generally tend to defend what ever is frustrating you rather than try to understand.
Don't try to replicate live back home. From the years I've been here I've seen people do this and those that try to live like they did at home are normally the ones that fail to adapt.
Its great to add your spin to your american life but it will primarily america-centric with your own touches of food and tradition.  That isn't to say you should abandon everything - by all means add in the celebration of all things from home - but when it comes to things like thanksgiving then you got to try turkey and pumpkin pie!!! (BTW I still think pumpkin pie is terrible!! but I tried!)

Find a way to keep in contact with home. regular whatsapp chats make the difference.

and remember - don't screw with immigration!!!

It'll be fine. fun, amusing, interesting, different, frustrating, annoying but it'll be fine.
Go for it.

I came for 3 years and i'm still here over 20 years later. Its not that bad :D

[Dave1442397]

I hadn't considered that food might be an issue, and I love to eat! Fortunately, I'm fairly aligned with my fiancé with eating habits, he has already identified a  Filipino grocery store, and he learned to cook Filipino food while he lived with me here in Manila. I also plan to bring a stash of pantry items when I relocate (Knorr sinigang mix, anyone?)

So much to prepare for, so much to get ready!

My wife is Filipino, so we have lots of those pantry items. This is a random selection from the first drawer I went to :)  I've seen the Knorr packets here too, although not right now. Even if you can't get the things you want locally, it should be easy to have them shipped from other parts of the US. There's a big Filipino community in this area, and also in North Jersey.

[Adventine]

hmm.. Things you wish you knew before immigrating to the United States: avoid these Titas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mad5d-Yxn44&ab_channel=JeppyParaiso

Half the reason I'm marrying in the States is to get away from those nosy Titas of Manila who expect a giant white wedding with my white foreigner husband! I kid, I kid. If one of my Titas is reading this, love you, Auntie :P

@UnleashHell : good points on not trying to replicate home in the US, and on me seeking out other people to rant to, who will "get it." When it comes to immigration, I've had experience both applying for and facilitating visas, so I take the whole process seriously.

@Dave1442397 : Ah!! Those are all brands I grew up with, except for the patis. I fully expect, on days the homesickness hits hard, I will insist on cooking with one of those brands. Maybe drown my sorrows in a bottle of Good Shepherd ube jam for good measure.

@Sun Hat : you bet I am going to jump in the snow the first chance I get! Dressed in the nicest, highest quality, thrifted winter clothes I can get my hands on.

[dcheesi]

I lived in the US for 4 years, and while I faced different issues since I wasn't immigrating permanently, I have a couple of tips:

Don't be too surprised if they don't know much about the Philippines, or especially that Manila is a mega-city. I encountered quite a few people who thought that Canada was a US territory and wouldn't be surprised if they thought the same about the Philippines. It might be helpful to compare Duerte's bombast (and why he was popular enough to rise to power) to Trump to show how alike people everywhere are.

The expression "Bless your heart" can be an insult by southerners. I spent YEARS thinking that a colleague was just really religious and trying to bless me, when she was calling me an idiot. When another southern friend finally explained the meaning, I had to laugh, because it explained why the mean colleague would always look frustrated when I'd thank her and happily continue on with my day. I suspect that "I'll pray for you" is also a dig of some sort. Have your finance translate for you as required.

I'm not deep-South southern, but to me "bless your heart" doesn't have to be an insult, but is often (intentionally or not) condescending. IME it's basically "aren't you (sweet/'cute'/naive)".

OTOH "I'll pray for you" can be very antagonistic. In an appropriate context (recent loss or hardship), it can be a token of sympathy; however, in other contexts it can be an expression of moral disapproval of whatever opinion, belief, or lifestyle choice you were just discussing. In that case, they're "praying" for you to find the error of your ways, before their G-d decides to punish you for your wickedness. In any sort of disagreement, "I'll pray for you" is a way of ending the conversation by basically writing you off as a lost cause, with divine intercession as their only remaining hope of redeeming you.

