Stuck In Dead-End Job

[coachfrigo]

Currently, a car salesman at a moderately big dealership. I'm not doing too well, as sales definitely is VERY unnatural to me, and I'm only making $1,600 after taxes. Which would be alright, I guess, but I fear that my poor performance will mean that it will soon be $0.

What I really want to do is public service jobs. I'd do police gladly, but really would love to do firefighting. Problem is, I live in WV. Departments are small, and openings are rare. I have a fitness test for my local police next Month, but I honestly doubt I'll pass it. I'll do everything I can to, but I think I just need more time to lose weight and get in shape before I'll pass the running portion.

But even if I somehow got on with the local PD, again, it's a small department. Lots of small-town politics, hard to move-up, poor pay, and just not the lifestyle I want.

Been with my GF for 3 years, lived with for 1. I could see myself marrying this girl, but a big problem is location. Now, she has a year left of school, which is fine. Wherever I went, I'd stay there while she finished and then joined me. Only problem is, she won't leave WV. I not only don't like the small departments, I can't trust that WV would have the money to pay my pension for 50 years. It's just too big of a risk for me.

I'd really like to live south, like where I grew up in south Florida. I would ideally like to apply to every big-city FD in the state, and get on with whichever one called me back first. They'd pay better, increased COL is VERY overstated (for example, LCOL from Morgantown to Tampa, and things like gas, food, and insurance won't raise proportionately like rent would). I like the weather SO MUCH better, and it's just the lifestyle I want.

Not ideal, but I'd be willing to even go to Cleveland or Philly if I had to. But I can't wait 3 years to get hired. I'm already struggling to keep this job, in my opinion, and I want to get on somewhere else before I'm fired and put into a REALLY bad financial position.

Basically, how do you deal with a SO that can't stand to be even a 4 hour drive from her mother? It would limit us far too much, especially with her major, where it's already hard to find something decent without a Master's (psychology).

I've thought about just applying, and hoping she'd follow, but I'm not quite sure if that's fair to her. But, staying ONLY in the immediate area is not fair to me. What would you guys suggest?

P.S. Know any mid-size or big cities hiring firefighters right now?

[matchewed]

You should be having a conversation with her about this. Not us. You need to explore where you two will be in the next years. If she's finishing school where will she work? Does she know how at risk you are of loosing your job? Does she know you hate your job this much?

Craft a plan forward together and execute it as best you can.

[coachfrigo]

You should be having a conversation with her about this. Not us. You need to explore where you two will be in the next years. If she's finishing school where will she work? Does she know how at risk you are of loosing your job? Does she know you hate your job this much?

Craft a plan forward together and execute it as best you can.

I don't really hate all of my actual job duties, just the instability of it, and the seemingly bipolar attitude of my direct supervisor.  My GF is aware that my job is in jeopardy, and she's also aware I want to leave WV, preferably to FL. She's uncertain if she'd come, definitely doesn't want to go as far as Florida (or even NC, for that matter).

I want to do it with her. If I had a stable service job, we'd have time to actually plan. But I've wasted the first 25 years of my life. I can't sit back and wait another 3 years.

[SlowMustachian]

Maybe you can get a different job like Uber or car wash that you can work and get a steady paycheck while you apply to service jobs?  At least eliminate that stressor before you flip? 

It sounds like she doesn’t want to move, and if that’s true, you have to ask yourself what’s most important to you - location or being with her? Is Washington dc near you? Theres probably a lot of service jobs there.

[Sibley]

First, you haven't "wasted" the first 25 years of your life. Most of that time was occupied with growing up.

If you want to be a police officer, that's awesome! Its a hard job. Sounds like you've got some physical prep to do. Keep at it.

Next, where? You're in the south, you'd like to stay there. So start looking around. If you don't find anything there, are you willing to look farther away?

The girlfriend. She gets to decide if she's moving. She also gets to decide if she wants to be in a relationship with someone who's job could get them killed. So you need to discuss all of this with her. And you may have to make a choice. If you find an opportunity 2 states over and she doesn't want to move there - well it's her or your dream. What do you choose? I will tell that if you choose to stay where you are because she doesn't want to me, that may very well destroy your relationship anyway. You may start to resent her for "holding you back", and that is a relationship killer.

Regardless, right now you need to find a different job. Work on that while you figure the rest out.

[coachfrigo]

First, you haven't "wasted" the first 25 years of your life. Most of that time was occupied with growing up.

If you want to be a police officer, that's awesome! Its a hard job. Sounds like you've got some physical prep to do. Keep at it.

Next, where? You're in the south, you'd like to stay there. So start looking around. If you don't find anything there, are you willing to look farther away?

The girlfriend. She gets to decide if she's moving. She also gets to decide if she wants to be in a relationship with someone who's job could get them killed. So you need to discuss all of this with her. And you may have to make a choice. If you find an opportunity 2 states over and she doesn't want to move there - well it's her or your dream. What do you choose? I will tell that if you choose to stay where you are because she doesn't want to me, that may very well destroy your relationship anyway. You may start to resent her for "holding you back", and that is a relationship killer.

Regardless, right now you need to find a different job. Work on that while you figure the rest out.

