Hi, my name is Lalsconstant, and I'm an idiot. I am five and a half years debt free. And it seems in that time, the opinion others have of me has only decreased XD.
I used to be normal, with the credit card debts, huge car note, etc. I was a financial trainwreck. Debt wrecked my life, I spent a long time dealign with the financial and emotional consequences and it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And I have to life with the fact I did it to myself. Granted I had plenty of encouragement and help, but the blame lies squarely on good ol' Me.
But now that I'm past all that and I've taken my own face punches (I've since stopped, it's pointless to keep punching my own face long after I've drastically changed my ways), something occurs to me.
In my financial trainwreck days, no one, no coworker friend or family member, ever criticized the way I handled money.
Seriously, you know all the articles this site pokes fun at about how people can't save, can't make it, don't have enough money, etc.? All that fretting hand wrining and excuse making? That was me, for a long time. I'm very familiar with that mindset.
I know a lot of people here aren't familiar with that kind of thinking (which is good, I wish no one knew this mindset) but some of us are and will spend the rest of our lives trying to put it behind us.
I consider the latter group, of which I am a member, to be Idiots Anonymous.
I've noticed that since I've joined Idiots Anonymous, I now get occassional, and rather sharp, criticism for "not spending enough" and "not enjoying life" and other things which I now realize are trite nonsense things broke people say.
For the most part this has no effect on me, I got teased a lot as a kid after all, my skin is quite thick now. To quote Heywood Banks, you can be mean to me, mean as you want to be, call me any names that you like.
But it's been coming in, here and there, from people who knew me "before and after", who apparently had no problem with me destroying myself before, who knew my whole "episode" was a result of problems with debt, who someone have the audacity to think I should resume those patterns of behavior.
This kind of stings, but not in the way they want it to. It stings because I have to realize some of the people I'm surrounded by were a part of the problem.
Worse, it stings because I'm realizing at least part of the reason some people valued me was because I had these negative traits and behaviors.
I've already had one example where it's been such a falling out, someone I knew for over half my life is no longer speaking to me and it's a direct consequence of the fact I'm no longer a good time buddy who will just go do or buy whatever. I haven't spoken to this person in over a year now so I figure that relationship has run its course.
I guess that's just how it is though. You can't please everyone so just please yourself. In the long run, now that I'm distant from it, I can see that this was a toxic relationship to have and I'm ultimately better for this. Still kind of sucks though.
I'm just curious though, if there are any others here who might admit to being members of Idiots Anonymous who have seen the same attitudes in others.
It's made me a little paranoid who I'm alienating I suppose. It's one of those things where I know the course of rectitude is to give it a little more time and just let things sort themselves out but it's a bitter pill to swallow.