[Adventine]

Useful to know, especially because where I'm from, "I'll pray for you" is, 99% of the time, a polite, religious way of genuinely wishing someone good luck!

[dcheesi]

Useful to know, especially because where I'm from, "I'll pray for you" is a polite, religious way of genuinely wishing someone good luck!

Of course tone and context matter a lot here. You'll probably know when someone is upset with you, and using this in place of cursing you out; it's usually not subtle (whereas "bless your heart" can be).

Also, more poetic phrasing (like "keeping you in our prayers") is more likely to be sincere. It's really all about tone and context.

[MustachioedPistachio]

Useful to know, especially because where I'm from, "I'll pray for you" is a polite, religious way of genuinely wishing someone good luck!

Of course tone and context matter a lot here. You'll probably know when someone is upset with you, and using this in place of cursing you out; it's usually not subtle (whereas "bless your heart" can be).

Also, more poetic phrasing (like "keeping you in our prayers") is more likely to be sincere. It's really all about tone and context.

Here in Memphis, "I'll pray for you" is rarely used outside a church setting. Instead, it's "keeping you in my prayers" or "you'll be in my thoughts and prayers". I've never heard it used in a condescending or antagonistic manner.

"Bless your heart" coming from a sweet grandma versus a peer is very different! Tone and context is definitely key here.

[Ladychips]

Useful to know, especially because where I'm from, "I'll pray for you" is, 99% of the time, a polite, religious way of genuinely wishing someone good luck!

I'm from the US (not exactly the south but kind of).  Here "I'll pray for you" means "I love you but can't do jack to help so I'll ask God to help". I've never heard it used as hatefulness and I hate that others have.

I have no immigration experience but I did move my husband away from his home to mine.  The smartest thing he did (in hindsight) was make a bunch of friends who were not my friends.  It made him feel like he had his own life and not just an extension of mine. And I got a bunch of new friends out of it.  Win win.

I'm enjoying your story and wish you much happiness!

[ChpBstrd]

IDK how this compares to Manila, but understand that the majority of Americans have poor financial habits, so if you try to solve problems like the locals solve problems, or otherwise approximate their lifestyles, you’ll end up broke just like them! The cars and houses you’ll see are irrationally big and expensive, even if they are normal. Restaurants and bars are overpriced, even though the locals treat it like free food. The suburbs are too far from areas with jobs to be a practical lifestyle. Etc. Be confident enough to do your own thing, even several years from now when you feel at home. Having a Mustachian spouse will help, because they are used to violating social norms in order to be successful.

Memphis, like other American cities, is a city of wealthy neighborhoods and deep poverty. There are addicts and mentally ill people panhandling a few blocks from mansions, and the police seem to function as a way to keep each thing in its place. Again, this might be what Manila is like too. But it might also be surprising to someone with fresh eyes. Understand that most Tennessee state legislators (those from rural or suburban districts) want to see their state’s big cities fail, and so Memphis, Nashville, and Knoxville pay more in taxes than they receive back in state spending. The cities also face state government opposition to things like mass transit, police reform, public education, and services for the poor. I’m just giving you the ingredients to understand some mysteries you’ll wonder about, like “why don’t they fix this when they have all the resources?”.

When the pandemic is over, Memphis will be a lot more fun. Beale Street and Mud Island are great places for young people who like music. The museums and zoo are also very good, I think. Memphis is one of the best cities in the US to become a millionaire because the spread between potential earnings and cost of living is wide. It is entirely possible to buy a house, or a duplex even, in a decent neighborhood for $150k or less and pay it off within a few years if you wish. That’s simply not possible in the coastal cities. You’re also within road trip distance from Nashville, St. Louis, Little Rock, and New Orleans / the Gulf Coast.

So in summary, your success in Memphis will involve violating certain cultural norms while arbitraging other opportunities. Memphis has everything you need and you’ll do great.

