I figured a full income/spending type of question would come from this. I generally choose not to post that information because I am the only one in the house that is focused on reducing spending and I am embarrassed by the numbers in the budget. So I do what I can to keep myself relatively satisfied that we are making progress and the family from revolting because they think they need more junk than what I think they need. It is a balancing act, I put more than I want to into most categories but then make them stick to that number so that I have extra to work toward what my priorities are. Due to the health concerns above chances are good that I will work in some form or fashion until he qualifies for Medicare/Medicaid for insurance purposes so I am more accepting of the horrible budget numbers than most on the MMM forums would be and true FIRE is probably not my long term goal (although a little early would be nice).
Have you had an honest, non-confrontational conversation with your spouse about this? Obviously, everyone is different, but he may not be aware of exactly how you feel, and the burden you're taking on. It may be that this arrangement makes the most sense for your family, and that's fine, but everyone should have a clear picture of what's going on.
As far as feeling embarrassed or worrying about what people here will say, if you're up front about where you are, and you challenges, I don't think you're going to get anyone being rude.
To circle back around, try to take a fairly long-term view of your financial life. You can make changes, but they have kind of a long tail before you really gain momentum. It can be a grind (much like parenting).
I just read your journal and you have had one roller coaster type of year. I hope your wife's surgery went well. After reading that I figured I would provide a slightly clearer picture of our finances to see if everyone still has the same "DO NOT PAY OFF THE STUDENT LOAN!!" opinion.
I am not looking for ways to optimize my budget at this time, just a yes or no on focusing paying off the student loans vs putting any extra in savings until baby is here. I also found out that my company will pay for 8 weeks of maternity leave (not the 6 I was originally thinking), my plan for now is to take 12 weeks off but with my oldest I went back at 7 weeks because being at home with limited adult interaction was not proving to be good for my mental well being (we live in the middle of nowhere so actives, with a new born and me being prone to anxiety in crowds, were not something I could get myself to do). So we will only need approximately $4000 to cover a 12 week maternity leave either in savings or from his business picking back up in late spring/early summer.
On another note the non-taxable income just started the last few months and it also made our expenses skyrocket for a few months, thing are settling down now and the expenses below are what I am expecting going forward (until daycare doubles). So the "extra" $1000 has not been available in the past, if it would have been either the SL would have already been gone or savings would have already been higher.
Her AVG Monthly Bring Home: $4100
His Biz Bring Home: $600- 2800
His Bus Driver Bring Home(9/12 months): $450
Non-taxable Income: $950
Total AVG Monthly Bring Home: $6950
Hard Expenses: $ 4565
Rainy Day Monthly set aside: $1300
Savings Account: $4000
SE Tax Savings: $3100
Biz Account: $3000 (this is mostly rainy day savings for future equipment/training/bills/ect)
HSA: Not sure the total but more than enough to cover deductible
Expected Tax Refund: $2500 (due to tax incentive not purposely over paying)
401k: $95k
Roth IRA: $1150
Student Loan Balance: $7946
So savings accounts today are at just over $7k and the other $950 we could pay off in Jan. This would empty savings but with the expected tax refund and an "extra" $1100 in Feb and March there will be enough in savings to cover the longer maternity leave. I am also now almost in my 3rd trimester and have had a completely health pregnancy.
Grrr, typing this all out makes me see the "DO NOT PAY OFF THE STUDENT LOAN!!" side of the argument but damn it I still really want to pay it off NOW.