Author Topic: The true cost of LARPing...  (Read 17142 times)

studentdoc2

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The true cost of LARPing...
« on: November 14, 2014, 05:58:17 PM »
I have a dilemma related to a my partner's hobby. Over this summer, he got back into LARPing after what I believe is nearly a 10-year hiatus. For those not in the know, LARP = live action role playing. From what I understand, it's sort of like Dungeons & Dragons in which you physically act out your character (imagine people running around the woods waving foam swords and playing wizards... okay, it's not quite like that, but that's not too far off). For my partner, his particular LARP is some sort of post-apocalyptic zombie world ("Dystopia Rising") that involves camping in the woods 1 weekend per month (Friday-Sun).

Full disclosure -- I think the whole LARPing thing is stupid and a waste of time. It sounds like my own personal version of hell, actually. But it makes my partner RIDICULOUSLY happy. He plans (and preps) all month for the food he's going to make for the event (camel pate, various shrubs, and I-don't-know-what-all but it's taking over our fridge), he spends free time working on his fake weapons and chain mail (we actually turned our study into a workroom for him), and he chats with his new LARP friends all the time. And while I find the whole thing ridiculous, I love how happy it makes him and what a great stress reducer it seems to be (at least for him -- it's clearly a stress-inducer for me).

The issue with this is mostly the cost, which I estimate to be as follows per game/weekend:
Membership: $1.67 ($20/yr)
Game fee: $45
Gas/car maintenance: $72 (The game is approximately 240 miles away!!! Total cost is estimated using $0.3/mi (we have a hybrid; he can't seem to carpool))
Loss of income: $175 (My partner's current income while we're both students is working as a driver for Uber, and weekends are the time when he makes most of his income. I'd conservatively estimate that a weekend is worth $300-$400 (sometimes more), and half of that goes to taxes and car costs)
Total: ~$294/mo -- and that's not even including the money he spends on all the "stuff" and food (although that comes out of his personal allowance, thank goodness).

Is that a crazy monthly price for a hobby? We make decent income (for grad students), but we're still in student loan repayment mode (approximately $65,000 to go at 0%-6.8%; we've paid $10,000 in six months). I keep thinking of how much his hobby costs us, but I also feel like I've strong-armed him into making a lot of financial changes. The hobby makes him so so happy.... Would an every-other month compromise be reasonable (but that still averages $150/mo)? Is my desire to stop funding this hobby being clouded by my personal belief that it is frivolous and a waste of time, or is this legitimately too much for us to be spending on a hobby when our net worth is negative?

I need some non-biased opinions about this!!

senecando

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2014, 07:06:58 PM »
No idea. Sounds like a lot. You won't miss that money when the zombies come, though.

My real question is: you can buy camel meat in Illinois?

Edit: You sure can.

Second Edit: Dystopia Rising: I was murdered in the woods of New Jersey.
« Last Edit: November 14, 2014, 07:17:03 PM by senecando »

Grid

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2014, 07:10:10 PM »
You say it makes the man ridiculously happy, and you find the whole thing ridiculous.  I personally can't condemn something that seems relatively harmless and is able to make someone so excited about life.  If you forget about the loss of income, it's about $120/month, which I think is reasonable for a hobby. 

Really, since he's found something it seems he basically lives for, maybe see the positive in it.  He gets new experiences each month, has a better social life as a result, is a better cook now as well(? haha).  Even if you do find it ridiculous, my guess is he'll die a little inside if you actively try to get him to stop.

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2014, 07:26:56 PM »
You say it makes the man ridiculously happy, and you find the whole thing ridiculous.  I personally can't condemn something that seems relatively harmless and is able to make someone so excited about life.  If you forget about the loss of income, it's about $120/month, which I think is reasonable for a hobby. 

Really, since he's found something it seems he basically lives for, maybe see the positive in it.  He gets new experiences each month, has a better social life as a result, is a better cook now as well(? haha).  Even if you do find it ridiculous, my guess is he'll die a little inside if you actively try to get him to stop.

Yeah, if it were $120/mo, I'd probably just roll my eyes and shrug it off. It's the income loss that gets me because it's not like the Uber thing is a 9-5 M-F gig -- it's more like a Thur-Sat 4pm-2am thing with a few weekday evenings thrown in. One weekend a month off hits the income pretty hard.