[MustachioedPistachio]

When the pandemic is over, Memphis will be a lot more fun. Beale Street and Mud Island are great places for young people who like music. The museums and zoo are also very good, I think. Memphis is one of the best cities in the US to become a millionaire because the spread between potential earnings and cost of living is wide. It is entirely possible to buy a house, or a duplex even, in a decent neighborhood for $150k or less and pay it off within a few years if you wish. That’s simply not possible in the coastal cities. You’re also within road trip distance from Nashville, St. Louis, Little Rock, and New Orleans / the Gulf Coast.

So in summary, your success in Memphis will involve violating certain cultural norms while arbitraging other opportunities. Memphis has everything you need and you’ll do great.

These are some of the most encouraging words I've seen about Memphis - thank you! The spread is real, but it's amazing how folks still manage to spend it all. :)

The most overlooked Memphian asset: Shelby Farms Park. Incredible. It also connects to the Green Line, which roughly bisects the city from the northeast suburbs all the way across the Mississippi River to Arkansas.

[Dicey]

Don't have much to add, except that my BIL is a Tennessean, and I visited Knoxville several times when they lived there. Mostly posting because I'm a big Adventine fan girl and I don't want to miss a thing!

Oh and +1 about the advice to DIY as much of the immigration stuff as you can. The lack of language barrier should ease the process.

[dang1]

"Ah!! Those are all brands I grew up with, except for the patis. I fully expect, on days the homesickness hits hard, I will insist on cooking with one of those brands. Maybe drown my sorrows in a bottle of Good Shepherd ube jam for good measure."

ok ok if local stores / online, not helpful, how’s this:
check out the inventory in the 94520 location of https://www.seafoodcity.com/
I“ll pick the order and mail it to you. lol

[Sayyadina]

One of the things I found really frustrating (and this is as a Canadian with a work visa entirely managed by my employer, so super easy mode) was when I had immigration hiccups (knowing that you can't go home is hard at certain parts of the process, a lot more than I expected, especially on holidays) a bunch of my American colleagues had very little sympathy or understanding. I've ended up explaining how difficult it was to get my visa and the process to a green card to a bunch of people. And the worst part is that they thought they knew what it entails, and would try to explain parts of it to me based on whatever was in vogue on the news at the time.

Americans will understand many things about their country better than you, but you understand this process much better than them. I eventually just started venting to other ex pay friends.

[dougules]

Nothing really. A couple things surprised me when I got off the boat, but not holding me back in any way. Americans are a pretty straightforward bunch. There are no secret codes. What you see is what you get.

Oh bless your little heart.  You must have lived up North.  Folks in the southern US  are anything but straightforward.   

[dougules]

Speaking of the cold, layers are key.

A set or two of either synthetic, merino wool or silk long underwear to wear under your street clothes will help you to stay warm while still dressing like everyone else (who will probably not be wearing them).
Mittens are warmer than gloves.
Wool coats and fleece are cozy but don't block the wind, so invest in something with a densely woven outer shell because you can't be warm if the wind is blowing all of the warmth off of you.
Shop for outerwear when you're wearing your bulkiest clothes to ensure that you're able to layer up underneath.
Buy some cute hats and different weights of scarves to wear year round as fashion accessories that have the bonus of keeping you warm.
It can also be quite lovely to have a little thermos of tea with you to help warm you up.

In all, dressing for cold weather isn't cheap, and as a mustachian it can be hard to part with a big chunk of money on clothes, but consider it an investment in your quality of life.

That's really not necessarily needed down here unless you plan on being outside on the coldest days off the year.  We generally get by with a big coat and occasionally gloves and a toboggan (Canadian=tuque).  I'm also told that it's difficult to get serious good winter wear this far south.

[Tigerpine]

Speaking of the cold, layers are key.

A set or two of either synthetic, merino wool or silk long underwear to wear under your street clothes will help you to stay warm while still dressing like everyone else (who will probably not be wearing them).
Mittens are warmer than gloves.
Wool coats and fleece are cozy but don't block the wind, so invest in something with a densely woven outer shell because you can't be warm if the wind is blowing all of the warmth off of you.
Shop for outerwear when you're wearing your bulkiest clothes to ensure that you're able to layer up underneath.
Buy some cute hats and different weights of scarves to wear year round as fashion accessories that have the bonus of keeping you warm.
It can also be quite lovely to have a little thermos of tea with you to help warm you up.