Oh, we've discussed being a cop. She's scared, but still on board. But even if she did follow me, her feeling forced would also make her resent me. I want more than anything to keep this relationship and marry this girl. But I want to eventually retire, and I want to have a great lifestyle leading up to that early retirement. Can't do that in WV.

[lbmustache]

I would go through the reasons why she wants to stay in WV. Is it just her mom, or anything else?

I would let her speak fully without interrupting or offering suggestions (not saying that you don't do this already). Once she has laid out her reasons, I'd go through them together and see if there are any reasonable solutions, especially considering her job prospects may be poor in WV too. Maybe there is a state with more opportunities nearby but not as far as Florida.

[coachfrigo]

I would go through the reasons why she wants to stay in WV. Is it just her mom, or anything else?

I would let her speak fully without interrupting or offering suggestions (not saying that you don't do this already). Once she has laid out her reasons, I'd go through them together and see if there are any reasonable solutions, especially considering her job prospects may be poor in WV too. Maybe there is a state with more opportunities nearby but not as far as Florida.

Just her family. Only reason. I can compromise, I just hate the bad winters. The dark skies are depressing, NC the cold kills my arthritic knees.

[Mikila]

Relationship advice I leave to others.  Job advice, I have.
If you are serious about being a police officer, then you need to be building yourself up now into a candidate that appeals to them.  Yes, get in shape, and also develop your marksmanship skills.  Most police forces want to hire someone already T-Close (spelling?) certified because putting a new hire through the academy is expensive.   Also, you need to build up your resume with jobs that lean that way to develop similar skills.  Have you ever worked as a security guard?  Next, FL State Corrections are always hiring and the bar is low.  You are almost guaranteed to be hired if you are breathing and don't have a criminal record (and of course can pass a drug test).  A couple years of experience as a corrections officer would school you into the types of skills required as a police officer (you're just policing the inmates, instead) and you would then be a shoe-in for police officer jobs as they came open.  In other words, this is a path with a very high probability of succeeding.

*source Corrections is the family business, and my brother-in-law works for FL State Corrections.

[marty998]

It's a little worrying the negativity in your post. Every paragraph is filled with an idea and then a "but" or a justification of why it might failed.

You then blame your SO for not wanting to move 4 hours away from her family for your predicament.

Change your outlook and see the opportunity. How can you not like the "small town police dept" when you're currently a car salesman and you haven't worked in it yet?

Not many people have guaranteed pensions anymore. You're not even in the profession yet and you're worried about not having a pension in 50 years time?

[coachfrigo]

There are many disadvantages to small-town departments. But I'd go to one at least temporarily in order to get out from my current predicament.

My I still prefer FD. And I looked, and my local FD IS now hiring! I have to train my butt off. The FD's paperwork is due 04/11, the PD's tests are 04/21. I'd take either, but lifestyle-wise, it's FD, no question. 24 on, 48 off. Can't beat it.

[coachfrigo]

I have to REALLY practice my interviewing skills, and answer the BIG question (why I want to be a FF). I also have to really work on my cardio and my crawling ability for their CPAT. But step machine at 50/minute for 3 minutes will be the hardest for me. I'm assuming that'd mean 50 PER FOOT per minute.

[coachfrigo]

I have to REALLY practice my interviewing skills, and answer the BIG question (why I want to be a FF). I also have to really work on my cardio and my crawling ability for their CPAT. But step machine at 50/minute for 3 minutes will be the hardest for me. I'm assuming that'd mean 50 PER FOOT per minute.

how do you plan to do that with arthritic knees as you mentioned above? Especially if you have to do it in full gear which weights a ton. Not trying to be Debbie Downer here but just make sure your being realistic.

I can still run, jump, squat, kneel fine.

[herbgeek]

What can you do now to make sure this is the right career for you?

I haven't seen any experience you mention in either police or fire work- how do you know this is right for you?  You just have mentioned an interest.   Not even an interest you've had since you were a child.  I see a wanting to escape your current circumstances.   I could understand the GF being reluctant to move away from family, without knowing if this profession will ever suit you/you'll be successful at it.

Can you work towards becoming an EMT?  Do some volunteer fire department work?   How can you find out more about the day to day activities of these fields?   Is there a way to get a foot in the door doing some peripheral activities so that you can see if it is really for you before uprooting yourself and others?

[coachfrigo]

What can you do now to make sure this is the right career for you?

I haven't seen any experience you mention in either police or fire work- how do you know this is right for you?  You just have mentioned an interest.   Not even an interest you've had since you were a child.  I see a wanting to escape your current circumstances.   I could understand the GF being reluctant to move away from family, without knowing if this profession will ever suit you/you'll be successful at it.

Can you work towards becoming an EMT?  Do some volunteer fire department work?   How can you find out more about the day to day activities of these fields?   Is there a way to get a foot in the door doing some peripheral activities so that you can see if it is really for you before uprooting yourself and others?

Oh, I've been interested in both my entire life. Have two family members that are firefighters. Been on a ton of ride alongs. Would love to become an EMT. Current work schedule doesn't let me go back to college, though.

I've also thought about volunteering, but I'm not sure how it'd work around my schedule. I have zero schedule flexibility.

As far as making my girlfriend move, I'd never force her. But just as WV is her home, Florida is mine. But at least in the short term, my only focus is getting this local firefighting job.