And yeah, I think LARPing is ridiculous, but I'm quite supportive of people (esp my partner) doing things that make them happy (I'm sure people would find some things I enjoy ridiculous as well). I guess I just wanted to hear the opinions of some people with both finances and "the good life" on their minds.

He's always been an awesome cook (professionally trained, actually, although it's not a profession he pursued). I'm probably also a little jealous that some of the time that used to be spent making tasty things for me is now being spent making tasty things for his new BFFs! :)

Thanks!

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2014, 07:31:26 PM »
I agree with not counting the lost income in this case. Even if your partner wasn't into LARPing, do you think he wouldn't want to spend at least one weekend a month off from work? Workloads in grad school vary so much from field to field. But if it's anything like my experienced my 10-14 hours a day were spent in the lab on work days, and saturdays, and a fair number of sundays, so a couple of days of vegging out per month may be a mental health necessity Zombies or no Zombies.

If the remaining $120/month hit is a major burden to your debt repayment rate, what about engaging your partner to find other ways to cut spending either from his discretionary spending (you mentioned an allowance) or general badassity to help cut joint expenses he might be willing to undertake to reduce your shared spending the other 27-28 days of the month? But focus on making up the lost dollars, not trying to take away the thing he basically lives for.

Alabaster

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2014, 08:52:19 PM »
But if it's anything like my experienced my 10-14 hours a day were spent in the lab on work days, and saturdays, and a fair number of sundays, so a couple of days of vegging out per month may be a mental health necessity Zombies or no Zombies.

My college was like that too. Major props to the people who manage to work and go to school at the same time.

More on topic: unless you guys are in the habit of always considering loss of income in your discussions as a direct cost, I wouldn't really bring it up. I get what you're saying about Uber not really being a normal gig but... its going to sound like you couldn't really justify your complaint using direct costs involved with his hobby so you choose to throw in a 'soft' number to inflate its cost. I'd focus on getting him to realize how much driving there is costing you guys. See if you couldn't get him to go every other month or at least car pool based on those numbers.

BUT, personally, I shoot to keep my hobbies under $25 / month. I like to keep them under $10 / month if I can.

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2014, 09:11:18 PM »
I guess I count loss of income because for my side editing gig, if I take off a day, I make sure I work more another day to make it up so I always make the same minimum amount each month. But I can understand from people's comments that I may be thinking about that the wrong way. $120/mo is definitely easier to wrap my head around than $300/mo!!!

Spiliph

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2014, 05:29:59 AM »
I think a little bit of escapism is healthy, and LARPing is one of the best methods to do so. I honestly feel that you should just let it slide, you guys are going to be making MUCH more money in the coming years and either one of two things are going to happen. Your significant other is going to grow out of LARPing, or he is not. If he doesn't then the activity will become an insignificant portion of your monthly income, and if he grows out of it then at least he will have the memories of the fun times and of you supporting him.

It is your choice though. :)

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2014, 08:47:48 AM »
Thanks, all! It's been nice to hear some fresh perspectives. I feel better knowing that others seem to think that it's a reasonable cost for the happy factor. I'm going to try to feel less stressed about the expense and focus more on the joy it brings him. And if the zombie apocalypse ever comes... he'd better have learned some useful skills!

arebelspy

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2014, 08:50:37 AM »
One of the main things in life is happiness.  Even counting the lost income, ~3600/yr. for such enjoyment?   Well worth it.  Not counting the "lost" income even more so.

It's nice that if you miss a day you try and make it up.  Hopefully he tries his best to earn what income he can.  All you can do is ask for each person to contribute what they can.  It sounds like he is, aside from a particular weekend with friends.

This is less expensive than most vices - what if he went out to bars to smoke and drink with friends every weekend?  He could easily top that amount.

I'd encourage you to see what you can do to be a small part of it - even helping prep or plan or whatever - just to be more a part of that part of his life.
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civil

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2014, 01:23:45 PM »
Your spending for this seems fairly low. Not for FIRE purposes, of course - but $300 is chump change for a lot of LARPers. If you can keep spending at that level, and keep it at once a month, I think you're doing pretty well. Watch for the budget creep, though.