In all, dressing for cold weather isn't cheap, and as a mustachian it can be hard to part with a big chunk of money on clothes, but consider it an investment in your quality of life.

That's really not necessarily needed down here unless you plan on being outside on the coldest days off the year.  We generally get by with a big coat and occasionally gloves and a toboggan (Canadian=tuque).  I'm also told that it's difficult to get serious good winter wear this far south.

This is so timely!  Just today I was chatting online with a coworker in South Carolina, and she mentioned that she wore a toboggan into work today due to the cold.  Being from the North, I was was thinking of the sled.  I had no idea it meant a winter cap in the South until today.

[ChpBstrd]

Speaking of the cold, layers are key.

A set or two of either synthetic, merino wool or silk long underwear to wear under your street clothes will help you to stay warm while still dressing like everyone else (who will probably not be wearing them).
Mittens are warmer than gloves.
Wool coats and fleece are cozy but don't block the wind, so invest in something with a densely woven outer shell because you can't be warm if the wind is blowing all of the warmth off of you.
Shop for outerwear when you're wearing your bulkiest clothes to ensure that you're able to layer up underneath.
Buy some cute hats and different weights of scarves to wear year round as fashion accessories that have the bonus of keeping you warm.
It can also be quite lovely to have a little thermos of tea with you to help warm you up.

In all, dressing for cold weather isn't cheap, and as a mustachian it can be hard to part with a big chunk of money on clothes, but consider it an investment in your quality of life.

That's really not necessarily needed down here unless you plan on being outside on the coldest days off the year.  We generally get by with a big coat and occasionally gloves and a toboggan (Canadian=tuque).  I'm also told that it's difficult to get serious good winter wear this far south.

^ This is a real pain point for those of us who like to be comfortable outdoors. The stores - even websites that know your location - are full of thin, fashionable jackets but not many heavy, multi-layer, down-filled bulky parkas that will keep you warm in freezing weather. It’s even worse for women, who might get 2-3 cm of insulation, tops. The best cold weather clothing is made for hunters, so when it gets down into the 20’s F you’ll see the camouflage come out. Your choice is fashionable freezing or looking like you just came out of the woods.

I have a London Fog down parka that I’ve maintained for 20 years now. It is the size of a person just by itself hanging on a hook. It’s a prized possession because I’ve never been cold in it and it would be very hard to replace.

[wenchsenior]

Nothing really. A couple things surprised me when I got off the boat, but not holding me back in any way. Americans are a pretty straightforward bunch. There are no secret codes. What you see is what you get.

Oh bless your little heart.  You must have lived up North.  Folks in the southern US  are anything but straightforward.

Ha, not in MN.  In MN they are passive aggressive LOL.

[Tigerpine]

Nothing really. A couple things surprised me when I got off the boat, but not holding me back in any way. Americans are a pretty straightforward bunch. There are no secret codes. What you see is what you get.

Oh bless your little heart.  You must have lived up North.  Folks in the southern US  are anything but straightforward.

Ha, not in MN.  In MN they are passive aggressive LOL.

I believe the proper term for it is "Minnesota Nice".  :)

[UnleashHell]

When the pandemic is over, Memphis will be a lot more fun. Beale Street and Mud Island are great places for young people who like music. The museums and zoo are also very good, I think. Memphis is one of the best cities in the US to become a millionaire because the spread between potential earnings and cost of living is wide. It is entirely possible to buy a house, or a duplex even, in a decent neighborhood for $150k or less and pay it off within a few years if you wish. That’s simply not possible in the coastal cities. You’re also within road trip distance from Nashville, St. Louis, Little Rock, and New Orleans / the Gulf Coast.

So in summary, your success in Memphis will involve violating certain cultural norms while arbitraging other opportunities. Memphis has everything you need and you’ll do great.

