tell me about your amazing relationship!

[Caella]

I'll chime in!

We started dating almost 8 years ago. 3 years living together, 2 married.

The most important thing about our relationship is: We talk. A LOT. About everything. There is absolutely no taboo topic between us. Everything is subject to talk and think about and exchange ideas and views. Likes and dislikes, sex, crisis in the middle east, US economy, if X celebrity is or isn't hot, how you should or shouldn't cook. We dont have scheduled "we need to talk" about the goings of our relationship. We just talk freely.

One trait that support the above, we are both very rational. There is no drama involved.

We have fun together. We dont take ourselves so seriously. Our loving nickname for each other is something like "dumbass", if i wake one day with him saying "good morning, my love" i'll know something is wrong lol. At the same subject, we really rarely say "i love you", or things like that. We just do. It's so obvious on our day to day life that we dont feel the need to keep "reminding" ourselves.

We do chores together. Going to the supermarket, for example. None of us particularly like it, so we go together, make each other company and it goes easier. At the house we have some 'defined' roles, mostly by preference. I can't stand smells, so he takes care of cat litter box and cleaning expired food from pans and pots. His nose feels bad when dealing with dust, so I clean most of the dusty things.

We get angry over different things in life. May be funny, but this is important, because while one is raging, the other has a calm head to deal with the problem.

We absolutely dont try to change each other. We respect and talk, but there is no nagging/bitching about things. For example, he smokes. It is not pleasurable to me as a non-smoker, but I'll never "make him stop". Obviously i would prefer if he stopped, but it's his choice. He will make it the less annoying as possible to me (smoking outdoors, puting a fan to take away the smoke...) and that's it.

Companionship. There isn't a problem to be around each other, we dont get 'sick' of the company of the other. We like and enjoy our time together. I don't understand "man caves". Our cave is at the living room, together. If he want to play videogames, I will play at the computer, or read a book, and vice versa. But we are there, together, talking some times, or just being there.


A dealbreaker would be drama. Gosh, i hate drama and having to walk in eggshells with someone. Lack of honesty, also. If you can't be open and honest with your partner, you have no reason to keep calling him "partner", imho.

[Villanelle]

What would be a deal breaker when dating is a very different question to me that what would be a deal breaker in marriage.

I don't think I'd date someone who was a smoker, for example.  When DH and I started dating, he was a former smoker.  He's had  a few tobacco relapses and while it was an issue for us, it was in no way a deal breaker.  But when evaluating a potential partner, it would be. 

Once I have the investment and I have already fallen in love with the person and merged our lives, I am going to tolerate a lot more things than I would if I was simply weeding out virtual strangers.  I don't want a partner who uses tobacco, but because I very much know DH and want *him* as my partner, I am willing to tolerate it.  He's quit, again, thankfully, and the episode was short-lived.  But because I know and love and want him, I am willing to accept things that I wouldn't accept from a stranger who was simply applying for consideration.

Likewise, if the guy lived in a shack with no working toilet, I suspect I wouldn't pursue anything with him, but as I said, if DH wanted that, we would discuss it and see if there was some middle ground.

 

[scrubbyfish]

He is calm, cool, collected, not a big talker/conversationalist. [...] we are completely open and honest.  nothing is off limits. so everything is always on the table and we are constantly evaluating, planning, questioning each other etc to make sure our needs are being met now and in the future.

A beautiful post in its entirety, but this aspect intrigued me and I want to ask about it! Your beautiful husband is not a big talker/conversationalist, yet is "completely open and honest", declares no topic off limits, and will participate fully, voluntarily, and thoroughly in the "...constantly evaluating, planning, questioning each other." Yes? (I loved someone deeply who was the former -not talkie- but not the latter -open, etc-, just as my dad was, and am excited to think there are people that are both!)

[SisterX]

One of the things people constantly find shocking in us is what we are willing to joke about.  When I got pregnant, my husband started almost immediately making fat jokes about me.  I laughed until I cried at all of them, because he never would have done that if he actually thought I was getting fat.  (He would have brought it up if I was just getting fat, but he would never have made a joke of it.)  He got so many gasps and outraged tirades from friends, even when I was doubled over gasping for breath.  One friend even said, "Never let her leave you," when he saw that I was laughing. 
He started weight lifting recently and I've been making fun of how much he's started eating.  Like, constantly.  Open the fridge and say, "Hey, I'm stealing your calories."  He'll say, "I'm still hungry," and I respond, "I bet you are, fatty.  Stuff your face moar!"  He laughs every time because it's funny (he's not fat, at all) and it reminds him that I'm noticing how he looks/the changes in him.  In our own way it's my stamp of approval that he's taking care of himself.  If we couldn't laugh at each other and ourselves this way?  That would be the ultimate dealbreaker.

This is so cute. My mother-in-law is constantly all "Be nice to your wife!! >:(" while I am doubled over laughing at something he's said. Laughing at ourselves and mocking each other is one way we show affection, and if other people don't get that, that's their problem, not ours!

I told her it's like in The Princess Bride, where when he says "As you wish," he really means "I love you." Only, when we say "I hate you," we really mean "I love you." :)

Us too.  "I hate you," pretty much always gets a cheerful, "No you don't!" in response.  The "I hate you" is only ever said with laughter, too.  If either of us ever said it in anger, then there would be some real problems we'd have to address.

[arebelspy]

How many of you who are self-identifying as being in a ridiculously happy relationship of over four years are willing to give a paragraph or list of what makes it work?

We have been together 9.5 years, and married 8 years.

I cannot imagine a better relationship.

What makes it work is that we are a team.  We are almost always on the same page, and for the rare times when we aren't, we get on the same page through open communication.  We care about making the other person happy.  We work towards the same goals to make a better life for both of us.

[Caoineag]

Like most people here, dealbreakers in my marriage are different than dealbreakers while dating.

Dealbreakers in my marriage, well, I would have to see them because they would represent a profound change in my partner (so time for a medical checkup).

In dating, oh god. I am the very definition of picky. If they are cruel, boring, incomprehensible, aggressive, close minded or dishonest, I am not interested. I have had lots of guys that lost the chance to date me because one comment from them illustrated one of the traits I didn't want and they never got beyond casual friends. I have always known what traits and quirks I could tolerate for long periods of time and which ones drive me batty in minutes. I refused to waste my time on people I knew didn't stand a chance. My view was if I was happier on my own, then why would I waste my time being with them?