My SO does the D&D stuff, and did LARPing for a little bit. His friends go every *week*. They were always inviting him, and he almost got sucked into it - even though he says he didn't enjoy it! The nearest Dystopia games are in New Jersey and somewhere in southern Virginia (both hours away!)

Our sanity was saved by some spendy friends. This couple takes home about 200K and constantly claims to be out of cash. One day SO asked them what their biggest budget-buster was. They didn't talk about the new cars, they didn't talk about the rent or the baby. They said their biggest expense was LARPing. Especially buying clothes for the games: "We have a lot of power in this game, and so we need to dress the part." That was a wake-up call for SO. Instead, he makes a pretty penny babysitting when his friends go LARPing.

Also, I sort of agree with the suggestion to get more involved. You'll have to decide for yourself if it's worth any of your time. Yes, LARPing is absolutely ridiculous, but if it makes him happy....... I know people who don't play, but learned some peripheral things that made their SO feel a little more supported. One lady took a liking to making chain mail garments (armor for the men, tank tops for the ladies) and made a lot of money from her husband's LARP group. And they were excited to give her their money! If you can easily contribute to a small part of his game, why not? He'll have extra food or clothes for power/money/bragging rights (can't tell you how many times I've heard "your *girlfriend* [helps organize/sends cookies/doesn't hate us]??"). You'll learn something, and he can feel like you support him, even if he knows you don't care for the fantasy.

Remember, too, that your SO's LARPing habit is exposing you to a whole new network of people. See if you can host the local LARPers for a [board]game night sometime (out of character!). I have yet to meet a LARPing handyman, but I've met doctors, lawyers, a General, and IT folks. They are generally nice people, and it's not a bad set of skills and resources to have on call. So far I've mostly gotten free rides to/from the airport, and in return I meet their new girlfriends and attempt to explain that dressing up and running around in the woods is nothing to worry about. (Nope, no sugarcoating here!)
« Last Edit: November 15, 2014, 01:29:28 PM by traffic girl »

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2014, 02:48:52 PM »
Woah. Not just passively support this hobby, but actively contribute to it? Now you all are blowing my mind.  I have no idea how I would do that. I don't really cook (at least, nothing like my spouse) and am the antithesis of a crafter (seriously. Can't sew a button, have no artistic talent, and am not handy). I could tolerate hosting a game night, I suppose, although as an introvert I actually tend to dislike socializing in large groups of people (esp. those I don't know well). Frankly, I don't even know when I'd participate in this. When I'm not in lab, I'm working for my side gig -- free time is at a premium for me. Generally, I see myself supporting/being involved in this hobby by orchestrating our finances and lifestyle to make it a possibility for him (which is what I've been doing for the past few months). I hear the comments about supporting something that's so important to him in a more active way, though. I'll have to brainstorm if there's a way to do that that I could enjoy. In general, though, I've never had a problem with us having our own realms of interest and friendships -- I think that's very healthy for a relationship.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2014, 03:45:48 PM by studentdoc2 »

arebelspy

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2014, 03:29:53 PM »
I don't think it's bad to have your own interests, but taking an interest in his interests is even better, IMO.

Talk to him about it. Ask him how you can help, in a small way to start out.
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Static Void

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2014, 03:57:15 PM »

What a great thread! I click LIKE on all the answers so far. A few more things come to mind, things to consider.

* The long drive is sort of a bummer...

* Sounds like it's an active activity == good for his health & spirit
* Making props & costumes == good skills, great practice for home repairs and making clothes and everything. (And even if the LARPing fades away, Halloween still comes once a year. He'll help you be the hit of the party.)

As for tagging along... you know, just to put it out there:

* Role playing is how a lot of introverts bust out. We tend to like structured interactions. Many become actors and performers. For myself, I'm much more comfortable hosting a party than attending one. I have no problem doing a presentation to dozens or hundreds of people, and taking Q&A, but socializing over dinner afterwards... not as much.
* People who make things *love* to help others learn how, too.

