text messages as facebook

[Runrooster]

Hi, all.  I think this is a mustachian problem but I'm not 100% sure and I'd appreciate some feedback.

I have 3 siblings and a father who group text me regularly.  Usually it's one sibling, but then the chain spreads to the others, with discussion and comment.  The kinds of texts I get
1. food they've eaten, or recipes that look good.
2. parties or events they went to, hikes, pictures.
3. fake science - clickbait type headlines, basically one study's results that no one has delved into deeply
4. conversations that really should happen on the phone, like who's hosting Thanksgiving

I hit ignore on a lot of this, but it still takes up time to look at it.  It's a minor distraction at work but mostly it means I never know if an important text is coming in, and our workplace has a cell phone for emergency only policy.

The real problem is that the texts borderline annoy me.  I mean, okay it's my siblings so I guess I'd ask them what they had for dinner if I called them up, but when I get the texts there's a Facebook-y vibe about it.  1. The grainy picture of someone's salad begs for a like and a gold star for health.  Or the bragging about meals they bought. Gag.  I'm not the food police, eat what you wanna.  If its a pretty special meal, fine, but one sibling keeps posting pictures of her coffee nook.  I feel done with the food drama.  Oh, recently my sibling threw me a birthday party, asked what I wanted and then ignored both my requests including that dessert not be cake, I'd bring it.  Different sibling insisted there be cake for the pictures.  Not because anyone really wanted to eat cake, nor were there fancy photography planned, just text message the family pictures require cake.  Really have no idea about the recipes they thought looked good.

2. The events they went to definitely beg for praise for their clothes or their activities. 4 hikes 4 days, here are some trees (not the lake or waterfall you hiked to), x many miles.  Someone usually chimes in with the polite comment, or like, where I just think "thats nice" and move on.  Again, I feel like this shouldn't baffle me as much as it does.  If I ask someone about their weekend, and they tell me these activities, I don't think they need validation, status-seeking, show-off.  Well even in verbal conversations, I can hear "give me a gold star for exercising/ a lot/ more than usual" which... I'm not the exercise police. If I praise you for doing some bare exercise today, do I have to reprimand you when you skip a few days, and I do not want that burden.

3. podcasts, pseudo science-The problem is they actually get upset if you don't listen to some 30 min podcast or follow their nutritional advice.  One sibling spent hours browbeating my Mom to seeing a functional doctor because that's what sibling believes will provide a miracle cure to my aging, disabled mother.  I'm not calling it snake oil - though quackwatch might - but at the very least, this stuff is experimental, cutting edge; not even in beta development yet.  Another time she was pressuring my Dad not to have heart surgery that most cardiologists would call urgent.  (He went through with it.)  But so often, they present as fact things that make me go "citation please" and "not everything you read on the internet is true."  I'm not even saying that the theories are baseless, but the hyperbole grates - vitamin d and fish oil will change your life.  The strange part is they like the newest idea because its new and untried, like it has more merit because no one's come up with it before.  I guess they see it like new technology where new ideas build on old ideas, but it just seems like a new idea completely.  How many snake oils have they peddled? How many fad diets have they failed on?  I don't consider myself a traditionalist, but I do think that you need to focus on the basics, and then think about these extras.  You like a new theory, fine, try it, see how it plays out in real life.  Can you stick with it, do you get the health improvements promised?

So what does it sound like? Am I overreacting to getting (too many) innocuous texts?  Or am I correctly reacting to a braggy, validate me, facebook vibe?  Or maybe I don't like my siblings as much as I'm expected to.  Maybe I just need to like/ say what the person expects and then move on?

[Morning Glory]

That is annoying, but I'm not sure about how to address it without hurting feelings. Maybe suggest using Messenger instead of the regular text app?

[RetiredAt63]

And bring up the no phone at work thing? If they keep texting you for trivia and you ignore it, you are going to miss an emergency text.

[rothwem]

You can “silence” group texts in Apple iOS and I’d be surprised if you can’t in Android. Just hit silence and move on with your life. Check it whenever you’re bored, and scroll past the garbage.

[Sibley]

Tell your siblings and father that you can't look at messages while you're at work so there will be a delay in you seeing messages. Set the conversation to mute notifications. Look at it only when on break, or at home, etc. Pick a time to skim through whatever has come in, then don't look at until the next time.

You're falling prey to instant gratification. If it's something you'd actually leave work because of, then they can call you. Or call someone else who you haven't muted.

[Runrooster]

Thanks for the technical solutions to get through the work issue.  I tried "leave this conversation" on the two main threads on Thursday morning; then on Friday my sibling sent an old thread that for some reason wouldn't let me "leave". I now turned on the mute notifications and that solves the problem hopefully for any new threads from now.  I shouldn't, but I can, get away with seeing one text at work and stopping the thread before the deluge of responses.

I'm still feeling conflicted about how annoyed I am; maybe once the mute notifications is on for a month or two I'll calm down.  On mute, I still have to deal with the texts eventually, and have to hold myself back from arguing about the pseudoscience or podcasts and recipes.  Otoh, I know my parents like seeing pictures of their kids, so I don't have to take everything personally.  A few weeks ago when I was already irritated, I asked sibling what was up with all the "likes" not on Facebook; he said it just means "I got your text".  Which is a pretty different spin on it than I had, but obviously still annoying as a workflow-disturbance.

[Adventine]

On mute, I still have to deal with the texts eventually, and have to hold myself back from arguing about the pseudoscience or podcasts and recipes.

Apart from using the mute function, some apps also allow you to instantly mark all messages as read. You don't even have to open the conversation and scroll through the messages. See the attached screenshot from Facebook Messenger for a sample.