These are some of the most encouraging words I've seen about Memphis - thank you! The spread is real, but it's amazing how folks still manage to spend it all. :)

The most overlooked Memphian asset: Shelby Farms Park. Incredible. It also connects to the Green Line, which roughly bisects the city from the northeast suburbs all the way across the Mississippi River to Arkansas.

Shelby Farms Park!!!

One of the favorite places for my buddy Jon to take his beloved dog. Jon sadly passed this year so I'll see no more pictures of that place.
The go fund me for him wasn't needed due to how fast he passed away so it was split between his the 529 for his only niece and Shelby Farms!! both excellent places for the money to go.


Oh and @Adventine  - moving continents is a huge big scary adventure. Its a hell of a ride and you'll probably doubt your sanity a few times.

Best thing I ever did!! well worth it. Go for it!

[Paul der Krake]

Nothing really. A couple things surprised me when I got off the boat, but not holding me back in any way. Americans are a pretty straightforward bunch. There are no secret codes. What you see is what you get.

Oh bless your little heart.  You must have lived up North.  Folks in the southern US  are anything but straightforward.

Nope, landed in a southern state. I stand by my comment.

[Tigerpine]

Another thing to consider is potential social isolation.  When you arrive in TN, be sure to try to make friends.  But you may not be able to relate to a lot of people very easily.  Hang in there.  It's good to have a social circle outside your DH, even if it's not a very large one.

Be ready for homesickness, too.  Most people experience it after an initial euphoria upon being in a new environment.  Once the novelty wears off and perhaps a couple of setbacks, it's natural to miss "home".  This is where having a good group of friends can help.

Also, whatever credentials you have may or may not be recognized in your new home.  Expect that your credentials are not worth much, and plan accordingly.  Depending on your field of expertise, this may or may not be significant.

[Adventine]

IDK how this compares to Manila, but understand that the majority of Americans have poor financial habits, so if you try to solve problems like the locals solve problems, or otherwise approximate their lifestyles, you’ll end up broke just like them! The cars and houses you’ll see are irrationally big and expensive, even if they are normal. Restaurants and bars are overpriced, even though the locals treat it like free food. The suburbs are too far from areas with jobs to be a practical lifestyle. Etc. Be confident enough to do your own thing, even several years from now when you feel at home. Having a Mustachian spouse will help, because they are used to violating social norms in order to be successful.

Memphis, like other American cities, is a city of wealthy neighborhoods and deep poverty. There are addicts and mentally ill people panhandling a few blocks from mansions, and the police seem to function as a way to keep each thing in its place. Again, this might be what Manila is like too. But it might also be surprising to someone with fresh eyes. Understand that most Tennessee state legislators (those from rural or suburban districts) want to see their state’s big cities fail, and so Memphis, Nashville, and Knoxville pay more in taxes than they receive back in state spending. The cities also face state government opposition to things like mass transit, police reform, public education, and services for the poor. I’m just giving you the ingredients to understand some mysteries you’ll wonder about, like “why don’t they fix this when they have all the resources?”.

When the pandemic is over, Memphis will be a lot more fun. Beale Street and Mud Island are great places for young people who like music. The museums and zoo are also very good, I think. Memphis is one of the best cities in the US to become a millionaire because the spread between potential earnings and cost of living is wide. It is entirely possible to buy a house, or a duplex even, in a decent neighborhood for $150k or less and pay it off within a few years if you wish. That’s simply not possible in the coastal cities. You’re also within road trip distance from Nashville, St. Louis, Little Rock, and New Orleans / the Gulf Coast.

So in summary, your success in Memphis will involve violating certain cultural norms while arbitraging other opportunities. Memphis has everything you need and you’ll do great.

@ChpBstrd Thanks a lot! This is great to hear. We can't wait to become DINKs, supercharging the stash while outwardly looking like poor students.

@dang1 : I'll hit you up on the day my cravings for lapu-lapu and pampano overcome me.

@Dicey : Hi from one of YOUR big fans! Once we're all vaccinated and I'm in the States, I'm making it a point to go to the next Camp Mustache.

@Sayyadina : I can relate. Just getting the US tourist visa was a hassle. The K1 fiancé visa + green card process is 10x as complicated.