And you've paid down 10k on your 65k loans? Good job. High-five.

civil

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2014, 04:21:03 PM »
Woah. No just passively support this hobby, but actively contribute to it? Now you all are blowing my mind.  I have no idea how I would do that. I don't really cook (at least, nothing like my spouse) and am the antithesis of a crafter (seriously. Can't sew a button, have no artistic talent, and am not handy). I could tolerate hosting a game night, I suppose, although as an introvert I actually tend to dislike socializing in large groups of people (esp. those I don't know well). Frankly, I don't even know when I'd participate in this. When I'm not in lab, I'm working for my side gig -- free time is at a premium for me. Generally, I see myself supporting/being involved in this hobby by orchestrating our finances and lifestyle to make it a possibility for him (which is what I've been doing for the past few months). I hear the comments about supporting something that's so important to him in a more active way, though. I'll have to brainstorm if there's a way to do that that I could enjoy. In general, though, I've never had a problem with us having our own realms of interest and friendships -- I think that's very healthy for a relationship.

You sound like me :) Your point of view makes sense. If you are comfortable organizing the finances so he can LARP, that's pretty awesome already. All I could do for a while was refrain from saying anything disparaging about spending money to run around outside in funny clothes. I have progressed to the point where I will show up for non-LARPing social events with the LARP group, AND not say anything bad!! It took... 2 years?? My SO knows this is a great achievement, and his friends regularly marvel that I "don't think it's weird." Oh, if they knew how far I've come... Most of their events involve board games, so my SO has been bringing games that intersect with my attention span (< 2hr per board game, please) and their interests. He's putting some effort into making sure I am included.

The point is, don't completely write off your partner's hobby as dumb - ok maybe it is, but there could be a way for you to benefit from it too. I think fantasy games are ridiculous, but I have learned there are awesome people at these things. I went to D&D nights for about two years when I was working full-time and going to school part-time. I brought a laptop and did homework all night. My SO just introduced me one day and said "she's here to borrow the wi-fi" and the group was cool with that. It was the only way I could make myself focus on homework for 7 hours straight - no distractions of home, plus there was free pizza and good company, friendly people, having a good time. Before I knew it, I was friends with a bunch of people I never would have met on my own.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2014, 04:23:31 PM by traffic girl »

Gin1984

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #15 on: November 15, 2014, 06:36:21 PM »
Once he has been LARPing for a while, he may end up finding people who want to carpool.  When I started LARPing, some people did carpool but it was often the long term people.

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2014, 06:53:17 PM »
Wow.  LARPing has come a long way from when I gamed in the 80's and 90's.  It was ridiculous then too but an just an ad hoc to table top gaming.  Usually it was college kids messing around on campus or at a convention on a college kid's budget.  But if he's frugal in most other areas so this isn't dragging you both into the poor house maybe it's not so bad.  There are worse and more expensive hobbies to get stuck in. 

Remember, lots of people work their whole married life to mold their partner to meet their tastes.  Later they complain "she's not the woman I married 20 years ago."

MKinVA

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2014, 07:04:20 PM »
I agree with everyone saying be supportive. If only have him tell you about his weekend. You don't have to sew. I compare this to all the reenactors here on the east coast. They are professors, lawyers, other professionals who are completely obsessed with reenacting the Civil War. My uncle was a Revolutionary War reenactor from Pennsylvania years ago. They would meet in williamsburg annually for reenactments at old battlefields or plantations.

You want to talk about expensive? These guys were running around in antiques!!

civil

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2014, 08:22:19 PM »
I agree with everyone saying be supportive. If only have him tell you about his weekend. You don't have to sew. I compare this to all the reenactors here on the east coast. They are professors, lawyers, other professionals who are completely obsessed with reenacting the Civil War. My uncle was a Revolutionary War reenactor from Pennsylvania years ago. They would meet in williamsburg annually for reenactments at old battlefields or plantations.

You want to talk about expensive? These guys were running around in antiques!!

Reenactors worry me. I'm from Virginia, and I rate this hobby mostly harmless... that is, until your loved ones develop an interest in Civil War-era food safety, alcohol production, and medical treatment!

arebelspy

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2014, 09:01:55 PM »
I agree with everyone saying be supportive. If only have him tell you about his weekend.

That's a good idea.  You like stories, right?  Have him tell the adventure to you as a story.  :)
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Kriegsspiel

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2014, 09:37:19 PM »
If I can't LARP, what's this all been for? WHAT'S IT ALL BEEN ABOUT?!

