Surprise vacation or solict input

[Bourbon]

Non-Mustachian travel planning.

So we have twins coming this summer, and a dozen or so kids already.  My wife has suggested we do an overnight in a cabin or hotel nearby, just the two of us.

Great idea, just need to plan it.  And then I remember that our 10th anniversary will be in the fall, when we will be in full on crisis mode.  So I set upon a brilliant idea.  Return to Galway Ireland where I proposed for her birthday in March.  Aligns with St. Patricks day if we want to fit it in.  Would be to the day 11 years from proposal.   Would be a brief trip, leaving Tuesday or Wednesday evening and returning on a Sunday.

She even mentioned in passing thinking of turning the day trip into an international, but suggested Canada or some other closer destination. 

So I'm getting down to a few options -

A) Arrange her pto with her boss, book the trip and surprise her day of or shortly before.
B) Discuss the trips, give her option of Galway.  Flights to Madrid, Paris are also on sale, or we could use our CP and head down to Costa Rica, etc for cheep.


Anyone ever do the grand gesture surprise trip?  Good idea, bad idea?

[Dollar Slice]

I would not do option A unless you are reaaaaally sure it will be OK. It would be a nightmare for a lot of people not to have the opportunity to plan/organize/etc. before a vacation. Both in terms of work (getting people to cover for you, finishing a project, etc.) and in terms of home (packing, figuring out what the weather will be and what clothes are needed, making sure they have no appointments that week, etc.). Maybe you could compromise if you wanted to surprise her, and say: I'm taking you on a trip on such-and-such days, but it's going to be a surprise. Pack for such-and-such climate with lots of city walking and one fancy dinner out (except fill in whatever you have planned, obviously).

I did once surprise a good friend with a 2-night weekend trip, but it didn't involve time off work, and I had his husband planning ahead for weeks (packed him a bag, made arrangements to get to the airport, etc.). I only did it as a surprise because his husband suggested it and thought he would love it. It was a great time and a very special trip in retrospect, although I'm sure he would never dream of telling me that it was inconvenient or annoying that I bought him a plane ticket, so who knows what he was really thinking that day on the plane :-P

[lbmustache]

Definitely run it by her, perhaps she suggested a closer international destination because she didn't want to travel too far while pregnant or another reason...

[LifeHappens]

It is super sweet you are considering this...

but your wife may not be so interested in taking Transatlantic flights while pregnant (with twins!). I would not plan something so grand without speaking with her.

[ooeei]

I've done this, I did it by telling her we were going camping and then surprising her with a NY trip.

I'd say telling her to take XX days off for a trip is a good idea if you want to keep some element of surprise. Or if you're comfortable with it tell her you booked a cabin in blah blah nearby and then surprise her with an international thing.

I definitely wouldn't have been comfortable contacting her boss, but maybe you know him/her really well.

[ysette9]

Did I read correctly that you have a passel of kids already? If so, how old are they and what are your childcare plans for being away? Have you done something like this before? With our first baby I was more stressed being away from her and worrying about how she would do with someone who wasn’t me than I would have been staying home and caring for her. We spent a night away in a hotel the two of us and I was up every few hours to pump and worry. I couldn’t wait to get back to her.
Point being: know your audience. :)

[Dragonswan]

Definitely do not contact her boss to ask for time off.  You do not have the standing to do so and undermine your wife's position and in some cases can be considered controlling behavior.  Ask a Manager has had many of these types of questions and always  says no one but the employee should ask for time off.  Instead you could do as others have suggested and ask your wife to request days off for your vacation but the destination is a surprise.  Although even there I would use caution.  You know your wife best; does she like surprises of this magnitude?   Anyway, does sound like a great vacation.

[Bourbon]

Did I read correctly that you have a passel of kids already? If so, how old are they and what are your childcare plans for being away? Have you done something like this before? With our first baby I was more stressed being away from her and worrying about how she would do with someone who wasn’t me than I would have been staying home and caring for her. We spent a night away in a hotel the two of us and I was up every few hours to pump and worry. I couldn’t wait to get back to her.
Point being: know your audience. :)

Passel - yes.  7-5-nearly 3.   We did do this once a little under 2 years ago.  I had to travel to China for my MBA program and she joined.  Grandparents and an aunt/uncle filled in.  Hoping we are far enough removed they have forgotten it and will be willing.

I do know her boss somewhat, have done Habitat for Humanity builds in the past and its been a long term employer.  But while writing up the email I thought about how I would handle that as a manager and decided it wasn't really smart.

Even asked my wife if she wanted a big surprise or input in general terms and she surprised me by choosing to be surprised.  Gave her that choice for wedding present when I nearly bought her a junker of an International Scout - she turned down the surprise, turned down the scout, regrets it somewhat.   

Despite that I'm going to talk through it all tonight, already told her I was letting her down on the surprise.  Co-worker/friend related it similar to finding out  a baby's gender - either surprised at the ultrasound or surprised at birth but happy either way.  Flights are not entirely but somewhat reasonably priced if I do mental gymnastics and scheduling magic.  Want to be able to jump on a fare and that won't happen while I go back and forth.

[Spiffy]

Being pregnant is uncomfortable. Being on a plan for that long is uncomfortable. Being pregnant with twins on a plane...No. It is a sweet idea, but No.

[charis]

Being pregnant is uncomfortable. Being on a plan for that long is uncomfortable. Being pregnant with twins on a plane...No. It is a sweet idea, but No.

It seems like a huge leap for an internet stranger to decide what would be uncomfortable for someone else's wife, right? The OP knows his wife a heck of a lot better than anyone else on here, presumably.

I'd say go for the surprise but talk out the important issues in advance - the time off and the plane ride at least.

[Bourbon]

Being pregnant is uncomfortable. Being on a plan for that long is uncomfortable. Being pregnant with twins on a plane...No. It is a sweet idea, but No.

It seems like a huge leap for an internet stranger to decide what would be uncomfortable for someone else's wife, right? The OP knows his wife a heck of a lot better than anyone else on here, presumably.

I'd say go for the surprise but talk out the important issues in advance - the time off and the plane ride at least.

Yup.  Talked it out, and thankfully I did!  She's leading an event for women's history month and it falls right during the days I chose.  She's excited about a trip, but assuming our long distance traveling will be limited for some time - would like a new destination.

Identified two new potential times for travel.  Looking for destinations now.  SW Companion gets us to some Caribbean or South/Central America destinations.  But points and cheap flights can also make Europe in reach, so Italy, France, Germany, and others have all been mentioned. Seems to be directed by what delicious foods she can find there. 

[JoJo]

Glad you checked!  Have fun whatever you choose.

[Bourbon]

Sounds like Spain it is. Will have about 4 says in the ground. Barcelona is in the lead, but we are flying into Madrid. A friend has suggested Seville. Anyone have experience or suggestions?