@Tigerpine : My credentials will be unknown to US employers, for sure. I think that is where my eventual network will prove useful: not just for social interaction, but also for references.

[BNgarden]

This is not specific to the US.  But the process of adjusting to a new culture has been studied.

I don't know how much you know of the concept of Culture Shock and the process of adjustment?  There are some books out there (I was oriented in a workshop setting about 40 years back, so don't know the best resources now):
https://www.amazon.ca/Psychology-Culture-Shock-Colleen-Ward/dp/0415162351

I appreciated knowing something of the hallmarks and timelines involved so I did not get too concerned with some of the ups and downs when I lived abroad for some years.

Also the works of Edward T. Hall on cultural differences in concepts of time, personal space, etc. might be of use if you've not been familiar with this way of looking at cultures?
I have no good info on ways in which his work has been critiqued.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_T._Hall 

Sample: http://teaching.up.edu/bus511/xculture/Hall%20and%20Hall%201990,%20ch1.pdf

[Adventine]

Yes, my tolerance for cold is much, much lower than someone who is used to the TN climate. I was last there in Nov-Dec 2019, and had on Uniqlo Heattech layers underneath normal clothes, and I was still chilly while others were happily walking around in T-shirts.

It's balanced out by my tolerance to heat. Fiancé kind of, er, overheated on a noontime walk in Manila in April, while it was just a normal day for me. So the Memphis summers shouldn't too much of a problem. Although Mr. MP tells me it can be even more humid than Manila. We'll see!

[ChpBstrd]

Yes, my tolerance for cold is much, much lower than someone who is used to the TN climate. I was last there in Nov-Dec 2019, and had on Uniqlo Heattech layers underneath normal clothes, and I was still chilly while others were happily walking around in T-shirts.

It's balanced out by my tolerance to heat. Fiancé kind of, er, overheated on a noontime walk in Manila in April, while it was just a normal day for me. So the Memphis summers shouldn't too much of a problem. Although Mr. MP tells me it can be even more humid than Manila. We'll see!

Here is a key phrase for people in the Southern US: “It ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity.” A 32 Celsius / 90 Fahrenheit day is pleasant weather at 40-50% humidity, but at 75-95% it is a whole different experience. Instant sweating and fatigue because your body’s cooling strategy can’t work when your sweat does not evaporate! Manila weather appears to be very similar to summer in Memphis.

What most people don’t realize is how the high humidity also makes it feel colder in the winter. Right now it is 1 Celsius / 34 Fahrenheit in Memphis with 80% humidity. It’s a damp cold. I once went skiing in New Mexico and was astonished that I could go without my coat in freezing weather because the humidity was something like 20%. Make sure your first layer is something that will wick moisture away from your skin and not get damp. Avoid cotton in the winter at all cost, but cotton is great in the summer because it’s like a cool damp sponge.

[AccidentialMustache]

You're far enough south you can probably "get by" with adequate winter gear, but if you're heading north to explore the snow, get real gear. Proper winter gear is worth spending some money on, even buying new. This opinion brought to you by a Chicago suburbs kid (so its only sorta real winter compared to anywhere further north/Canada).

Since you will get snow according to wikipedia... when you do get snow or ice, you should go learn to drive on it in an empty parking lot. Ideally the lot doesn't have streetlights or anything in it for you to collide with when you lose control. It isn't rocket science -- go slow, brake early, turn gently. Consider unorthodox options -- if you can't brake on ice, but could shift your path into fresh snow, you might get traction there, or at the very least becoming your own snow plow will decelerate you. Beware things hidden in said snow though.

Also... start thinking about where you want to observe the 2024 eclipse. Memphis is outside the path of totality, but you're more than close enough to drive. http://eclipsewise.com/solar/SEgmap/2001-2100/SE2024Apr08Tgmap.html#map Hotels will probably already be sold out, possibly also campgrounds, so you may have to make it a day trip. We day tripped to Harrisburg IL (from north of totality) for the last one in 2017 and it was mindblowing and completely worth the 7-8 hours in the car.