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2014, 03:00:48 PM »
Woah. No just passively support this hobby, but actively contribute to it? Now you all are blowing my mind.  I have no idea how I would do that. I don't really cook (at least, nothing like my spouse) and am the antithesis of a crafter (seriously. Can't sew a button, have no artistic talent, and am not handy). I could tolerate hosting a game night, I suppose, although as an introvert I actually tend to dislike socializing in large groups of people (esp. those I don't know well). Frankly, I don't even know when I'd participate in this. When I'm not in lab, I'm working for my side gig -- free time is at a premium for me. Generally, I see myself supporting/being involved in this hobby by orchestrating our finances and lifestyle to make it a possibility for him (which is what I've been doing for the past few months). I hear the comments about supporting something that's so important to him in a more active way, though. I'll have to brainstorm if there's a way to do that that I could enjoy. In general, though, I've never had a problem with us having our own realms of interest and friendships -- I think that's very healthy for a relationship.

You sound like me :) Your point of view makes sense. If you are comfortable organizing the finances so he can LARP, that's pretty awesome already. All I could do for a while was refrain from saying anything disparaging about spending money to run around outside in funny clothes. I have progressed to the point where I will show up for non-LARPing social events with the LARP group, AND not say anything bad!! It took... 2 years?? My SO knows this is a great achievement, and his friends regularly marvel that I "don't think it's weird." Oh, if they knew how far I've come... Most of their events involve board games, so my SO has been bringing games that intersect with my attention span (< 2hr per board game, please) and their interests. He's putting some effort into making sure I am included.

The point is, don't completely write off your partner's hobby as dumb - ok maybe it is, but there could be a way for you to benefit from it too. I think fantasy games are ridiculous, but I have learned there are awesome people at these things. I went to D&D nights for about two years when I was working full-time and going to school part-time. I brought a laptop and did homework all night. My SO just introduced me one day and said "she's here to borrow the wi-fi" and the group was cool with that. It was the only way I could make myself focus on homework for 7 hours straight - no distractions of home, plus there was free pizza and good company, friendly people, having a good time. Before I knew it, I was friends with a bunch of people I never would have met on my own.

Haha, good to know that there are other people out there navigating this too. I'll keep an open mind. Part of the reason I love my partner is his creativity, imagination, and boundless enthusiasm for fun (our relationship is all about how we balance each other!). I maintain that the LARPing is silly, but so is he :).

My partner's due home in a few hours from his weekend of LARPing, and I can safely say that I'm looking forward to hearing a few stories about his very cold weekend playing zombies in the woods... and maybe even more looking forward to the meal he's sure to cook me to say thanks for staying behind and working so he could take some (deserved!) time to play.

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2014, 07:43:56 AM »
Looks like I'm way out of the majority here but I'll say it: $300 a month is too expensive for a grad school hobby, especially with the debt. Just my opinion.

When I was living that life, both of us in grad school, our hobby was hashing (a drinking and running game). One or two evenings a month, $20 in a college town. We had no debt (thanks to stipends) but were broke as hell. It was worth it to remain debt-free.

Congrats on what you've paid down so far on the loans! :)

CommonCents

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #23 on: November 17, 2014, 09:10:48 AM »
Looks like I'm way out of the majority here but I'll say it: $300 a month is too expensive for a grad school hobby, especially with the debt. Just my opinion.

When I was living that life, both of us in grad school, our hobby was hashing (a drinking and running game). One or two evenings a month, $20 in a college town. We had no debt (thanks to stipends) but were broke as hell. It was worth it to remain debt-free.

Congrats on what you've paid down so far on the loans! :)

I'd agree with you on that, except I think it's disingenious to consider the loss of income to be part of the costs, because I think it's reasonable to want or need some free time off from work (school) and work (paid).  That brings the cost to $119/month, which is more reasonable to me for a grad school passion.  (Heck, I confess to having [ETA: had] cable+internet for this sum in my [ETA: pre-MMM] grad school budget - internet needed, but cable not.)  If he works on carpooling, it'll help drive the costs down considerably. 

I don't think you need to go so far as to join in and help cook, sew etc., but at a minimum asking about his weekend is just plain courtesy and good communication in a partnership.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 10:43:15 AM by CommonCents »

Dezrah

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #24 on: November 17, 2014, 09:56:26 AM »
I generally agree with the "this is a small price for something he really loves" sentiment.

One thing I might add though is to challenge him a bit on the food costs (not listed in your above costs, but still coming from somewhere).  How is food priced for the group?  Do they all bring their own food plus a little extra and share with the group?  Does everyone simply rely on your partner to feed them all their meals?

If your partner's that good, he might offer to be the group's camping chef and split the cost among members to break even on food or even come out slightly ahead to account for his time.  Odds are everyone will end up saving money by buying in bulk.

I will also add that I if you actively disparage and discourage his passion, you run the risk of driving him away.  I'm not trying to make you feel insecure, but there will come a time when he meets a really great, attractive person in his group who simply gets his love of LARPing.  If he knows he has your confidence and blessing, then this person will not be nearly as tempting.  However, if he feels belittled and guilty by being there, then he may try to find solace with this person.  This whole paragraph is making a boat load of assumptions and exaggerations to make the point, so please don't be offended if I miss the mark.  I get the feeling that you two are generally supportive and independent and this really is strictly a money question, but sometimes you really can't untangle money and relationships.

Good luck.

MrFrugalChicago

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #25 on: November 17, 2014, 09:59:31 AM »
Men need hobbies. You don't want a man without hobbies. As long as he has his life together in other ways, go hobbies.

I might question if driving for Uber is really the proper calling for a SO, but that is not my place to judge ;)   So if he is good in other ways to you except for LARP, let him LARP. If he is borderline anyway, then you should choose a new mate for that reason - not the LARPing.

arebelspy

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #26 on: November 17, 2014, 10:01:36 AM »
Definitely see how you can frugality it though.  If the current expense is the minimum, okay, it seems worth it, but absolutely see if there's a way you could decrease it.
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Gin1984

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #27 on: November 17, 2014, 10:10:44 AM »
Men need hobbies. You don't want a man without hobbies. As long as he has his life together in other ways, go hobbies.

I might question if driving for Uber is really the proper calling for a SO, but that is not my place to judge ;)   So if he is good in other ways to you except for LARP, let him LARP. If he is borderline anyway, then you should choose a new mate for that reason - not the LARPing.
Can you explain this?  Uber is great for students. 

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #28 on: November 17, 2014, 10:12:54 AM »
Looks like I'm way out of the majority here but I'll say it: $300 a month is too expensive for a grad school hobby, especially with the debt. Just my opinion.

When I was living that life, both of us in grad school, our hobby was hashing (a drinking and running game). One or two evenings a month, $20 in a college town. We had no debt (thanks to stipends) but were broke as hell. It was worth it to remain debt-free.

Congrats on what you've paid down so far on the loans! :)

They've paid off $10,000 in loans in 6 months, so they are doing great despite the hobby costs.  Mustachianism is about more than just not spending money, it's about having a good life too.

FarmerPete

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #29 on: November 17, 2014, 10:22:30 AM »
Just know that if he cares about this as much as you say he does, making him choose between LARP and you isn't really a fair choice.  At best he'll resent you for it, and at worse he'll take off.  My suggestion is to come up with some sort of a compromise.  Maybe it involves him doing more work during the week to cover the lost income.  If Uber isn't the right option, than maybe he needs to get something else.  Maybe it's carpooling.  I'm sure that there is someone he could meet up with to carpool some or all of the way.  Maybe it means starting a new chapter of DR closer to your home (possible side gig???).  The possibilities are endless!

FarmerPete

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #30 on: November 17, 2014, 10:32:49 AM »
One thing I might add though is to challenge him a bit on the food costs (not listed in your above costs, but still coming from somewhere).  How is food priced for the group?  Do they all bring their own food plus a little extra and share with the group?  Does everyone simply rely on your partner to feed them all their meals?

If your partner's that good, he might offer to be the group's camping chef and split the cost among members to break even on food or even come out slightly ahead to account for his time.  Odds are everyone will end up saving money by buying in bulk.

Just for a little clarification on the scope of these events...from looking at their website, it looks like these events have 100-300 people.  There are a half dozen locations in the USA having these events, and some are bigger than others and could easily eclipse those numbers.  More people in the summer than the winter.  They have them outside at camps on the weekends.

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #31 on: November 17, 2014, 10:43:08 AM »
Has he ever played D&D? Maybe if he developed an interest in D&D and had a local group he might enjoy that as a similar hobby and maybe substitute some of the LARPing time with D&Ding time. You can do D&D anywhere, anytime, and it's totally free. You can have it at your house or someone else's and have D&D camping weekends periodically.  You could poke around and see if there is anyone around locally looking to add to a D&D group or put one together who could throw the invite out to him.