A couple other notes, spinning off that -- if you're used to great cell phone service... get ready for something different here. I don't just mean our companies suck in general (but that's true too), but that you're used to a city. Getting rural, especially in the mountains, can easily mean no cell signal. Alternately, large crowds there (say for an eclipse) will completely tank the sparsely provisioned rural cell network, so you better have maps pre-downloaded to your phone if you're using it for gps.

[lhamo]

Costco carries a brand of long underwear called 32(degree sign) Heat that is very affordable and relatively durable.  They also have an excellent return policy.

I personally prefer silk long underwear.   They are very light and breathe better than the synthetics - I find I don't sweat as much in them.  You can also easily add them as a second layer under thicker stuff and not feel totally like the Michelin man (cultural reference -- google the picture).  REI carries them, and I have bought them there as well as in China.  If you have any silk markets in PH you might look for some there -- even if locals don't need/buy them tourists often do.  I

[elaine amj]

Uniqlo heattech is more expensive than Costco 32 degrees but makes up for it in quality. It doesn't pill even after years of constant wear while my 32 degrees is all scratchy and pilled. Also, layering TWO baselayers is like adding a warm sweater. We love heattech in our house.

I grew up in Malaysia and immigrated to Canada (so similar, but different). Some things with immigration :

- establishing a career is HARD. Most immigrants are treated as if they have zero work experience and basically have to start from the bottom. Starting your own business is often one way to gain relevant (local) work experience.  You do have an excellent command of English (like most from the Phillipines) and that will help.

- there will be tastes you miss. For the first bunch of years, I craved this particular type of noodles that I couldn't get at either our local Asian stores or the ones in Toronto. My mother started collecting kleenex boxes all year long to carefully pack the noodles for me to bring back when I visited. Thankfully I no longer crave it :)

- it's harder to have time & budget to vacation elsewhere. For many, many years, our travel budget went to trips home to Malaysia. My family has not been to any other Asian countries, not even China (other than one day in Thailand) because I need every minute I can squeeze out in Malaysia.  We finally cut back on Malaysian trips so we could explore more of North America.

- friendships took time to develop. For the first bunch of years, I remember feeling that all my friends were DH's friends. So I had no one that would root for me over him. 20 years later I no longer feel that way.

- dealing with aging parents can be challenging.  My brother is in the UK and I am in Canada so we worried a lot about our widowed mother. She eventually chose to immigrate to Canada to live with me. However my father is still in Malaysia. He had a traumatic brain injury. It's been a year and I STILL have not been able to fly back to see him. It aches a lot and feel very guilty I cannot assist with his care and the burden is entirely on my stepmother and his siblings.

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[elaine amj]

Oh re: cold weather stuff - Memphis doesn't get quite as cold so u should be able to get away with something like a lightweight packable down (Costco is cheaper than Uniqlo). I do find we always wear one extra layer than the "locals" LOL!

For my mother, she had it easier because she moved in with us and had access to all my extra cold weather gear and she slowly figured out what she wanted and was able to take her time digging through thrift stores. I will say I don't tend to buy base layers and winter coats from thrift stores because they usually don't have everything I am looking for. That said, DH likes his sporty baselayers from the thrift store and refuses to let me buy him a Uniqlo heattech.

One major culture shock for me was the way people look at poverty. Coming from a country where the poor are really, really poor, it was a bit jarring to read newspapers talking about the poverty crisis, etc. Now I have adjusted and understand the issue from a more privileged Canadian perspective. 

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[Adventine]

Thanks for all the advice about the weather and optimizing clothing selections. I anticipate the adjustment will be hard on me if I'm not prepared.

@elaine amj I appreciate your point of view as another Southeast Asian moving to North America. I was last in the US in 2019 and I had a really hard time wrapping my head around the concept of people who called themselves "poor" but had nice cars, phones, high speed internet, and mountains of stuff. It's hard for me not to become judgmental about these people, but I've been trying to reframe my perspective with books like Factfulness.