Another option would be for him/you to try to recruit a local friend to join the LARP group and then he could split the travel costs with them.

Allen

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #32 on: November 17, 2014, 02:24:37 PM »
as long as he's not using the time away from you as an excuse to bone a wood nymph, let him have his fun.

Think of his income as 'what he makes per month' not 'how much more he could make if he also worked that weekend'.

We all need outlets.  Also, it's one of the few nerd outlets that actually get you outdoors.  into "the sun".  And you move around!  It could be a lot worse.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 02:29:37 PM by Allen »

sol

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #33 on: November 17, 2014, 02:35:51 PM »
as long as he's not using the time away from you as an excuse to bone a wood nymph, let him have his fun.

This would be my primary concern.  I've never been involved in this community, but friends of mine who are regulars at rennaissance fairs report to me that there is significant extramarital sex going on, sometimes in exchange for money or items related to the fantasy.  Sometimes just "overnight cuddling" without sex, sometimes whole "fictional" relationships with people's alternate egos.

Any excuse for married adults to spend the night together with members of the opposite sex, in private, is an opportunity for misbehavior.  I'm sure it's not most or even many of the participants, but knowing that's it's on offer would make me uncomfortable in your shoes if I wasn't participating or didn't know the people involved.

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #34 on: November 17, 2014, 03:05:52 PM »
This would be my primary concern.  I've never been involved in this community, but friends of mine who are regulars at rennaissance fairs report to me that there is significant extramarital sex going on, sometimes in exchange for money or items related to the fantasy.  Sometimes just "overnight cuddling" without sex, sometimes whole "fictional" relationships with people's alternate egos.

Having worked at a renaissance faire I can confirm that this is true, but I think renfaires are a whole different culture from LARPers. There's a whole set of people, artisans etc. with niche products sold primarily at renaissance faires who therefore travel with the faires as their seasons change and live on site in their shops or in trailers on the fairgrounds.  There's a big pagan/hippie/polyamory/free love kind of movement going on there. LARPers are part of the geek subculture, not the pagan/hippie subculture. There's probably some crossover but I suspect quite a different feel.

Anyway, it's all about trust and openness and all those good things.

studentdoc2

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #35 on: November 17, 2014, 03:40:53 PM »
as long as he's not using the time away from you as an excuse to bone a wood nymph, let him have his fun.

This would be my primary concern.  I've never been involved in this community, but friends of mine who are regulars at rennaissance fairs report to me that there is significant extramarital sex going on, sometimes in exchange for money or items related to the fantasy.  Sometimes just "overnight cuddling" without sex, sometimes whole "fictional" relationships with people's alternate egos.

Any excuse for married adults to spend the night together with members of the opposite sex, in private, is an opportunity for misbehavior.  I'm sure it's not most or even many of the participants, but knowing that's it's on offer would make me uncomfortable in your shoes if I wasn't participating or didn't know the people involved.

Haha, that's honestly probably the least of my concerns. I know that that behavior can be more prevalent in some LARPing circles (I've known other friends who participate). I don't think that's going on in this particular game (although "fictional" relationships are a thing), but even if that's a practice among some members, I wouldn't be too concerned. And I don't mean "Oh, my spouse is so faithful; he would never cheat on me, blah blah blah" -- I just tend to find sexual infidelity (however your relationship defines it) to be less concerning than many other problems that can plague a relationship (e.g., a spouse hiding money from another, poor communication, emotional manipulation, etc.). Like (I hope?) many other couples, we've already discussed what would happen in the event of cheating/mismatched libidos on either of our parts, and it's not a relationship-ender in and of itself.

But, certainly, I can hear your and others' point that separate hobbies/interest/social circles are fine so long as they don't become things that cause a rift. He knows I think it's silly; he also knows I support his hobby. I tease him for it, but I don't belittle him.

My overwhelming concern with the hobby had been its costs and whether we could justify the costs at this time in our lives. Most seem to think it's a worthwhile price for the benefits (stress relief, socialization, exercise, creativity), and there have been some good recommendations to make it an even more frugal pursuit that I will share with my partner.

civil

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #36 on: November 17, 2014, 04:57:12 PM »
Men need hobbies. You don't want a man without hobbies. As long as he has his life together in other ways, go hobbies.

I might question if driving for Uber is really the proper calling for a SO, but that is not my place to judge ;)   So if he is good in other ways to you except for LARP, let him LARP. If he is borderline anyway, then you should choose a new mate for that reason - not the LARPing.

Bingo.

When others ask about my partner's D&D/LARP/Warhammer (wanna talk hobby price? 3D printing isn't coming fast enough.), I explain that he is playing pretend/running around in the woods/playing dolls, followed by "yep, I can really pick 'em, can't I." Nobody can argue with that!

Do I wish he would take up woodworking or welding? Of course. But it doesn't seem likely. On the other hand, he is good with children of all ages, and I am not. He has taught me survival skills, martial arts, and to be more spontaneous and creative. His friends are welcoming and helpful. He doesn't drink, smoke, or gamble.

If he wants to pretend to be an alien every week... cool.

civil

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #37 on: November 17, 2014, 04:58:27 PM »
I agree with everyone saying be supportive. If only have him tell you about his weekend.

That's a good idea.  You like stories, right?  Have him tell the adventure to you as a story.  :)

I always ask if he won :)

Gin1984

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #38 on: November 17, 2014, 07:05:25 PM »
This would be my primary concern.  I've never been involved in this community, but friends of mine who are regulars at rennaissance fairs report to me that there is significant extramarital sex going on, sometimes in exchange for money or items related to the fantasy.  Sometimes just "overnight cuddling" without sex, sometimes whole "fictional" relationships with people's alternate egos.

Having worked at a renaissance faire I can confirm that this is true, but I think renfaires are a whole different culture from LARPers. There's a whole set of people, artisans etc. with niche products sold primarily at renaissance faires who therefore travel with the faires as their seasons change and live on site in their shops or in trailers on the fairgrounds.  There's a big pagan/hippie/polyamory/free love kind of movement going on there. LARPers are part of the geek subculture, not the pagan/hippie subculture. There's probably some crossover but I suspect quite a different feel.

Anyway, it's all about trust and openness and all those good things.
Pagan and "hippie/polyamory/free love" are not the interchangeable.  Those the later three have much crossover many pagan couples are monogamous and have nothing to do with poly culture.

Kenoryn

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #39 on: November 17, 2014, 09:11:08 PM »
Pagan and "hippie/polyamory/free love" are not the interchangeable.  Those the later three have much crossover many pagan couples are monogamous and have nothing to do with poly culture.

Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that pagan = polyamorous (nor that hippie = polyamorous, for that matter. All my hippie friends are monogamous.) But there is a big contingent of each of those groups in the renfaire crowd, and I've known people who are pagan/poly as well as hippie/poly and other combinations.

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #40 on: November 18, 2014, 12:16:12 AM »
I agree with those that say to exclude the cost of lost income.

You have two issues...
  LARP cost of $50 + $72 car a month... Will go down in future with carpooling.. Maybe he can get a local friend to join too and split gas money?

His desire for one weekend a month to not work.  In all likelihood he could just play PC games instead.  We all need a break.  Maybe you get a weekend off sometimes too?

So, $120 per month is not all bad if he is frugal otherwise.  Think how easy it is to spend that much on eating out...

There needs to be a point to working hard.

guitar_stitch

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Re: The true cost of LARPing...
« Reply #41 on: November 18, 2014, 07:40:57 AM »
Ya know...  there is money to be made here.

I was an active participant in the Furry fandom for a while.  Through that, I saw quite a bit of the other fandoms and more specifically, the crazy amounts of cash they're willing to pony up for crafted items.  ESPECIALLY custom crafted items.

Your SO could very well play a merchant role leading up to the LARP trip by crafting some generic chainmail and various other goods.  If he takes pre-orders and can deliver on time, he could cash in on custom gear.

If that became the case, he could make it a self sustaining or even revenue generating hobby.

Case in point, circa 2008: I and my partner at the time decided to get her a "fursuit".  This is roughly 5-6 yards of faux fur and some other miscellaneous materials.  All told, costs for the raw materials would run about $300 per costume.  However, we paid $1800 for the suit.  Things have gotten crazier since then.

 

Wow, a phone plan for fifteen bucks!