It's more nuanced to think about poverty using the concepts in that book, which include Income Levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 and Income Mountains.

I've attached a screenshot with relevant income data for the Philippines, Malaysia, Canada and the US, and below a quote from the website:

It’s easy to fall into the trap of categorizing people as either “rich” or “poor”. In reality, most people are somewhere in the middle. Their basic needs — food, water, shelter, etc. — are met.
To help build a more accurate view of how people live and how their lives change as they get more money, we prefer to divide the world into four income levels.
Level 1 is made up of people who earn less than $2 a day and live in extreme poverty.
At Level 2, people earn between $2 and $8 a day. Almost half the world’s population lives at this income level.
Level 3 is made up of people who live on between $8 – $32 per day.
The richest billion people on earth live at Level 4, where their income is more than $32 a day

This is all theory. I imagine that, despite all I do to mentally prepare for the move to a Level 4 country, there will still be significant culture shock because so many people take basic services for granted.

[ctuser1]

Thanks for all the advice about the weather and optimizing clothing selections. I anticipate the adjustment will be hard on me if I'm not prepared.

@elaine amj I appreciate your point of view as another Southeast Asian moving to North America. I was last in the US in 2019 and I had a really hard time wrapping my head around the concept of people who called themselves "poor" but had nice cars, phones, high speed internet, and mountains of stuff. It's hard for me not to become judgmental about these people, but I've been trying to reframe my perspective with books like Factfulness.

It's more nuanced to think about poverty using the concepts in that book, which include Income Levels 1, 2, 3 and 4 and Income Mountains.

I've attached a screenshot with relevant income data for the Philippines, Malaysia, Canada and the US, and below a quote from the website:

It’s easy to fall into the trap of categorizing people as either “rich” or “poor”. In reality, most people are somewhere in the middle. Their basic needs — food, water, shelter, etc. — are met.
To help build a more accurate view of how people live and how their lives change as they get more money, we prefer to divide the world into four income levels.
Level 1 is made up of people who earn less than $2 a day and live in extreme poverty.
At Level 2, people earn between $2 and $8 a day. Almost half the world’s population lives at this income level.
Level 3 is made up of people who live on between $8 – $32 per day.
The richest billion people on earth live at Level 4, where their income is more than $32 a day

This is all theory. I imagine that, despite all I do to mentally prepare for the move to a Level 4 country, there will still be significant culture shock because so many people take basic services for granted.

Poverty isn't just a financial thing. Someone facing discrimination is also facing poverty, maybe not a (directly) financial one. An uninsured American with medical issues may be equally hopeless as a sick slum-dweller from Mumbai (or maybe even Manilla) even though he has much better access to healthcare, but they are both poor in their own way. In fact, I read somewhere that hopelessness is the biggest marker of poverty - not absolute material consumption.

I remember some organization like WHO or something created the elaborate definitions of various types of poverty, like I am describing above. Lack of freedom(s) count as poverty too. I can't find these definitions in my 5 minutes of google right now.

From an absolute resource utilization perspective, 99% of American's have zero idea what real poverty means. But there are deep pockets of hopelessness in many parts of the country, and hence poverty exists. 

[BNgarden]

Uniqlo heattech is more expensive than Costco 32 degrees but makes up for it in quality.

I don't know if this will be relevant, or if Adventine can order Uniqlo Heat tech online within Asia, etc.  It seemed that buying heat tech last year in Japan was much less expensive than the same goods in North America?

[Fomerly known as something]

After you decompress you could volunteer.  It can go on a future resume and you could see if a new field is interesting.

[Adventine]

@ctuser1 I see you've made the distinction between material poverty and poverty of spirit (hopelessness). I don't disagree with the points you've made. Only that I was focused on material poverty, and how it rubs me the wrong way when I hear Americans call themselves "poor", while enjoying a standard of living that, in other countries, is available only to the wealthy.

@BNgarden no worries, Uniqlo exists in the Philippines and I get the Heattech on sale.

@Fomerly known as something this is the plan. To get involved in the local charities and churches, build a network, and parlay that into lasting friendships and a career change.